Heal With You (Trials of Fear Book 6)

by Nicky James

  Beck’s gaze skipped from one end to the other as he walked farther into the room. He dropped his roller bag beside the bed and tossed his phone on the bedside table.

  “Definitely not a Motel 8. Wow.”

  “Glad you’re impressed.”

  “Impressed? Fuck lunch and fuck antiquing.”

  I chuckled as he licked his lips and met my gaze. “Are you changing my carefully constructed plans?” I asked.

  “Fucking right I am.”

  “And what did you have in mind instead?”

  “A whole lot of naked rutting, sucking, fucking, and kissing. Then maybe a soak in the whirlpool tub to soothe our battered bodies. Objections?”

  “I’ve created a monster.”

  “Just tell me you brought lube. Tell me in all that neurotic packing that you remembered lube.”

  “One of us has to be organized. Of course I did.”

  “Dig it out, because we have some time to kill and I just vetoed lunch plans and all afternoon plans. In fact, how important is your attendance at this conference?”

  I chuckled. “You know, the hotel has a gym and a pool, too. We could keep busy there instead,” I teased.

  Beck fisted my T-shirt and dragged me closer, making me stumble against his chest as we both laughed.

  “Now listen here, Grayson Brooks, there will never be a day where I choose the gym over sex. Never. Understand that right now.”

  I wound my fingers through his messy curls, making fists, tugging tighter, and wrenching his head back. “That’s fine. I can give you a workout in another way.”

  I licked up his throat, rasping my tongue along the rough stubble of his scruff until I reached the curve of his jaw. I bit and nibbled my way to his mouth and teased the seam of his lips, jerking him back when he tried to take the kiss.

  “Nah-uh.”

  Beck groaned at my denial.

  Dragging him closer to the bed, I unwound a hand from his hair and relieved him of his glasses, setting them aside on the table. Then I scanned him hungrily, raking my gaze over every inch of his body and growling deep in my throat.

  Beck clasped my waist and nudged his lower body against mine, jabbing me with his erection. “You make the sexiest fucking noises.”

  “You’re overdressed. Get naked. Get on the bed. Show me that ass.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Instead of letting him pull away, I cupped the back of Beck’s head and slammed our mouths together. There was nothing gentle about the kiss. Teeth knocked, and his rough, unshaven chin scraped my own. Beck groaned, and his knees quivered as he worked at remaining upright.

  I released him and shoved him onto the bed where he fell laughing as I stalked across the room to my bag.

  One thing that had improved significantly since I’d started therapy with Dr. Kelby was Beck’s and my sex life—which had nothing to do with her and more to do with me learning to control my anxiety. I no longer sought sex as a tool for coping which had opened the door for Beck and me to explore our newfound level of friendship turned lovers on a healthier level.

  All those years imagining impossible scenarios of having Beck naked in my bed had turned into a reality. All those jealous nights when I knew he was out with some girl were no more.

  And fuck was he ever an amazing lover.

  Confident, eager, and intense.

  He matched my aggression and never flinched when we flipped or shifted roles in the bedroom. He was as dominating as he was submissive and we thrilled at playing those roles back and forth.

  There was no more uncertainty and no more questioning himself. Beck was all in, and we had a lot of years to make up for.

  The fucking between us was amazing.

  But the nights when we needed something more, something closer and more intimate, those nights were like nothing I could describe. The nights we made love from dusk until dawn, melding our bodies together until they became one, were like magic. Like dreams I’d never known could exist.

  I loved him more than I knew I ever could, and Beck returning that love was everything.

  I found the lube I’d stuffed in a side pocket and turned to the bed just as Beck was shuffling out of his pants. His T-shirt had been tossed to the floor, and his shoes were kicked aside as well.

  With his legs free, he flung his pants out of the way and lay back on the pillows, hands behind his head and a wide grin on his face.

  Naked as the day he was born.

  I raked my eyes over all that exposed flesh, coarse leg hair, faint muscle definition, pebbled nipples, and straining erection standing tall and stiff just waiting for someone to pay it some attention.

  Noting the hungry leer on Beck’s face, his hooded, lust-filled gaze, his kissed-bruised lips and the way his hair splayed over the white pillow, disorderly and chaotic—a true testament of who Beck was—stole my breath.

  Fuck he was everything.

  “You gonna stare all day or do something about it?” He reached for his steel length and gave himself a few languid strokes. “Or, you could just watch.”

  I tossed the lube over and stripped from my T-shirt. It joined his on the floor. Flicking the button on my jeans free, I moved closer, edging them down my legs before sitting on the bed and pulling them off. Then I skillfully removed my prosthesis and set it aside.

  Fucking with it on was just weird for me.

  Naked, I flipped around and crawled up the bed until I hovered over Beck. He continued to stroke himself as he peered up into my eyes with a wicked grin.

  I knocked his hand away and laced our fingers, bringing them to the pillow. “Hands off. Mine.”

  I dipped my head and devoured his mouth, sucking his tongue and tearing moans from his throat. He tore free from my grasp and reached for me instead, pulling me down on top of him as he thrust his hips, grinding our lengths together.

  I groaned into our kiss at the sensation.

  We kissed and rutted, our bodies turning slick with sweat, precum, and urgency. Beck planted his feet on the bed for leverage and ground up as he used his hands to tug my ass down. Over and over, the friction brought me closer to completion. My skin buzzed as I moved my mouth to Beck’s shoulder, biting, licking, and sucking marks across his pale skin.

  All the while, our movements below didn’t stop.

  Everything tingled and grew more intense. Beck writhed as his breath caught in his throat. He whimpered and ground harder, faster, and with more determination.

  “Fuck, Gray. If you don’t fuck me, I’m gonna blow right fucking now. Like this.”

  It wouldn’t have been a bad thing except I desperately wanted to be inside him.

  I extended my arms, straightening my elbows so I was propped higher. From that vantage, I watched our lower bodies slide and grind. Shaking, my breath panting, I reached for the lube as I maneuvered to one knee, keeping my weight off my amputation.

  Beck’s hands were all over me. Nails raked my chest, touched my shoulders, neck, back, and arms.

  But as I coated a few fingers, Beck shifted, clasping the back of his knees and pulling his legs up. His willingness and eagerness just turned me on more.

  I took a minute preparing him, watching the blissed-out expression on his face as he tipped his head back and groaned. He shoved his ass against the intrusion, forcing me to go deeper.

  I added a second finger, then a third as he squirmed and thrashed, begging for more, smacking his lips.

  He’d turned into a little bottom slut, hungry for dick, and I’d teased him relentlessly. He craved being filled. Watching him take every inch of me was a thrill that couldn’t be matched.

  As I sank deep into his body, he tugged me down and ravaged my mouth. His fingers dug into my neck as he lifted his hips and encouraged me in farther. Once I was fully seated, he sighed and closed his eyes.

  “Fucking amazing. I can feel every anaconda-inch of you.”

  I chuckled and licked his neck as I let him get comfortable. “You like it.”

&nb
sp; “Fucking love it. Move. Fuck me good and hard. I want to feel it all.”

  I pulled out slowly, savoring the smooth glide and the grasp of his ass around me, then I slammed home making him grunt. His lips parted, and he nodded with a huge, blissed-out smile, encouraging me.

  “Again.”

  I didn’t deprive him and set a punishing pace I knew he adored. Every time I jarred his body, he moaned and trembled.

  “You’re gonna be walking funny for the conference tomorrow,” I said as a bead of sweat trickled down my temple. I kept slamming into him, over and over.

  “Don’t care. Oh God… So. Fucking. Good.”

  I fucked him hard, until a string of incoherent moans was all he could manage. He vibrated beneath me, writhing, his grip on his legs failing.

  I hooked his legs over my shoulder instead and bent him in half, kissing him hard.

  “I’m gonna fucking come,” he panted into our kiss, his words jarred.

  “Do it. Let me feel you squeeze my dick.”

  Beck pinched his eyes closed and managed to fit a hand between our bodies. He tugged himself at the same rate I pummeled him. His hand flew as my hips jerked.

  I dropped my face to the side of his head, our cheeks crushed together and I breathed against his ear. “Let me feel it. Do it. Fucking come.”

  On a broken cry, Beck spilled, coating our bellies as his orgasm ripped through him. Pulse after pulse. His ass squeezed around me dragging me closer to release as well. I didn’t slow. I hammered him into the bed, chasing the burning, building sensations that emanated from my core and raced through my veins.

  My balls tightened, and in two more snaps of my hips, I emptied my release deep inside him.

  My arms gave out with the final shudders, and I dropped my full weight on top of Beck, staying buried as deep inside him as I could get. He hugged his arms around me, keeping me close as he panted against my ear.

  His fingers massaged over my scalp, dragging through my hair and down my back. We were both covered in a sheen of sweat and smeared with Beck’s release between us. Neither of us moved. Neither of us cared.

  “I love you,” he whispered against my earlobe.

  “I love you.”

  Minutes passed as the world realigned. Our breathing righted, and our bodies cooled. I rolled off Beck and lay beside him.

  “Wanna shower and get going?” I asked.

  “Sure. Maybe. I might need a nap. Or coffee. That was fucking intense.”

  I chuckled and rolled my head to examine my disheveled lover beside me. His hair was worse than ever, knotted and standing out all amok, his lips were swollen, his eyes dazed, and a few bite marks bloomed across his collar.

  I laced our fingers together and brought his hand to my mouth and kissed his knuckles. “Sounds like a plan.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Rory

  The scent of burning flesh was inside my head. It wasn’t real. Nor was the sweltering, sizzling heat encasing my body making me feel like I was on fire. They were fabrications of my overactive imagination. I knew this. I wasn’t burning alive no matter how real it felt, but convincing my body to stop flooding my system with wave after wave of adrenaline was next to impossible.

  Too many years of ingrained fear made facing the daylight hours a tough battle to fight. I was one soldier up against an army of made-up ideas of things that could go wrong.

  Well over a year in therapy and the sun was still my enemy.

  When the plane landed, my nemesis sat low on the horizon. I knew he would be there long before we left Ontario. I’d spent weeks preparing for this exact moment. Dr. Kelby and I had walked through exercises and talked endlessly about ways to help my body to stay calm. Sadly, everything flew out the window as a straightjacket of panic surrounded me.

  I’d kept our small window on the plane closed, but other passengers had theirs wide open. With my hood drawn up, sunglasses fixed to my face, and a death grip on Adrian’s hand, I twitched and vibrated.

  We hadn’t even stepped outside yet. How the fuck was I going to make that happen?

  I itched for a cigarette.

  Months of nearly quitting and this trip had done me in.

  People filed down the small aisle, collecting their bags from the overhead compartment, and deplaning while we sat patiently and waited until the end. Adrian’s thumb stroked my hand the whole time, and I felt the heat of his concerned gaze scan me more than once while I tucked my head between my knees and breathed. His presence was the only reassurance I could find. I knew he wouldn’t let me drown. And if I went under, he’d pull me back to the surface and love me regardless.

  How the hell in my fucked-up world had I found someone like him?

  When it was our turn, I closed my eyes, blocking out my surroundings and let Adrian guide me as sweat prickled my skin and I trembled.

  Inside the terminal was moderately safer. The long halls between gates were lined with storefronts as we wandered toward the shuttle service exit. When we passed the sections with too many windows, I ducked my head and trusted Adrian to navigate the way.

  “You doing okay?” he whispered when we’d cleared another section of gates.

  “I need a smoke,” I grumbled. “I know I said I was quitting. I’m sorry. This is just too much.”

  “I get it. But it won’t be happening unless you want to stand outside.”

  I knew that. Hard limit. Definite no. I’d managed a few meager sunrises, but nothing this intense. Nothing past a sliver of light on the horizon. Night could not come soon enough.

  A hand fell on the center of my back a beat before Krew crowded my other side. I sensed more than saw Max beside Krew. I didn’t know they were with us.

  “Sweetheart, you’ll be fine. We’ll shuffle you into an Uber so fast, then you can keep your head down for the ride. Baby, you know we won’t let anything happen to you.”

  It was a forty-minute ride across the city to our hotel. Forty fucking minutes.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck…

  I shoved the hand not holding Adrian’s into my pocket and clutched the bottle of Ativan Dr. Kelby had prescribed—just in case. It was looking more and more likely that I would need it. She’d said they could make me groggy, so I’d held off thus far. If I couldn’t calm down in the Uber, I might have to cave and take one. It was either that or risk a full-blown panic attack.

  My lungs were already tight, and my muscles screamed with how taut I’d been holding them over the last few hours.

  Adrian shook my arm and leaned against me. “You’re crushing my hand.”

  “Sorry.”

  I made a concentrated effort to release some tension, gritting my teeth, and focusing on my breathing instead.

  This whole thing was fucking bullshit. What had I agreed to?

  We reached the doors leading outside and my knees locked. Max went out alone to find us an uber while Adrian stood in front of me, stroking a pattern of gentle touches up and down my arms. Krew stayed behind me, rubbing my shoulders. Both spoke calming words I didn’t hear. Blood roared and pulsed louder than everything. The steady whoosh reminded me how out of control I really was.

  “Breathe, baby doll. Don’t forget to breathe.” Krew’s words from behind me penetrated the soupy mess inside my head, and I lifted my chin, peering through dark shades at my boyfriend’s worried face in front of me.

  Krew massaged the tight muscles in my shoulders and neck while I searched Adrian’s steady gaze for some kind of stability.

  Adrian cupped my cheeks and tugged our foreheads together. “You are not in danger,” he reminded me for the hundredth time. “Nothing will happen.”

  My entire body was covered. I knew that. With my hood drawn up, blocking most of my face, and my sleeves tugged down over my hands, I would have virtually no exposure to the sunlight outside. It was all inside my head.

  The monster in my brain was larger than life. The problem was, panic reduced rational thinking every time until all that remained was the f
abricated threat in my head.

  “All set,” came Max’s voice from farther away near the exit.

  I peeked around Adrian. Max stood by the doors, propping one open with his foot as he waved us over.

  Krew hooked his arm with mine and Adrian kissed me once before taking my other arm. I could only imagine how ridiculous we looked to outsiders. What a joke I’d become.

  I pinched my eyes closed, tucked my chin against my chest and focused on the drag of oxygen as it went in my nose and out my mouth. Over and over.

  Krew and Adrian ushered me along.

  Inside the car, I relaxed a fraction. It had heavily tinted windows, and I slid right into the middle of the back seat, putting my head between my knees. Krew and Adrian crawled in on either side of me while Max took the front passenger seat.

  Someone stroked my back.

  After a few minutes, I lifted my head, trying to relax back in the seat.

  “Someday,” Adrian whispered against my ear. “Don’t be defeated.”

  All the progress I’d made was for naught. This whole experience did nothing but work against me. Maybe I wasn’t pushing myself hard enough. How could I feel successful when excursions like this only highlighted my weaknesses?

  With those thoughts in mind, I set a goal. Adrian and I had watched the sunrise a handful of times, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to push myself to stay outside longer. Feel the sun on my face and know, truly believe, that it wouldn’t harm me.

  At the hotel, it was equally difficult making the trek inside. The Uber pulled up close to the front doors, and Max and Krew took care of grabbing our luggage while Adrian and I rushed inside.

  The front of the hotel, the lobby, was a wall of floor to ceiling windows that let in the sun. It was mid-morning and hard to escape.

  There was an element of relief being inside. Instead of all-out panic, my anxiety turned to more of a heavy discomfort like when we were at the airport.

  All those days Adrian tried to encourage me to keep the blinds open in the day time came back to me, and I saw he was right. This was a step I really should be pushing more.

  Adrian tugged my hand to the front desk while I cautiously let my gaze trail over the windows. Max and Krew came inside and met us.