Finding Me: Dominant Devils Book Three

by H. M. Stewart

  You could tell by the look on the older women’s faces they wanted to lash out at Doc’s comment, but they refrained themselves allowing Boomer to continue. I sat back and listen to Boomer go into detail about this horrible woman that tried to get people twisted up in knots around this club. He explained how he himself was caught in an undeniable situation with the tramp by his ex-wife. I listen even more as he told the story of how Queenie’s life was flipped upside down because of certain truths but mostly lies the women tried to pass as truth. Carrin and Wall’s late father, Rowdy, ended up sending the woman packing for everything she caused within the club that day. Viking jumped in to help Boomer when he went quiet seeming lost in the memories of his best friend as he tried to explain. Viking told the tale of this same woman, the whore that caused all this trouble and disrespect, coming back months later claiming to be pregnant. I felt Madison and Carrin demeanor change as they waited for Viking to continue.

  However, it was Ghost that stepped in to explain how they didn’t want to believe her because of the lies and damage the woman had already caused. He spoke of Charlie’s background and how she came from old southern money and was forced to marry someone with the similar background. The Oldheads were certain it was just her way of running away from an arranged marriage she most definitely didn’t want. Yet, the men of the club didn’t want to leave a defenseless child to come into this world without their protection if for some chance one of the members were the baby daddy. They even went as far as hiring a private investigator to check the woman’s story out. When the man they hired returned sometime late with a story and pictures to back what they already thought, no one thought anything of it and the drama was soon forgotten.

  Ghost looked straight at Tank for a brief moment. It was like he was waiting for permission of some sort to continue. When Tank pulled me tight against him, Ghost took that as a sign to throw me off my rocker. I went numb as soon as the words, “we bought the fucker’s story hook, line, and sinker or at least we did until the night Tank dragged Breezy in the clubhouse for the first time”.

  I could feel myself starting to panic and retracing everything that was said earlier. I was getting the feeling that they now knew that I came from a similar background. Maybe they think I know this woman; maybe this will be what sends me on my way. I couldn’t think straight, nor did I notice at first when everything grew really quiet. I’m not sure how long everyone’s eyes were focused on me until Tank spun me to face him. “Talk to me, baby. What’s going on it that pretty little head of yours? I’m right here to get you through this, we all are, baby. Please don’t leave me. I need you, we all need you right here with us, where you belong.”

  My silence seemed to be driving him to a point of panic his self. I took a quick scan of the room to notice that everyone was wearing something close to the same expression on their faces except they were too stunned to speak. “I’m sorry but I kind of zoned out for a minute or two. You mind repeating the last few sentences, Ghost. I’m so sorry.”

  “No worries beautiful girl,” he said as he moved around the kitchen island to stand directly in front of me. “I’m not sure exactly what you missed but once you were brought in face us by your man many moons back we knew we were wrong to believe anything that fucking investigator told us all those years ago. You look just like Charlie in the face with the exception of those dimples and thick brown hair. That’s definitely your father’s mark and I’m not talking about the pencil dick you’ve known as your father for the last twenty-five years either. I mean your real father, girl. The father that would have made sure you knew about your rightful spot in this club long before now.”

  I started to panic and screaming the first things that were coming to mind while I began to pull myself away from Tank and Madison. It was like the room was closing in on me and I just needed as much space as I could possibly get right then. “What the hell do you mean “MY REAL FATHER”? You’re not making much damn sense? What are you getting at, Ghost? What the FUCK does Charlie have to do with me? I’m a nobody. Yeah, I might be the ex-rich girl that took off to start over leaving her father and bitch of a mother behind, but what does that have to do with the whore from the past?” I was never one to cuss let alone drop the f-bomb, but I couldn’t seem to control it. I was on a role until I spoke of my mother. It was like a beam of light that went off in my head. My mother’s name was Charlotte. My grandmother would call my mother Charlie when no one else was around to irritate her. Oh my god; oh my god! Was my mother Charlie? Did that make one of these men standing before me my father? Holy shit I can’t breathe. The anxiety and panic were taking over and I could feel my entire body shutting down as I was still fighting to get away from everyone while thoughts of my mother stooping as low as to be a club whore rattled my brain. I managed to back myself in the corner of the kitchen. When my back hit the wall my legs finally gave out as my body slid down the wall plopping my butt on the floor. My legs instantly pulled into my chest and I wrapped my arms around my legs with my head down as I rocked myself back and forth trying to get myself calmed down. My thoughts were racing with everything that was said but they weren’t in any logical order to make any sense.

  I’m not sure how long I sat rocking back and forth trying to collect my thoughts until I finally felt someone sitting beside me with their warm arms wrapped around me while I allowed a familiar voice to break through my hysteria and bring me back to the reality going on beside me in the oversized kitchen. “We need you to pull yourself together, baby-girl. Everyone here is lost as to what to do for you, my sweet girl. I’m here for you just like the rest of us will be here for you too,” I finally realized it was Queenie who was embracing me. Over her shoulder was a wide-eyed Wall with his arm wrapped around his sister as she silently cried in his chest while Zeus stood beside her. I looked for Tank but couldn’t find him in the faces invading my space.

  Queenie must have noticed that I was starting to pull out of my panic attack and take in the scene unfolding around me. “There you are, sweetheart. You had me worried there for a minute. Don’t think I don’t like sitting her holding you as only a mother should but I think I need to get you up off this floor before your man and your brother come to blows. Neither of them is happy about not being able to comfort you themselves.”

  Hold up a minute! She just said my brother and my man. What else did I zone out on? I started to panic all over again, but Queenies soft admission helped keep me in check. “It’s okay, dear. Axle has got Tank in the living room calming him down and your brother has resorted to comforting your sister, but I’m thinking those two could really use a hug from you. Both are scared to death that you’ll be taking off leaving them behind. They missed out on almost twenty years of your life sweet girl. Don’t make them lose any more time with you.”

  Focusing solely on Queenie’s never-aging face, I tried to get the questions bouncing in my head out in the open. “I-I d-don’t understand. Who is my brother? Who’s my sister? I m-must-t of missed that little bit when I lost myself there for a minute. I was able to gather that the whore that caused so much trouble around her was none other than my egg donor of a mother but who do I actually have the pleasure of calling dad; Boomer or Ghost?”

  “Neither, sweetheart. You see I knew who your daddy was the first time I laid eyes on you. It hurt like hell to see you at first, then I was leery that you were here to carry out your mother’s little vendetta but after the first year or so of you hanging around I got past all that. I knew you would never intentionally hurt anyone here let alone my babies. Once I came to grips with that it wasn’t long that I made myself a vow after a few conversations we had that indicated that you didn’t have the most loving family growing up. That’s when I started hurting for you instead. I felt myself become just as protective of you as I do my own flesh and blood. I’ve tried to keep it to myself and have done a pretty good job of things until the night you were brought in here all bruised and shaken. I wanted to tell you then, but I didn’t wa
nt to break even more bad news when we were trying so hard to catch our breaths after the previous attacks against you girls. Then, not long ago, I happened to overhear a conversation you had with, Avery. I listened as you told stories of how you were treated by that bitch of a mother of yours with that twiddle-dick fill in daddy and it broke my heart. The only ounce of reprieve I had was when you talked about Olivia and your feisty grandma. I found myself respecting Olivia even more than I already do and wishing I was able to actually meet the old broad that gave that bitch Charlie such a hard time,” Queenie finished with a slight laugh.

  It made me think about the woman who I mostly looked up too. She was made to conform to the “old money ways” of the south at a very early age. She had dreams of traveling the world and becoming a doctor but was made to marry my grandfather and start a family as was expected back in the late fifties. It was because of that she always pushed me to follow my dreams whatever they would end up being. She was adamant that I took my own path in life and not let my parents decide it for me. There’s no doubt in my mind that my life would have been completely different if she was still alive. Who knows what I would be doing for a living, but she would have supported any profession I choose. Even if it was waitressing at the diner by day and tending bar by night. My grandmother never really fit into all the well-to-do circles my mother threw herself into.

  Pulling myself back to Queenie’s statement; what vow did she make and who the hell around here is my father? “Ok, so you made a vow, I’ve got a brother and a sister, and you know who my father is. Don’t take this the wrong but that could make everyone one of the original crew my father apart from Doc. Show how about just giving it to me straight and not talking in riddles, Okay?”

  “I’m sorry my sweet girl. I’m not trying to confuse you any more than you already are. I made a vow to love you and care for you just like I was the one who gave you life. My Rowdy wasn’t the best of husbands but for the most part, he took care of me and my babies. Even when he was running around on me he always made sure that I had what I needed, and the kids were taken care of. It breaks my heart that you will never get to meet him but at least you’ll have your siblings to fill you in with the memories and pictures of him. There is no doubt in my mind that if he was still around he would have made you just as much of a daddy’s girl as my Carrin was to him. If your father would have had known that you were out there trust me when I tell you that he would have found you. You would have known us long before now. Baby girl, Rowdy is your daddy which makes Wall your overprotective brother and Carrin the sister that seemed to attach herself to you as soon as she met you for the first time a few years back. I’m a big believer in fate and fate is what brought you here when you were running away from those god-awful people. Fate is the reason you’re here and not in Nashville with Olivia. I beg you to keep that in mind when you are finally able to process all of this. None of us want to lose you, sweetheart.”

  Even with my mind all a mess I knew I needed to put everyone at ease. It warmed my heart that all these people were scared to lose me. I finally had the family I always wanted. Yes, there was more to work out and details to be heard but I had to let them all know I wasn’t going anywhere? “So, you're telling me that Rowdy is my dad. Carrin and Wall are my siblings and you have no problem stepping in to play mommy for me”?

  “I guess so if you want to put it that way. I guess that’s exactly what I’m telling you,” Queenie answered unsure of where my directness was coming from. I shocked her even more by answering her without words. I threw myself into her arms and hugged her as my life depended on it. She let me hold her and cry tears of joy on her shoulders. When Carrin dropped down to join the family hug followed shortly by our brother it was truly a Hallmark moment.

  The four of us squeezed the breath out of each other for a short few moments before I managed to pull myself back long enough to ask a question that was burning in my mind. “So, does this mean that Romy gets to give me another tattoo? I mean I know I’m sort of the bastard child in these parts, but I still get the club princess tat, right,” I said trying to joke while being serious at the same time. I was envious of the rest of the women born into this club having been “branded” with the mark of their fathers and I wanted mine too. Plus, ever since I got my first tattoo a few days ago I’m not too proud to admit I was itching for another one already.

  My sister chose to take the lead with my question playfully slapping my arm before scolding me. “You are not a bastard child! I will not listen to you refer to yourself as much. You have a mother that loves you here along with a sister to confide in and a bear of a brother that you will now have to deal with the overprotectiveness ten times full. You might not have had the luxury of meeting our daddy, but I know he loved you just the same even if he wasn’t aware of it. I’ve been telling you all along you were part of this crazy family and what better way to prove it than to let the munchkin draw up your princess stamp!”

  “You really mean it? Just like that, I get accepted into the fold? I never have to worry about you all growing tired of me and shipping me back to that lonely apartment and my asshole neighbor?”

  “You might not be so excited to join this crew after a few years, but you’ll never have to worry about being shipped off anywhere. If you return to your apartment it will be your own choice. Either way, I feel as my first act as your brother I need to go visit this asshole neighbor of yours. Has he touched you or made you feel uncomfortable in any way? I have no problem straight fucking that dude up. Just say the word and its done, Breezy. It is my brotherly duty, you know.” The grin on Wall’s face as he offered to kick my neighbor's ass caused more happy tears to fall.

  I threw him off guard for a moment as I did with Queenie earlier. I’m not normally a hugger but tonight I was finding it out of my control. I pulled my big brother in for a hug while I tried to talk him out of going over to defend my honor with the neighbor beside my apartment. Yeah, the guy was a total douche and as rude as they come but I don’t think he deserved a beat down from one of the scariest men I’ve ever met. “No, he never laid a hand on me or even tried too. He just thinks his OCD should carry over to my yard. He has a thing against leaves and the land minds of poop Diesel likes to for everyone.” At least my words got a laugh from everyone in the room. I looked over my brother’s shoulder to see that the rest of the family had a front row seat to everything. Most of the women looked as though they had shed a few tears while the men seemed to have a relaxed a bit now that the news was out. Yeah, I might have lost it for a minute there, but I think given the situation I handle things rather well or at least that was I was thinking that before Happy informed me that we had just gotten started with everything Charlotte and Derek Loftland.

  “When you’re ready, we’ve got somethings we need to go over about your other set of parentals. You might want to sit down for the rest of this though. Maybe you’ll be able to help point me in the right direction without even knowing it,” Happy said finally opening the folder that looked like a bible of all things Loftland. The was pictures of my grandparents. My heart took a dive as I caught a glance of my grandma Hilda. Not a day goes by I don’t question what Hilda would do. She was so fun loving and quick-witted. She was never afraid of trying new things or speaking her peace. The only one she would conform to and only slightly then was my grandfather. She loved him in her own way and tried her best not to rock the boat all the time. She always told me when I got married I would have to pick and choose my battles wisely.

  I continued to listen as Happy went over what he knew in about my parent’s arrangement with my grandfather and then later how my grandmother did everything she could to sabotage it. When he started going over what the letters that were left for Charlotte and Derek insinuated I felt rocked to my core. I knew the three never cared for one another, but I would have never dreamed in a million years that they would have had anything to do with their death or at least that was before I read the letter myself. My grandmothe
r had all but said her son and daughter in law would be responsible for her death and was even worried about them doing something to me in order to take what I learned that was a decent inheritance coming to me. Which I had no idea about because shortly after my grandmother passed my mother brought me a few pieces from her jewelry box and informed me that they were the only things left to me in my grandmothers will. Looking back now things were starting to make sense. I never understood why the few pieces that were left to me were most of the same pieces my grandmother despised herself. It wasn’t because grandma Hilda left them to me, it was because it was the only pieces left of her jewelry that my mother didn’t want for herself.

  Even though I grew angrier while listening to Happy explain what he was able to dig up on my parents, I stayed quiet. Through all the lies and deception, the fact the people I knew as my parents for the last twenty-five years thought so little of me there were working together to try and steal what was rightfully mine or the fact that they were able to locate me over a year ago but couldn’t even find the need to reach out to their only daughter to make sure she was ok, let alone possibly played a part in my vicious attack months ago. I even sat through explicit detail and photos of my parents and their side pieces they kept. It wasn’t until the mention of the house in Myrtle Beach came up that I broke my silence. “Repeat that again, Happy. My mother is doing what and where?”