The 6 Most Important Decisions You'll Ever Make: A Guide for Teens

by Sean Covey

  COMING ATTRACTIONS

  If you’ve ever wondered what’s meant by the words hooch, snuff, roach, stackers, glass, skag, whippets, toot, and Georgia home boy, you’ll soon find out. Keep reading.

  1. Plan an original and fun date. For ideas, go online and search under “teen date ideas.”

  2. If you know someone in an abusive relationship, share your book and have them read the “Intelligent Dating” section. Be supportive and remind your friend that no one deserves to be abused.

  3. Watch the movie A Walk to Remember. As you watch it, ask yourself: What kind of standards do I want to live by?

  4. Share “The 6 Guidelines to Intelligent Dating” with another person—a sibling, parent, or friend.

  5. Write down five solid reasons for waiting to have sex.

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  6. Post it: “Timing ls Everything!”

  7. Make your own list of comebacks to someone who is making unwanted advances. Practice them in the mirror or on your most intimidating stuffed animal.

  8. Draw a line on your mirror with lipstick or a crayon to remind yourself to Live above the Bar. Stay on the side of affection and save passion for later.

  9. If you’re currently in a relationship that is based on the physical side of things, switch it to a relationship based on friendship. If it’s a healthy relationship, it will endure. If it’s based on infatuation, it won’t. Either way, you win.

  10. Imagine the person you will marry someday. How do you hope they’re living their life right now, especially when it comes to dating and sex?

  I hope my future love is…

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  * If you want to share your creative date idea or learn what fun dates other teens are doing, go to www.6decisions.com.

  Smoking kills. lf you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.

  —Brooke Shields, actress

  Below are some of the greatest last lines said by people just before they took their final breaths.

  Here are some other famous last lines said by teens as they started down the path toward addiction.

  • “No, dude, this stuff is completely natural and safe. That’s why it’s called herbal.”

  • “One time isn’t going to hurt me.”

  • “Everyone’s doing it.”

  • “I could quit any time.”

  • “You only live once.”

  • “It’s my life. I’m not hurting anyone.”

  There are so many things you can become addicted to, including tobacco, alcohol, illegal drugs, prescription drugs, food, sleeping, eating disorders, overspending, compulsive behaviors, obsessions, TV, games, the internet, sex, pornography, gambling, or even self-mutilation like cutting. Many of these are minor and won’t really harm you, such as playing endless video games or craving a certain kind of candy. They’re really more like preferences than addictions. Other addictions are severe and can alter your brain, make you do stupid things, or even kill you.

  We live in an addiction-infested society. In the surveys I sent to your fellow teens, drinking, smoking, and drugs were always mentioned as one of the top challenges teens face. In many schools, it was the top challenge.

  So, why are addictions such a big deal? Consider this.

  During World War II, Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist, was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany. His parents, brother, and wife died in the camps or were sent to the gas ovens. Frankl himself was tortured repeatedly and suffered beyond words, never knowing from one moment to the next if he too would be led to the ovens.

  One day, alone in a small room, he began to become aware of what he called “the last of human freedoms”—the freedom the Nazis could not take away from him. They could kill his family, they could torture his body, but he alone could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him. He was free to choose his response to whatever happened to him.

  To keep his hopes alive, Frankl would imagine himself lecturing to his students after his release from the death camps. He’d see himself talking about the very experiences he was then going through in the camps. Over time, he became an inspiration to the prisoners around him and helped many find meaning in their suffering. In the end, Frankl survived the war, and went on to become a great teacher and author, just as he had visualized.

  Next to life itself, the power to choose is your greatest gift. And if you become addicted to something, you give up your power to choose—your freedom. You become the slave and the addiction becomes your master. When it says “jump,” you say “how high?” That’s why what you choose to do about addictions is clearly one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. You can take the high road by respecting your body, saying “no” the first time, and avoiding addictions like the plague or take the low road by abusing your body, thinking “one time won’t hurt,” and getting hooked on something harmful.

  In this chapter, we’ll focus on the more serious addictions, the ones that can really mess you up. I apologize in advance for the heavy tone of this chapter. It’s just that there’s nothing fun about addictions, except maybe the creative slang words used for drugs (smack, X, roofies, poppers) and the silly introductory comment made by Brooke Shields when she was being interviewed as a spokesperson for an anti-smoking campaign.

  This chapter has three sections. Three Brutal Realities is about the life-altering impact addictions have on you and others. The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but will give you the cold, hard facts and hopefully answer most of your questions about the most common drugs. In Striking at the Root we’ll explore how to avoid and overcome addictions. It also identifies what I call the drug of the 21st century.

  ADDICTIONS CHECKUP

  Before reading further, take this little quiz to see which road you’re on.

  CIRCLE YOUR CHOICE

  NO WAY

  HECK YES!

  1.

  I have made up my mind that I will never use drugs.

  1

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  5

  2.

  I am free of any compulsive behaviors such as gambling, shopping, overeating, or endless TV and internet use.

  1

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  5

  3.

  When it comes to choices about alcohol, tobacco, and drugs, I make my own decisions and don’t give in to peer pressure.

  1

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  4

  5

  4.

  I have been alcohol and tobacco free for the last 30 days.

  1

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  5

  5.

  I avoid situations where there’s going to be heavy drinking or drugs

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5.

  6.

  I stay away from internet porn.

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  7.

  I hang out with friends that share my views about substance abuse.

  1

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  3

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  5

  8.

  I encourage my friends to stay away from harmful substances.

  1

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  9.

  I never let my friends drink and drive.

  1

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  10.

  I am free of any eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  TOTAL

  Add up you
r score and see how you think you’re doing.

  You’re on the high road. Keep it up!

  You’re straddling the high and low roads. Move to higher ground!

  You’re on the low road. Pay special attention to this chapter.

  Three Brutal Realities

  When it comes to addictive substances or activities, there are three brutal realities we all must face.

  BRUTAL REALITY 1: They Can Become Stronger Than You

  I used to think that drug abusers and addicts were weak and selfish. As I’ve learned more about it, I regret my lack of understanding. Addiction strikes the best and brightest among us. No one is immune. There are many fine people who are also alcoholics, compulsive gamblers, or drug addicts. They’re really not much different from you and me. Same hopes. Same dreams. The only thing that separates them from the rest of us are a few choices they made, usually during their teens.

  I have a good friend named Phil. He’s a great guy—smart, genuine, honest. I never knew he’d been an alcoholic for years.

  When Phil was thirteen, he struggled with low self-esteem. One day Phil smuggled a bottle of liquor from his dad’s friend’s truck. He stashed it away in his coat, waiting for the right moment to give it a try. A week later, after begging his mom for permission to attend a local dance, Phil found his chance.

  The small container fit nicely inside my cowboy boot as I walked into the dance hall. I made a beeline to the men’s room. I took a drink. My face flushed. Suddenly, I felt a wave of relaxation and euphoria. My shyness and self-consciousness seemed to disappear. A door swung open in my mind that encouraged a strong craving for more. Alcohol, I thought, was the missing ingredient to raise my self-esteem.

  Throughout his teenage years, Phil began drinking more and more, frequently stealing and lying to get what he needed. On several occasions, he got completely plastered and one time he and his friends drove their car off a cliff and were almost killed. Yet even that wasn’t enough to stop him.

  “As my college years passed,” said Phil, “I was seldom at peace unless I was drinking. By the end of my third year, I was carrying a bottle of whiskey to class in a briefcase and spending most of my free time at a nearby tavern.”

  A few years later, Phil got married and began a family. His drinking continued and began to erode his marriage, family, and career. Phil adored his young daughter and kept promising her that he would stop. She’d write him short notes to encourage him. Here’s one of them.

  But Phil couldn’t stop. “Promises, prayers, good intentions, and tons of willpower had little effect on controlling my craving. The alcohol’s power felt greater than my power. I couldn’t stop drinking—not for my wife, my parents, my career, my church, or my children—not for anything!”

  Months later his daughter wrote,

  Phil eventually lost everything: his marriage, his daughter, his job, his health, his self-esteem, his freedom to choose. I’ll tell you the rest of the story in just a bit.

  Here are a few real statements from teens about the power of addiction:

  • “I used to be able to run a mile in under six minutes. Now I’m lucky to make it in eight. And I’m wheezing all the way. I want to quit, but it’s not that easy.”

  • “It began to be so habitual we did not think we could stop.”

  • “I wish I had never started, but most smokers say that.”

  • “My friends use drugs and alcohol like it’s no big deal. I’ve asked them if they are addicted, and they all say that they are not, and could quit at any time. But they seem to do them every day.”

  As we talked about earlier, between your impulses and what you do about them is a space, and in that space lies your freedom to choose. Yet, in the case of an addiction, your freedom to choose is pushed aside by the power of your addiction. There is no more space.

  Don’t ever underestimate the power of addiction. It can become stronger than you.

  Brutal Reality 2: It’s Not Just About You

  Some teens think that what they do with their lives is nobody else’s business. “You do your thing and I’ll do mine.” The reality is, when it comes to smoking, drinking, and doing drugs, it’s not just about you. It impacts everyone around you whether you like it or not.

  Who does it impact exactly? Let’s pretend that Inger begins to drink and smoke pot, thinking that it’s nobody’s business as long as she doesn’t hurt anyone. However, because of her example, one of her friends starts smoking pot too. Her mom finds out and gets upset, and it begins to cause friction at home. Inger’s younger brother, Kip, thinks that if Inger is doing it, then it’s okay for him to do it, too. Inger’s boyfriend doesn’t like what smoking pot does to Inger and decides to dump her. Ultimately, she gets caught with drugs and is sent to a youth detention center for three months, paid for by public taxes. And the story continues. You get the picture.

  Who an Addiction Impacts

  A friend of mine told me about how drugs impacted her family.

  I was eight years old when my brother started using drugs. I can’t remember a time during my childhood when I wasn’t scared—scared to be alone with him, scared of him hurting me as he threatened to, scared of him killing himself, scared of my parents not ever figuring out how to deal with it.

  He said it was his life—to leave him alone—that his choices didn’t have anything to do with us. He was wrong. Even though he was the only one addicted, we were impacted and consumed just as much. We felt the desperation when he didn’t have enough money to get a fix, the pain from all of the times he went through withdrawal, and the severe guilt from hurting those he loved most.

  Years later, he is the one who is scared—scared he will never have an education, never catch up with other people his age, never be able to hold down a job, never be able to stay married, never be able to restore the relationships he damaged, and never be able to truly stay clean. Even though he is clean, he has to fight a mental battle…every day.

  My parents are scared too—scared for him for all the same reasons he is scared. And, even though he is an adult, they still feel responsible and want to help, yet feel just as helpless as when he was a teenager.

  Have I ever done drugs? No. But they have certainly abused me, my family, and everything around me.

  Brutal Reality 3: Drugs Destroy Dreams

  I saw a great ad the other day. It read, “Think about how much you can do with your life. Now think how smoking pot could stop you.” You can’t afford an addiction. It costs too much, in terms of time, money, brain cells, focus, relationships, and happiness. And it only gets worse when you become an adult.

  I met a young lady named Kori. A junior in high school, Kori is full of energy. She has devoted her life to teaching kids to stay off drugs. “I want to help kids not make the same mistake I made,” she said, “a mistake that cost me years of my life, years that I can’t get back. I have to live the rest of my life with horrible flashbacks, nightmares, and memories.”

  “What in the world happened to you?” I asked. She told me her story.

  Up until she was about 11 years old she had a great life, with a loving mother and father, an older brother and sister, and a younger brother. “As soon as my dad came home from work each night we all sat down at the dinner table, said grace, and ate. We were a family.”

  About a year later Kori began to be unhappy with things. Her older brother was a big jock and the perfect son and her younger brother was the baby. Kori felt lost in the middle and neglected. She also felt she couldn’t measure up to expectations. “My parents expected perfection out of me, out of my family. I was pretty much just angry at the world because life wasn’t being fair.”

  It wasn’t long before Kori ran away from home and moved in with four other teens. These new friends consisted of Tom and his girlfriend, Emma, who were both 19; Mark, who had been kicked out of his house; and Jay-Jay, who was a young teen and a runaway like Kori. Even though she tried to block out everything from her previous life, Kor
i continued to call her mom regularly.

  They all began experimenting with alcohol and weed. Soon they progressed to more serious drugs. “We all became junkies. We tried every drug that was available to us. Most of our paychecks went to buying more drugs,” said Kori.

  Then, one night Tom brought home something they’d never tried before: heroin. They all gathered around the table and took turns sharing the needle. Mark went first followed by Kori. She then passed the needle to Jay-Jay who had already been drinking and smoking a lot that day.

  “It’s a memory I’ll never forget,” said Kori. “Jay-Jay strapped up his arm, loaded the needle, and began. After 15 seconds, he froze, turned blue, and died right on the spot. Everyone started to freak out. I just sat there, stunned, and stared at my lifeless friend…then I called 911.”

  The police came and Kori and her friends were all put into state custody and sentenced to go through drug rehab. After being released a few months later, Kori returned home a changed person and began a new life.

  “So, what happened to all your friends?” I asked.

  “That’s the sad part,” said Kori. “The multiple consequences that can happen to people who do drugs happened to the five of us. Today, Tom has brain damage. He seems like he’s all there, but he can’t do normal things. Like he can’t write in cursive anymore and he’s just now relearning to tie his shoes. Tom’s former girlfriend Emma has HIV and doesn’t leave the house. She just sits around all day and her mom takes care of her. Mark is 18 years old, still hooked on drugs, and has a five-year-old daughter. Jay-Jay died that night.”