Works of Honore De Balzac

by Honoré de Balzac

  enemies; the chances and changes of life require this. Maintain an

  attitude which is neither cold nor hot; find the medium point at

  which a man can safely hold intercourse with others without

  compromising himself. Yes, believe me, the honest man is as far

  from the base cowardice of Philinte as he is from the harsh virtue

  of Alceste. The genius of the poet is displayed in the mind of

  this true medium; certainly all minds do enjoy more the ridicule

  of virtue than the sovereign contempt of easy-going selfishness

  which underlies that picture of it; but all, nevertheless, are

  prompted to keep themselves from either extreme.

  As to frivolity, if it causes fools to proclaim you a charming

  man, others who are accustomed to judge of men’s capacities and

  fathom character, will winnow out your tare and bring you to

  disrepute, for frivolity is the resource of weak natures, and

  weakness is soon appraised in a society which regards its members

  as nothing more than organs — and perhaps justly, for nature

  herself puts to death imperfect beings. A woman’s protecting

  instincts may be roused by the pleasure she feels in supporting

  the weak against the strong, and in leading the intelligence of

  the heart to victory over the brutality of matter; but society,

  less a mother than a stepmother, adores only the children who

  flatter her vanity.

  As to ardent enthusiasm, that first sublime mistake of youth,

  which finds true happiness in using its powers, and begins by

  being its own dupe before it is the dupe of others, keep it within

  the region of the heart’s communion, keep it for woman and for

  God. Do not hawk its treasures in the bazaars of society or of

  politics, where trumpery will be offered in exchange for them.

  Believe the voice which commands you to be noble in all things

  when it also prays you not to expend your forces uselessly.

  Unhappily, men will rate you according to your usefulness, and not

  according to your worth. To use an image which I think will strike

  your poetic mind, let a cipher be what it may, immeasurable in

  size, written in gold, or written in pencil, it is only a cipher

  after all. A man of our times has said, “No zeal, above all, no

  zeal!” The lesson may be sad, but it is true, and it saves the

  soul from wasting its bloom. Hide your pure sentiments, or put

  them in regions inaccessible, where their blossoms may be

  passionately admired, where the artist may dream amorously of his

  master-piece. But duties, my friend, are not sentiments. To do

  what we ought is by no means to do what we like. A man who would

  give his life enthusiastically for a woman must be ready to die

  coldly for his country.

  One of the most important rules in the science of manners is that

  of almost absolute silence about ourselves. Play a little comedy

  for your own instruction; talk of yourself to acquaintances, tell

  them about your sufferings, your pleasures, your business, and you

  will see how indifference succeeds pretended interest; then

  annoyance follows, and if the mistress of the house does not find

  some civil way of stopping you the company will disappear under

  various pretexts adroitly seized. Would you, on the other hand,

  gather sympathies about you and be spoken of as amiable and witty,

  and a true friend? talk to others of themselves, find a way to

  bring them forward, and brows will clear, lips will smile, and

  after you leave the room all present will praise you. Your

  conscience and the voice of your own heart will show you the line

  where the cowardice of flattery begins and the courtesy of

  intercourse ceases.

  One word more about a young man’s demeanor in public. My dear

  friend, youth is always inclined to a rapidity of judgment which

  does it honor, but also injury. This was why the old system of

  education obliged young people to keep silence and study life in a

  probationary period beside their elders. Formerly, as you know,

  nobility, like art, had its apprentices, its pages, devoted body

  and soul to the masters who maintained them. To-day youth is

  forced in a hot-house; it is trained to judge of thoughts,

  actions, and writings with biting severity; it slashes with a

  blade that has not been fleshed. Do not make this mistake. Such

  judgments will seem like censures to many about you, who would

  sooner pardon an open rebuke than a secret wound. Young people are

  pitiless because they know nothing of life and its difficulties.

  The old critic is kind and considerate, the young critic is

  implacable; the one knows nothing, the other knows all. Moreover,

  at the bottom of all human actions there is a labyrinth of

  determining reasons on which God reserves for himself the final

  judgment. Be severe therefore to none but yourself.

  Your future is before you; but no one in the world can make his

  way unaided. Therefore, make use of my father’s house; its doors

  are open to you; the connections that you will create for yourself

  under his roof will serve you in a hundred ways. But do not yield

  an inch of ground to my mother; she will crush any one who gives

  up to her, but she will admire the courage of whoever resists her.

  She is like iron, which if beaten, can be fused with iron, but

  when cold will break everything less hard than itself. Cultivate

  my mother; for if she thinks well of you she will introduce you

  into certain houses where you can acquire the fatal science of the

  world, the art of listening, speaking, answering, presenting

  yourself to the company and taking leave of it; the precise use of

  language, the something — how shall I explain it? — which is no more

  superiority than the coat is the man, but without which the

  highest talent in the world will never be admitted within those

  portals.

  I know you well enough to be quite sure I indulge no illusion when

  I imagine that I see you as I wish you to be; simple in manners,

  gentle in tone, proud without conceit, respectful to the old,

  courteous without servility, above all, discreet. Use your wit but

  never display it for the amusement of others; for be sure that if

  your brilliancy annoys an inferior man, he will retire from the

  field and say of you in a tone of contempt, “He is very amusing.”

  Let your superiority be leonine. Moreover, do not be always

  seeking to please others. I advise a certain coldness in your

  relations with men, which may even amount to indifference; this

  will not anger others, for all persons esteem those who slight

  them; and it will win you the favor of women, who will respect you

  for the little consequence that you attach to men. Never remain in

  company with those who have lost their reputation, even though

  they may not have deserved to do so; for society holds us

  responsible for our friendships as well as for our enmities. In

  this matter let your judgments be slowly and maturely weighed, but

  see that they are irrevocable. When the men whom you have repulsed

  justify the repulsion, your esteem and regard w
ill be all the more

  sought after; you have inspired the tacit respect which raises a

  man among his peers. I behold you now armed with a youth that

  pleases, grace which attracts, and wisdom with which to preserve

  your conquests. All that I have now told you can be summed up in

  two words, two old-fashioned words, “Noblesse oblige.”

  Now apply these precepts to the management of life. You will hear

  many persons say that strategy is the chief element of success;

  that the best way to press through the crowd is to set some men

  against other men and so take their places. That was a good system

  for the Middle Ages, when princes had to destroy their rivals by

  pitting one against the other; but in these days, all things being

  done in open day, I am afraid it would do you ill-service. No, you

  must meet your competitors face to face, be they loyal and true

  men, or traitorous enemies whose weapons are calumny,

  evil-speaking, and fraud. But remember this, you have no more

  powerful auxiliaries than these men themselves; they are their own

  enemies; fight them with honest weapons, and sooner or later they

  are condemned. As to the first of them, loyal men and true, your

  straightforwardness will obtain their respect, and the differences

  between you once settled (for all things can be settled), these

  men will serve you. Do not be afraid of making enemies; woe to him

  who has none in the world you are about to enter; but try to give

  no handle for ridicule or disparagement. I say try, for in Paris a

  man cannot always belong solely to himself; he is sometimes at the

  mercy of circumstances; you will not always be able to avoid the

  mud in the gutter nor the tile that falls from the roof. The moral

  world has gutters where persons of no reputation endeavor to

  splash the mud in which they live upon men of honor. But you can

  always compel respect by showing that you are, under all

  circumstances, immovable in your principles. In the conflict of

  opinions, in the midst of quarrels and cross-purposes, go straight

  to the point, keep resolutely to the question; never fight except

  for the essential thing, and put your whole strength into that.

  You know how Monsieur de Mortsauf hates Napoleon, how he curses

  him and pursues him as justice does a criminal; demanding

  punishment day and night for the death of the Duc d’Enghien, the

  only death, the only misfortune, that ever brought the tears to

  his eyes; well, he nevertheless admired him as the greatest of

  captains, and has often explained to me his strategy. May not the

  same tactics be applied to the war of human interests; they would

  economize time as heretofore they economized men and space. Think

  this over, for as a woman I am liable to be mistaken on such

  points which my sex judges only by instinct and sentiment. One

  point, however, I may insist on; all trickery, all deception, is

  certain to be discovered and to result in doing harm; whereas

  every situation presents less danger if a man plants himself

  firmly on his own truthfulness. If I may cite my own case, I can

  tell you that, obliged as I am by Monsieur de Mortsauf’s condition

  to avoid litigation and to bring to an immediate settlement all

  difficulties which arise in the management of Clochegourde, and

  which would otherwise cause him an excitement under which his mind

  would succumb, I have invariably settled matters promptly by

  taking hold of the knot of the difficulty and saying to our

  opponents: “We will either untie it or cut it!”

  It will often happen that you do a service to others and find

  yourself ill-rewarded; I beg you not to imitate those who complain

  of men and declare them to be all ungrateful. That is putting

  themselves on a pedestal indeed! and surely it is somewhat silly

  to admit their lack of knowledge of the world. But you, I trust,

  will not do good as a usurer lends his money; you will do it — will

  you not? — for good’s sake. Noblesse oblige. Nevertheless, do not

  bestow such services as to force others to ingratitude, for if you

  do, they will become your most implacable enemies; obligations

  sometimes lead to despair, like the despair of ruin itself, which

  is capable of very desperate efforts. As for yourself, accept as

  little as you can from others. Be no man’s vassal; and bring

  yourself out of your own difficulties.

  You see, dear friend, I am advising you only on the lesser points

  of life. In the world of politics things wear a different aspect;

  the rules which are to guide your individual steps give way before

  the national interests. If you reach that sphere where great men

  revolve you will be, like God himself, the sole arbiter of your

  determinations. You will no longer be a man, but law, the living

  law; no longer an individual, you are then the Nation incarnate.

  But remember this, though you judge, you will yourself be judged;

  hereafter you will be summoned before the ages, and you know

  history well enough to be fully informed as to what deeds and what

  sentiments have led to true grandeur.

  I now come to a serious matter, your conduct towards women.

  Wherever you visit make it a principle not to fritter yourself

  away in a petty round of gallantry. A man of the last century who

  had great social success never paid attention to more than one

  woman of an evening, choosing the one who seemed the most

  neglected. That man, my dear child, controlled his epoch. He

  wisely reckoned that by a given time all women would speak well of

  him. Many young men waste their most precious possession, namely,

  the time necessary to create connections which contribute more

  than all else to social success. Your springtime is short,

  endeavor to make the most of it. Cultivate influential women.

  Influential women are old women; they will teach you the

  intermarriages and the secrets of all the families of the great

  world; they will show you the cross-roads which will bring you

  soonest to your goal. They will be fond of you. The bestowal of

  protection is their last form of love — when they are not devout.

  They will do you innumerable good services; sing your praises and

  make you desirable to society. Avoid young women. Do not think I

  say this from personal self-interest. The woman of fifty will do

  all for you, the woman of twenty will do nothing; she wants your

  whole life while the other asks only a few attentions. Laugh with

  the young women, meet them for pastime merely; they are incapable

  of serious thought. Young women, dear friend, are selfish, vain,

  petty, ignorant of true friendship; they love no one but

  themselves; they would sacrifice you to an evening’s success.

  Besides, they all want absolute devotion, and your present

  situation requires that devotion be shown to you; two

  irreconcilable needs! None of these young women would enter into

  your interests; they would think of themselves and not of you;

  they would injure you more by their emptiness and frivolity than

  they could serve you by their love; they will wast
e your time

  unscrupulously, hinder your advance to fortune, and end by

  destroying your future with the best grace possible. If you

  complain, the silliest of them will make you think that her glove

  is more precious than fortune, and that nothing is so glorious as

  to be her slave. They will all tell you that they bestow

  happiness, and thus lull you to forget your nobler destiny.

  Believe me, the happiness they give is transitory; your great

  career will endure. You know not with what perfidious cleverness

  they contrive to satisfy their caprices, nor the art with which

  they will convert your passing fancy into a love which ought to be

  eternal. The day when they abandon you they will tell you that the

  words, “I no longer love you,” are a full justification of their

  conduct, just as the words, “I love,” justified their winning you;

  they will declare that love is involuntary and not to be coerced.

  Absurd! Believe me, dear, true love is eternal, infinite, always

  like unto itself; it is equable, pure, without violent

  demonstration; white hair often covers the head but the heart that

  holds it is ever young. No such love is found among the women of

  the world; all are playing comedy; this one will interest you by

  her misfortunes; she seems the gentlest and least exacting of her

  sex, but when once she is necessary to you, you will feel the

  tyranny of weakness and will do her will; you may wish to be a

  diplomat, to go and come, and study men and interests, — no, you

  must stay in Paris, or at her country-place, sewn to her

  petticoat, and the more devotion you show the more ungrateful and

  exacting she will be. Another will attract you by her

  submissiveness; she will be your attendant, follow you

  romantically about, compromise herself to keep you, and be the

  millstone about your neck. You will drown yourself some day, but

  the woman will come to the surface.

  The least manoeuvring of these women of the world have many nets.

  The silliest triumph because too foolish to excite distrust. The

  one to be feared least may be the woman of gallantry whom you love

  without exactly knowing why; she will leave you for no motive and