Touch of Home (Blessing Montana Book 2)

by Marissa Dobson

  “That’s not what I mean.” He closed his eyes as his body vibrated with tension.

  “Talk to me.”

  “I can’t get the little girl out of my thoughts.” He squeezed his eyelids tight as if trying to erase the images in his thoughts. “She was so young…her death was in vain.”

  “Is this the from the deployment Margaret said changed you?”

  “No. This was a few months ago. We came across a young girl with her mother on the roadside. The family was an unfortunate victim to an IED, the father was killed and the young girl gravely injured. Even with Murry’s help it was too late.” He slid his hand out from under hers and she could feel him withdrawing from her. “I fucked up. Nearly at the cost of one of my men’s lives. Hell more than that.”

  “Allen?” The pieces started to fall into place from what she heard him mumble during the night. “He’s the Marine you’re talking about, isn’t he? A few nights ago, you yelled at him to drop the rifle.”

  “After we made it back to base, it was late. We stayed with the mother too long and we were exhausted. We had an early morning the next day, so everyone was supposed to hit the rack for some well-deserved sleep. The one man I was concerned about—he has a daughter the same age—seemed fine. I never suspected Allen. I should have seen it and I didn’t.”

  “It’s not your fault. Something like that can impact everyone differently.” Wanting the connection, she placed her hand on his chest. “You said ‘nearly cost him his life’. I assume he’s alive. Was he or anyone else injured?”

  “No, but no thanks to me. Another Marine, Jess Jacobs. They’ve been friends since they were kids, and he’s the reason she joined the Marines. Now I’m rambling. My point is she heard the commotion and helped get the situation under control. That doesn’t change anything. I was his superior, I should have seen the torment within him.”

  “No one can know everything. We’re human, we miss things,” she reminded him. “He’s alive that’s what matters.”

  “He sliced his wrists before standing in the common area firing his rifle. He could have gotten people killed. It all comes back to me. I failed the little girl and I failed Allen.” He sidestepped out of their embrace, moving away from the dresser, to stand by the window. “If I fail our child…”

  “You won’t.” The words came out stronger than she anticipated. “You’re harder on yourself than anyone else is. You think you failed Allen, but what about the others in the squad. Did anyone else notice he was off? What about Staff Sergeant Barrett? I’m guessing no one knew. Just like no one suspected that Lance Corporal Hall would freeze on my mission. He shipped in to replace one of our injured and I worked with that kid, trying to get him caught up. The rest of us had already been in Iraq several months. He was new to the team and new to deployments. I kept my eye on him and I still wasn’t prepared for his reaction when we came under heavy fire. You can’t know everything, and you can’t blame yourself.”

  “This is different.” His back was toward her but the distance in his voice was clear enough.

  “The hell it is.” She snapped, stalking across the room to face him. “I get a young girl died that day, but none of you were responsible for her death. Allen had a breakdown, but he survived. Besides himself, no one else was injured. I missed something that got my whole squad killed. It still haunts me but for the most part I’ve come to terms with it. Even looking back, I don’t see any warnings from Lance Corporal Hall. I expected he’d have our back, but he didn’t. He couldn’t handle it.”

  “Shit, Em.” He reached out to her, placing his hand on her shoulder, and drawing her against him. “I’m sorry.”

  “We’re beginning our life together, we can’t let the past drag us down. If we’re going to make this work, we need to be there for each other. We can’t close each other out. We’re going to be amazing parents because we have each other to rely on. We have Margaret and Hazel. Our child will have extended family with the residents of Blessing and with the veterans in the community. We’ve got this.” She wrapped her arms around his waist. “With you by my side I know we can do anything the future throws at us. We’re stronger together than we are apart.”

  “Is there any doubt that I’ve fallen in love with you when you talk like that?” he teased, pressing his lips to the top of her head. “You make my life so much better by just being in it. I can’t wait for you to be Mrs. Fitch.”

  “Two weeks. That’s unless you think Margaret wouldn’t kill us if we ran off and eloped.”

  “You’ve got an evil streak hidden within you,” he teased. “We better have our tombstones picked out if we’re eloping. She’s looking forward to this wedding. To her this is even better than the party we had to push off.”

  “She’s already talking about the baby shower she wants to throw.” Letting out a light chuckle she pressed herself against him. “No matter how many times I tell her one thing at a time she can’t stop putting together the plans for both. Wait until we have this baby, she’ll be begging us to have another.”

  “As many as you want.” His hands slid down to cup her butt before lifting her up into his arms. “After we’re married and the extension is complete I want us to go through the steps to become a licensed foster care family.”

  “Really?” Wrapping her legs around his midsection, she clung to him.

  “Yes.” He shifted slightly rubbing his cock against her pussy. “We’ll have the family you’ve always wanted, and we’ll do our part to help ensure no child goes through what you did.”

  “Make love to me.” She rotated her hips so he understood how bad she needed it. “It will be our way of cementing our future.”

  “Our future.” He carried her out of the guest bedroom toward their bedroom.

  Wrapping her arms around his neck she stared down at him grinning. She never would have figured that an innocent letter from one Marine to another would turn into a romance unlike any other. This was the romance she had always dreamed of. More important it was the future she always hoped for. They made a perfect team, one that would support each other through the worst and would be there to celebrate together at the best. They’d make it because they realized how much this was worth.

  A future full of love, the pitter-patter of small feet, and family. That was what they fought so hard for and now it was theirs.

  Preview: Back from Hell

  Lance Corporal Kyle Phillips’s life has been blown apart by an IED explosion. All the work he put in at boot camp is worthless. Now he feels he’s half the man he was before, with nothing to offer. His life fell apart in one brief moment and everything he worked for was gone. Better men than him died that day, and now he must come to terms with being chosen to live.

  Staci Pence volunteers at a Veterans Affairs hospital in hopes that she could do something good. She had seen what the war had done to her father and in the end, he had taken his own life. Now she is using her own grief to save others. Her newest patient is Lance Corporal Phillips and while he believes he’s damaged goods, not worthy of living, she’s determined to show him otherwise.

  Kyle had gotten to the point that he wished he’d died on that battlefield instead of living the life of half a man. That was until a woman with whiskey brown eyes and a feisty side strolled into his room looking to save him. Can he make peace with what has happened and open himself to the love Staci offers?

  Chapter One

  Kyle lay in a hospital bed with his eyes closed so he didn’t have to look at what had become of his body. If he stayed that way, he could try to forget he’d lost a leg and arm in that IED explosion, leaving him half the man he was before. The burns along half of his body proved harder to forget. The pain down his side would not be denied.

  Surgery after surgery helped to repair the damage left behind. That torturous experience had only done so much in returning him to the man he was before. There would always be scars along his face and body. Too many times he heard he should be thankful he was alive, while
all the time he wished he had died overseas. It would have been better than living as a freak.

  Gunnery Sergeant Lucky Diamond had left after Kyle refused to acknowledge the man who had been in charge of the fateful mission that left him so disfigured. How could he look his Gunnery Sergeant in the eyes, when he had failed? He was the one that handed the information to his Gunny and it not only left him in this state but had also gotten Weber killed.

  Weber. A tear rolled down his cheek for his brother in arms. They graduated boot camp together and this had been their first deployment. A deployment that Weber never came back from. If either of them had known, would they have decided to do something besides join the military once they graduated high school? Or would the fact they did ultimately bring down their target outweigh the loss they had encountered? Gunny Diamond might blame himself, but it was nothing like the guilt Kyle carried.

  He’d carry that guilt for the rest of his days, but it wouldn’t change anything. He’d lost his friend and that hurt more than his own disfigurement. He and Weber had bonded over their training, encouraging each other through the worst parts, and now, when he needed his friend the most, he wasn’t here. That loss pained him more than the loss of his limbs.

  “I’d rather be where you are, Weber.”

  “Need something, Private First Class Phillips?” Brenda, the older day nurse, stood in his doorway. “I heard you talking to yourself. We have people who are paid to listen. Shall I get someone for you? Talking to thin air doesn’t help much.”

  “No, thanks. I’m fine. Unless you can get me a bottle of whiskey.”

  “You know the rules. If you start working with your physical therapist, you’ll be out of here in no time.”

  He tipped his head to the side and glared at her. Even with the anger, it was hard to be mad at someone who looked so much like someone’s grandmother. All he wanted to do was get out of this place, but he wouldn’t be able to do that until he learned to walk with his damn prosthesis and use the prosthetic arm. Physical therapy was the last thing he wanted. Every time he did those damn things, he was reminded he would never be whole again. The prosthesis might make him appear more normal, especially when he had long sleeves and pants, but all it did was hide reality.

  When he lay in bed, he could keep his eyes closed and, with the phantom pains, it was almost as if he still had his limbs. The pains might be agonizing but, in those brief moments, he could pretend he was whole. Yet, the minute he opened his eyes, there was no more pretending. Nothing could hide the way the sheets fell flat just below the knee, or the fact his arm was gone from just below the elbow. His doctors tried to reassure him that, with the aid of his prosthesis, he could live a normal life. Normal life. Who would want to spend the rest of their life with a man who couldn’t even hold them without the aid of some manmade arm?

  “Just remember we’re only here to help. We want to see you regain your life again.”

  Her words brought him back out of his thoughts for a moment and he watched her continue down the hallway. If they wanted to help him, they should just let him die. Damn it Gunny, you should have let me die. His earlier words rang through his thoughts. Even after the pain in Gunnery Sergeant Diamond’s eyes, Kyle still didn’t regret them. He wished he were dead rather than have to deal with this. He wasn’t sure how to face the world again. Or even what to do with his life now. What do I have to offer to anyone anymore?

  He glanced around the room and the need to get out of there rose within him. He didn’t know where he’d go. He’d need aftercare and, as a foster child, he had no family to fall back on. His last foster family sent occasional letters to him but there was no chance he could stay with them while he figured out what to do with his life. Even his girlfriend of over two years had abandoned him. She couldn’t deal with how he looked now.

  “How did I miss how shallow she was?” The answer was as clear as his missing limbs. He’d overlooked it because he didn’t want to see the truth. He wanted to enjoy the time they had together instead of thinking about their fights every time he put his military service before her. The biggest fight had happened just hours before he deployed. She wanted a serviceman on her arm because of how good they looked in uniform, her words, but she didn’t want to deal with everything else that came along with it. He was naïve to think that with time she could overcome her issues and support him.

  Alone and on the brink of a new life that he didn’t want, he was ready to end it all. It might have been the easy way out but he didn’t have the strength needed to endure the future days. A lone ship lost in the middle of darkness, no one would mourn for him. He wouldn’t be missed.

  He closed his eyes and he could almost hear his drill instructor hollering at him. Get up, Marine! There’s no quit in a Marine.

  Staci Pence dropped her bag behind the nurses’ desk and prepared to do her rounds on the ward to see who might be interested in talking with her. Twice a week she came to the hospital to meet with service members who needed someone to confide in, or just a friendly little chat. Sometimes it was easier to talk to someone who was there as a friend than it was to talk to a counselor.

  She had seen the cost of war in her father’s eyes. Now, in his memory, she did whatever she could to give back. One last semester and then she hoped to get a job at the hospital as a physical therapist. That would lead her to her ultimate dream of owning a horse ranch. She enjoyed being a physical therapist and maybe, somehow, she could still manage to do it, although the horse ranch was deeply engrained in her veins. One step at a time and you’ll reach your dreams.

  “Staci, I’ve got someone I’d like you to visit.” Brenda moseyed up next to her and leaned against the counter.

  “Anything you need.” She looked down at the older woman, who was a good five inches shorter than her five foot six. The nurse’s dark hair mixed with gray pulled back in a bun gave her a grandmotherly feel. Maybe that was why, over the past year during which Staci had been visiting the hospital patients, Brenda had taken her under her wing, leading her to the ones that needed someone the most, so she trusted Brenda’s choice. “You going to give me the story on this patient or are you sending me in blind?”

  “Private First Class Phillips is having a hard time adjusting to his life now.” A buzz from one of the machines in the room across the hall had Brenda moving away from the counter. “He’s the last room on the right, but don’t be surprised if he’s unwilling to talk to you. He’s a grumpy cat.”

  “I’ll see what I can do for him.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and headed toward the room Brenda pointed out. She tried not to remember how many times her mother had said those very words. Dad’s having a hard time adjusting to life. Don’t worry and go play. Maybe if she had worried, or if PTSD wasn’t something to be ashamed of, things would have been different. Back then, PTSD wasn’t something that was talked about; it was a deep dark secret kept hidden away in shame. Everyone tried to forget it.

  From the doorway, she could only make out a figure in bed. With the curtains drawn and the only light shining coming from the hallway, it was hard to make out any details. She tapped on the door. “Private First Class Phillips?”

  “Go away,” he ordered without looking toward the door.

  “I’m not a doctor, I have no medication, and I’m not here to question you or give you orders.”

  “Then what do you want?”

  She took that as close to an invite as she was going to get and strolled toward the bed. “Just to talk. We can discuss whatever you want. I’m only here to visit.”

  “Unless you brought whiskey, I don’t want a visitor and I don’t need anyone’s pity. I just want to be left alone.”

  “Do whiskey brown eyes count?” As she neared the bed, she realized that the sheets fell flat where his left leg should have been.

  That time he did turn and glare at her, but after a moment, a small smile spread across his face. “While I might be able to get lost in those eyes, I was talking ab
out a bottle of whiskey. Now you didn’t just stumble upon my room, so who sent you?”

  “One of the nurses, Brenda, thought you could use someone to talk to. Someone that isn’t here to judge you or determine if you’re fit for duty. Just a friend.” She raised an eyebrow at the deep laugh that vibrated his whole body.

  “Fit for duty…” His words trailed off as he tugged back the sheet so she could see the full extent of his injuries. “You must be crazy. I’m being medically discharged. Everything I’ve worked for tossed down the drain. I should have died.”

  “You were given a second chance at life, which means you’re meant to do something amazing.”

  “Like this? What good is half a man?”

  She pulled the cover back over him, not because she was disgusted by what she saw but to keep the burns and bandages protected. “You’re still the man you were before. Just because you’re injured doesn’t make you less so. Physical therapy will help you learn to use the prosthetic leg. You’ll be able to walk and drive again. You can do the same with the prosthetic arm, but most get to the point where they become comfortable without it.”

  “How do you know so much about this? From what I can see, you have all your limbs intact.”

  “I’m in my last semester to become a physical therapist. I’ve worked with many amputees over the years, some through rehab but most of them right here in this hospital. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it’s easy but you’re a Marine, you don’t give up. You’ll push through in the end. You’ll be stronger and you’ll get your life back.”

  “That’s easy for you to say; you’re not the cripple.”

  “I think you need to consider that things could be worse. You still have one good arm and leg. Some who come back don’t have that. You’ll learn to do things with your other arm and you will move past this. You survived. So many others didn’t.” She tried not to sound harsh but she knew first-hand the cost of war. His reactions were natural but from the look of things and the fact he wasn’t drugged up from the pain, she knew he had been here for some time. He needed a wakeup call because, with his burns healing, he’d be discharged from the hospital in a few days.