Good Night

by L. R. W. Lee

  “We made it.” I didn’t care that my voice quaked. I collapsed onto the stone floor and savored the peace and calm. We’d made it out of that monster. I’d stopped believing we ever would.

  Kovis found the floor beside me a heartbeat later. He drew an arm over his eyes, and his chest heaved.

  I listened to the wind howling past the opening, and a feeling of thankfulness I’d never known before welled up in me. We could have died. The gods had intervened on our behalf. They supported our quest to rescue Alfreda and stop Father, it had to be.

  My wounds reminded me of their presence, and I rubbed my shoulder as I looked around in the dim light. The cave was taller than the opening but not by much. I was short; I’d be able to stand up straight. Kovis, never. Curved walls that looked like some animal had hollowed them out surrounded us. It had to be quite the animal to drill through this rock.

  Dried grass and twigs littered the floor, and more had been piled up around the perimeter. With all this material available, we’d even be able to build a fire. I might actually be warm for the first time in ages.

  Kovis sat up and followed my gaze. “Shit!” He leapt to his feet, slammed his head on the ceiling, then drew his hand up as he ducked again. He peered into the darkness that filled the back of the space then removed his cape with quick movements and tossed it against the wall.

  What is it? I didn’t dare speak aloud. I stood with difficulty and removed my cape too.

  Big bug. They’ve been known to kill people with their pincers.

  Kill? The voice in my mind raised an octave, and my heart rate accelerated. It had to be some bug.

  Kovis bent forward and took a ready position. With my knee banged up as it was, pain surged through me, and I wasn’t exactly steady when I attempted a ready position of my own beside him. I rested my weight on my left leg, trying to compensate. My elbow and shoulder screamed as I raised my arm, but I ignored it. I joined Kovis in his staring contest with the dark.

  It wasn’t long before I heard scratching along the rock floor, and my stomach clenched. Closer and closer it came. But the harder I listened, the more I realized there were more than one.

  A low hum filled my ears. What is that?

  Their wings.

  Wings? These things have wings?

  And an armor-hard shell. Aim to strike between the plates.

  What? Was he kidding?

  It was dim in the cave, but not so dark that I couldn’t see a pair of long, narrow, plated pincers a heartbeat later. They appeared iridescent, their color shifting with their movement. The thing came to halfway up my thigh and was a fighting machine. It continued toward us, pinchers flexing, and I saw its full armor—plates covered every part of it, except its wings, which stood tall to create the impression of even greater size.

  “Shit!” I echoed Kovis’s earlier assessment. Out of the storm and into this thing’s lair. And I’d thought mares were bad. Were the gods nuts? Or perhaps they hadn’t saved us after all. Perhaps this was some sick joke. I could see them doing something like this to relieve their boredom.

  Kovis wasted no time. He conjured ice darts and let them fly at the creature’s joints. I followed suit after grabbing a thread of his power as a second bug appeared and skittered around the first, toward me.

  I became a cannon, pummeling it with wave after wave of ice. But my ice darts had no impact, bouncing off the plates. I changed tactic and aimed at the wings, shredding the thin membranes. While that slowed mine down, its pincers flexed faster as it continued toward me.

  Kovis wasn’t having much success either.

  I hadn’t practiced much with Ice magic, but I’d seen Kovis conjure a dagger multiple times as we skinned our kills. I focused on the result I sought and stifled a yelp when a crude knife appeared in my right hand, the hand attached to the shoulder and elbow I’d dashed against the rocks in my fall. I pushed aside the pain and examined the blade. It wouldn’t win any prizes, but it had a sharp edge with a point, and that’s all I needed.

  If I could just get behind them... I yelled as I pushed off the rock floor, pain exploding through my body, but my winds caught me and wafted me over the thing. I screamed again as I landed and fought to regain my balance, but I’d gotten behind it. And with its wings shredded, it exposed its body that didn’t have the thick plating.

  The creature tried to turn around, but with its partner filling much of the space, it couldn’t.

  I hobbled forward, spotting the junction of the wings and the back. I moved the blade to my left hand and took aim—it felt clumsy, but I brought it down as hard as I could. Black liquid began oozing from the wound, and I thought I might be sick. What foul fluid ran in their veins? Black seemed the antithesis of life. I pulled the blade out and struck again. And again. And again. Until the blade broke off, impaled in the thing. The bug’s movements slowed, and its pincers stopped flexing.

  I’d been focused on the conflict with my bug and had lost track of Kovis and the other one. But when I looked up, he held it at bay, pummeling it with a host of pin-sharp icicles. He’d destroyed its wings, but despite his focus on the thing’s joints, it continued forward, albeit slower than it had been.

  Each step was agony as I hobbled over behind it. I conjured another ice dagger, but my left hand was frozen from holding the first one for so long and I dropped it. “Damn!”

  You won The Ninety-Eight. You can beat this thing, Ali. I know you can. His tone wasn’t panicked, but calm and confident, as if he spoke the obvious. As if he was just keeping the creature occupied until I could spare the time to do it in.

  He continued pummeling the bug but locked eyes with me. Despite everything we’d been through, were going through, I let his words wash over and buoy me.

  I bent and swiped the dagger up, begging another jolt of pain to ravage me. It didn’t hold back. Regaining my balance sent another zap of pain through me for good measure. I gritted my teeth, wobbled forward, then raised my arm and took aim.

  I put every measure of strength into my downswing and was rewarded with a spray of black blood. I’d hit a major vessel. The black coated my leathers. I was going to be sick. Black didn’t belong in veins. I swallowed hard and forced myself to keep going, to do it in.

  A handful of strikes and this bug ceased movement as well. More black leeched from its wounds, and I collapsed to the floor and retched.

  I rushed forward, skirting the beetle, wrapped my arms around Ali, then buried my face in her neck. I didn’t care that she’d thrown up, or that black beetle blood coated her leathers. We’d survived. Twice. And she’d been the reason.

  My mind swirled like the tempest outside. Perhaps it was that we’d cheated death from the storm as well as these beetles, or perhaps it was the last vestiges of adrenaline raging through my veins, but I felt lighter than I had in ages. We’d been given a second chance.

  She hugged me for several heartbeats before pushing back. Her brow was furrowed, and I could only imagine what she was thinking, to cling to her like this after how I’d behaved over the last several sennights.

  I opened my mouth, but she held up a hand. “It seems we have much to discuss, but I need you to get those things out of here first.” She shivered with revulsion.

  “After that performance, it’s the least I can do.” I was giddy. I’d have done anything for her.

  Ali looked away as I stood and levitated the first rock beetle’s corpse toward the entrance.

  Before Ali had spotted the cave, I’d despaired that we’d make it. That blizzard had risen quickly, and we’d had no choice, die of exposure or continue on. She’d saved us.

  And she’d been amazing in this fight, despite her injuries. Rock beetles weren’t the smallest of creatures, and they’d been known to amputate limbs or worse with those pincers they used to tunnel through rock. Ali had handily defeated them. It had been pure instinct to leap over them and attack from behind. She was small enough. I would have hit the ceiling. Ali was powerful as well as smart. I on
ly wished I could find more soldiers like her to fill the ranks of our military.

  Ali hobbled as far away from the beetles as she could and sat on a stack of twigs against the wall, watching with disgust as I reached the entrance with the first carcass. I tossed it and the wind snatched it away. She shuddered.

  I’d never seen her so repulsed, not even when she’d sanded the heads off a few of those mares and red had splattered everywhere—it had coated both of us and she’d never shuddered. But now, she swiped at the black on her leathers and a chill rocked her body. I refused to believe it was from the cold.

  Careful that my head didn’t hit the low ceiling, I turned and retreated for the other body. As I did, my mind returned to the conundrum I’d been wrestling with since I’d had to leave Alshain behind.

  I believed actions revealed the heart. I’d found it to be true and it had become a guiding principle in my life. It was why I’d been unable to reconcile Ali sharing what had been described as a passionate kiss with Kennan, with her being such an emotional support as I’d given up Alshain. I just couldn’t make the two actions work together.

  I’d experienced my share of heart-wrenching situations, but nothing close to how I’d suffered giving up my horse in annums. The scene had haunted my dreams, playing itself over and over again. And every time, Ali had been there for me. She’d rightly sensed that words were not what I needed, had stayed her tongue, and let me grieve in peace. But she’d been there in the way I’d needed her to be. For the first time, I hadn’t had to endure sorrow alone.

  Trouble was, I’d had plenty of scenarios running through my mind concerning that kiss too.

  She’d said the kiss had been a mistake. A mistake. I’d been so wounded, I’d dismissed her claim out of hand. And I’d refused to hear her story—I couldn’t suffer the details. I’d closed up and withdrawn from her since. It was the only way I knew to deal with something this hurtful. But a “mistake.”

  My body squirmed as I approached the entrance with the second beetle body. “Mistake” implied a temporary lack of judgment. I sucked in a breath.

  We’d been given a second chance, I reminded myself. I didn’t know why, but how could I not give Ali a second chance too?

  I’d only known one other truly intimate relationship, and right or wrong, it was the only filter I had for whatever it was I had with Ali. Dierna had not just flirted with betrayal, she’d danced in its arms, knowing full well what she was doing. But had Ali? Was she different even in this?

  Damn her. She’d woken me up from the self-imposed prison my heart had become and made me want to truly live. And I hadn’t been. I’d fled to safety. But I was dead here.

  My stomach clenched. What would happen if I listened to her story? My limbs turned shaky and my magic wavered—it made me almost drop the beetle as I neared the entrance. Listen to her story. I felt my heart accelerate as the thought again swirled through my mind. I forced myself to concentrate as I finally tossed our other foe into the elements.

  Relief flitted across Ali’s face as I turned, but looking me up and down, worry overwhelmed it. “Kovis, what’s wrong? You look… scared shitless. Is there another—”

  I felt like a baby bunyip tentatively peeking out of its mother’s pouch. She had no idea just how scared I was to initiate this conversation, but I waved my hands. “No. Nothing like that.”

  “Then what?”

  I sat down on the pile of twigs, turned toward her, and looked into her eyes. My heart nearly pounded out of my chest, and I took a deep breath. I could do this. I rubbed my hands on my legs. “Would you tell me about that kiss?”

  She didn’t flinch. She didn’t move at all for several heartbeats, just held my gaze as if looking into my soul. I couldn’t imagine what was going through her mind. “Are you sure?”

  “I am.” I compelled my voice to remain steady; it took every ounce of effort I possessed.

  She continued staring into my eyes, as if giving me time to change my mind. But I wouldn’t, now that the question was out. It felt as if Alshain had taken off and I held on for dear life.

  When I didn’t flinch, she finally began. “It happened when…” She looked at her hands, at the ring I’d given her, then clenched her jaw and looked up again. “It happened when you were behaving much the same as you’ve been these suns.”

  Her words stung, but I deserved them. So I nodded.

  “I was lonely. I didn’t have anyone, not even my sisters, to talk to.”

  An arrow piercing my heart would have seared less. She’d chosen me over her sisters when she’d come… She was close to them, much as me and my siblings, yet she’d done it, and why? To tell me of her father’s plans. To save Wake. She hadn’t had to. But she did. I struggled to remain still.

  “Kennan was the only one who knew me, almost as well as you.”

  “Not your friends?” I choked out the words.

  She closed her eyes and shook her head. Clearly there was a bigger story, but I didn’t probe.

  “I felt unloved and worthless. I just wanted you to love me again. Kennan encouraged me not to let your moodiness and insecurities make me question myself, my worth.”

  I blew out a breath. My moodiness and insecurities… She gave me far too much influence if that was true. But from the look in her eye, I didn’t doubt it.

  “I hadn’t realized how starved I was for your affections. It was a quick kiss, but yes, there was passion. But it was never about Kennan. Not to me. Only after we kissed did I realize I’d substituted your brother for you. I only ever wanted you back, Kovis.” She sniffed.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. I believed her. Every word. I hadn’t trusted her. After all she’d done and endured for me, how could I have thought she’d betray me? Breathing became hard. I hadn’t even been willing to listen to her. It felt like my throat constricted. I was a complete and utter ass.

  Ali continued. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, Kovis. I was afraid you’d react, well, the way you did. I didn’t want to lose you. It was wrong of me. I was stupid to think it would stay hidden forever, and it only made things worse when it did finally come out.” I opened my eyes to see her bite her lip. “Kovis… can… can you forgive me?”

  Guilt seared my heart. She blamed herself when it was my cowardice that had caused this. I shook my head. “Can I forgive you? Ali,”—I threw my hand against my chest—“I’m such an idiot. I’ve behaved horribly because I’m so damn insecure.” I looked to the ceiling and huffed.

  She leaned in and choked out words I didn’t deserve. “I promise to always be open with you, Kovis.” Tears leached down her cheeks as she looked at her ring and ran a finger around it, composing herself. She took a deep breath, then said, “The night you proposed was magical. Do you remember?”

  I nodded. “Like last sun.”

  She set her jaw. “We were naked before each other, baring our very souls, hiding nothing. It was a picture of the future I hoped to share with you. That I still do.”

  I looked into her eyes. “Ali, I’ve made a huge mess of… of us. I can’t tell you how truly sorry I am.”

  She pulled her shoulders back. “I helped.”

  I forced a smile and looked down. I didn’t deserve her.

  She opened her mouth to say more, but I stopped her. “Let me finish. What I promised you that night, I meant. Every word of it.” I closed my eyes again. “Ali, you tore down that fortress I’d built around my heart and helped me love again, feel again, but despite your love, it seems I’ve rebuilt those walls.” I shook my head, angry at myself. “It took you nearly dying at the hands of the rebels the first time and almost dying at nature’s hands this time to knock sense back into me.” I huffed. “It’s a bit extreme.”

  A corner of Ali’s mouth hitched up for a heartbeat, but determination lit her eyes. “You can’t do it on your own, Kovis. You’ve been hurt too much, too many times. Our leathers and our magic protect us from physical harm. Let me help do that for you against the darkness of yo
ur heart. I did it as your sand maiden when the night begged to overwhelm you. I wove your dreams and beat it back. Had I not intervened, I fear it would have swallowed you whole with you taking your life. Thank the gods you didn’t, but I couldn’t eliminate it all, and what remains has done damage. It makes it impossible for you to fully trust another, even me.”

  Of course she knew about me wanting to end my pain. She’d known but hadn’t condemned me. The darkness shrieked inside me, then lashed out at the light, the hope she held out to me. It knew if I chose her light, it could not survive.

  She drew a hand to her heart. “Between the two of us, we couldn’t defeat it before, so you can’t expect to do it on your own now. Let me help you, Kovis. Let me be your defense, your protection, an affinity of light. This is more than just about us. It’s about you. I love you far too much for you to fight this on your own.”

  My heart raced; I could feel it thumping wildly in my chest. I opened my mouth, but no words would come. I’d been serious about overcoming my darkness. I had. But it didn’t matter. It had still won, again. She was right, I couldn’t defeat it on my own. My limbs trembled. It gripped me, shut me off. Like an enormous snake, it had wrapped its coils about me and had been slowly squeezing for annums. It now crushed me, strangling the very life from me. I had no power against it, none, and if I did nothing different, I would die, perhaps not physically, but emotionally. I’d be reduced to the mere husk of a man. I panted.

  I wanted to look away, but I forced my eyes to meet hers. “I’m undone. Ali, you know my darkness. You alone know it completely.” I hugged myself, trying to make my body still. It didn’t. “Take it, Ali. It’s got me, and I thought I could… but I can’t break free.”

  Her lips found mine in the blink of an eye, and she laid on a crushing kiss. It was wild and abandoned and full of passion. She grabbed my cheeks between her hands and deepened it still more.