Tethered Souls

by Beth Flynn

  “I still think you should’ve told me before I had my grandfather marry us. It’s legal now. Tell me how that doesn’t sound sneaky.”

  “Mimi,” he pleaded.

  When I wouldn’t look at him, he pulled me to him, wrestling with me until I was forced to look at him.

  “Our marriage isn’t legal. Not yet.”

  My eyes flew wide open.

  “When you went out to the barn to get Travis to serve as a witness, I asked your grandfather if we could talk alone. We stepped out on the porch and I told him about Abby. I knew how it would look when you found out, and I didn’t want you to think exactly what you’re thinking. And if you remember correctly, I insisted you come back to Florida for a few days.”

  I nodded.

  “It was so you could meet her. And if you didn’t want to stay married it wouldn’t have been an issue because I’d asked your grandfather not to file any paperwork to make the marriage binding. You can ask him yourself when we get back to the house.”

  Later that night I battled insomnia as I stared at the ceiling in my bedroom. An owl hooted somewhere out in the black night, and I rolled over on my side and yanked the covers up around my back. I’d done exactly what Christian had suggested. Upon returning to the house I immediately sought my grandfather, who confirmed everything Christian had told me.

  “He said he’d let me know when and if I could file the paperwork. That’s when I knew for sure that I was supposed to marry you two. Even with everything you’d told me on the phone, I wasn’t certain I’d go through with performing the ceremony. Until then.” My grandfather's smile was sweet and comforting.

  I was finally on the cusp of sleep when I sensed him. I hadn’t heard him come into my room, but I felt him. I had my back to the door and when he snuck under the covers and lay down beside me, his weight caused me to dip, rolling into him. He pulled me close and whispered, “Are you still awake, Kiwi?”

  “Don’t even with that name,” I laughed.

  “Couldn’t sleep, Dreamy Mimi?” He nipped at my ear.

  “Nope.” I broke free from his arms and turned over to face him.

  “How did Autumn get pregnant if you always used a condom? I remember you told me at the rental house that you always had them with you.”

  “I’ve never fu—” He stopped and sighed. “I’ve never slept with any girl without using one. Ever. I even stopped sleeping with Autumn for a while, but she was persistent. The only thing I can figure is, she whipped one out once or twice, and she had to have sabotaged it. I don’t know. Maybe poked pins through the wrapper? Anyway, as you can probably guess, the first thing I insisted on was a DNA test. Abby is definitely mine so that’s the only way it could’ve happened.”

  “Never went without one? With anyone?” I asked as I burrowed into his warmth, my head tucked beneath his chin.

  “Until you, Mimi. You’re the only woman that I’ve not used a rubber with. Maybe deep down inside I wanted you to get pregnant.”

  He felt the shift in my mood as I tried to pull away, but held me tighter and said, “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care if we can’t have children.” He kissed the top of my head before whispering, “I don’t need to get you pregnant, Mimi. I just need you.”

  * * *

  The next morning passed by in a blur. As we ate a quick breakfast together, Christian announced that I would be going back to Florida with him for a couple of days, and then flying back to North Carolina to retrieve my car before driving back to campus.

  I was in my room, looking around for things I might want to take with me, when I sensed my father in the doorway. I turned around and stiffened. Grizz was a huge and imposing man. There was no denying my father was a bully, and although he’d never pressed me into any decisions, his demeanor alone was normally enough to persuade people into compliance.

  I raised my chin and crossed my arms. “I’m going. You can’t stop me from going.”

  He gave me a half smile and said, “I know.”

  He sat on my bed and patted the seat next to him.

  “I can’t say I understand what an eating disorder is, but what I can say is that I’m sorry if our family secrets and way of life has contributed to it.”

  Obviously, Mom told him. I wasn’t surprised. They told each other everything. I scooched back a tad so I could face him. I hefted my left leg up and leaned on it. “It’s not your fault, Dad. It didn’t start with you.”

  “I believe that, Mimi, but I also know that the pressure we’ve put on you to keep our family secret must’ve taken a bigger toll than I’d first thought. I never once considered what you’ve been missing out on because of me.”

  “Dad, you—”

  He held his hand up. “Let me finish.”

  I gave him an apologetic nod.

  “You should’ve been able to bring college friends home for the weekend. You should’ve been able to invite us to football games and family activities on campus. Lots of things.” He scratched at his chin. “All of that aside, what I’m trying to get to and not doing a very good job is that I don’t disapprove of Christian.”

  My eyes went wide at his admission.

  “Your mother, who seems to be having second thoughts about her feelings with regard to this, pointed out that I was like Christian, only much worse.”

  I couldn’t argue with that.

  “I was livid at how he tricked you. But I also recognized something of myself in him. I’ve been watching how protective he is of you. It’s all about body language, and you may not notice it, but he’s like a lion poised to spring if someone so much as looks at you sideways.”

  “Yeah, he thinks I need him to…” I started to say.

  “He’s right. I know you’re a strong and independent young lady. But I still believe you need someone to be your champion. I can’t be. And as your aunt Christy pointed out to me, Christian is the perfect man for the job. He knows the lifestyle." He paused and narrowed his eyes. "Christian knows what’s at stake.”

  He was alluding to our big family secret, and I had to agree with him.

  “But, all of that aside, she believes he really loves you. Believes he always has. I actually get that. I was always destined to be with your mother. It’s something you feel right here.” He lightly tapped my heart with his fingers.

  “I know, Dad, because I feel it too.”

  “When I was beating on him…it was anger that might have been a little misdirected. My fury was aimed at more than what he’d done.” He let out a sigh and looked at my ceiling. “Mimi, it was the thought of losing you that made me see red.”

  “Dad, you’re not going to lose me.”

  “Not completely. But when you think about it, I haven’t had you in my life for very long. Right after we moved here you got in the car accident. You spent a lot of time in the hospital and the rehab facility. Then you went off to college, and now you’ll be graduating and moving to Florida. I feel like I’ve lost my chance to be a real father to you. And it’s my fault. It’s one of the highest prices I’ve paid for my decisions, and one of my biggest regrets. I don’t know how to make up for it, but if I could, I would.”

  I patted his thigh. “The best way you can make up for it is to give my marriage to Christian a chance. To trust me when I tell you I know this is right. And when it's time, walk me down the aisle so I can marry him in our church, with all of our family there.”

  I saw it in his expression, and I started to blush. Caught.

  “Grandpa told you, didn’t he?”

  “I’ve played the subterfuge game for too long, sweetheart. I knew something was up. And your grandfather will be on my shitlist for a long time for that.”

  “You’re not mad?” I asked, tilting my head.

  “Yeah, I’m mad,” he admitted. “But I also get it. If your mother and I were in your shoes, we’d have done the same thing.” He gave me a half grin. “So you can have your wedding whenever you want, and I’ll walk you down the aisle and give you away.�
��

  “No you won’t, Dad.” I shook my head and saw what I thought was hurt in his eyes. “You’ll never give me away. That implies I’ll be gone. You won’t be losing a daughter. I know it sounds cliché, but if anything, you’ll be gaining a son. And I can only pray that you’ll see Christian that way some day.”

  He pulled me to his side and kissed the top of my head.

  “And it goes without saying…” A beat passed. “If I ever suspect that he’s so much as touched a hair on your head, disrespected you in any way,” he paused, “and that includes fucking around on you. I will…”

  “I know what you’ll do, Dad.”

  I shivered with the realization that my father wasn’t one to make empty threats, and that he still had the means to make good on them.

  Chapter 42

  Fort Lauderdale, Florida 2007

  Christian and I said goodbye to his parents in Atlanta, where they decided to return their rental car and fly home. We continued in the borrowed truck and almost six hours later we stopped in Jacksonville to get Christian’s truck and cell phone. We hit Fort Lauderdale about five and a half hours after that, and since it was almost midnight, we checked into a hotel instead of going to Christian’s parents’ house.

  “You said you were staying in Slade’s spare room,” I’d reminded him as I stretched during our last stop for gas. “Why don’t we stay there?”

  He stood by the pump and shook his head. “Nah,” he smiled, “I can promise there won’t be enough privacy for what I plan on doing to you tonight.”

  He made good on his promise, and we slept in late the following morning. I woke up before he did and watched him sleep. I thought about the fourteen-hour drive including breaks, and how we’d arrived thoroughly exhausted, but filled with excitement at the plans we’d made. We’d called his parents from the road only to find out that Autumn had made a rare appearance and picked Abby up. She told Aunt Christy that she’d be returning her sometime this afternoon.

  “What are you thinking about?” came a sleepy voice from beside me.

  “How long have you been awake?”

  His eyes popped open and he said, “I dunno. Ever since you started moving around?”

  “I was wondering how Autumn is going to react to our news,” I answered, leaning up on my elbow.

  He scoffed.

  “And I’m not quite sure what her role is. I mean, your parents have legal custody of Abby, right?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” was all he said. “But she gets Abby every other weekend from Friday night to Sunday night. The last time she saw her was two months ago. Right before I got out of the joint.”

  “What's her story? Is she on drugs?” I didn’t know why that last question came to mind. I guess I couldn’t fathom another reason for her staying away from her daughter for so long. “Does she work? Does she have a boyfriend?” I paused before asking, “Does she still want you?”

  He pulled himself into a sitting position. "Since Autumn is my least-favorite subject in the world, I’ll be brief. I’ve never been interested enough to know her story, but I do know a little. Her family made the move to Florida after her parents were in a factory accident that killed her father and put her mother in a wheelchair. I think she loves Abby, but has no interest in motherhood. I don’t know why she bothers to see her at all. I’ve never known her to do drugs, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t. I don’t know. She got a job right out of high school and makes decent money at a fancy store in the mall—don’t ask me to remember which one ’cause I don’t know and don’t care.”

  He laced his fingers behind his head and leaned back against the headboard. “I don’t know if she has a boyfriend—another don’t care topic. And as for still wanting me? Couldn’t tell you. Maybe. Probably.” He shrugged his shoulders and added, “Autumn is the least of our concerns. She won’t warm to you, but she also won’t make a scene. She’s afraid of me, but more afraid of my parents.”

  “How is that possible?” I asked incredulously, while scooching up to sit next to him. “Your parents are awesome people.”

  “My parents let Autumn know how things were going to be after we determined Abby was definitely my child. I never asked them what they told her, but I can promise you, it was enough to keep her from causing drama.”

  “Maybe it scared her enough into only seeing Abby once in a while,” I offered, almost feeling sorry for the girl.

  “Don’t go there. My parents were fair, and the only reason they got custody of Abby was because Autumn’s mother asked them for help. She’s a good lady; she’s wheelchair bound. Autumn lived at home and tried to push Abby off on her. The poor woman couldn’t handle an infant, and my parents stepped in.”

  I was relieved. I didn’t want to think that Christian’s parents were keeping Autumn away from her daughter. Apparently, that had been Autumn’s doing. Still, I wasn’t going to naively believe that the girl who’d manipulated a pregnancy was going to see me as anything other than public enemy number one.

  “She’s going to pay for writing that letter to you, Mimi. And don’t say it might not have been her. I’ll get the truth out of her.”

  “No!” I shot back. “I can understand if you want to hear the truth from her mouth, but as far as making her pay? It won’t be necessary, especially after she finds out we’re together. Believe me, that’s enough payback for someone like her.”

  He sighed but didn’t respond. Instead, he slowly lowered his eyes to where the duvet had fallen away, exposing my left breast. He reached for me and all talk and thoughts of Autumn evaporated.

  We spent what was left of the morning making love. First in the bed, and again in the shower. Afterward, Christian told me he’d booked the room for the duration of my stay.

  He took me to brunch at a small restaurant within walking distance to the beach. And it was over our meal that we talked more about the plans we’d discussed on the drive down to Florida. We decided that I would fly down every other weekend until graduation when it didn’t interfere with school. We would use the time to visit with his family, especially Abby, although I watched Christian cringe at the prospect. I knew he wasn’t looking forward to having me see Abby’s reaction to him.

  “In our free time, we’ll look for a place to live for when you move down permanently,” he announced directly.

  I raised my coffee cup to my lips and sipped. “Are you sure you want to rent? We can afford to buy something.”

  He shook his head. “Let’s rent for a year, Mimi. It’ll give us more than enough time to decide what kind of house we want.”

  It was a logical suggestion, and I nodded my head as I signaled the waitress for a refill.

  “And I still think you can ask my mom to help you find a therapist,” he added.

  I stiffened at the suggestion. During our long drive we’d only briefly talked about my decision to get help for my eating disorder. If I was going to be honest, I was so happy with our plans, I didn’t want to think about it, and tried to convince him that I had it under control. He didn’t buy it, and was adamant about me seeing a counselor or at the very least joining a support group.

  “I’ll find someone. I promise. I’m just not ready to bring your mother into it. Okay?” I pleaded.

  He seemed satisfied with my answer. We spent some time driving around and I refamiliarized myself with the layout of the city I hadn’t visited in a while. Five years didn’t seem like a very long time, but it was long enough for me to notice the changes. There were more people, there was more concrete, and less space. After living in a tiny college town for the past few years, it felt almost claustrophobic.

  “We can live further west,” he assured me. “It’s not as crowded. At least, not yet.”

  I gave him a smile and turned up the radio. “I love .38 Special,” I announced while swaying to the rhythm of “Back Where You Belong.”

  “It’s our song.” He pulled into the parking lot of a strip mall.

  “The lyrics aren’t e
xactly our story.” I laughed.

  “Screw the lyrics. I'm only hearing the words ‘back where you belong.’” He paused. “You’re back with me, so it’s definitely our song.” He parked the truck and we got out.

  “What are we here for?” I asked, looking up and down the cement walkway.

  He placed his hand at the small of my back and steered me toward a door. It was a jewelry store. “You'll see.”

  Once inside, he gestured toward the glass cases and told me, “Pick a ring, Mimi. Any ring you want.”

  There would obviously be no surprise proposal. We’d already moved past that romantic formality. But Christian was still full of surprises. He patiently waited while I perused every jewelry case. The smartly dressed woman that offered her assistance after we came in the door stayed busy a few counters over, but kept an eye out if I needed her. I found myself wandering back to one display in particular. I hadn’t realized she’d walked over. Breaking my focus on the case, she asked, “Is there something specific I can show you?”

  I looked back at Christian who was strolling toward me. I pointed to a blue topaz ring set in white gold. The stone was small and simple, but the color reminded me of another ring.

  “Ah…” the sales clerk said as her keys jangled against the case. “A beautiful selection. Blue is the rarest topaz, and this particular ring is reasonably priced at just under four thousand dollars.”

  I was stunned at the cost and couldn’t imagine walking around with four thousand dollars on my finger. I felt Christian’s breath on my neck.

  “Is that the one, Mimi?” His words washed over me like warm honey.

  “Yes, it’s perfect. But it’s too expensive, Christian.”

  Ignoring me, he told the lady, “You should have something in the back under the name Bear. I was in first thing this morning, and left a deposit with someone named Daphne.”

  She gave him a wide smile and said, “I was wondering who was going to end up getting that ring. I’ll be right back.” She locked the case and briskly walked to the back room.