Heal With You (Trials of Fear Book 6)

by Nicky James

  “So… that whole baby thing Finn and Aven are doing. Do you see that as something you’d want in your future?”

  “Our future, you mean?”

  I squeezed his hand. “Our future. Sorry.”

  “I don’t know. Maybe, but not for a long time. I still have a few years left of school, then I want to build a practice, and at least get married first before deciding something like kids.”

  I bit my lip and hesitated before asking, “You want to get married someday?”

  “Yeah. I do. Don’t you?”

  My heart beat a little faster, and I tried not to let my nerves show. “Yeah. I think so. Someday.”

  Adrian stopped walking and turned to face me. “There’s no rush. I’m not saying we have to get married or I’ll leave you. It’s just a nice option for the future.”

  “I know. I agree.”

  “I can feel the panic rolling off you.”

  Sometimes, I hated how well he could read me. “I just never saw it as something I would ever achieve. For the longest time, I didn’t think I could handle a relationship. But then I met you. So, yeah, I can see getting married someday. I want to. Maybe not tomorrow or next month or next year, but I see it in our future. I wouldn’t hesitate to marry you. Maybe ask me again about kids in ten years or so.”

  Adrian’s smile lit me up and warmed me through. His cheeks flushed rosy even under the dark, moonless sky. “Sounds like a plan.”

  “I want to be in a better place first. I don’t want to still be hiding in the shadows all the time. I want to be able to go out like normal people do.”

  “You’ll get there. I believe in you.”

  “I know.”

  We kept walking in silence. As I considered a future and a wedding and all the little things I wanted to give Adrian, my thoughts steered to my parents. It’d been seven years since I’d seen them. Before I could ever move us forward, I wanted to introduce Adrian to my mom and dad.

  When I considered the challenges I’d faced getting to Alberta, I wondered how hard it would be to take that last step. What if we didn’t fly home on Monday? What if we changed our flight and kept going right across the country to British Columbia?

  A lump formed in my throat and my eyes watered as I thought about how close I was to seeing my parents again. How possible it might be.

  Could I do it?

  Right now. At this juncture in my life. Could I travel to them for a visit and take my boyfriend to their doorstep?

  The more I considered, the more I realized it was one challenge, one obstacle I could make happen. It wouldn’t be easy, but I knew I could do it.

  I stopped walking and dug through my pocket for my smokes. We’d walked a good two blocks, and a dark plaza and empty parking lot sat to our left. More dark storefronts faced us from across the road, but everything was quiet. Shops were closed and people had long ago gone home.

  Adrian caught what I was doing and stalled in his footsteps too. The familiar pang of guilt hit me. I knew he hated this habit, and I knew it was another obstacle I needed to work harder on.

  And I would.

  I steered myself toward the vacant lot and bent my head to light up, waving Adrian back when he tried to follow.

  “Give me a sec. Stay over there. I don’t want to give you an asthma attack, but I just need a minute to think about something.”

  My head raced with possibilities, and my heart slammed.

  Adrian stayed on the sidewalk but followed me with his gaze as I paced and smoked.

  “I swear I’ll quit. I know I keep saying it. It’s a nasty habit, and the last thing I want to do is risk hurting you. I just—”

  “Rory, you put too much pressure on yourself. I get it. Believe me. I know you’d never hurt me on purpose and you’re always careful. You’ll quit when you’re ready.”

  I took a long hull, squinting into the distance as I held the smoke in my lungs. When I let it out, I tried to let go of the anxiety too. I’d only smoked half, but I chucked the butt on the ground and snubbed it out under my shoe. That was enough.

  I squared my shoulders and looked into my boyfriend's eyes.

  “I want to go visit my parents,” I blurted before I chickened out.

  Adrian blinked and tilted his head like he hadn’t heard me right. “In BC?”

  I jerk my head, nodding.

  “O-okay. Sure. When?”

  “Monday. I want to change our tickets and go to BC instead of going home. I was brave enough to get here, I can be brave enough to take that final step too. It’s no different. I have the Ativan Dr. Kelby prescribed me in case I need it. But I won’t. I can do it. I miss them, Adrian. I haven’t seen them in years. I want them to know you. To meet the man who changed my life.”

  My hands shook as I registered the shock on Adrian’s face. He hadn’t expected that. It took all my strength to battle the imminent tears threatening to spill.

  “Monday?”

  “Will it interfere with your schooling or work?”

  He thought for a brief moment before shaking his head. “I can sort it out. Are you serious?”

  “Yes. Please come with me.”

  “Of course I will.”

  Adrian closed our distance and took me into a crushing hug. I melted against him, drawing a deep breath into my lungs and shuddering. “I’m scared, but I can do it. I’ll call them. We can fight through the obstacles together. If you’re with me, I know I can handle it.”

  “Then let’s do it. I’d love to meet your parents.”

  We hugged for a long time right there in the middle of the empty parking lot. My tension slowly released and I breathed in all that was Adrian.

  “I love you,” I said, wishing there was something more powerful and more encompassing to say to him than those three words. Some days, they weren’t enough to properly express how I felt about him.

  “I love you, too.” He pulled from my arms and smiled as he clutched my shirtfront. “Why don’t you call them now and make sure they’re around. When we get back to the hotel, I’ll see what I can do about our flights.”

  “Okay.”

  I glanced around, noticing a bench outside a fashion store in the plaza. I took Adrian’s hand, and we sat together as I drew up my parents’ contact information. Over the past year, Adrian had encouraged me to have better communication with them. They knew about my struggles now and understood why I’d gone into hiding for so long.

  I hovered a finger over the button until Adrian squeezed my thigh. “I’m right here. It will be okay.”

  Closing my eyes, I connected the call. It rang four times before my mom’s voice came on the line.

  “Hello?”

  I’d learned from previous conversations that they didn’t own cellphones and relied on a landline still with no call display.

  “Hi, Mom. It’s Rory.”

  “Rory! Oh, sweetheart, how are you?”

  “Doing okay. How are you? How’s Dad?”

  “I just got home from work. Had a later shift today. Your dad is working overtime at the plant this week while a co-worker has been on holidays. He’s been busy, but it’s coming to an end soon then he’ll be off for a few days afterward.”

  “That’s good. Um… Adrian and I are in Alberta for that conference I was telling you about.”

  “Oh, right. That phobia one. How is it going? I know you were really worried about the traveling.”

  “I was, and it was rough, but I made it. Actually, that’s why I’m calling. We were thinking, instead of traveling home on Monday like we planned, we thought we’d come to BC.”

  Silence followed my statement, and I glanced at Adrian who was listening in.

  “Oh, Rory. You’re coming here? You’re coming home?” Thick emotion strained her voice, and she sniffled.

  “Yeah. I really miss you and Dad. I want to see you. I’m not perfect. I still have lots of limitations. I won’t be able to do stuff during the daytime outside the house, but we can visit. I can get
there with Adrian’s help, and I want you to meet him.”

  “Rory, baby, you are so perfect. To me and to your dad. We will take all we can get, and we can’t wait to meet Adrian. You’ve talked so much about him.”

  I smiled at my boyfriend on my arm and kissed his forehead. “He’s pretty great. We’ll look into changing our tickets, and I’ll call you in the morning to let you know when our flight is.”

  “Your dad will be over the moon. I can’t wait to tell him.”

  We said a watery goodbye, and I stuck my phone back in my pocket. That was that. I was going to British Columbia to visit my parents on Monday. It would test me, but I wanted it more than anything.

  “You can do it,” Adrian said, breaking into my thoughts.

  I squeezed his hand and kissed him. “I know I can.”

  “Should we walk back?”

  “Yeah. Let’s get going. We have a flight to book.”

  Hand in hand, we returned to the hotel.

  This conference had given me power and determination.

  One step at a time.

  I was headed in the right direction.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Krew

  “I can’t believe they didn’t like Augustus. Maybe Leland was too much, I get that, but Augustus was awesome.” I sneered as I watched Aven and Finn gush over “more appropriate” name suggestions.

  “Save it for yourself if you like it so much.”

  I snapped my head around and blinked in horror at Max, waiting for him to sprout a second head or morph into some demonic elf man with a cackling laugh who would set the restaurant on fire with his mind and open a portal to Neverland. Because that was just how fucked up his comment was.

  “Excuse me? I’m sorry. Can you repeat that? I clearly didn’t hear you right. I thought you said I should save the name for myself, but clearly my hearing is going. Because I am the last person in the world who should have kids. Have you met me? Not a snowball's chance in hell, old man.”

  Max shook his head and chuckled. “I was thinking about the army of cats you keep telling me we’re going to have one day. Augustus would make a good kitten name.”

  I gasped. “Oh my God! It would!” I whipped around and pointed a finger at Aven and Finnley. “Augustus is off the table. You can’t use it. I call dibs.”

  The pair looked confused—as did the rest of the table. Whatever. Rolling my eyes, I turned back to Max. “When can we get more kitties? Samson needs a baby brother like pronto.” My shoulders slumped, and I pouted. “I miss Samson. Do you think Rigger is taking good care of him and Jackson? The guy seems a right mess this weekend. What if he forgot about his responsibility? What if Samson is sad and missing me too? Oh, can we get two cats? One can be Augustus, and the other can be Caesar like from that movie we watched. Maybe two more Persians. Samson would probably like having more of his own kind around.” I yanked my phone from my pocket. “I should text Rigger and make sure he’s been feeding them. Adrian and I will be pissed if our babies are being neglected.”

  Max scraped another bite of my lava cake onto our shared fork and held it to my mouth. “Your brain goes a mile a minute sometimes. Here, hush.”

  I opened and licked the fork clean with a groan as my eyes fluttered shut. “Fuck, that stuff makes my dick hard. It’s heaven on a plate. I could smear it all over your body and go to town. I’d be one happy man, believe me.”

  A shudder rippled over my skin, and I smiled at Max as he helped himself to a taste as well by kissing the chocolaty goodness off my lips. “Sounds messy.”

  “I like messy.”

  “Are you sure you want to text Rigger? He’s been silent for a few hours. Maybe not a good idea to get him worked up again.”

  I sulked and stared at my phone. It was after eight. Rigger should be at work. He should be too busy to engage me in more drama.

  “But Samson.”

  “I’m sure he’s fine.”

  “But you don’t know.”

  “Rigger won’t neglect yours or Adrian’s cat. I promise you.”

  I scanned the table, looking for Adrian to ask if he’d heard from Rigger about Jackson, but he and Rory had snuck away already.

  “Just a baby text,” I said, holding my fingers apart a smidgen as I pulled up Rigger’s name.

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Ignoring Max, I typed out a quick text.

  Krew: Hey, girlfriend, how’s my Sammy baby doing btw?

  I set my phone down, knowing if Rigger was busy running tables, he wouldn’t answer for a while.

  Everyone around the table was deep in their own conversations. Ireland and Raven were talking with Grayson and Beckett. Finn and Aven had shifted down and joined Arden and Iggy, still hammering out name options. My best friend had abandoned me, and the rest of the people I didn’t know.

  I sighed and refocused on our dwindling dessert.

  Swiping a finger through the chocolate syrupy stuff on the plate, I then held my finger to Max’s mouth for him to taste. He quirked a brow.

  “Devious little thing.”

  “Always. Now lick my finger,” I whispered to get him going. “I know you want to. Suck it good, Max. Do it.”

  Max caught my wrist, and I saw the intent in his eyes. He wasn’t going to do it. He was too “mature” to play sexy games at the table in public—no matter how hard I pushed. That and sexting. He was a work in progress.

  So I pouted. “Come on, Max. One time. Be dirty for me. It feels so good. Suck me.”

  I didn’t think he’d cave, but he brought my hand to his mouth, gaze never leaving my face as he sucked all the chocolate syrup off my finger.

  And my dick throbbed with the pull as he released it with a pop.

  “Oh, fuck me sideways. Are you kidding me?” I hissed. “I almost fucking came in my pants. That was so hot!”

  Max scanned the table before smirking. “You’re trouble.”

  “You keep saying that.”

  “Do it again,” Max whispered.

  “Fuck me. If I make a mess in these jeans in the middle of the restaurant, you’re buying me new ones.”

  “I’ll buy you anything you want. Do it again, boy.”

  And there was that focused, no-nonsense glare that turned me inside out.

  Him calling me boy should not have electrified my blood like it did, but I’d discovered it was something I secretly enjoyed.

  Okay, not secretly. Max was all too aware.

  I slid my finger over the plate again, loading it up with as much chocolate as I could, then I held it out to Max. The gleam in his eyes was enough to make me hard as granite, so I shifted in my seat, trying to find relief. Fucking skinny jeans.

  So much fire in his eyes and I’d done this to him. I’d broken Max down and encouraged him to play by my rules.

  He didn’t look too stung or put out either.

  That time when he took my finger in his mouth, he swirled his tongue around it with a lot more restraint and control. Slowly and applying just the right amount of suction to make my body shudder. My eyes fluttered closed, and I gripped my dick through my pants as it pulsed.

  “Dinner needs to be over exactly right now, and you need to take me upstairs and fuck me. The end. Let’s go. Enough of this teasing Krew business. My jeans are tight, my dick is aching, and my underwear are definitely damp now.”

  My phone buzzed.

  “Fucking motherfucker!”

  I snapped my head around and glared at it, willing it to explode into a thousand pieces.

  “It’s probably your Samson update.”

  “My cat is the furthest thing from my mind right now. Ugh, why did I text him?”

  Max chuckled and pushed his chair back. “Get your update, and I’ll go pay for our meals.”

  “Then we can make good use of our room, right?”

  “We’ve definitely got our money’s worth so far, but I have some plans for you yet.”

  “Yay! Not complaining, nor is my ass
.”

  As Max went to pay, I slid my phone forward and checked Rigger’s response.

  Rigger: Thank God it’s you. Okay, I have a situation. I was studying the application for getting extra college funding, and they need to know my parents’ income. But if I call my parents, they’re going to want me to “get involved” with them again. Which means dealing with Drew. You know how my brother is. I can’t get drawn into that whole family bullshit crisis thing again. What should I do?

  Um… you could start by telling me about my damn cat, I wanted to scream. I thought he was at work.

  Krew: Samson? Is my cat alive?

  Rigger: He’s fine.

  Rigger: The last time I saw Drew, he cornered me and threatened me. Told me if I didn’t get out of all their lives he’d have his army buddies “take care of me.” Do you know what that means for a flamboyantly gay and proud man like me? Drew is a fucking tank, and his friends are bigger. He told me I embarrassed the family.

  Rigger: I know Dad was uncomfortable with having a gay son. He acts weird, and I can’t sort him out, but Mom is different. Fuck, baby, I just need information for an application, but I don’t know what to do. Should I open this can of worms or try to go it on my own?

  Rigger: Fuck it. This is why I shouldn’t bother with college. Maybe I should just apply for a loan at the bank. What do you think? Max would give me a good reference, right? I work hard.

  Rigger: Maybe I need a roommate. That could help dampen expenses.

  Rigger: Should I get a roommate?

  It was one text after another after another. Eventually, I spazzed and slammed my phone face down against the table so hard I probably cracked the screen. I bit back a rising scream and scanned for Max. What had I been thinking texting Rigger?

  Max caught my eye as he wandered back to the table and a worried wrinkle creased his forehead.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling a few dollars from his wallet and leaving it as a tip.

  I jumped from my seat, snapped my phone off the table and shoved it against Max’s chest. “I can’t. I’m done. I quit. Please deal with him. He is shooting off texts faster than I can answer. He’s broken. He’s lost his mind. The man is spiraling into a pit of the unknown, and he’s going to implode, and I don’t want to be the one to clean his guts off the walls. Please, Max, I’m begging you. Fix him.”