Take a Moment

by Nina Kaye

  ‘You sneaky shit,’ I say through gritted teeth as I pass him. ‘I’d never have agreed to this if you’d mentioned it earlier.’

  ‘Why’d you think I didn’t mention it?’ He raises an eyebrow and resumes his lead guitarist position. ‘We’ll follow your lead. You know this well enough. You were seamless when you sang it with me before.’

  ‘You’d better hope so.’

  Taking a few calming breaths, I brace myself once again, tapping my feet to the intro of my song, which is actually amazing to hear brought to life properly. Then, like it’s automatic, I’m singing the opening verse, my voice filled with energy and emotion as I connect with the words I wrote so passionately all those months ago.

  We grow up unassuming, we grow up unaware

  We live in a world where too many people, they don’t care

  Take a look around you, tell me what you see

  Illness, conflict, suffering, too much poverty…

  The crowd love it. Despite the fact they don’t know the song, they dance, cheer and clap along with gusto all the way through. The atmosphere is completely electric. Then during the final chorus, something amazing happens: they’ve picked up the words and they start to sing along, forming sporadic lines with their arms round each other’s shoulders. A gesture of support and solidarity – with each other, and with me – and it’s clear they’ve connected with the message within the song. It’s so moving, my voice cracks at a crucial point, but all it creates in response is a huge encouraging cheer. As I move into the climax, it’s a feeling I’ve never felt before and I drink it in, unable to get enough.

  Then stop, take a moment to reflect, make sure you have it noted

  You’ve made a selfless gesture in a world where self-indulgence is promoted…

  As I sing out the repeating chorus, they’re all with me: Matt, Sasha, Emmanuel, Dhruv, Felix, the whole team. I sneak a glance across at my sister and my mother, and I’m shocked and delighted to see them dancing, arms round each other’s shoulders – and my mother actually looks proud of me. It’s the perfect end to a perfect gig. As the song wraps up, the stamping applause feels like it might actually bring the roof down. Then someone’s bra flies onto the stage and lands at my feet. Stunned, I pick it up and say into the microphone: ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got a boyfriend,’ and the whole places falls about laughing.

  * * *

  A short time later the gig ends, with a roof-raising, crashing finale, and when the curtain comes down and the lights come on, the band starts to pack up. I step onto the stage and tap Sammy on the shoulder.

  ‘I want a word with you.’

  He turns with a grin. ‘Alex, what a performance! “Take a Moment” was spot on, the crowd loved it. Thinking we should make it a regular part of our set.’

  ‘Never mind that. What was that all about, tricking me into singing it? I thought you were going to ease me back into things.’

  ‘Mate, you don’t need that kid gloves stuff. You rocked it good and proper.’

  ‘What if I hadn’t? I’d have cocked up the whole night for you.’

  He shrugs. ‘Knew you’d nail it. No question.’

  My lips curl up at the edges. ‘I kind of did, didn’t I? OK, you’re forgiven. It was actually the most uplifting moment of my life, hearing it brought to life, getting to share it with all those people. But how? We only sang it that one time in the bar.’

  ‘Suggest you direct that question to Sasha.’ He gives me a cheeky wink and then resumes packing away his guitar.

  After a quick refresh in the changing rooms, I head to the venue’s VIP bar with the other band members. It’s a small room with a minuscule bar, but it’s nice and cosy.

  Sasha, as usual, is first to throw herself on me. ‘Lex, you were amazing.’

  ‘It was OK then?’ I grin at her.

  ‘It wasn’t OK. It was phenomenal!’

  ‘Wow, that’s the highest of praise.’

  ‘And well deserved.’ Matt approaches and wraps his arms round me proudly.

  I sigh with pleasure, adrenaline and joy coursing through my veins at how stupendous this night has been. ‘Sash, I have a question I’ve been told you can answer.’

  ‘Uh-oh. Think I know what this is.’ She chews her lip guiltily.

  ‘You sure do. So?’

  ‘The night you and Sammy started singing the song in the bar… I might have secretly recorded it on my phone. I wanted to have something to remind us of how great that moment was.’

  I chuckle, giving her a playful nudge. ‘I suppose that means I have you to thank for the fact I just got to sing it on stage.’

  ‘Not entirely. I was one of the plotters but the whole thing was Matt’s idea.’

  ‘That doesn’t surprise me for one second. He’s so incredible.’ I turn and give him cow eyes, which he responds to by dropping a light kiss on my lips. ‘Where’s Emmanuel?’ I ask, looking round the room as we rejoin the others.

  ‘She went to the next bar with your workmates,’ replies Matt. ‘We’ll join them in a bit. She wanted you to have this moment with the people you’re closest to.’

  ‘What? She’s one of those people. She can’t not be now she’s helped me use a bedpan.’

  The others laugh and I glance across at my mother, sister and John. They’re standing in a corner, looking a bit awkward.

  ‘Sash, are you responsible for those three turning up tonight?’

  ‘Nope.’ She signals towards Matt with her eyes.

  ‘It was you?’ My wide eyes land on Matt. ‘But how?’

  ‘He gave them a bollocking when we were up in Glasgow moving my stuff down.’ Sasha looks gleeful. ‘Made me give him your mum’s address, then just rocked up and gave it to them straight. It was magnificent.’

  ‘You did?’

  Matt shifts slightly in his stance. ‘I’d say Sasha’s added some content for dramatic purposes. But yeah, I went and had a word. Couldn’t accept the way they had treated you and I told them as much. They do want you in their lives, Lex, they just wanted it on their terms and I made sure they were clear that would never happen. They were difficult at first but they came round.’

  ‘Turns out the coven are actually human after all,’ Sasha giggles.

  I’m so shocked, I can barely take this in. ‘Matt, oh my goodness. I can’t believe you did that for me.’

  He shrugs. ‘I care about you. It needed sorting so I sorted it. But to be clear, I won’t be fighting all your battles for you.’

  ‘That’s good to know.’ I smile, appreciating once more what a good match the two of us are.

  ‘Shall we go and say hi?’

  ‘OK, sure, but just give me a second to message Emmanuel.’

  I pull out my phone and tap out a quick WhatsApp message.

  You should be here. You’re as big and important a part of my life now as everyone else. Not just my boss. Such a great friend. xx

  I see that she reads it straight away and starts typing, so I wait until her message comes through.

  I’m honoured that you see me that way. I see you as a great friend too, Alex. Just thought I should stay with the team and make sure they don’t get lost. It’s like herding cats as you well know. See you shortly. x

  I chuckle at her message. I do indeed know what the team can be like. But thankfully it’s a bit easier now, sans Danielle. I quickly reply that we won’t be long, then turn to Matt.

  ‘Ready?’

  ‘Let’s do it.’

  Hand in hand, we make our way across to my mother, sister and John.

  ‘Hi, how are you all?’ I greet them.

  ‘Hello, love. It’s great to see you.’ John immediately steps forward and pulls me into a hug that suggests he’s really missed me, making me realise how much I’ve missed him too. ‘That was an incredible performance before.’

  ‘Thanks, John. It’s great to see you too.’

  ‘This place is sweet, Alex,’ remarks Carol, in place of a greeting. ‘You’ve landed on your
feet.’ She eyes Matt approvingly.

  ‘Hello, Alex.’ My mother’s voice is more timid than usual, perhaps in fear that she’ll get another going-over from Matt. ‘That was quite a performance earlier.’

  ‘Did you enjoy it?’

  ‘It’s not my kind of music, but you did very well.’

  ‘Gosh, Mother, that’s quite the compliment coming from you.’

  She purses her lips awkwardly. ‘Yes, well. Your Matt has helped me realise that I haven’t been as supportive as I could have been.’

  That’s the understatement of the century, but I decide not to vocalise this observation. I’m actually really pleased to see the two of them, despite the way they’ve frozen me out all this time. I also don’t want to make things uncomfortable for Matt.

  ‘Well, you’re here now, that’s all that matters.’

  I step forward and give them both a heartfelt squeezy hug, which I note is enthusiastically reciprocated. So much so that it creates a swell of emotion inside me and my eyes start to sting. I clear my throat to get myself under control.

  ‘Would you like a drink? A glass of champagne, perhaps?’

  ‘Oh lovely, yes, please,’ my mother and Carol reply in robotic unison.

  ‘Great, back in a few moments. Then we can have a proper catch-up. Matt, give me a hand?’

  ‘Of course,’ he replies, and we turn and walk to the bar together, talking in hushed tones.

  ‘I honestly can’t believe you did that, Matt. And you were also the ringleader in getting all this organised tonight. I really have bagged myself the best bloke in Birmingham. No contest.’

  ‘Just in Birmingham?’

  ‘You know what, you’re right. I don’t think there’s a single man on this planet as incredible as you.’

  ‘Perhaps a step too far?’

  ‘Maybe, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re a superhero. My very own Wonderbrummie.’

  Matt laughs and puts his arm round me as we wait to be served, then leans over and murmurs in my ear. ‘If that’s the case, I have a proposition for you. We might not be at the proposal stage yet, but how do you feel about moving in together?’

  A huge grin spreads across my face. ‘I think that sounds amazing.’

  ‘Think you’ve just made me the happiest guy in the West Midlands.’

  He gives me a delicious, lingering celebratory kiss, which is eventually interrupted by the barman asking if we want drinks. As Matt relays our order, I gaze up at him, unable to believe the turnaround in my life. Just months ago, it felt like it was over. It seemed inconceivable that I could have any kind of fulfilling life, never mind a great career, a lead vocalist spot in a semi-pro band, and an unbelievably amazing boyfriend. Now, even though I know there will be tough times ahead, I also know that with Matt, Sasha, my family and all my new friends by my side – cheering me on, not propping me up – I have plenty more adventures to look forward to.

  One more thing before you go…

  Take A Moment is a work of fiction. It’s also a story close to my heart, because the inspiration for it came from my own life-changing illness.

  In 2014, my body failed me in incomprehensible ways: I experienced extended episodes of uncontrollable shaking and tremors, difficulty walking, loss of balance, faltering speech. My vision and hearing were distorted; I lost my ability to concentrate, couldn’t find words, could barely eat and I would fall flat on my face several times a day. That was only part of the picture.

  After several months, a Neurology Consultant eventually diagnosed me with a condition called Functional Neurological Disorder (FND). Simply put, my nervous system isn’t working properly and there’s a problem with the messaging between my brain and my body. FND can range from very mild (e.g. weakness in one leg) to severe, with multiple physical, cognitive and sensory symptoms (unfortunately the version I have).

  The good news is that it isn’t a degenerative condition, though it can be as physically debilitating and life limiting as MS and other neurological diseases. The bad news is that it’s a condition for which there is no known cure, and that requires much more research. Some sufferers get better and others don’t. Some end up in wheelchairs, on incapacity benefits, unable to work or have any quality of life.

  I’m in the middle. I’ve managed to rehabilitate enough to have a reasonable (but somewhat limited) quality of life, but every day I’m battling varying levels of chronic pain, fatigue, breathlessness and an overreactive central nervous system, among other symptoms. There are still days when I can have difficulty walking or with my balance, but thankfully these are much less frequent.

  Despite all this, and with incredible support from the people who love me, I’ve managed to come through this real-life nightmare fairly unscathed mentally and emotionally. And I’ve found a positive: my passion for novel writing. I actually started writing my first novel (very slowly!) as part of my rehabilitation, to get my cognitive and physical functions working again. So, as far as I’m concerned, I’ve been lucky. But I can see how, without the right support networks, it would be easy for someone with a chronic illness to become isolated, unemployed, and if things got really bad, homeless.

  When I started writing Take A Moment, I didn’t intend to write a biography, but I did want to draw on my experience to raise awareness of neurological illness as well as tell a good story. I chose to write about a character with MS so that it wasn’t too close and because many of the symptoms I experience overlap. It was important to me to get across what it feels like to have your life suddenly shattered, while at the same time keeping the story light and humorous enough that readers could easily engage with it.

  Alex’s song within the story – also named Take a Moment – is in fact a song I wrote, with help from a brilliant musician called Willie Glass, when I was a good way through my rehabilitation. It’s a recognition of the struggles many people experience in life, while others live theirs as if on autopilot. It’s a message to be kind, to care and to open our eyes to what’s going on around us – and to make a difference where we can.

  Since writing the song, it has been my goal to do something with it. As well as giving it a home within my novel, I’ve used my own money to get it recorded professionally, and the difference I would like to make is to raise some money through music streaming and downloads to support two very important charities: The MS Society and FND Hope.

  During the process of receiving my diagnosis, I spent a short time on a neurology ward and I witnessed some of the saddest, most heart wrenching sights I’ve ever seen. It really is one of the cruellest types of illness a person can experience.

  Take a Moment has now been released in the music charts worldwide and is available for download and streaming on all major music platforms. I’d hugely appreciate it if you’d consider downloading it and spreading the word.

  You can find out more about my fundraising on my website, ninakaye.co.uk.

  If you’re interested in knowing more about MS and FND and the life-limiting impact they can have, you can read about them on the MS Society www.mssociety.org.uk and FND Hope https://fndhope.org/ web pages.

  Thank you for everything you do.

  Yours

  Nina Kaye x

  Acknowledgements

  Take A Moment is a story especially close to my heart: inspired by my own health challenges and my fight to regain my life after a sudden and debilitating illness with which I still live. These acknowledgements, therefore, go way beyond a thank you for support in writing this novel and getting it out into the world.

  First up, my incredible husband, James. You are my Matt. Although we were already together when my health challenges reached a real low point, you never seemed to waver and you picked me up off the floor (both metaphorically and literally) too many times for me to count. You were by my side every step of the way; you have also offered me steadfast support and encouragement with my writing – and even some brilliant ideas. Thank you.

  To my family: my amazing mum and
dad, brothers, sisters-in-law and my niece and nephew. You were a huge part of my recovery, and also cheered me on with my writing, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. A special thanks to my dad as for being my ‘unofficial editor’ and to my mum and sister-in-law, Geraldine, for reading my early drafts.

  A huge thank you to Kate Nash of the Kate Nash Literary Agency for continuing to be a fountain of knowledge and support, and to Emily Bedford of Canelo for your fantastic editorial support. Also, to the whole team at Canelo for seeing the potential of Take A Moment and for doing such a brilliant job of getting it out there.

  Then there are three very special ladies, whom I have never met in person, and who have been there with me (virtually) through all the ups and the downs of the last couple of years: Sandy Barker, Fiona Leitch and Andie Newton. I genuinely don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you for everything – and I mean everything!

  Another important thank you goes to Karen McCurry BEM, Centre Manager at the Multiple Sclerosis Centre, Mid Argyll, who very kindly read Take A Moment and gave me feedback before it went on submission to publishers.

  I also want to extend a heartfelt thank you to all my friends and colleagues who have cheered me on with my writing for several years now. You know who you are, and you are wonderful.

  And finally, thank you to all the readers of my previous novel, and of Take A Moment, for giving a chance to a new writer; and for the lovely reviews that lift me up every single day.

  About the Author

  Nina Kaye is a contemporary romance author who writes warm, witty and uplifting reads with a deeper edge. She lives in Edinburgh with her husband and much adored side-kick, James. In addition to writing, Nina enjoys swimming, gin and karaoke (preferably all enjoyed together in a sunny, seaside destination). Nina has previously published The Gin Lover’s Guide to Dating and has also been a contender for the RNA Joan Hessayson Award.