Guarding Hearts

by Jaycie Morrison

  Rains went directly to her office then, and sure enough, a small box wrapped in plain brown paper was sitting on her desk. Besides the postage, the mailing label simply said “The motor pool, Fort Des Moines, Iowa.” There was no return address. Her secretary seemed as surprised as she was. “Items like that usually come across my desk first, Lieutenant, but this one didn’t. I’m sorry, but I don’t even have any idea of who might have put it in your office.” Sharon was rarely flustered, but now she frowned as her gaze flitted around the space nearest them, as if searching for a clue.

  “It’s fine, Private West,” Rains reassured her. “I’ll take care of it.”

  In reality, Rains ignored the package while she went through her inbox. December seemed to be a slow time, but she found enough to do for the next few hours. As she left for the parade grounds, she could hear Sharon tuning the radio to the news. The announcer’s words were of the battle and his voice seemed tinged with panic. Run, Rains thought, realizing her immediate plans and her warning to her brother were the same.

  Kathleen Hartley was waiting for her, an almost eager expression on her face. Rains realized the attractive captain had watched her walking across the base, and she wondered fleetingly if what Hartley saw was just a friend. When she sensed Kathleen intended to hug her, she wasn’t sure it was a good idea, for several reasons. She offered her hand and Hartley took it without hesitation. They shook warmly. “I didn’t know you were a runner, Captain.”

  “Well, it’s one of those pursuits I never want to do until I’ve done it, and then I’m glad,” Hartley replied.

  Rains laughed. “That sounds like Bett’s attitude toward our walks.” Then she stopped and looked away.

  “What’s wrong?” Hartley asked.

  “This is the first time I’ve ever spoken of Bett like that,” Rains answered slowly.

  “To a friend, you mean?”

  Rains looked back at Kathleen. Again, she wondered if Bett’s worries were groundless. Were she and Hartley were merely becoming good friends? Her itinerant childhood and the many ways she was different from the other children had meant she was either singled out for teasing or ignored. With one lovely and ultimately painful exception, she had virtually no experience in friendship. By the time she’d come to Fort Des Moines, she’d perfected her remote, solitary life, to the point that others rarely ventured close. Evie, the only person she’d been close to in her own basic training, had been an exception. And then there was Private Elizabeth Smythe. Bett, who had not only found her way into Rains’s heart but now was finding ways to bring her out of herself and into the world. If not for Bett, she would never have attended that dinner party. Was this time with Kathleen Hartley what Bett had initially promised—an opportunity to share what she had with someone who felt the same way about her own lover? She swallowed and smiled. “Yes, thank you. To a friend.”

  “Good. You might find you’ll get to like it,” Kathleen said, sternly reminding herself that friendship was her goal as well. She’d told herself that at the party and when they’d had lunch and every time she’d thought of Gale before, during, and after. As she considered it now, it occurred to her that she really had no idea of how to be friends with a woman like Rains. She’d never had any close childhood acquaintances and had kept an emotional distance from her college chums because she’d been afraid, she’d come to understand after that kiss during basic training, of where her feelings for them might go. Once she was with Whit, she’d been able to develop casual acquaintances through her work, and there were those “kindred spirits” who came for social gatherings, but other than her lover, there was no one who knew her well and supported her unconditionally.

  Lost in thought, she automatically followed Rains out onto the parade grounds. What it would be like to have a someone to talk to about her problems, who would help her laugh about her many foibles, who could counsel her in keeping her relationship strong? Gale could be that kind of person, she believed. But how did she move her feelings from sexual attraction to friendly affection?

  “Actually, there is a question I would like to ask you, as a friend,” Rains said thoughtfully as she began stretching.

  Kathleen startled for a second, wondering if Rains had read her mind, before she realized Rains was simply following their somewhat disjoined conversation. “Sure, ask away.” She’d made the mistake of turning toward Rains at her comment and now she couldn’t keep from stealing glances at the lieutenant’s long, tight body. She followed Gale’s preparations, hoping any tremor in her voice might be explained by their exertion.

  Rains was quiet for a time and Hartley worried she might suspect something was amiss. But then she shook her head and said, “I’ll have to think of how to put it.”

  Hartley took in a breath. “Well, let’s start and I’ll tell you my news first. Does that sound all right?”

  Rains nodded and they began their run. Kathleen worked to keep her stride steady and Gale seemed comfortable at her pace. “How many laps do you usually go?” she asked after one lap.

  “Ten or twelve,” Rains replied. “Depending on who I’m mad at.”

  “So you’re an angry runner,” Hartley observed, her mouth going slightly dry as she imagined Gale angry, hovering over her with eyes flashing, muscles tightening…

  “Not at all,” Rains countered, spoiling the image. “I enjoy it. But during basic training I used to get assigned a lot of laps as punishment. Whatever they gave me, I always did two more, just because.”

  “I can imagine that very clearly, Gale.” Kathleen had to laugh, even while giving herself a mental scolding for her vision. It was time to pull herself together. She’d offered friendship, and these lustful illusions about Gale wouldn’t do her any good. At least not until she got into the bedroom. With Whit. Yes, that what she needed. They usually had good sex after a fight, and even though Miriam Boudreaux’s sexual innuendoes had been ridiculously crude, Kat might have let Whit talk her into something more this morning. Instead, Whit had returned home talking of a scene where MPs were making their way toward Boudreaux, and they’d spent what little time they had speculating on her punishment for being drunk and disorderly. Whit’s almost desperate relief that she’d been willing to laugh with her about Miriam’s condition had made Kat aware of what a bitch she’d been lately. Whit had been incredibly patient with her, but everyone had their limits. She needed to clear her head and concentrate on the life they’d built together.

  She faced Gale again. “Speaking of angry, from what little Whit was able to get out of Miriam earlier, she got the impression her mind was on more than her grudge against you. She said Miriam seemed worried about something else.”

  Rains cocked her head. “Interesting. There was a parcel on my desk, but I didn’t open it this morning, as you cautioned.”

  Hartley touched her arm in that now familiar gesture. “I don’t think you should ever open it, Gale. Sergeant Nash is the second in command over at ordnance. She would probably have some ideas about dealing with a suspicious package. I’m sure she’s there early every morning, long before Miriam, if you want to drop in.”

  Rains nodded. “I know her. Thank you, Kathleen. I’ll consider that option.”

  They ran another half lap in silence. Hartley couldn’t keep herself from glancing at her companion from time to time. Was Gale this quiet at home? Or perhaps Bett prompted her with questions to get her talking. Several more steps later she asked, “Did you think about how to put the other question you mentioned?”

  “Not really. You’ve occupied me with this other matter.” Rains’s mouth worked a little more and Kathleen wondered if she was struggling with some terminology.

  “Sometimes the easiest way is to just say it,” she suggested.

  “Not for me. To me, words have such power that they must be handled very carefully, like Miriam’s ballistics.”

  Kathleen shook her head. “Don’t worry if you’re off target. I’m not particularly fragile.”

  “But
perhaps our friendship is, at this stage.”

  There was an unexpected level of concern in Gale’s voice. Had Bett said something? Or was it more? “Are you worried you’ll offend me somehow?”

  “Not on purpose, of course,” Rains said, her face so solemn that Kathleen laughed.

  “No, I’m sure not. Please don’t worry about that, Gale. I promise you I will listen with an open mind.” A tiny little spark of hope flared in her heart. Could Rains be about to confess some unsought attraction…for her?

  They had almost finished their lap before Rains spoke. “This life I have now, with Bett, is a new way for me. Being with someone, being close, being…”

  Hartley waited, although Rains’s intention was clearly not what she had secretly wished. In fact, she could easily identify the words that Rains was seeking. “Being in love?” she suggested softly.

  Rains nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, being in love. Nothing in my life has prepared me for the way I feel, for the way it is with us. I am in a new place with no map or guide.”

  “But you both seem very happy.” She’d used seem to leave Rains a little opening, just in case.

  Rains stopped and turned to face Kathleen directly. She held out her hands, empty. “I have no words to describe how happy. Bett is…is wonderful and our time together…is amazing.”

  “So what do you need to ask me?” She began trotting again, keeping her eyes averted. Be a friend, be a friend, she repeated to herself.

  Rains’s tone brightened, as if she had finally thought of a way to phrase it. “Are you and Whit always, uh, available to each other?”

  “You mean to run errands or help each other out with jobs around the house?”

  “No, I mean…physically,” Rains’s voice had dropped so quickly that Kathleen had to lean toward her to hear it.

  “Oh, we’re talking about sex.” Hartley hid her smile at Rains’s quick, embarrassed nod. Gale’s earnest face was more open than she’d ever seen, reflecting a genuine innocence, and Kathleen could clearly imagine Bett molding this woman to be exactly who and what she wanted. She dropped her pace abruptly, giving herself a few seconds to recover before Gale stopped too.

  “I’m done,” she said. At Rains’s worried expression she added, “Let’s finish this discussion while we walk a lap to cool off.”

  When Rains matched her movement, she brought herself back to the topic. “Sorry, I should have guessed what you meant. Are we available to each other physically? Yes, of course we strive for that, although sometimes one or the other of us is not as ready. Or another matter interferes.” Especially lately, she scolded herself. “Some of being in a relationship is learning to compromise, to balance the other’s desires against your individual needs, don’t you think?” Rains made a thoughtful little grunting sound. “Did something happen to bring this question to your mind?”

  “Yes. Bett has been on a different schedule for a couple of days and we haven’t seen much of each other. As you know, I was very late to work this morning because she—uh, and then we…”

  As Rains trailed off, blushing deeply, Hartley hoped her sudden intake of breath could be explained by their exercise. She smiled, forcing away any mental images. “Ah, I understand. Whit works night shifts every two weeks, and she and I deal with that all the time.” She was pleased to find herself able to answer genuinely, as a friend would. “I would say this: If you are late to work once in your career because you need to be with the most important person in your life, it’s not a problem. You are young and in love. The Army will still be here in another hour or two. Now, if you start being late to work regularly, or if your work begins to suffer, then you might be crossing the border into obsession, and that is not good.”

  “Obsession is like addiction?” Rains clarified.

  “Yes, and addiction is bad because it makes you less of yourself,” Kathleen added. They both turned, having completed their cool-down lap, and walked together toward Kathleen’s car.

  “Hmm.” Rains felt the truth of this, recalling how much less of herself she had been while she was drinking. “But it feels like being with Bett makes me more of myself.”

  Hartley worked to keep her tone light. “I’m sure that’s true. So stop worrying. Be yourself. Be yourself in love with Bett. Try not to be late again but make the most of this time that you have.” She looked off, into the distance, remembering the incredible romance of her first few months with Whit. When had they let routines and parties take the place of passion? She tried to keep the longing out of her voice when she spoke. “As I recall, things will start to slow down in a year or so. You’ll feel much less out of control at that point.”

  Rains caught a hint of sadness in Hartley’s voice. She’d heard a similar quality from Bett at times when she talked about her family or sometimes in conversation about her childhood. It made her heart hurt for Kathleen, even as she tried to imagine how she would feel after a year with Bett. Her spirit and her body both assured her that one hundred years wouldn’t be enough. When Kathleen reached for her door handle, Rains stopped her with a hand on her arm.

  “I have one other question to ask you, if I may.”

  The touch of her hand and the warmth with which she spoke made Kat’s insides quiver. “Of course,” she murmured, scarcely stopping herself from adding, Anything.

  “I want to get Bett a gift for Christmas. But I don’t know what or where to go.”

  “Ah. Well, the traditional gift for the first year is paper.”

  Rains looked almost comically displeased, and the tone in her voice when she repeated, “Paper?” was equally indignant.

  Certain the lieutenant was imagining the reams of paper that Army work produced, Kat couldn’t help but smile. “Well,” she suggested, “if you were wanting a flashier gift, gold jewelry is also appropriate.”

  Rains nodded. “Something more like that, yes. But where do I shop? And how do I explain…”

  Kat stopped her by holding up a finger before opening her car and taking out her handbag. She thumbed through her purse for a moment before handing Rains a card. “The man at this shop is very helpful.” She lowered her voice out of habit. “You can speak to him freely. He’s one of us.”

  Rains slipped the card into her pants pocket, relief evident on her face. “I don’t know how to thank you, Kathleen. For today and for bringing us into your home and even for teaching me about the ice cream fork.” Kathleen’s laugh cut off abruptly as Rains stepped forward and enfolded her in a close, tight hug. “You are becoming a good friend.”

  As much as she had longed for this contact, it felt strange. Rain’s body was taller than she was accustomed to, and her lean, muscular form was different from Whit’s compact curves. Kat’s conscience told her she would be betraying too much to take it as more than was being offered. “Oh, Gale, I’m all sweaty,” she protested as the brief embrace was broken.

  Rains recalled the salty tang of Bett’s skin after they had been for a walk. Unconsciously licking her lips, Rain looked at Kathleen intently. “If I were Whit, that might be something I would enjoy.”

  Kathleen Hartley felt a heat that was beyond their exercise. She lowered herself into the car, watching as Rains waved goodbye on her way back to the motor pool. Kat’s whole being felt off-kilter, and she craved the certainty of an embrace where she knew how to fit. She wanted Whit, who had taken an insecure—some would have said frigid—woman and taught her to be open to the joys of her body. Whit, who had always shared herself willingly, even after periods of neglect, like this. But how long would her patience last? Could she wait until Kat found the courage to align her innermost emotional world with the physical life that they shared? She drove home quickly, barely able to control her impatience.

  Whit was sleeping on her back, snoring softly. Thank God she had finished the second week of her night shift, Kat thought. She could catch up on her rest later. Kathleen took off her clothes and jerked back the covers quickly. Jumping into bed, she straddled her love
r, rubbing her breasts across Whit’s face. Whit opened her eyes, staring up at her, shocked. “Are you…are you okay, baby?”

  Kathleen kissed her hard before whispering, “I’ve been running and I’m all sweaty.”

  “Uh-huh?” Whit’s mouth stayed open slightly at the sight of Kathleen’s breasts.

  “And I want you to taste me. All over. I want you to lick every part of me.” Suddenly, the confident wantonness she’d felt only seconds before wavered, and she added, “Would that be something you’d enjoy?”

  Dismayed at what it meant that she’d repeated Gale’s words, she shifted, suddenly ready to forget the whole idea, but Whit’s hands settled firmly on her hips, holding her in place. The expression on her lover’s face got her pulse racing again. “Enjoy? Oh, hell yeah, Kitty.”

  * * *

  Once she got back to her office, Rain decided to take the mystery package home and open it there. The afternoon went slowly, and despite her intention to work longer to compensate for her late arrival, Rain found herself calling home at 4:30. Her heart jumped happily when Bett answered.

  “What time do you have to go in?” Rain asked, without preamble.

  “Not until midnight. Aren’t you through there yet?”

  “What’s for dinner?” Rain asked. On the few occasions Bett had come home first, she had made a dish vaguely resembling spaghetti each time, causing Rain to teasingly speculate about what else she was able to cook.

  “Come home and find out,” Bett answered.

  Rain hung up. She went out into the bays. Everything was neatly put away. She looked over the worksheets for tomorrow. The holiday lull seemed to be in effect early. Sharon’s desk was spotless as usual.

  “Are you finished with your Christmas shopping, Lieutenant?” she asked as Rain stopped by.

  Rain’s hand went to the card in her pocket. Sharon smiled at her expression. “Why don’t you go take care of some tonight? I still need to get a couple of little goodies myself after I finish these last few requisitions.”