Loving Raylynn

by C. R. Marcum

  “Hold on and I’ll look him up. I mean, like I said if he’s Brian’s friend he has to be on the football team. He should be listed on the school website.” He said pulling up the site on his phone.

  They both looked at the screen as Ty scrolled through the pictures of all the football players. Brian was first on the list, the quarterback, the captain. It didn’t take long before they came across Nick Hilton, wide receiver. Raylynn looked at him for a moment before the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. Nick sat behind her in first period. Him and another football player. They were the ones that she had threatened not that long ago. Nick was also the guy who had licked his lips at her the first day of school. She instantly felt sick to her stomach. She really dreaded the dance now. She wanted no part of being forced to be anywhere near that prick.

  “Uggh, he sits behind me in first period. He’s a pig, as if this dance could be any worse. I really really dislike Paisley right now.” She said sternly.

  “Oh come on, he’s a good lookin guy at least.” Ty replied.

  “Then lets trade dates. You can go with Nick, and I’ll go with Aspen.” She said with a grin.

  “Shut up.” He said smiling.

  “Fine, I gotta go. Pais will have a coronary if I make her wait much longer.” She replied standing.

  “Yeah, what are you guys up to today anyway?” he asked.

  “Accessory shopping!” she squealed in a very Paisley way before rolling her eyes and heading towards her car.

  “See ya tonight then?” He called.

  “Probably not, we got school tomorrow and I should probably just go home. Tell Jax I’ll text him later. Bye Ty.” She said before climbing into her car and leaving.

  She wanted to come back tonight, but she couldn’t face Jax. She couldn’t handle the thought that what he had said may have been a mistake. She would see him on Saturday, until then she would just have to keep their conversations short. She could do that, couldn’t she.

  The week flew by. Raylynn had done her best to ignore Nick and Isaac, who had both tried to make small talk during first period. She had at least acknowledged Nick when he had approached the subject of the dance. He had asked what color her dress was, and she had told him. He had asked what her favorite flower was, and she had told him. It wasn’t until he had asked if she preferred lambskin or latex that she had told him to fuck off. She dreaded the dance, and she had Paisley to thank for all of it.

  The girls had managed to buy all the necessary accessories and makeup for the dance. They had their nail appointment set for Friday after school, and after that they would all go to their house for a pre dance sleepover. Paisley and Aspen both were hard to deal with on their own, but together they were impossible. Raylynn did like Aspen though. She was a lot like her, but also like Paisley too. She was the perfect mix of both of them. She had no doubt that Ty would like her once he got to know her better.

  After their nail appointment, the girls all piled into Paisley’s SUV and headed home. Once inside, the girls raided the kitchen for snacks and soda and headed upstairs to Paisley’s room. Katrina and Richard had went out for dinner with the Jackson’s and the knowledge of Katrina being gone made Raylynn rest easy. Tonight would be hard enough to get through without Katrina butting in.

  The night was going about as well as Raylynn had expected. Paisley and Aspen had roped her into a facial, and she couldn’t lie about enjoying it. She had listened to Paisley gush over Brian, and she hated every word that had come out of her mouth. She was however happy to hear how Aspen felt about Ty. She listened as Aspen talked about how smart and funny he was, and how unbelievably hot he was too. The way she spoke about him warmed Raylynn to the core. She could tell how much Aspen truly did like Ty. She felt like something good may come out of this dance after all.

  Raylynn lay on the bed listening as they talked and let her thoughts drift to Jax. She hadn’t seen him all week and had barely spoken to him either. She had given herself some time to figure out her feelings. She was scared, and she knew why. If Jax took back his words, it would crush her. She wanted him to mean it, but on the other hand, she was scared that he did. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for that. She wasn’t sure when the flirtation between them turned into love, but she was sure that, at least for her, it did. She was pulled from her thoughts by her phone buzzing on the bed next to her. She looked at the screen; it was a message from Jax.

  Havin fun?

  Raylynn shook her head and smiled to herself. ‘Jackass’ she thought, before typing her response.

  Tons, we gave each other facials and now we are naked pillow fighting.

  She laughed under her breath and waited for his reply. She didn’t have to wait long.

  Pics?

  She had to stifle a laugh. She knew Jax would say something like that.

  Sure

  She replied.

  Rly? I mean, I’m always down for nudes

  She shook her head; she wasn’t at all surprised by his response.

  I’m sure Paisley and Aspen would love to pose for you.

  She waited patiently for his reply.

  I’m sure they look good and all, but I’m only interested in seein you naked.

  Her heart stopped for a second.

  You sure about that, you’ve seen it before.

  She waited.

  And I can’t wait to see it again, and again, and again.

  She had just started to type a reply when her phone was pulled from her grasp.

  “What the fuck!” she yelled.

  “Who ya talkin to? Let’s just see.” Aspen said looking at the screen.

  “Aspen, give me my phone, that’s a private conversation.” Raylynn said reaching out for it.

  “Shit, sorry Ray. I was just kidding. I didn’t really think it was an important conversation.” Aspen said handing back the phone.

  Raylynn could see the blush rising in her cheeks, and assumed it was because Jax had been asking for nudes. When she looked down at the screen, she realized how wrong she was. She let her eyes scan the mile long message and her heart stopped beating. She couldn’t breathe and the room started spinning. She collapsed on the bed and buried her face in the pillow.

  “Oh my God, Ray are you okay?” Paisley shrieked.

  Raylynn couldn’t answer her. All she could think about was the last line of the text. I meant it. She was so relieved and scared at the same time. Was she ready for that? Did she feel the same way? Could she handle the intimacy that came with it? Was she ready to tell Jax how fucked up she really was? All of it was too much to deal with. This was why she had kept her distance this week.

  “Raylynn, are you okay?” Aspen asked sitting on the bed next to her.

  “I…I…I don’t know, I think I’m freaking out a little right now.” She said laughing and crying at the same time.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Paisley asked, she had found a spot on the bed next to her and was gingerly running her fingers through her hair.

  “Yes…No…Maybe. I don’t know, I just…Uggh, why did he have to say it in the first place? Things were just fine the way they were, there weren’t any titles, or expectations. It was just fun, ya know. Now, everything is going to be different, and all it took was a second.” Raylynn said, letting the words flow out.

  “I’m a little lost Coop. Who said what exactly?” Paisley asked.

  “Jax. Jax said it, and he says he meant it, and now everything is different. It has to be different. I have to tell him everything, and I don’t know if I can Pais.” Raylynn said through her tears.

  “Okay, I’m still a little lost.” Paisley said confused.

  “I can read it to her Ray, if that’ll be easier.” Aspen interjected.

  All she could manage was a nod. The tears were easing up now, and for at least that much she was grateful. She handed Aspen her phone and waited to hear the text message read aloud.

  “Okay, so here goes,” Aspen started “it says, ‘So all kidding aside,
I have spent this whole week going back and forth with myself about whether or not to even bring this up, but I can’t just keep hoping that you will. I know you heard me the other day when I left. At first I tried to make myself believe that it was just a slip, or that maybe you didn’t hear it, but I know you did. I have thought a lot about what we have going on, and I don’t want you to think I only said it because of the…’” Aspen stopped and looked at Ray before continuing. “‘Fucking absolute best head I have ever gotten. That was just a coincidence. Truth is I said it because I meant it.’”

  “He said what exactly?” Paisley asked looking at Raylynn.

  “He said, love ya, the other night when he left.” Raylynn answered.

  “Oh, well he probably only said it because you guys were messing around. I mean, what guy wouldn’t say that after…” Paisley let her voice trail off.

  “I don’t know Pais, it sounds like he has it bad. He wouldn’t have even mentioned it if he had only said it cause he just got a BJ. He wanted Ray to know that he meant it.” Aspen said handing Ray back her phone.

  “Yeah right, he just didn’t want her to think that so that they can still keep messing around. He’s a typical guy.” Paisley said.

  “Thanks for that Pais.” Raylynn said shaking her head.

  “I didn’t mean it like that Ray, I just, I mean do you really think he loves you. I mean, he didn’t even say ‘I love you’ he said ‘love ya’ they are two different things.” Paisley defended.

  “I know what he said Pais, I was there, and I don’t really know if he does or not, but he says he does, so that’s what I believe.” Raylynn said looking down at her phone. The three dots were back, but nothing had come through yet.

  “Do you love him Ray?” Aspen asked. “That is what matters right now.”

  “Of course she doesn’t, they barely know each other.” Paisley answered.

  “Guys, I’m really tired, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Raylynn said looking back and forth between them.

  “You know what, that is a wonderful idea, we need to get our beauty sleep. Tomorrow is going to be perfect.” Paisley replied.

  Raylynn made herself comfortable and watched Paisley turn out the light. When everyone was finally situated, she took one last look at her phone. The text had come through.

  Ray, I love you. If you don’t feel the same its fine. Take some time to think about it. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, even if it is with some dickface. I swear, he better keep his hands off you. Anyway, get some sleep and think about me. Nite.

  Raylynn took a deep breath before typing her reply. She read it twice before pressing send.

  Goodnight Jax. I love you too ☺

  She quickly turned her phone off and closed her eyes. She couldn’t keep waiting for him to text her or she would never sleep. She had pocketed her sleeping meds before they had settled in Paisley’s room and she used this opportunity to take it. She lay with her eyes closed and waited for sleep to take her under.

  12.

  Raylynn walked quietly through the house, trying not to wake him. Jax was sleeping in the other room and she knew it wouldn’t be good if she did. She found herself in the kitchen, reaching into the drawer, her fingers playing over the cold steel of the knife. Before she knew what was happening she was in the bedroom. Jax lay on the bed covered in blood. She staggered backwards, bumping into the wall behind her and dropping the blood covered knife.

  She could hear the gurgling coming from the bed, she fixed her eyes towards the sound and tried to will him back to life. She could see movement, and watched as he tried to sit upright. She desperately wanted him to be alright. Finally, he managed to sit up, and she watched as his blank eyes found her. Blood was draining from the wound on his throat, and he was reaching for her. She stepped closer, reaching for his hand. ‘He’s going to be alright’ she thought as she let her hand find his. He gripped her hand tightly, staring into her eyes, his smile becoming more sinister with every passing second. The grip was too tight now. She looked down to her hand, trying to pull it away, but to no avail. She let her eyes look to his again and instead found another set of eyes. The dead man on the bed was no longer Jax. It was John. She pulled hard and freed herself from his grasp and pressed her back to the wall.

  “Come spend some time with your dad.” He said smiling a smile she knew all to well.

  All she could do was scream.

  She woke with the scream stuck in her throat. She clutched her pillow and used it to muffle her sobs. ‘What is wrong with me?’ she thought as she continued to cry. She had to talk to him, she needed to know that he was okay. She needed his voice to soothe her, and she needed to hear him say the words.

  She quietly gathered her things and slowly left, Paisley and Aspen still sleeping soundly. She made her way down the hall to the solace of her own room and locked herself inside. She sat herself on the bed and turned her phone back on. She used the time it took to restart to try to compose herself. It only took a moment for her phone to buzz, letting her know that she had a message. She knew before she looked that it was Jax.

  The tears came down faster as she read the short text.

  You just made my life. I love you and knowing you feel the same is a feeling I never knew I needed. You really are fuckin perfect. Nite sexy, c u 2morrow.

  She couldn’t stop herself, she pressed dial before she even knew what she was doing. It only rang once before he answered.

  “Ray, what are you doing up so late? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” He asked.

  “I needed to know you were okay Jax, I needed to hear your voice.” She cried.

  “Are you crying? Ray what happened, are you alright? Do I need to come over?” He asked, the fear rising in his throat.

  “I’m fine, I just had a nightmare and I couldn’t shake it. I just needed to hear your voice. I’ll let you go now okay.” She said, still crying.

  “I’m fine, but obviously you’re not. You wanna meet me somewhere?” he asked.

  “No, I’ll be fine. Just talk to me ok. Tell me how the pickup with Syn and Lucas went.” She said.

  “It was fine. Everything went as usual. Now tell me what your nightmare was about. It had to be bad if you’re crying about it and calling me at two in the morning.” Jax said.

  “I don’t want to talk about it Jax. It was bad, that’s all. So the pickup went well, what else?” She replied, lying herself back on her bed.

  “Alright babe, I’ve just never heard you like this.”

  “I’ll be fine. I just couldn’t shake it. I’m already feeling better.”

  “Well, what do you want to talk about then?” He asked.

  “I don’t care. Tell me what you’re doing up, what did I interrupt?” She asked.

  “Not a lot, chillin in my room, watchin a movie, thinkin about you.” He said.

  “You were not, liar. Maybe watching a movie, but not thinking about me.” She said with a little giggle.

  “You don’t know that. I was thinkin about you. I’ve reread that text about a thousand times.” He replied with a sigh.

  “Jax, I…never mind.”

  “What babe? You can’t just start saying something and stop like that.”

  “I just…” she stopped, wanting nothing more than to snuggle up next to him and say the words.

  “What?”

  “I love you so much Jax. I do, and I never thought I would love anybody as much as I love you. I love you so much it scares me. I’ve been through a lot in my life, a lot of stuff you don’t know about, and I just don’t want that to be us.” She said, the words falling out of her mouth as easily as water out of a faucet.

  “I love you too Ray, and trust me, I never wanted to love anybody. I was happy enough doin what I was doin. Then you came into my world, and you fit so perfect in my life that falling in love with you just happened.” He said.

  Raylynn lay listening to his voice as the nightmare drifted slowly from her mind. Jax was the answer, she had
known it for awhile now, but somehow tonight proved it. Just his voice could chase the dreams away. That was only one of the reasons she had fallen for him so deeply.

  “Are you still there?” He asked.

  “Yeah, just listening. I miss your voice. We didn’t get to talk much this week, with you being gone and everything. I guess if we’re being honest, I was afraid to call you.” She said.

  “Why would you be afraid to call me?” He asked.

  “Because, I was afraid you might tell me that it was a slip, or that you didn’t mean it.” She revealed.

  “And that scared you? Scared you enough that you didn’t want to call me?”

  “Yeah, it did.”

  “Well, since we’re being honest, I was afraid to call you too. For the same reasons. I didn’t want to know if I fucked everything up. I spent that entire night worrying about it. Shit, I even told Syn that I fucked it all up. He’s the one who finally told me to shut the fuck up about it and just tell you.”

  “Leave it to Syn to tell you to shut up.” She said with a laugh.

  “Yeah, he never gets tired of it.” He laughed back.

  “Well, I’m glad he did.” She said, pulling her blanket up and snuggling into it.

  “Yeah, now that I know everything is good, I’m glad too.” Jax replied.

  The two of them fell into conversation easily and the time slipped by. They had missed each other, of that they were both sure. They had both let the fear of what the other felt cause them to step back. They decided that they wouldn’t do that again. Jax still wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Raylynn going to the dance with Nick, but they agreed that it would be the last time another man took her anywhere. Raylynn could feel herself being pulled back under, but still she stayed on the phone.

  “Wake up Ray, we need food then showers then it’s time to get ready!” Paisley exclaimed from the doorway.

  “Go Away Paisley!” Raylynn shouted, throwing her pillow towards the door.

  “Listen here, it is going to take hours for us to get ready. Especially you! I have a very intricate hairstyle picked out for you. So get up and get moving. I will see you in the kitchen in five. Do not make me come back up here! I sat your coffee on the dresser.” And with that Paisley closed the door.