by Tracy Lauren
“But my parents have been dead for hundreds of years. They lived their entire lives never knowing what happened to me. I don’t know if I can sleep thinking of that.”
“Sleep is inevitable for humans.”
“I suppose that’s true.” Andrea looks down at her soup and I feel that my input was insufficient.
I’m about to offer to remain with her, but Andrea speaks again. “What do I do in the morning? Where do I go?”
“I can monitor your room and come get you when you wake.”
Andrea nods. “Okay.”
“Tomorrow I will give you a tour of the ship.”
Andrea is silent.
“Is there anything else I can do for you this evening?”
“No, Valens. You’ve done plenty. Thank you.”
I rise from the table. Andrea doesn’t bother to. Nor does she look up to watch me go. I hesitate as I look down at her. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a human look so fragile, but I don’t know what else I can do for her.
“Goodnight,” I say finally before I head for the door. I remain in the corridor and immediately activate monitoring for her room. My neural network picks it up and I can see her in my mind as clearly as if I were watching her on a monitor. Andrea still sits at the table, staring down into her soup. Her shoulders shake as she cries. I’m about to go back in, when a crew member and her boyfriend emerge from a nearby room and instead I straighten, heading for the elevator, my focus on Andrea the whole time.
By the time I get back to my room Andrea has fallen to the floor and she wails as she cries. The sound is distressing to me, yet I cannot seem to bring myself to suppress the monitoring. Instead, I pace my room trying to decide if I should go back to her or leave her alone to let her tears flow in peace. In the end I decide to go to her, fearing there might be something wrong that requires medical attention. Surely no human could cry for that long a duration…
I am halfway to Andrea’s room when her sobs fall silent and her breathing evens out. I check her heart rate. Sure enough, she has fallen asleep. Unfortunately she is still on the floor. And while I am sure it cannot be the most comfortable position, I am loathe to wake her. Unsure of what my course of action should be, I retreat to my room once more. Mentally, I access controls in Andrea’s room, turning the lights down low to allow her to sleep.
As I sit at my workspace, I am intent on turning my focus to the early microbial life we are supposed to be studying. Though for some reason I decide against suppressing visual and audio feed coming from Andrea’s dark room.
And thankfully so, otherwise I would not have heard her screaming in the early morning hours.
Chapter 12
Andrea
Panic grips me. Memories from the day before don’t even have the chance to filter into my consciousness. All I’m aware of is my bone-deep terror—it’s like a threat I can’t assess. All I know is that it’s dark here and I can’t decide if I’m floating through space, locked in a coffin, or if I’m home in my bedroom…my parents just down the hall. Am I dead or is this a nightmare?
Whatever it is, it seems unending.
Then, a sliver of light shines into the room and a familiar face bursts through the open door. “Andrea!”
It’s Valens and he drops down to his knees beside me. “Andrea, are you alright?” His voice is frantic, which I find odd considering he’s supposed to be a machine. Shouldn’t he be calm and stoic? If only his breaths were deep and ragged I would imagine that he ran the entire way here. But Valens doesn’t breathe.
The door automatically glides shut and darkness descends once more. I scream in terror, fearful my friend will somehow vanish, just like my past life did. My hands find the hard planes of his body and I nearly scale him in an effort to keep him near me.
“Lights!” he calls out. When I can see him again I feel a wave of relief wash over me and I cling to Valens’s neck, sobbing. He’s literally cradling me in his lap as I cry. Even still, I can’t find it in myself to feel embarrassed. I need his comfort too badly.
“I’m here now,” he whispers, stroking my back.
But still I cry and it takes a long time for me to calm down enough to wipe away my tears. Silence stretches between us and though Valens is patient I eventually realize I need to get off of the android’s lap.
“Sorry…I kind of had a freak out there.”
“There is no need to apologize. My research tells me this is a common symptom for a human suffering trauma.”
I want to argue that there is nothing common about my situation, but I bite my tongue, grateful that Valens is even here in the first place.
My android friend allows me to rise and he does the same. We stand there, facing one another. I can’t help but feel awkward and exposed. I wonder what he thinks about me. Suddenly he turns and disappears into the bathroom. I’m able to fight my urge to follow him, but it’s only because he leaves the door open. Inside I hear water running and he appears a moment later with a wet washcloth. Wordlessly he hands it to me and I run it over my face, allowing it to cool my brow.
“You did not eat your dinner.”
“I didn’t,” I agree.
“You will eat breakfast today.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I mutter, massaging my neck. I’ve got a hell of a kink in it. Probably shouldn’t have slept on the floor.
“You will,” he insists.
“Fine,” I shrug. “Maybe just some toast.”
“Toast with jam and a glass of orange juice,” he tells the synth machine. He clears the table of last night’s soup and sets the fresh food out for me.
“Sit,” he orders. For some reason I listen, and he drops down into the chair next to mine. “You did not dress for bed last night.”
“Look who’s talking,” I point out, noticing yesterday’s wrinkled uniform.
He frowns at me. “Eat your food.”
Dutifully, I reach for my toast. Though, I end up holding it more than I nibble at it.
“Are you feeling up for a tour of the ship today?”
I shrug. I don’t know if I care about anything at all right now. I’m just too numb.
“Finish your food and I will take you for a walk in the gardens.”
The idea of being around people though…it seems like a chore. “I’m a mess,” I say, finger combing my hair.
“Would you like to bathe?”
I peer over at the bathroom. The shower stall looked awfully tight, like a coffin…or a stasis pod.
“You are frightened?” Valens asks, accurately reading my expression.
“Being all alone in a tight space just isn’t doing it for me right now,” I admit.
“Would you feel more comfortable if I joined you?”
My eyes go wide. “In the shower?”
“I will stand at the door while you rinse off in the cleansing unit.”
“Ohhhh.” I blush. “Yeah, that actually would make me feel better.”
I try to get up from the table, but Valens grabs my arm. “First you will eat,” he insists, his voice firm and demanding.
“Sheesh, alright. Anyone ever tell you how bossy you are?”
He appears to consider the question. “Never before in my life.”
Chapter 13
Valens
Apparently I am bossy when it comes to this particular human. It is yet another new development in my neural network and I mentally test its limits. But I find it only applies to Andrea’s health and wellbeing. If Andrea refuses to care for herself, I will be the one to crack the whip.
After she forces down her toast and juice I follow her to the bathroom. I’m surprised when she steps into the cleansing unit fully clothed. “Andrea! That is not how it is done!” I warn, but over the edge of the clouded glass she begins to toss her clothes to me, one by one, until I can see her naked body outlined through the stall door.
She turns on the hot water and steam begins to fill the room.
I wonder if perhaps I should tu
rn my back as I did yesterday in the medbay. Shouldn't I be offering Andrea some semblance of privacy? But I can't seem to turn away and I watch with curiosity as the outline of her body moves about the cleansing unit. Something about her seems more…graceful than the other females aboard the Salutation. It's an observation I can't quantify, yet I feel it nonetheless.
It isn't long before the water shuts off.
"Is there a towel out there?"
"There is. You also have the option of using the body dryer."
"The what?"
"Just a moment," I tell her, engaging the warm air flow inside the stall. It powers on with a loud whoosh. But it is not as loud as Andrea's scream that quickly follows.
"Jesus! Valens turn it off!" But I’m already working to do just that. "A towel! I'll take a towel!"
"Apologies, Andrea. Some people prefer the dryer, it creates less laundry—"
"I'll do the extra load!"
Andrea opens the door a crack and thrusts her hand out. I retrieve a towel from the cupboard and pass it to her. She doesn't wait to dry off before she scrambles out of the cleansing stall, wrapping the towel tightly around her chest. I catch myself noticing the droplets of water clinging to her collar bone just before I meet her eyes…which are still wide with the shock she received from the dryer.
"That was abrasive to say the least."
"There should have been no texture to the airflow—"
"No, I mean it was…it was an uncomfortable shock. I wasn't expecting that. I'll do it the old-fashioned way next time."
Andrea pushes past me, seeming anxious to get out of the tight bathroom. She leaves a trail of water dripping behind her as she goes. I grab an extra towel and follow her to the bedroom where I find her fumbling with the doors to her closet, unsure of how to open them.
"You give a slight push." I demonstrate.
"Oh, thanks."
She riffles through her meager belongings and finds attire similar to what she wore yesterday. I myself don't have many more personal items than Andrea does, but I have seen inside Vesi and Kayla's closets. They have many more things.
"We will have to get you more soon," I say, thinking aloud and wondering what else she might need. Why do females have so much stuff?
"This should be fine," Andrea mutters, already pulling her underthings on beneath her towel.
"You are still wet, Andrea," I point out, moving closer to wipe down her exposed skin. She holds still, allowing me to dry her arms…her shoulders…her collar bones. I eye her hair. "I do not think you will appreciate the device we have to dry hair."
She looks at me, a strange expression on her face that I cannot read. It seems there is something she wants to say, but she turns to the closet instead, grabbing her tunic. Andrea casts a glance back at me and this time I turn away.
A short time later, I’m surprised to find that Andrea has no qualms about the hair dryer—even with it being as loud as the dryer in the cleansing unit and functioning off the same technology. In her bathroom drawer she finds some additional items Kayla thought to put there. A gloss for her lips and a coating for her eyelashes.
"Why do you do that?" I ask. "Are you dissatisfied with your natural appearance?"
"Huh? No. It just makes me feel put together."
"Kayla also wears such appearance enhancers."
"Yeah, a lot of women do. No shame in that."
"You do not require them."
Andrea turns to me and again she has that unplaceable look on her face, just before her lips quirk into a smile. "I'll take that as a compliment."
"It was meant to be one," I tell her, and though Andrea seems to be finished getting ready she paces her quarters, wringing her hands.
"Is there something else you need before we go?"
"No…" she answers, but then she thinks again. "Maybe some water." Andrea moves to the synth and presses her face close to the keypad as she makes her request. I don't point out that it isn't necessary to be in such close proximity. She will eventually learn. When a glass materializes she holds it in her hand, but I notice she doesn't drink.
"Andrea, your heart rate is increasing but I am not aware of any stimuli to warrant such a change."
"What’s in this garden?” she asks at a quickened tempo. “Are there windows? Who’s going to be there? Is it going to be crowded?"
"There is a wide variety of plants in each of the gardens and there are many windows. I have no way of knowing who will be there, but the ship's computer tells me there are 17 crew members currently in the garden which I planned to take you to. What is the purpose of these questions, Andrea? You seem distraught."
She runs her hand through her hair and slowly lets out a long breath of air. My gaze narrows in on her lips as she does.
“No…I’m just being weird. I’m sorry, this isn’t like me. Let’s go.” Andrea marches toward the door, but I reach out and touch her wrist.
“If you feel overwhelmed we can come back. I will try to be sensitive to any anxiety you might be experiencing, but, Andrea, please tell me if there is something that is making you uncomfortable. I cannot promise to always read your emotions with accuracy.”
“You keep saying that. But so far, you seem to have pretty spectacular accuracy when it comes to reading me.”
Chapter 14
Andrea
Valens and I don’t pass anyone in the halls. I’m grateful for it. I don’t think I’m ready to see any more aliens that look like they stepped out of a nightmare. Though I feel like a jerk for having that thought. I mean, they’re just people—scientists who are only here to study life in the galaxy. And here I am judging. Not very woke of me. I suspect it’s just going to take a while to get used to.
Walking alone with Valens gives me time to focus on the man at my side…or machine, I suppose. I watch him from the corner of my eye, not really knowing what to think of him. And I also don’t really know how to ask about him without seeming foolish. As an android I imagine he’s far more intelligent than any human, especially one from the 21st century. Gulan already hinted at the fact that I was an idiot. I wonder if Valens shares that belief.
“What’s your IQ, Valens?” I ask.
He tilts his head to the side. “I performed a search of the term ‘IQ’ in the ship’s data banks. Are you referring to my intelligence quotient?”
“I am,” I say with a smirk. I kind of like the way he talks. He doesn’t seem like a machine half the time. He seems natural, fluid, and real. But he also seems…I don’t know…I don’t want to use the word naïve, because that doesn’t quite fit. It’s more like he’s just…new.
“That system of rating a person’s intelligence was discarded a millennium ago. Even still, it would not apply to me. My neural network is more easily compared to a computer system.”
“Okay, which computer systems are as smart as you?”
“None. They are comparable, but not equivalent to my abilities.”
I snort out a laugh. “Are you bragging, Valens?”
A small smile teases at his purple-tinted lips. “My processing speed is far greater than even the ship’s computer and my intelligence surpasses that of all other known systems of AI as well.”
“How is that possible?”
“My neural network is meant to emulate the mind—I possess creativity, I have burgeoning emotions. No other AI can compare to that. It makes me smarter than any organic being on the ship—”
“And wilier than any computer?”
He smiles wide. “Yes. I am much wilier as you say.”
“So am I like an ant to you? Or less than that? I’m probably like a potato,” I joke.
Valens stops walking and faces me. He doesn’t look amused. “It is not fair to compare your intelligence to my own, Andrea. A brain and a neural network are not one and the same. While I may have certain advantages over you, I assure you, there are advantages you have over me as well.”
“I’ll just have to take your word for it.”
“Why do you ask these things?” Valens questions, resuming our walk to the garden.
“I’m wondering about fitting in here, I guess. Not that I’m ready for it. In fact, I know I’m not. But when I am ready, will I be accepted or will everyone think of me as a Neanderthal?”
“You possess the same capacity for intelligence as the other humans aboard this ship. Your only disparity is in modern technology and that you will learn in time.”
“But will I fit in, Valens?”
The android looks thoughtful. “That is something I also found myself concerned with when I first joined the crew.”
“And what happened?”
“I discovered my concerns were unfounded. I have many friends aboard the Salutation and I continue to make new ones when we stop on inhabited worlds. I believe the same will be true for you, Andrea.”
I take Valens’s words with a grain of salt. He is my liaison or whatever. He has to be nice.
“Besides, you already have one friend in the 39th century.”
I smile and knock into Valens’s shoulder as we walk.
“It is me,” he adds.
“Yeah, I got that.”
Valens pauses at a door before us. It’s taller and wider than the doors leading to crew quarters. Automatically, it glides open and my vision is flooded with green. The sight takes my breath away.
I hadn’t really noticed until now, but the majority of the interior of the ship is silver and gray. And though it’s lovely, it’s also a stark contrast to my colorful life on Earth. Seeing this vibrancy now…it stirs something inside me and in my awe I realize it hasn’t been a couple of days since I’ve seen the greens and blues of Earth…it’s been hundreds of years.
I must be trembling, because Valens’s hand goes to the small of my back, steadying me. “Do you still wish to go in?” he asks, his voice low.
I nod, and carefully I enter the garden. Looking up, I see the entire ceiling is made of glass, crisscrossed by thin support beams that have been arranged in a beautiful geometric pattern. Like this, it doesn’t seem so much like I’m floating in space, but more so like it is simply night and I’m looking up at the sky. It’s beautiful—as long as I don’t think about it too hard, of course.
