Losing Love (What Will Be Book Series)

by Laura Ashley Gallagher

  And when he picks me up again, his solid chest pressing against me, he does so only to lay me down on the rug beneath us. I don’t care it’s here. I need him. I need every touch and every kiss.

  He stills above me. Concern flashes beneath hooded lids.

  “You need to be sure, baby.”

  “I am. I’ve never been so sure about anything.” My voice comes in panting breaths.

  And in one slow turn of his hips, he has claimed me, filling me completely. My head falls back, fingers digging into the threads of the rug, my back arching beneath him, bringing our bodies even closer.

  His mouth etches up into a slow smile, and the craving in his eyes comes back tenfold. As if I’ve starved him for too long. He pushes into me again, slow and delicious, with a pressure that has me moaning with every movement. His mouth presses against mine, stifling the cries of his name.

  With every flick of his hips, my body warms. My heat spiralling upwards, curling and caressing every part of me. His hands are manic and betraying how careful he is with every thrust. My hips circle around him, needing more, needing all of him.

  With every kiss, I fall deeper into him. Every movement and he carves himself a little deeper into my heart. He becomes part of every nerve in my body.

  With our legs entwined with each other, I raise my thigh, gliding it along the side of his body, and grind deeper. He grabs it, keeping it there, and his fingers scorch my skin.

  As he plays kisses along my neck, heat possesses my core, rolling down my legs. My eyes shut tight, and my nails claw into his back.

  “Open your eyes, baby,” he whispers roughly, staring down at me with so much love, I’ve never felt so full. “I want you to look at me.”

  This is where I expect to feel self-conscious and shy, but I feel none of those things. I feel safe and protected. I feel like I will never get enough of Alex. And most of all, I feel loved.

  We match each moan, every feverish grasp of fingers along each other’s bodies. Exploring, needing, possessing each other completely. Each movement comes faster and harder.

  “Alex,” I gasp, my eyes widening as the heat swirls inside.

  My legs tighten around his back as his arms cage around the curve of my waist, pulling me towards him.

  My entire body quivers. Then we both tense and my cries echo around me. Each rhythm of his hips taking me higher and higher.

  “Christ, Mandy,” he groans as his mouth comes to meet mine, drowning out my screams as we both shudder.

  And for the first time in so long, I find myself in the arms of a man I’ve lost myself to.

  ***

  I wake to panting and a wet tongue along my cheek.

  Alex is definitely more skilled at kissing.

  I open one eye, peering up at the happy ball of fur lying beside me.

  “Good morning, Bandit.” I rub his head and he’s calm again, resting his head on his paws.

  I stretch, feeling the tight muscles of my body screaming. I’m stiff and aching in the best way possible.

  At some stage, we made it to bed, and we continued where we’d left off downstairs. It was getting bright before we fell asleep. I’m not sure if it was punishment or a reward for making him wait. I’m not complaining. The man’s body isn’t something to just admire. He knows exactly how to use it, too.

  Alex pulled me close to his chest, and I fell asleep that way, tucked into his warmth, my hand on his solid chest, feeling the thumps of his erratic heartbeat until it evened.

  But now, all I can feel is tousled sheets and an empty space where he slept.

  “Where is he, boy? Is he gone for his run?”

  His head perks up, and he lets out a small whine before he goes back to rest. I swear this dog can understand me.

  It’s only eight in the morning. I got little sleep, but I feel more rested than I have in years. Well, apart from the aches. But it only reminds me of everything Alex made me feel last night. I never felt safer, more protected, and cherished.

  With Alex not there, I clean myself up. I look exactly how I thought I would—like someone who stayed up all night having sex. My hair is knotted, my lips are swollen, and my cheeks are rosy, but there are also subtle changes only I would notice. My shoulders have lost their tension, and there’s a comfort in my skin I haven’t felt before. Maybe it’s the effects of an all-night sexathon or this is what it feels like to be loved.

  Only months ago, I didn’t want to meet anyone. I wasn’t trying, and I didn’t know if I could ever date, let alone love someone else. Then Alex walked into my life and turned everything I thought I knew upside down. He was patient, and he waited. He treasured, and he loved until I was ready. How could I not fall in love with him?

  I tie my hair back loosely and take a quick shower to freshen up. I dry myself off and wrap myself in a towel. Bandit has disappeared again. I hear him running down the stairs. I grab a clean t-shirt from Alex’s wardrobe before dropping the towel.

  “I could get used to this.” His voice startles me, and I jerk around. Although I’m standing here naked, my eyes rake over his body. His shorts hang low on his narrow hips and his navy t-shirt sticks to every hard ridge. And suddenly, my body forgets I’ve been up half the night making love to this man, and a throb erupts between my legs. When my eyes land on his face, he’s doing the same to me. His heated stare pulls up my body, causing a heavy heat to swirl low in my stomach. Feeling shy, I quickly fumble to get my arms through the t-shirt.

  “Oh, no you don’t.” His voice is almost a growl and his eyes are dark.

  I swallow back nerves when he strides towards me, grabbing the material from my hand and tossing it aside. My stomach flips and my panting betrays how shy I was feeling a moment ago.

  “Good morning,” I whisper.

  The corner of his mouth curls up into a grin, and I swear my heart stops.

  “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

  A blush creeps up my cheeks, but I don’t look away. “Good. Tired but good.”

  He smirks and leans down. I think he’s going to kiss me, but he grabs the back of my thighs and scoops me up around his hips.

  “Alex,” I squeal, throwing my head back with laughter. “I just showered.”

  “Well, it looks like you’re about to get dirty again, and then you can come shower with me.”

  He lays me down on the bed and kisses me quickly before his mouth lowers to my neck.

  “But I was going to cook breakfast,” I protest.

  He lifts his head to look at me and arches his eyebrow in question. He knows me too well.

  “Okay. Okay,” I give in. “I lied. I wasn’t even thinking of breakfast.”

  He laughs but continues his journey of my body with his mouth.

  “Alex,” I moan as he kisses my breasts. My back arches, and sparks of heat jolt downward between my legs.

  Breakfast is the last thing on my mind, and I would gladly never eat again if he stayed here with his mouth on me.

  I gasp as his tongue flicks the sensitive skin of my inner thigh.

  And right before he takes me in his mouth, his eyes flick to mine and there’s so much heat I could combust. A low groan comes from the back of his throat and a smirk plays on his lips.

  Christ. This man.

  I throw my head back.

  Breakfast in bed it is then.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I’ve tortured myself this week, opening my mouth to say words that wouldn’t come out. And he’s noticing the distance in me.

  Nick and I were friends since we were kids. Trust came naturally. We built our foundation on playdates since we were four.

  I didn’t have that starting point with Alex, but we laid our foundation anyway and steadily worked our way to the next level.

  Tonight, I promise myself.

  He needs to know.

  My past is mine. It will always be with me, and I’ve come to terms with it. I will wear it forever with pride because even though the bigger memories ar
e bad ones, there are hundreds more amazing memories that outweigh and crush all that is bad. I don’t regret getting pregnant. It taught me how to love unconditionally and opened my eyes to a new world.

  But no matter what, or how hard I try not to feel ashamed of myself, sometimes it creeps in. I can’t deny the battering my heart takes every time I remember the emptiness I felt. So, I’ll live every moment with the pain, because I need to. Without the anguish, I don’t have the wonderful memories, and they are worth the torment. I hope I can make him understand that, too.

  “You’re cooking dinner, huh?” His voice brings me back.

  I smile, choosing to ignore how my stomach clenches painfully. “Yep.”

  I called him while at the store to let him know I’m cooking this evening. I even bought a new dress. I don’t know why. Maybe my brain thinks dressing nice will convince him I’m not the horrible person I believe I am.

  “I’m happy you got a dress, but how easy is it to remove?”

  My cheeks burn because I haven’t figured out how to stop doing that.

  It’s very easy to take off, but I don’t tell him that.

  “You’re such a man.”

  He hums. “Yes, I am. A man who can’t get any work done because all he can do is think about you. Naked. In my bed.”

  I press my lips together to keep from smiling. I don’t know why. Nobody is paying any attention to me. Regardless, my cheeks dimple anyway.

  “Get back to work and stop annoying me so I can shop to feed your massive appetite,” I tease as I roll a shopping cart around the store. We’ve been on the phone for two minutes and I’ve already heard his name called four times.

  “Where are you?”

  He’s stalling, and my heart does a flip.

  “Nico’s,” I answer.

  “Isn’t that a vegan store?” He sounds concerned. God forbid someone doesn’t give him meat for dinner.

  “I hope not. I’ve been buying beef burgers here for years.” It’s true. They’re the best. The store has a vegan section if that counts.

  He booms with laughter. “If we need anything, I can pick it up on the way home.”

  Home.

  Not his home.

  Just home.

  It sounds like ecstasy rolling off his tongue.

  “It’s okay,” I say as I throw some salad in the cart. “Carl has me covered.”

  I hear him smack his lips together. “Carl, huh? Competition?”

  “Maybe. It depends how good the steaks are.” I’m sure he’s trying to figure out what the hell I’m talking about. “He’s the butcher,” I explain.

  “I can’t compete with Carl, his good steaks, and have you seen a butcher’s hands?”

  I bite my lip to hold back the laughter. He really should get back to work instead of procrastinating with me on the phone. But I won’t complain. It’s the most I’ve talked to him all week. The building site is ten minutes from the store, but he’s busy, and I don’t want to be the girlfriend who shows up at work. I did it once, and I got more sneers than hellos.

  “Mmm,” I moan. “I hadn’t noticed, but maybe I will now.”

  “Really? I think someone will have something to say about that.”

  The moisture of my tongue wets my lips as I slide it across the skin. This man’s voice alone has turned me on in the middle of buying groceries.

  “No.” I shake my head, even though he can’t see me. There’s an edge to my voice, and I have no clue where it has come from. “I prefer the hands of a certain builder.” He stays silent, so I take the opportunity. If he turns me on here, it’s only fair I repay the favour. “Especially when I think of him putting his hands right between my…”

  “Mandy Parker, finish that sentence. I dare you. I’ll come to the store, put you over my shoulder, and carry you out of there.” His tone is all roughness, and hard, just as I imagine he is.

  I swallow back the word I was going to say, because a throb erupts right in that very spot. I’ve stopped, and I don’t know how long I have been standing here, not moving, with my legs clenched. He’s threatening to put me over a lot of things lately, and I’m not opposed to the idea.

  The thought fills me with boldness. It’s new, and I like it. And he should know. I can never refuse a dare.

  Silly Alex. I’m going to call your bluff.

  Before I even have time to think about it, my mouth opens, and the words spill out. “Right between my legs.”

  There’s a groan at the other end. “Jesus Christ, Mandy.” And the line goes dead.

  I stare at it for a long minute before slipping it back into my bag.

  I win.

  I’m rarely so forward with Alex, but maybe it’s time I should be. Satisfaction courses through my veins as I continue to the back of the store to get some steaks. I get vegan garlic butter on my way.

  Twenty minutes later, and I’m loading the groceries into the trunk of my car. I wasn’t carried out of the store over anyone’s shoulder, and I haven’t heard a peep from Alex. I’m tempted to call him back so I can gloat, but I think better of it. I’ve won. He’ll know better than to threaten me next time.

  I lean in, fixing a bag that has fallen over when I feel the tight grip of two firm hands at either side of my waist. My body jerks back, but he holds me tight. I’d scream, but I know exactly who it is. A millisecond before he came up behind me, I could sense him, and goosebumps pricked my skin.

  “Now, tell me. Where is it exactly you wanted my hands?”

  His voice coats over me, and my legs go slack as my back presses against him.

  Silly, Mandy.

  “Is it here?” he whispers as his lips graze my ear and his fingers move delicately across my collarbone. He moves to my breast, kneading the flesh in his hand. “Or here.”

  I don’t know if it’s from the fright, or how his touch is making my body sing, but my breathing is audible and hitches with every low moan. I’m grateful I parked so far away, and my car is backed up against the parking lot wall. I glance around to check nobody’s watching. There are cars everywhere, but they’re empty, and those going to the store are too far away.

  “There’s nobody here.” He nips at the sensitive skin below my ear and soothingly runs his tongue over it. I shiver despite the sun baking on my shoulders. He fists my hair before letting it flow over my shoulder, and I watch as the caramel locks bounce past the curves of my breast, hiding his fingers beneath it.

  “I warned you, baby.” His tongue flicks and kisses along my shoulder, and I throw my head back on his chest. His hand smooths over my dress and goes lower on my stomach before his fingers dance along my pelvis, and I can feel him shifting my dress up in a ball. I can’t move, because it’s not until this moment, I realize how badly I’ve wanted him buried there. He drops my dress around his arms, but his palm is already sliding along my inner thigh. “So where was it you wanted my hands?” he repeats, squeezing my skin with the rough pads of his fingers.

  Sweet heavens, if the man can build an entire complex with these hands, Lord only knows what he can do to me in a parking lot. My core tightens as my chest fills with air. My mouth is dry, but it’s the only part of me that is.

  “You need to tell me, Mandy.”

  He’s handing me the lead again. He needs my permission.

  I chew my lip between my teeth before bringing my hand down to cover his. I clasp our fingers together, and even in the chaos of all of this, he finds a moment to be gentle by massaging his thumb across my knuckles. His lips press against my temple, and I can feel the heavy movements of his chest against my back. I guide his hand until his palm is pressing against my centre, and I whimper at the simple touch.

  “Fuck.” He curses through gritted teeth, his lips still against my temple. His fingers slip to the side, burying themselves under my satin underwear. I think I cry out his name, but I can’t hear anything over the pounding in my ears. He must be able to hear my heart.

  At first, his fingers are light, brus
hing against me, with every flick a growl in my ear, and a buck of my hips. His tempo quickens as my lungs become greedy for air. His finger slides down, and slowly, he thrusts it inside me.

  “You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted to do this.”

  My response is a moan because I don’t have words anymore. I lose them with every push of his finger inside me, and when he adds a second, my knees buckle, and I almost wail.

  “Alex,” I gasp, but just as quickly, his other palm covers my mouth, dulling the shrieks of my whines. I bite down on his fingers as he goes faster. He wedges his knee between my legs, separating them further. His palm motions in circles, and I feel the pressure building. Like I have too much heat in my stomach. My hips rock faster, and hotness unfurls between my legs.

  “Watching you is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  And the chaos of the world around me drowns out. I don’t hear people with shopping carts in the distance. I don’t hear the chatter of voices. All I hear is Alex’s breath and kisses on my neck, and I can almost feel his heart pounding between my shoulder blades.

  When my back curves, I press against him, and when I feel he is hard against my lower back, I come undone. My legs shake, and my body convulses in his arms. The scream of his name is muffled against his hand. I grip his hips behind me and dig my nails in for extra support.

  As I come back to the world around me, my moans die down to heavy breaths, and my body feels weak.

  He removes his hand from over my mouth and moves my head to look up at him, and I realize it’s the first time I’ve looked him in the eye since he left this morning. I blush, but I’m positive he can’t see it because I’m already all a flush.

  “How am I supposed to get any work done when all I will think about is that for the rest of the day?”

  I’m not sure, because I don’t think I even know how to get out of this parking lot.

  I want to tell him not to go back to work, to come home with me and take me to his bed, but I haven’t found my vocabulary yet.