Losing Love (What Will Be Book Series)

by Laura Ashley Gallagher

  “And who is this?” I point to her drawing of a person laying down holding balloons, and he appears to be wrapped up in bandages. I already know who it is. She’s eight and has an unhealthy obsession with everything pink, Monster Trucks, my makeup bag, and Tutankhamun. She’s as random as she is adorable.

  “It’s a mummy,” she answers like it is the most natural thing in the world to have on a birthday card. But it’s hers and I love it even more for that reason. Who knows, maybe Tutankhamun and I share a birthday.

  My phone vibrates on the bedside locker, forcing me tear my eyes away from the card.

  “It’s Nana,” I inform Ava, and she bounces with excitement. “Hey, Kate,” I answer, smiling. She calls every year.

  “Happy birthday, love. From all of us.” I know she always calls because Nick can’t.

  “Thank you. Hold on. I’ll put you on speaker. Ava’s here.”

  Her throaty laugh is pure joy. Since meeting Nick’s family, Ava did what she naturally does. She burrowed her way through their hearts. And she’s all they have left of their son. She’s cherished. As she should be.

  “That’s why I’m calling. I wanted to ask you if it’s okay for her to spend the weekend with us next week?”

  I don’t get the chance to answer before Ava’s body climbs over mine to get closer to the phone.

  “Nana, I want to,” she almost screams. “I love going to yours and Grandpa’s house.”

  I half laugh, half grimace. “She can hear you just fine Ava. And so can the rest of the town.”

  She sneers at me with an attitude no eight-year-old should have.

  “Excellent. We can have a girl’s day. We can get our nails done.”

  Ava screeches. “I want yellow this time.”

  “Whatever you want.”

  I don’t think Ava has ever heard the word ‘No’ from any of her grandparents.

  After Ava finishes her weekly catch-up with Kate, a familiar prickle crawls up my spine.

  “Got room in there for me?” Alex appears at the door, holding a tray and a smirk I feel all the way to my fingertips. “I brought breakfast.”

  “Well, in that case, get in here.” I throw the covers from the other side of the bed. Ava bounces in the middle, then settles as Alex lays the tray down.

  “Pancakes,” both me and Ava squeal.

  It’s Saturday morning. We always have pancakes on Saturday mornings.

  Alex tilts his head, narrowing his eyes at us as he shakes the thoughts away.

  “God, I’m in trouble when you get older, kid.” He kisses Ava’s forehead as he puts a plate of pancakes on her lap. “You are becoming more and more like your mom. Beautiful.”

  And God help the first person who comes to the door to bring her on a date.

  I blush because I haven’t learned how to stop doing it yet. He winks at me, and I think I become one with the mattress.

  It turns out I never got used to the effect he has on me. I’ve become more comfortable with it and eased into it because the time we spent apart, I realized: that feeling brings me back to being me—wholly and unapologetically. We fit back together, like two halves of a magnet that had been forced to separate, and even on our bad days, we don’t switch sides and repel against each other. We just fit. Sticking by each other and supporting.

  After the day in the storm, we promised to take things slow, but we couldn’t rewind time, and we fell back into us. We tended to the wounds we caused in each other. Though forgiveness was never our issue, we still needed time to heal and mend, both for each other and ourselves. Put Ava in our mix, and the little lady would mend even the most shattered of hearts. And everything just—I don’t know—settled. We molded into what we are now.

  A family.

  We’re crazy. Dysfunctional. Fun. Far from normal. And totally and utterly in love with each other.

  Our days are filled with school activities, after-school dance classes, homework, some tantrums, and laughter. Sprinkled on top is some mayhem and a lot of mundanities. And I love every minute.

  I’m not perfect, but I’ve held onto the title of ‘mother’ with the tightest grip, and I won’t let go now. Every day, I learn something I didn’t know yesterday. Every day, I struggle to keep up. Every day, I fight with the regrets of all I missed. But every day I am grateful for who I have in my life and the new memories we create—together.

  Because together, we are perfectly imperfect.

  And when our day is over, and Ava is tucked up in bed, I get to curl up in the arms of the man who still makes my skin tingle with anticipation, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand with awareness when he enters a room. He brought the warmth back into my life and ignited a flame I will forever protect. And with the three of us together, I know I never have to fear the cold again.

  He comes to my side of the bed, hands me a cup of coffee, and crouches down so he is looking straight at me.

  “May the fourth be with you.” He chuckles deeply, and I grin so wide it makes my face hurt.

  “And also with you,” I manage to say through another wave of laughter.

  Happy memories.

  He cups one side of my face with his hand. “Happy birthday, baby.” He leans in and presses his mouth against mine. It’s long, deep, motionless, but it still causes my stomach to flip. We could be frozen in time. And I would happily stay this way, in this room with Ava and Alex.

  “Disgusting.” Ava sneers, heaving mockingly.

  We both roll our eyes before he goes to the other side of the bed, throws his arm around Ava while intertwining his fingers with mine.

  “We should go for a stroll on the beach later. What do you think, Ava?” He pins his eyes to her, and she giggles, her eyebrows motioning up and down. She does that when she’s being mischievous.

  I throw my head back against the headboard. “Don’t tell me you’re going to throw me in again?” I moan, remembering the last time they had a sneaky plan. It started with Alex throwing me over his shoulder, Ava giggling her delight behind us, and me screaming so much my throat hurt. Before I knew it, Alex and Ava were laughing so hard they had tears running down their face, and I was spluttering on seawater while dripping wet. Sweet heavens, those two were dangerous. But heat rushes to my cheeks when I remember how the evening ended. Alex put Ava to bed and joined me in the shower, making sure the hot water wasn’t the only thing to heat my skin.

  “Don’t worry, Mom. We’re only going for a walk.”

  I swear to God—they winked at each other.

  I need to be on high alert with these two.

  When we finish our breakfast, we get up to dress. I’m on my own in the bedroom because Ava batted her lashes and convinced Alex to do her hair.

  “He does it better, Mom,” she whined. “Please, Alex.” She popped her bottom lip over her top, and I think I saw him go to mush.

  He doesn’t do her hair better. He’s still brutal at it and gets his fingers tangled in her elastics. He’s so scared he’ll hurt her, he skims over her hair and hardly gets the knots out of her curls. It usually results in me having to fix it, and Ava screaming bloody murder.

  I can hear them whispering in her bedroom down the hall. I can’t make out actual sentences, but those two are definitely up to something.

  “I can hear you.” I poke my head around our bedroom door and bellow down the hall.

  Alex grunts and Ava hushes him. “Baby, no you can’t. Stop eavesdropping,” he shouts back at me.

  More giggling.

  In the battle of nature versus nurture. Nurture has won. Biologically, Ava is not Alex’s daughter. But here’s the thing—she is. When she gets mad, her brows furrow in the same deep-set scowl as his. Their eyes are different, but they flare with the same warmth and depth. When they laugh, it comes from the deepest part of their belly, and it makes my heart so full, I always think it will burst. I’ve learned to never let them get hungry at the same time because it’s a war zone in this house. When they love, they love with
every cell in their body. And when they look at each other, it’s the same look I share with my dad.

  No, Alex and Ava don’t share DNA, but it doesn’t matter because she is his and he is hers, and he would move heaven and earth to make sure she knows it.

  “Get your butt moving, kid,” he echoes before coming into our bedroom.

  And my chest does it again—it fills with so much heat, I might combust. An amused smirk plays at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes roam over me. My entire body sings and my spine stiffens.

  “She good?” I ask, trying to distract him while tying my hair back.

  But when he looks at me the way he is, nothing will distract him.

  “Yep,” he clips, and in one stride his lips are pressing along my neck, across my jaw, until his mouth is over mine, but he doesn’t kiss me. He lingers there and my breath hitches. His thumb brushes across my lower lip, and my tongue slips out to lick along where he has touched.

  “Don’t start something you can’t finish, Mr. Hale.” I look up at him, my voice breathy, and my eyes glossy.

  He tugs at my bottom lip. “Don’t worry. I’m going to finish. Tonight, I am going to put my tongue over every part of your body.”

  I can’t help my quiet moan and with that, the pressure of his mouth is on me, his tongue tangling in mine and his hands cup my ass.

  “Well, this doesn’t feel any older.” He laughs quietly against my mouth when I slap his arm.

  “Quiet, old man. Let’s get moving. If you are going to throw me in, I want to get it over with.”

  ***

  As the waves lap up at our feet and splash onto our legs, Ava runs ahead, kicking the water as she goes. Alex wraps a strong arm around my shoulder, and I hug his waist as we stroll.

  “She’s happy.” He tilts his head towards Ava, his eyes soft, and a hint of a smile on the corner of his mouth. I know he worries for her, but seeing her so playful, so at ease with her life, and downright joyful, seems to lessen his concerns.

  Like me, Alex wonders if he’s making his sister proud, and I know he is.

  “You’re amazing.” I rub my palm along his chest before stretching up, kissing him to answer the question he didn’t ask.

  He puts his fingers under my chin, keeping my face up. “How did I get so lucky, huh?”

  I breathe into a sigh, relaxing into him. “We both got lucky, Alex.”

  Fate.

  Coincidence.

  Luck.

  Whatever you want to call it. It happened. And we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

  His eyes bore through to the deepest parts of my soul, and I’m lost again, in bright blue spools with flecks of hot amber as they search every inch of my face.

  “Mandy-”

  “Mom, look what I found.” Ava’s roar breaks our gaze, and I leave his side to run to hers. I kneel to see a new shell in her hand and she’s brushing off the sand with her fingers.

  “Another one for your collection. Good girl.” I kiss her cheek before standing again and wiping the sand from my knees.

  I turn back to go to Alex and halt mid-stride.

  He isn’t where I left him.

  He’s right there in front of me.

  Except I’m not looking up at him anymore.

  I’m looking down.

  I’m looking down at Alex on one knee.

  Ava is doing her happy dance and clapping her hands, but I hardly hear it. The crash of the waves rushes through my ears, and then everything is quiet.

  I gasp, throwing my hand over my mouth, and feel tears I didn’t know were flowing until they wet my hand.

  “Have you found a shell too?” I ask. My eyes are so wide, I think they might pop out.

  He laughs, but his eyes remain stoic.

  He’s gazing up at me with all heat, passion, and love.

  My eyes dart to a black velvet box in his hand.

  Oh shit, this is actually happening.

  “Marry me?”

  And in the second I take to answer, every moment leading up to this, flashes in front of me.

  Nick.

  Turning off those machines.

  Handing Ava over to someone else.

  A gorgeous man with an umbrella.

  Finding Ava.

  Saying goodbye.

  The heartache.

  The pain.

  But most of all, the love.

  “I think I like birthdays now,” I cry, and he smiles because he remembers too.

  My heart takes over, moving my legs until I run into his arms.

  I kiss every part of his face because I can.

  Ava’s laugh fills the entire beach as she runs into his arms too, and he holds us both.

  He laughs through my feverish kisses. “Can I take that as a yes?”

  I place my forehead against his.

  “Yes.”

  Books In This Series

  What Will Be Book Series

  Follow three stories of love, loss, and second chances.

  Watch Over My Life

  Watch Over My Life and Losing Love are both standalone books in the What Will Be book series and can be read in any order, but it is recommended that both are read before the release of the third book in the series (2022).

  Jessica Connors has her life figured out - successful career, independent woman, and hiding a life-threatening illness.

  She plans to keep it that way even when Jake Williams comes crashing into her life. As her brother’s childhood friend and now her boss, she despises everything about him. So, when she wakes up naked in his bed one morning, she wonders how she has ended up there.

  Their one-night stand sets off a series of surprising events that will bring the pair closer than ever, and she gives away something she never knew he wanted.

  Her heart.

  Her life becomes everything she has dreamed of, but dreams don’t last forever. Somebody always wakes you eventually.

  And when Jessica wakes, she is forced to face a past that is haunting her, and secrets best left unspoken - secrets that will change both of their lives forever.

  Losing Love

  Losing Love and Watch Over My Life are both standalone books in the What Will Be book series and can be read in any order, but it is recommended that both are read before the release of the third book in the series (2022).

  To fall in love with her future, she must face the consequences of her past.

  When I was nineteen, I had a plan. Work hard, become a teacher, and spend the rest of my life with my childhood sweetheart, Nick. But here's the thing with plans-they're fickle. I didn't plan for Nick to die that year, or all the choices I'd have to make.

  Six years on, I didn't plan to stumble into Alex Hale-the man with piercing blue eyes and a smile that makes me melt. I didn't plan to fall in love with him. With his heat and passion, he reignited the fire I had lost.

  But I made choices in my past that will jeopardize everything. It's a past that taught me our words can hurt, but it's the ones we don't have time to say that can destroy us.

  If By Chance (2022)

  It is recommended that both Watch Over My Life and Losing Love are read before this book (coming in 2022).

  Memories can do different things to alter our perception of reality. Attached to those memories are strings, and each string holds the emotions we felt. They can make us laugh and cry. They can anchor us. They can drag us back when all we want to do is run to the future.

  Memories dance in the shadows. They cast doubts over everything we know is true. Memories can break down walls and build impenetrable barriers.

  These memories I speak of; they're not mine.

  They're his.

  And I saw his memories flicker beneath warm eyes.

  He fights with it. For me, he battles with a presence no longer here.

  But I can't compete with a memory.

  Because his memory is her.

  We love hearing your thoughts.

  If you enjoyed Losing Love, ple
ase consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads.

  Get in touch

  You can reach me on my website. I would love to see you there.

  Website

  You will also find me on Facebook, Instagram, and Tiktok

  If you would like to sign up to find out about future ARC opportunities, you can fill out this form.

  Acknowledgments

  Losing Love was the story that drew blood, sweat, and a lot of tears from me. But I’m hoping I brought the sensitivity and care to Mandy, Alex, and Ava’s story that it deserves. I fell madly in love with these characters, and I hope you have too.

  Shane… the most amazing husband. There’s not much that I can say that will ever be enough. Thank you for always being there with encouragement when I needed it, and listening without complaining when I’d rant and get frustrated about the number of times I rewrote this book. When I’m freaking out, you always have the right words for me. So, for future freak-outs, I’m sorry. But thank you in advance because I’ll know you’ll be there. I love you.

  To my son, Liam. Thank you for being mommy’s best salesman. There isn’t a person you don’t meet without mentioning that your mom has written a book. Thank you for keeping everyday fun. And by the way, I love you more.

  Mam… the woman this book is dedicated to – thank you. I hope people can see in this book, the many amazing relationships between mother and daughter because without ours, I don’t think I could have written them with so much love. Since I was a little girl, you have encouraged me to follow my dreams and always told me I could do it, and for that, I will never be able to thank you enough.

  Dad… for the same reason as above. Mandy has a relationship with her father that I mirrored on ours. It’s filled with love, encouragement, and advice that always makes sense. I love you.