Losing Love (What Will Be Book Series)

by Laura Ashley Gallagher

  I’ll never survive this man.

  His tongue is hot and needy, swallowing every moan and breath between us. I feel his knee nudge between my legs, cautiously separating me, giving him space to move closer. He does so slowly, keeping his eyes locked with mine for a reaction he doesn’t like.

  To hell with the cautious approach.

  I move my legs for him, separating myself around him, and for the first time, instead of freezing, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back to me.

  We both lose it then. Our need is nothing short of animalistic.

  In one movement, his hot hands push my dress up around my waist, his fingers gripping tightly to my thighs before lifting me high against him. I lock my ankles around his back, and his hands need little effort to hold me in place. He nips along my chest, pulling at my dress to expose my breast, taking it in his mouth, sucking, teasing with his tongue.

  And oh. My. God.

  If heaven is a place, it’s Alex’s mouth.

  “Alex,” I gasp, throwing my head back against the door.

  I want more.

  So. Much. More.

  He can have me right here against the door. Although, I’m afraid the door won’t stand a chance. His mouth is so feverish, his hands everywhere, and my hips rock against him.

  But his kisses become slower, and his mouth gentler as he moves along my jawline, pulling the top of my dress back up.

  No.

  Don’t do that.

  He presses his forehead against mine. I’m so hot now, I’m sure if I could radiate the heat, I’d burn the entire construction site down.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful.” His voice is still soaked in his left-over need.

  He holds me in place with one arm as his other hand comes to my face, brushing away the waves of wild hair that have fallen around my cheeks. I pull my lower lip between my teeth, but his eyes lower to it before he tugs my lip free with his thumb and places a gentle kiss on the swollen skin.

  His eyes find mine again, and I feel a part of my heart explode. The part I closed off for so long, I was afraid I would never find it again. Alex has opened it with the force of an atomic bomb. He has thawed out the frozen parts of me, while the rest of me continues to fall. I am falling so fast and so hard; I could never catch up. Not even if I wanted to.

  I don’t want him to stop and remove me from being wrapped around his body. His consideration of what I want, or what I wanted, makes that part of my heart melt even faster. I’m glad I can help ease his tension. But maybe now I’ve created a different type of tension for him.

  He kisses me once more before lowering me down and steadying me with his hands on my shoulders. I look up at him gratefully because my legs are like jelly and I have a deep ache between them. He does his best to be a gentleman, fixing my straps, tucking my hair off my shoulders, but I take over and smooth out the wrinkles of my dress.

  Still fixing the material, I say, “I’m sorry. I know you’re busy. I just really wanted to see you.” I feel shy, like he didn’t have me pinned to the wall with my breast in his mouth thirty seconds ago.

  His finger presses gently under my chin, bringing my face up to look up at him. “Thank you for coming. You’re a breath of fresh air and exactly what I needed.” He kisses the tip of my nose before bending over to pick up the bag he flung from my arm. “Now, what have you brought me? I’m starved.”

  I’m sure he’s being polite. He’s probably too busy to even think of eating in the middle of the morning, but I won’t apologize for it. He needs to eat.

  When have I become a suburban housewife from the forties?

  “I could get used to this,” he says, unpacking the food from the bag.

  I laugh. “Don’t.”

  I did what I needed. I’ve given him his food, and I got to see him. I shouldn’t take up more of his busy day. I throw my thumb over my shoulder. “I should probably get going.”

  He’s having none of it. “Sit.” He gestures to the seat on the other side of his desk. “I didn’t want you to come here to bring me food and so I could molest you against the door.”

  A blush creeps up my neck to my cheeks.

  “Mandy, sit your ass down and have breakfast with me.”

  “I already ate.”

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  I don’t want to leave. Why am I acting like I want to run a thousand miles in the opposite direction?

  He winks at me, and my shoulders relax. I think I have a thing for Alex’s wink, and he knows it. His effect is intoxicating.

  “Then stay and keep me company while I eat.”

  I shake my head, unsure why I make things so complicated. “Of course.”

  I eye him as I take my seat. He glances back and forth as he removes the food from the bag, and I run my hand over the goosebumps dancing along my arm.

  I’m not sure what just happened between us, but it left me aching for breath, and I’m unable to fill my lungs with adequate oxygen.

  I cross my legs at the knees, leaning my elbow against the arm of the chair.

  “So, this is how the other half lives?” I look around his office. Nothing extraordinary. Four walls, a desk, two chairs, and a large board with pinned blueprints. His desk is riddled with papers, what looks like a broken measuring tape, and a hard hat. The latter makes my legs clench, remembering what he said he would do to me if I didn’t wear one next time.

  He takes his seat, and I enjoy how his eyes close briefly as he takes the first bite of food. He mumbles something incoherent and points to the meal with his fork in a way that tells me it’s good.

  My mother is right: a way to a man’s heart is through his belly.

  He swallows, washing it down with his coffee before leaning back in his chair. He waves his fork around the open space.

  “Not exactly luxury. This is the first thing I’ve eaten here in weeks that doesn’t have dust as a side dressing.”

  I stand and go to the building designs pinned to the whiteboard. “Is the poor big man afraid of a little dust?” I mock.

  He doesn’t laugh at my joke, but amusement flickers in his eyes, and I think he might really put me over his knee now.

  I trace my fingers over the drawings. Every detail is laid out to perfection. Each apartment with precise measurements. I suppose it’s how architecture works, but I can hardly teach my eight-year-old’s math.

  I avert my eyes to the tall building outside and I’m mesmerized by how these drawings can convert to an actual real-life apartment complex. And all of it straight from his mind to the page, and then bricks.

  “This is amazing, Alex.”

  He pushes the food aside, brings his laptop closer, and opens it.

  “Come here.” He leans against his seat and pats his thigh.

  I sit across his lap, wrapping an arm around his neck as he holds me with one hand. The other is typing and opening a program on his computer. “I want you to see this.”

  For fifteen minutes, he walks me through a virtual tour of the complex. All the way up to the rooftop heated pool. I don’t have the slightest idea what he is talking about, but the way his eyes light up, enthusiasm dripping with every syllable, he keeps me interested.

  Alex is a complete and utter nerd. An extremely talented, charismatic, and dripping in sex appeal type of nerd. The nerd I think I can never live without now because he has burrowed himself so deep in my heart, I’ve lost him in there somewhere. And every day he takes up a little more space until I am consumed and possessed by him, wholly and without hesitation. With every stroke of his palm along the outside of my bare thigh, I relax deeper into him. His arms have become the most comfortable place to be, and not being in them brings back the coldness.

  When he finishes, he looks at me, the eagerness in his eyes quickly diminishing and unifying with the fire I recognize all too well now. It’s the fire I’m always drawn to because Alex brings heat wherever he goes. He’s my furnace, and he banishes away demons in his wake. Dem
ons he doesn’t know I fight with every day. Those demons retreat from battle when I’m in his presence. But I’m not a fool, and I won’t be lured into a false sense of security. Those same demons have plagued me for as long as I can remember, and although they may have temporarily retreated, I’m nowhere close to winning the war.

  With a deep breath, I gather those demons and once again push them to the back of my mind.

  Not today.

  I run a gentle finger across his jawline, watching how it tenses under my pressure before placing breathy kisses over the points I’ve touched. Feeling him hard beneath me, pressing against my thighs, I continue the delicious journey of his face with my lips and tongue. I finally land on his mouth and tenderly take his bottom lip between my teeth. His groan is something deep in his chest. Pulling away, I lean my forehead against his.

  “I should go,” I whisper against his mouth.

  He stills with even breaths and I can tell it leaves him as tortured as it does me.

  Cupping the side of my face, he rubs his thumb along the base of my throat. “I’ll come over tonight. Don’t wait up. I hate waking you. Hide a key somewhere outside and let me know.”

  On instinct and without a second thought, I say, “Take my spare one.” I stop myself, backing away from him, and my eyes scan over his features for any signs of fear. The words came out so easily and I realize all of this may be too soon for him. It felt natural, but it doesn’t mean the feeling was mutual.

  His mouth eases into a slow smile. “It’s about time,” he scoffs through a light laugh, slapping my ass playfully. “You’ve had mine in your purse since last week.”

  My eyes narrow.

  What?

  Taking advantage of my silence, he continues, “I wanted to be sure, if there was ever a night, you were up late constructing buildings and you wanted to come home to me, then you could.”

  I’m sure my face is so skewed it’s painful.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t find it.”

  How had I not noticed it? But he probably put it into the side of my purse I never use. It still looks brand new on that side.

  He pinches the bridge of his nose as if gathering his thoughts and how to vocalize them in a way that won’t have me welcoming back the demons. He reaches for my hand, interlocking our fingers, before bringing his gaze back to mine.

  Playful Alex disappears again.

  “Because, Mandy, I realized very early into this, I am ready for everything. All of it. You make me want to not second guess anything and go headfirst. But I want to make myself clear. I’ll never be one hundred percent ready until you are. It will always be your lead.”

  And I wonder why I’m needy when he goes around saying things that go straight through my chest.

  There he goes, consuming me a little more than he did before.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “It’s such a pity Alex couldn’t make it. I really wanted to meet him.”

  My mother busies herself with cleaning already spotless countertops.

  “He wants to meet you too, Mom, but he’s a busy man. I’m sure you’ll get another opportunity to meet him. If you promise not to scare him, I can bring him for dinner sometime.”

  I want him here too, but he can’t be everywhere, and as much as I want to introduce Alex to my family, I’m not sure I’m ready. I have so much to tell him first.

  My family will love him. But meeting each other’s families is a big step, and one I never had to make before.

  Everything is new. Everything appears complicated when it isn’t.

  Alex isn’t complicated.

  Alex is perfect.

  I swallow, breaking through my daze. That man is fast becoming my every thought.

  “Honey, I wouldn’t be the one to scare him. That’s your father and brother’s job.” She nods towards the next room, where the sounds of a football game and shouting fill the air.

  I roll my eyes but smile.

  “Claire tells me he’s a dish.” My mother darts her gaze towards me, looking away again to hide the smirk, and my face gets hot.

  Claire, the traitor. It’s times like these I wished my friends weren’t treated more like my siblings.

  “Nobody describes people as being a ‘dish’ anymore, Mom.” I take a sip of my coffee. “But he’s definitely a dish.”

  We both laugh, and my face flushes even more. She turns to look at me. Tea towel in one hand, the other on her hip, and her smile fades away.

  “I’ve never seen you like this before, Mandy.” She walks to me, placing a gentle kiss on my head. “Seeing you so happy is the best anniversary gift. I like Alex already if this is how he makes my girl feel.”

  I can almost see some worry lift from her shoulders.

  “I am happy, Mom,” I agree, hugging her around her waist.

  Sometimes, I just needed a hug from my mother.

  She takes a seat with me at the table, placing her hand in mine. The worry comes back to her shoulders. “Have you told him?”

  “No. Not yet.” I take another long breath. “I never expected to feel this way about someone. And with him, it was so instant and intense. If I’m honest, it scares me.” I look down at my lap. “But I will tell him. He’s going on a business trip this week and I’ll tell him after. It’s been four months. I can’t keep it from him any longer. He knows about Nick, but my throat closes every time I try to tell him the rest.”

  My mother moves the hair away from my face.

  “He knows when I’m finding something difficult to talk about, and he always tells me to do it in my own time. Sometimes, I wish he’d demand I tell him,” I explain, taking a steadying breath. “It’s not his fault, and I know I need to tell him before we go any deeper into this.”

  Who would’ve thought I’d be someone who needed less space?

  My mother flashes a reassuring smile, patting my hand and prompting me to continue.

  “I have that fear again, Mom.”

  “What fear, sweetie?”

  I bite the inside of my cheek and look up to stop the tears threatening to fall. “The fear of losing someone else.”

  “Oh, Mandy,” my mother says as she takes me in her arms again. She pulls back after a minute, taking my face in her hands. “Everyone has a past. If Alex is as amazing as I hear, he will understand that.”

  We both smile at each other, tears floating in our eyes as understanding flickers between us. It’s an understanding that never needs to be spoken.

  “Okay,” I say, shaking my head as I stand. “Not today. Today we are celebrating you and Dad, and the life sentence you are both serving. And I need to get to the store.” I hug my mother again, and this time I kiss the top of her head. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Anytime.” I feel her eyes on me as I leave the kitchen.

  “Call me if we need anything?” I shout out before leaving.

  As I close the front door behind me, my eyes catch sight of a tall figure strolling up the driveway. He stops, a grin playing on his lips, and every nerve in my body instantly tingles like it always does when he’s near.

  “There’s my gorgeous girl.”

  I’ve still not blinked, and the shock has stolen my breath.

  “Alex, what are you doing here?” I finally say, but the sight of him makes me smile with relief, and instinctively, as if I am no longer in control of my body, I go straight into his arms.

  “I was an idiot,” he says, kissing me before running his hands down my bare arms. I sigh and feel my legs need extra support. “I shouldn’t have told you I couldn’t make it. I complicated my own plans when I shouldn’t have.”

  Alex isn’t complicated.

  Alex makes life simple again.

  “But aren’t you busy with a deadline? Don’t you need to be at the site in the morning?”

  His features turn down, serious when he says, “I’ll never be too busy for you. I booked into a hotel tonight. I can leave in the m
orning. It’s going to be an early start, anyway. An extra hour or two to drive back won’t kill me.”

  “Thank you,” I breathe, his gesture knocking me sideways. I hang my arms around his neck, grateful he is here. “But how do you know where my parents-”

  “Garry,” we both answer before I can even finish asking.

  “My friends are really going behind my back lately,” I mutter to myself, lowering my head. I can’t wipe the stupid, joyful look off my face. “I have to go to the store to pick up some anniversary banners for the party later. Will you come with me?”

  “Try to stop me.”

  But my stomach knots into something painful. “Before we go. I think it might be time to introduce you to my family.”

  He continues to smirk at me, stealing all my air in the process, as if meeting my parents doesn’t faze him. I appreciate his confidence and I hope it will rub off on me because I’m sweating.

  I take his hand, but before I can move, he pulls me back.

  “I have to do this before we go in there because if they see me doing what I’m about to do to their daughter, it may affect their opinion.”

  I don’t have a chance to react before his mouth comes down to meet mine. Soft and slow, his tongue plays against my mouth. And I forget where I am. I can’t remember who we are about to meet or why I was so nervous a moment ago. His fingers wrap delicately around my neck, holding me steady, and his kiss becomes harder. Both of us want more than we can grant in the driveway.

  His palm slides over my shoulders, down my arm, and skims the side of my breast. With my moan, he bites gently on my lower lip.

  “You’re becoming impossible to stay away from,” he breathes against my mouth, while his hand goes lower on the back of my dress.

  Don’t.

  Stop.

  Going.

  Lower.

  “I hope that’s Alex because if it’s not, you’re in trouble, sis,” a voice sounds from the front door.

  My eyelids burst open. Alex is looking directly at me, but his confidence never falters as he stares at me, his desire flickering in his deep blue eyes.

  And did he just wink at me?

  Maybe less confidence is sometimes good.