Craving His Forbidden Innocent

by Louise Fuller

  As did eating.

  Unless whisky counted as a food.

  He glanced over at the half-empty decanter. He wasn’t a big drinker, but he needed something in the evenings to blot out the ache, something to fill the hollowed-out space inside his chest.

  He heard the sound of approaching footsteps. He took a breath and composed his face before he turned, fully expecting to see his housekeeper, Annie, her mouth set in a conciliatory smile as she offered the tray of food she would be carrying, for it wouldn’t have escaped her notice that he had skipped breakfast again.

  But it wasn’t Annie. It was his sister Alicia and she didn’t look the least bit conciliatory.

  ‘I’ve been calling you all morning,’ she said accusingly. ‘Why didn’t you pick up?’

  ‘Sorry, I was just going to call back. I got caught up in something,’ he lied. Crossing the room, he pulled her into a hug. ‘We can talk now...catch up properly. Would you like a drink?’

  Her eyes darted to the decanter. ‘It’s a bit early for whisky.’

  He released her. ‘I meant tea or coffee.’

  Her face softened. ‘Coffee, please. And a talk would be lovely.’

  ‘So, what do you want me for?’ he asked.

  They were sitting on the sofa and, glancing over at his sister, he thought how well she looked. Her dark hair was shining and her skin looked almost luminous.

  Being in love suited her, and it also seemed to be acting as a protective shield, so that although initially she had been upset by the news story she had quickly recovered her equilibrium. Equally surprisingly, his father had too. In fact, out of the three of them, he was the one who was struggling to deal with it. Not the practicalities, of course, but emotionally.

  ‘I wanted to invite you to lunch.’

  He stared at her blankly. Lunch? The thought made his stomach clench like a fist. He knew it was selfish, but the last thing he felt like doing was sitting down with Alicia and Philip and watching them gaze into each other’s eyes.

  ‘I’m not sure, Lissy...’ He glanced down at the pile of papers on the floor, seeking and finding an excuse. ‘I need to be here in case something kicks off.’

  ‘What could possibly kick off?’ Alicia frowned. ‘You haven’t left the house in days and Mimi’s gone AWOL. All the photographers have cleared off.’

  His chest tightened. It was the first time in a week that he’d heard anyone say Mimi’s name out loud, and it felt like a kick to the stomach.

  ‘Basa?’

  His sister tilted her head and he realised she was still waiting for a reply.

  He hesitated a moment longer, and then, flexing his hands, he said. ‘Have you talked to her?’

  There was a pause. ‘We’ve texted,’ she said after a moment. ‘She’s with her mum. They’re doing okay.’ Alicia hesitated. ‘She was worried about all of us—about everything being dragged up again—but I told her it was fine.’

  Basa nodded. It seemed crazy that only a couple of weeks ago he’d been desperate to break up their friendship. Crazy that he’d thought he could. Or should.

  Alicia cleared her throat. ‘I told her that she and I would be fine whatever happened—even if what the papers are saying is true.’

  He stared at her, the ramifications of her words bumping off the walls as she put down her coffee cup.

  ‘Why are you asking me? Why don’t you just talk to her yourself?’

  Something was loosening inside him. He could feel it slipping sideways, but it was just out of reach, so he turned his attention back to his sister.

  ‘That’s not a good idea.’

  Alicia’s soft brown eyes narrowed. ‘I don’t see why,’ she protested. ‘You wouldn’t be asking me if I’d talked to her if you didn’t care.’

  ‘I care about you and Dad,’ he said. ‘You are my priority.’

  ‘Well, maybe it’s time we weren’t!’

  His head jerked up at the frustration in her voice.

  ‘Look, I love you. You’re the best brother anyone could have and you’ve always been there for me—and I know Daddy feels the same. I know—’ He tried to interrupt but she held up her hand to silence him ‘I know he feels the same because I’ve talked to him about it. We are fine and you need to stop putting your life on hold for us.’

  ‘I’m not doing that, Lissy.’

  ‘Yes, you are. You’re using the past as a shield, so you don’t have to face your feelings.’

  ‘That’s not what I’m doing.’

  He tried to keep his voice even, but it was hard with her staring at him with that disbelieving expression on her face. For a moment neither of them spoke, and then she sighed.

  ‘So why don’t you call her?’

  He felt his muscles tighten beneath his skin.

  It was the same question he’d been asking himself for days. Asking, but never answering.

  ‘You know why.’

  Meeting his gaze, she cleared her throat. ‘I do. I’m just wondering when you’re going to stop pretending you don’t.’

  The air was hot and thin in his lungs, and he made himself take a breath. ‘I’m not pretending anything.’

  Her eyes filled with tears, and suddenly her lip was trembling.

  ‘Yes, you are. You’re pretending that this news story still needs you to manage it. You’re pretending that I’m still fifteen and Daddy’s still ill. But mostly you’re pretending you don’t love Mimi when you so obviously do.’

  His shoulders tensed. Her words were scraping at the graze around his heart and he was conscious of his breath filling his chest. His heart shifted, growing lighter, as if something heavy had been lifted from it.

  Of course he loved her!

  That was why he’d been so devastated by her behaviour that night at Fairbourne and why he’d insisted she come to Argentina and Patagonia.

  Why watching her drive off in that car and go out of his life had made him feel undone.

  ‘I don’t... I don’t—’

  For a moment the power of speech abandoned him. He couldn’t finish the sentence. And he couldn’t lie to his sister or to himself any more.

  But he couldn’t tell the truth either.

  Back on the island Mimi had said that Alicia thought love was the solution to everything, and she was right. His sister was a fully paid-up believer in the power of love. How was he supposed to explain to her that on this occasion love wasn’t enough?

  By nature Alicia had always been sweetly optimistic, and her optimism often tipped over into naivety. It was what he loved about her, and why he’d been so protective of her all his life. But no matter how right she was now, how much he wanted to follow his heart, he knew that the world wasn’t ready for a relationship between Bautista Caine and Mimi Miller. He only had to look at the aftershocks of one blurred photo to know that.

  Going public with their relationship would magnify those problems tenfold, and he couldn’t do that to Mimi. He’d seen how shaken she was by those few minutes with the paparazzi, knew how terrified she was of the past being resurrected—for hadn’t she told him that was why she had given up the fight to get her embargoed film released? She had learnt the hard way that not all publicity was good publicity.

  Alicia pulled him into a hug. He could feel her heart beating and the dampness of her cheek against his.

  ‘I’m not going to try and change your mind,’ she said. ‘I just want you to remember that you have a life of your own to live.’

  She released him. ‘Look, I have to go, but promise me you’ll come to lunch? About one.’ Her brown eyes flickered over his joggers. ‘And get dressed. Otherwise I’ll be forced to put on my unicorn onesie.’

  Nodding, he managed to smile. He could see she wouldn’t take no for an answer, and what else was he going to do today?

  His heart felt suddenly
heavy against his ribs. Without Mimi, what was he going to do with the rest of his life?

  Two hours later he let himself into Alicia’s flat, holding a bottle of wine. He had showered, and changed into khakis and a polo shirt, but left the stubble. Right now his face felt a little treacherous, and having it there was somehow reassuring—like having a mask.

  He liked Alicia’s flat. In a word, it was charming. Big enough to feel comfortable, but small enough to feel cosy, and decorated with an easy elegance that she’d inherited from his mother. Today, though, it felt oddly quiet.

  ‘You didn’t say what we were having,’ he called out, walking into the kitchen, ‘but I went with white.’

  ‘White sounds lovely.’

  He froze, his whole body pushing back against his thousand and one involuntary reactions to that familiar, soft voice while his gaze was pulled to where Mimi was standing in the doorway, wearing faded jeans and a soft blue jumper, her long blonde hair loose over her shoulders, her eyes fixed on his face.

  * * *

  There was a good two minutes of silence. Mimi could feel her heart in her throat. She could hardly believe it was only a week since she had last seen him. It felt as if a whole decade had passed. And after the wild grandeur of Patagonia being with him here in Alicia’s homely kitchen felt almost surreal.

  He stood up, his chair scraping against the wooden floor. ‘You two set this up.’

  It wasn’t a question, but she nodded. ‘I’m not really equipped for roadside abductions.’

  She tried to smile, but her lips wouldn’t co-operate. Her whole body felt stiff and unwieldy. She was nervous, but she was also having to push back against the urge to cross the room and kiss him. It hurt to be so close and not be able to touch him, like having to hold her breath too long underwater.

  ‘Mimi—’

  ‘Basa—’

  They both spoke at once.

  He stared at her for a moment, and then he cleared his throat. ‘After you.’

  It was her chance to talk, to say what she needed to say, only now she was here she was paralysed, mute with fear that she would say the wrong thing.

  But even she couldn’t mess up three little words.

  ‘I love you.’

  She took a step forward, her limbs loosening as she spoke.

  ‘I should have said it before, but I was scared. And I know you probably don’t feel the same way, and I know the world doesn’t want us to be together—’

  ‘It doesn’t matter what the world wants.’

  Her heart jolted against her ribs as he began walking towards her, his dark eyes locked on hers.

  ‘It’s what we want—you and me. And I don’t want—I don’t—’ Breaking off, he breathed out unsteadily. ‘I don’t ever want to be apart from you again.’

  She couldn’t breathe. Tears were filling her eyes and she could see that his face was pale and taut with the effort of holding back tears of his own.

  ‘Why did you leave?’

  He spoke shakily and she knew that it mattered. She knew that the shake in his voice meant he cared, and that gave her strength.

  ‘I was scared. It was my fault they had that photo and I thought I’d messed up again.’

  His hands caught her shoulders.

  ‘It was just a mistake, Mimi. I get papped all the time—even when I’m on my own,’ he said fiercely.

  ‘I know, and I can see that now, but all my life things have gone wrong—my dad leaving, Charlie and Raymond stealing from all those poor pensioners, my film getting embargoed, you and me that night...’

  ‘None of that was your fault.’

  ‘I want to believe that, but it’s hard to trust yourself when nobody else trusts you.’

  ‘I trust you.’

  His hands tightened against her shoulders and she felt as if her heart was going to burst as he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him so she could feel his heartbeat merge with hers.

  ‘And I need you.’

  He pulled her closer, burying his face in her hair.

  ‘I’ve been so miserable without you.’

  ‘Why?’ Her voice faltered. ‘Why were you miserable, Basa?’

  His eyes were dark and soft and unguarded. ‘Because I love you.’

  He leaned in and kissed her, his hands sliding up to capture her face as her heart slipped its moorings.

  ‘I think I might even have loved you before we met.’ He frowned. ‘You know that night at Fairbourne...it felt so right—as though we’d been fighting our way to one another across time and space. The other day when you left I should have stopped you, but I was scared. For so long I’ve focused on other people’s lives and not on my own. I’ve used the past as a reason not to think about my present, and when you said you couldn’t stay...that was the first time in my life I’ve had to think about what I really wanted. And I panicked.’

  He kissed the tears from her face.

  ‘But I’m not panicking now.’

  Mimi swallowed. ‘And what do you want?’

  ‘I want you,’ he said softly. ‘Because I love you. Totally and immeasurably.’

  Reaching up, she stroked his face. ‘And I love you.’

  He stared at her in silence, his beautiful face showing everything he was feeling, and then he lowered his mouth and kissed her again, hungrily, kissed her until the past was forgotten and all that mattered was the two of them.

  From inside her jeans pocket her phone vibrated twice. Loosening her grip, Mimi looked up into Basa’s eyes, a blush creeping across her cheeks.

  ‘That’ll be Alicia. I made her promise to text in case it all went wrong.’ She pulled out her phone. ‘I’ll have to text her back or she’ll think the worst.’

  She frowned.

  ‘What is it?’ Basa looked down at her.

  ‘I don’t understand,’ Mimi said slowly. ‘It’s my lawyer. Apparently my film has been released for distribution.’

  ‘Is that right?’

  The teasing note in his voice made her look up from her phone. ‘Did you have something to do with this?’

  His dark eyes rested on her face. ‘I might have applied a little pressure in the right places.’ He pulled her closer, his gaze drifting slowly over her stunned face. ‘I wanted to surprise you when we got back to England, but it’s a little late now.’

  Her pulse accelerated as he smiled slowly.

  ‘So maybe it could be an early engagement present instead.’

  She drew in a deep breath, trying to absorb his words. ‘Are you asking me to marry you?’

  He nodded, his face so serious and sweet she wanted to cry.

  ‘I am—if you’ll have me.’

  She was both laughing and crying now.

  ‘Hang on—is that a yes? Only, I don’t want there to be any more misunderstandings between us,’ he said softly.

  ‘There’s no misunderstanding.’ Blinking back tears of happiness, she lifted her face to his and kissed him. It’s definitely a yes.’

  EPILOGUE

  GLANCING UP AT the towering cobalt-blue sky, Mimi breathed in the smell of the sage that had been disturbed by the wheels of the SUV and instantly felt all tension leave her body.

  For the last few days she and Basa had been staying with Alicia and Philip at the palacio in Buenos Aires, but yesterday they had travelled across the country to Patagonia. And it felt incredible to be here again in this beautiful epic landscape.

  Basa and Philip had gone straight to the island, but she and Alicia had spent the night at the newly opened Guanaco eco-lodge, for some last-minute pampering before joining them.

  And now they were stepping off the jetty into the boat.

  It would be her third visit to the island, but her reverence and sense of wonder at its beauty and solitude was still the same and, takin
g a calming breath, she gazed across the unbroken surface of the lake, a pulse of happiness beating down her spine.

  The ducks and swans were squabbling in the shallows, but their splashing and the rhythmic slap of the water against the shore were the only sounds to break the silence. Up above her the sun was almost white, but the lightest of breezes took the edge of the midday heat so that it felt exactly like the perfect spring day.

  And it was, she thought, her heart beginning to beat a little faster. It was perfect—and in so many ways other than the weather.

  ‘Penny for them? Or are they priceless?’

  She’d been so deep in thought that Alicia’s voice seemed to come out of nowhere and, turning, she found her friend smiling at her. It had been a pattern over the last few days and, meeting Alicia’s gentle gaze, she grimaced apologetically. ‘Sorry.’

  Taking her hand, Alicia shook her head. ‘Don’t be. I think it’s lovely.’ Her face softened. ‘Basa’s just the same.’ She giggled. ‘Philip told me, but don’t tell Basa I told you.’

  Mimi laughed. ‘I won’t.’ She gave her friend’s hand a squeeze. ‘I haven’t been too bad, have I?’

  ‘No, of course not.’ Alicia frowned. ‘Obviously you were nervous about making your engagement public, but we all were a little bit.’

  She had been nervous. Actually, make that terrified. But, despite her fears that people would condemn her or, worse, condemn Basa, both the media and the public had seen their engagement as a positive footnote to the pension scandal—a kind of ‘love conquers all’ story.

  ‘There’s your mum,’ Alicia said quietly.

  Mimi felt her eyes start to burn. Her mum had been so fantastic these last six months. She could see that over time her mother had been slowly emerging from the hibernation of despair and regret, and seeing her daughter so happy seemed to have given her the final nudge she needed to take back control of her life.

  Now, not only did she have a new hobby—wild swimming—but a new haircut and a new man.

  ‘Hi, Mum,’ she said warmly as they disembarked.