Losing Love (What Will Be Book Series)

by Laura Ashley Gallagher

  He raised his eyebrows when I looked back at him. “Your family has a restaurant?”

  I smiled. “Yeah. My grandfather opened it when he was in his twenties, and then my dad took over, and now my older brother. My dad still works there but my brother is the head chef, and it will be his someday.”

  “You didn’t want to get into the family business?”

  I shook my head. “God, no. I paid my penance. I worked there throughout school and college and when I say, I was the worst waitress they’ve ever had, I’m not exaggerating. It turns out, you can’t teach someone not to be clumsy.”

  But my cheeks warm when I remember all the nights I locked up on my own, and Nick would come so I wouldn’t be alone. We lived with our parents, so it was the only place we had to ourselves.

  Why did he always crawl back into my mind when I didn’t want him there? I never wanted to forget him. I loved him too much. But I was trying to move on, and for once, I liked it. His memory in these situations made me feel like a boulder lodged in my chest, and I carried his weight on my shoulders. I wasn’t betraying him. I knew that, but I hate when it felt like I was. I couldn’t leave his memory in the past. He walked with me and I clung to him like a safety net and any excuse to stay closed off. I wanted to let go. I really did. And I knew if I didn’t, I would stay cold forever. But I had control over that. Around Alex, I was thawing. I couldn’t fight what he made me feel, and it scared me more than anything.

  I was losing control.

  I would need to tell Alex about Nick. I would need to tell him about everything, but it was our first proper date. I had time.

  “Mandy.” His warm hands rested on mine from across the table.

  Why the hell was I shaking?

  I looked up at him, hoping he couldn’t see it. If he did, he didn’t mention it and I appreciated that much.

  He smiled and rubbed his thumb across my knuckles like he was waking me up and bringing me back.

  “I said no to a date with you.” I had no idea why those were the words I chose to say. My cheeks felt like I was sitting too close to a fire. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

  His brow furrowed, and I held a little tighter to his hand because I feared he would get up and leave. But he didn’t.

  Amazing.

  He shook his head, shrugged, and smiled at me again. “I know.”

  I pushed back a little, but he leaned closer. Garry promised he wouldn’t say anything. Maybe it was Sally.

  “Who told you?”

  “You did. Just now.”

  Oh.

  His fingers brushed across my knuckles again, and he seemed totally oblivious to the tingling I was feeling beneath his touch.

  “Sally told me I would go on a date with a friend of Garry’s. When I saw you at the school that day and at his house, I assumed.” He dipped his chin, hiding his eyes. “Honestly, I said no too.”

  He did?

  “I hate blind dates.” He explained, almost shuddering.

  I blew out a breath and laughed. “Me too,” I said, remembering the last one I went on. It still made me cringe. “But you still asked me out today. Why?”

  He released my hands and sat back in his chair. He stayed silent for a long moment as his eyes scanned my face. “Because then I saw you.”

  My breathing became shallow, and I wished I could look away, but his eyes pinned me to my seat.

  “I’m a determined man.”

  In other words, he got what he wanted, and he wanted me.

  My legs clenched, and I shifted in my seat.

  And I don’t even think I hid it well. It was so long since I was in the company of another man in that way, and none of them in those six years made my heart hammer in my chest with a simple look.

  Alex did that.

  Alex made everything in my body louder until it was screaming at me.

  I didn’t notice when the server came to take my order. I did notice how her eyes roamed over Alex and she stuttered her words.

  Same, girl. Same.

  I can’t remember what I ordered or if I finished it because I was too busy talking, listening, staring, and doubled over laughing. I never knew someone could make me laugh so hard until I got hiccups. I was a child the last time it happened.

  He reached over once to brush a strand of hair away from my face and I think I stopped breathing.

  When we finished, he asked if I wanted to take a stroll on the beach. As it turned out, it was exactly where his house was, and it was beautiful, sprawling, and warm. Just like him.

  I froze like an idiot when I walked inside. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the scent of betrayal I couldn’t avoid. He noticed but didn’t press me and told me I would have lots of opportunities for a tour. Instead, he took my hand, guided me through the hall, into his open-plan kitchen, and out through the large sliding doors, onto his porch, where steps led straight onto the sand.

  I’d been to that beach countless times, but being there with Alex and how he wrapped his arms around my shoulders as we strolled brought me a peace I thought I could never achieve.

  He stopped me every few paces because we couldn’t keep our hands or our lips off each other. We talked about everything and nothing. And I couldn’t help but notice when his eyes landed on my lips, his jaw tightened, and he always shifted his position.

  He told me about his family. He was the youngest of three and had an older brother and sister. He told me how he loved being the crazy uncle to his nieces and nephews. When he talked about the kids, I saw the boyish sparkle in his eyes. It differed from how he looked at me. When his eyes met mine, there was nothing boyish about it.

  I told him about my family, but my throat closed when it came to mentioning anything else. My family, I could talk about. The family I failed to create and make a life with, I couldn’t quite get the words out to explain that.

  In time.

  I asked him more about his business, and although he was reluctant, some projects he told me about sounded incredible. His passion burned in his eyes. His hands, strong stature, and tanned skin told me enough to know he wasn’t just any boss. He wasn’t sitting in an office somewhere, throwing out orders. He worked and worked hard with his employees. He had some extensive projects coming up that he recently signed contracts on, which explained the suit on the first day I met him.

  I preferred what he wore to lunch. His navy button-down shirt rolled up to the elbows, gave me a chance to admire his build. The shirt gave me a clear outline of his broad shoulders, and this time, I didn’t stop myself from reaching out and touching him when he spoke.

  When it was getting dark, he drove me home and walked me to my door.

  “So, you didn’t follow the three-day rule by texting me. What are the rules for saying goodbye on a date?” I asked, smirking up at him.

  His eyes grew brighter, breathing a chuckle. “I’m a gentleman, Mandy,” he said, before resting his lips carefully against mine.

  Don’t be a gentleman, Alex.

  My head grew light, and my trembling hands betrayed how cool I was trying to play it off. I wanted him to kiss me like he did the night before, but something about how delicately his lips moved with mine made my head spin as much.

  As he pulled away, both of us breathless from a simple kiss, he swept my ponytail back from my shoulders.

  “Goodnight, Mandy.”

  I swallowed, hoping when I spoke, my voice sounded stronger than I felt. “Goodnight, Alex.”

  It didn’t.

  As I put the key in my front door, he walked away.

  “Mandy,” he called, turning around. He was walking back, stalking towards me. I pressed my palms flat against the door, sure I would melt into it. “Like I said earlier, to hell with rules.”

  His lips crushed against mine, and when his hands went to my hair, it felt like my chest exploded. He leaned into me, forcing me back against the door, and his kiss was fast but steady, his tongue exploring mine, and his arms caging me in
on either side.

  “I’m starting to think you’re going to make me break all the rules,” he murmured against my lips.

  Please break all the rules, Alex. Every one of them.

  “Goodnight.” He winked, walking away again.

  But I couldn’t speak. Instead, I unlocked my door and slipped inside.

  That was three days ago, and although I’ve spent little time with him, I missed him.

  “Woah. Look at that.” Toby, the boy sitting at the front of the class, points towards the window, and everyone’s gaze follows.

  A truck is driving through the entrance of the school with enormous stacks of wood strapped and secured to the back. Two smaller trucks follow close behind. They carry on, passing the window, and continuing towards the back of the school. I assume they are beginning work on the extension and getting a start before the summer break.

  Instantly and without permission, my heart pounds, and my stomach swarms with butterflies.

  Is Alex with them?

  But I squash those thoughts. He has bigger projects to work on.

  An hour later and the children’s colouring sheets are hanging on the wall and I’ve finished reading The Gruffalo. The children’s excitement at seeing an enormous truck in their school quickly died down.

  “Everyone can pack away their things. The lunch bell is going to ring any second,” I announce.

  I have the words out of my mouth and the bell in the corridors sounds to life, vibrating throughout the classroom. They grab their lunch boxes and run past me like a herd of elephants.

  Yawning, I feel tiredness wash over me. I’m not sleeping great, and some strong coffee is in order to get me through the next few hours. But as I reach out to close the door again, my eyes avert to something towering over the children. They run around him, and he steps in and out of their way. I can’t help myself. My eyes immediately drink in his amused expression, his shoulders tensing as if he can somehow make himself smaller, not to impede the children. How does he look so gorgeous in a khaki t-shirt and open red flannel shirt? And those faded blue jeans hang just right on his hips.

  The hallway empties and his head comes up again, his eyes meeting mine. A faint smile threatens the corner of his mouth, but something else shoots across his face. Something that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand and my breath escape in tiny gasps.

  “Miss Parker.” He tilts his head politely as if he has transported us to the 1950s. I can tell he is restraining himself because I’m at work, but he’s standing a little too close to be just a friend.

  “Mr. Hale,” I greet back, matching his tone. “Come in.” I point my head towards the classroom.

  His faint hint of a smile breaks into a wide one. He steps towards the door, but his physique is too big for us both, and he presses against me, his eyes wandering over my body. I swallow, hoping he doesn’t notice how heavy I’m breathing, and my shoulders square. A light layer of dirt and perspiration covers his body, probably from offloading whatever was on the truck. But I love the ruggedness of him. His chocolate brown hair is rustled, and the sharp line of his jaw is tense, the muscles twitching.

  “They didn’t make teachers like you in my day.” He raises an eyebrow, still studying me. “If they did, I wouldn’t have bunked off so much.”

  I manage a breath for a small laugh as I slap his arm to move him into the classroom. He leans down, kissing me on the cheek, and the smell of sawdust, the remnants of whatever mint shower gel he washed with this morning, and the distinct scent that is Alex wash through my senses. He moves away from me, stepping inside before I close the door. The room feels smaller now he has stepped into it.

  “You strike me as someone too disciplined to skip school?” I finally say, remembering I can speak.

  He shrugs, his mischievous eyes locking with mine. “It’s good to rebel sometimes.”

  Rebellious Alex.

  I like the sound of that.

  I walk to my desk and lean back on the edge, putting my hands on either side.

  “Is that right?” I ask.

  He stuffs his hands into his pockets, his feet shifting in his chunky boots. “Yes, Ma’am.” His eyes leave mine to wander around the classroom.

  I cross my arms over my chest, his expression amusing me far too much. “Lucky for me, I don’t have to worry about eight-year-olds bunking off school.”

  “No,” he says slowly, turning around. He blows out a loud breath. “It’s far too colourful here. I can already tell you’re a pretty fun teacher.”

  That makes my heart swell in my chest.

  “You really love your job, huh?”

  “Yes,” I answer.

  “I can tell. You look content here. Which, somehow, makes you even more beautiful. And it’s killing me not to kiss you right now.” His tone is even. Still swaying back and forth.

  Why can’t he kiss me?

  I want to tell him to drop the chivalrous act and take me. Like I am his. He didn’t have a problem with it before. But his eyes divert towards the window. I forgot about the kids outside, and when I look, three little girls are peering through the glass, excited to see who the stranger is in their classroom with their beloved Miss Parker. When they see me looking at them, they scatter away, giggling.

  They will have never-ending questions after lunch.

  “Sorry about that,” I breathe.

  I’m sorrier we aren’t somewhere private, where I can kiss him without prying eyes.

  “I didn’t realize building work was getting started so soon.” I need to change the subject because my lips are burning, and my fingers are tingling with the want to touch him. He’s too far away.

  “I have a team starting on Monday. We were dropping off supplies.”

  I bite down on my lip to smother the smile. “And they needed you?”

  “No,” he replies, his voice strong and honest. “I used the excuse to come and see you, Miss Parker.”

  Has he called me Mandy since stepping into my classroom?

  “You know you can call me by my actual name here? I’m not your teacher.”

  He throws his head back, moaning and laughing at once. “Don’t ruin it.”

  My mouth parts and a blush rushes to my cheeks. This man is fantasizing about me. The thought makes me blush for another reason.

  “Like I said,” he starts, “I didn’t have teachers like you when I was at school. And I most definitely didn’t have the same thoughts running through my head for any of them as I do for you right now.”

  I sit back on my desk, crossing my legs. My jeans suddenly feel too tight on my skin.

  I’m already having a hard time getting through the day without his words making me flustered.

  “I wanted to stop by quickly to see you, but I think I should go.” He shakes his head, as if it’s hard for him to say. I know what he’s feeling. I want to run into his arms, but I need him to leave. At least I think that’s what I need. “Being here, standing so damn far away, and not being able to touch you is driving me crazy,” he says through gritted teeth, never breaking the blank expression on his face. He combs a hand through his hair, frustrated.

  Yeah, me too.

  He sighs, his shoulders falling. “Break a rule for me?”

  My eyes narrow on him.

  Since when do I have rules?

  “I know it’s Wednesday, and it’s a good-girl-day, but break the damn rule and come to dinner with me tonight?”

  I’m not sure if he’s asking. If he is, he doesn’t need to ask twice.

  “Okay,” I agree, relief washing over me because I don’t have to wait so long to see him again.

  “Really?” He seems surprised I cracked so easily.

  I smile, playing with my lip between my teeth. I push off the desk, walk to the window and twist the bar to close the blinds, blocking out little eyes.

  “Alex,” I whisper, stepping towards him. I know now I’m not the only one to feel whatever it is between us. I wrap my arms around his n
eck, and he brings me closer, his hands firmly on my hips.

  I repeat what he said to me on Sunday, “You make me want to break all the rules.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “Ladies first.” Alex opens the gate to my front garden.

  I roll my eyes, always making a joke of his old-fashioned charm.

  For weeks, this is how it has been between us. Dates in and out of the house, kissing me goodnight at the door, sometimes going inside. We’re getting to know each other and getting to know each other’s bodies without ever going the full way.

  I want to, more than I can ever tell him, but I close off every time.

  The man has the patience of a saint, and I know, eventually, he will want to know why. But I feel no pressure from him. I only feel it from myself.

  Anytime I go to his house at the beach, I never go upstairs, and although he doesn’t question me on it, he must be wondering. Who gets nervous going upstairs in their boyfriend’s house? It’s pathetic.

  And why, of all things in a relationship, is sex the deal breaker for me?

  It’s been so long since I even let somebody touch me. I know at least some part of it is because of Nick. But buried deep down, I know sex is a big step in a relationship. A step that will open a floodgate I shut a long time ago. Complications come with sex. You give yourself to the other person and the person deserves to know your past.

  Somehow, and I don’t know why, but tonight is different. I was unusually quiet during dinner and my chest was heavy. I need to open up to him. He deserves that much. Alex is making me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. His touch has thawed out parts of me I was sure would stay cold forever. He brings warmth and passion. And a simple look from him makes me feel like I’m the only other person in the world.

  He makes me feel that.

  Alex makes me feel.

  Alex makes me want to claw back any reservations and give myself to him completely. But there are steps that need to be taken first. For both our sakes.

  “Will you come in?” I can’t meet his eyes, and the back of my throat stings.

  “Of course,” he breathes.