Just Breathe

by Célia Pereira

  “I’ll grab something for you to wear once you’re done. The water should be hot enough now,” he whispers right by my ear, and I can’t help the shiver that runs down my spine.

  I feel a surge of disappointment upon thinking he is leaving me in here by myself. Before I lose my nerve, I press my lips against his. He doesn’t need any other encouragement. He quickly slips his tongue inside my mouth and duels with mine. He backs me against the small sink and lifts me onto it while coming to stand between my legs. We kiss, ravishing each other’s tongues and biting lips, fighting for dominance. Neither one of us seeming to be close enough to the other. I need to feel his skin and tug at his shirt, which is plastered to his body from the rain. He gets the hint and stops the kiss for just a brief moment, pulling off the offending piece of clothing, and attacking my mouth once again. I trail my hands up his stomach, and oh my God, does this man have a sculpted body, so firm and tight, sporting an eight-pack. He makes a growling sound and grabs my hands, placing them behind my back as he leans back to catch my eyes. His eyes, naturally dark, right now look onyx, filled with desire, and I just want to get lost in whatever he is going to unleash upon me.

  Silently, Gavin helps me down from the sink, grips the bottom of my dress, which feels molded to my body, and slowly begins to lift it. Once he reaches my waistline, he looks up to get the okay to continue. All I can manage is a slight nod, but that seems to be enough for him. In one swift move, my dress is up and over my head, thrown on the floor with his shirt. The steam is filling the small bathroom and should be enough to warm me up, but standing in front of Gavin, naked with just my panties on, his dark eyes eating me up as he zeroes in on my exposed breasts, makes me shiver. I can feel my nipples harden from his gaze on them and the desire pooling in my already wet panties. I don’t know what to do except stare at his well-defined chest and all his intricate tattoos. I wish I could spend all night tracing them with my tongue. With that thought, I lick my lips and look into Gavin’s eyes.

  “You’re fucking gorgeous, Bailey. All of you, inside and out,” he whispers as he lifts his hand and let his fingers lazily run up from my waist, over my ribs, and over my hardened nipple. At first contact, I suck in a breath from how good that feels. Then he bends down and takes it in his mouth, sucking and lapping it with his tongue.

  “Gavin…” I call out his name and slide my fingers through his hair, holding him there. I don’t want this to end. It feels so good, I can feel my body burning up from the sensation alone. He licks and sucks, and I let out a loud moan when he nips at me with his teeth. He runs his tongue between my breasts, up to my neck, and then kisses just below my earlobe.

  “You’re shivering, let’s get you warmed up.”

  He quickly removes his jeans and boxer briefs and makes his way to the shower and helps me in. He moves me under the showerhead and then corners me into the wall with his body. Attacking my mouth once again, he massages my tongue with his then sucks and bites my lips. I so desperately want to feel him and have him make me fall apart like he did the night before. I let my hands run down to his ass, gripping him and pushing him closer to me. He pushes away from me, but before I can protest he falls to his knees, smoothly bringing my panties down with him. He helps me lift my feet and remove my panties, and then, in one quick move, his head is between my legs and his tongue is licking my most private part. I gasp for air, but that only seems to push him to go on. He grabs my left leg and places it over his shoulder to open me up more. He licks and then inserts one finger inside me and begins to fuck me with his tongue and finger. I’ve never experienced anything like this, and it feels amazing. I can feel my body on the verge of exploding.

  “You taste even better than I imagined, baby. So damn sweet,” he rasps out before going back to his merciless, wicked ways.

  “Gavin! Oh, God!” I can’t manage to say anything else when everything seems to be lit up in flames, and I am flying oh so high. As I come down from the most incredible feeling my body has ever experienced, Gavin is standing and holding me in his arms. Thank goodness, because I don’t think I have the strength to stand on my own two legs after that.

  “You’re so beautiful when you come for me, Bailey,” he whispers against my lips between soft kisses.

  I can feel his hard cock rubbing against my stomach—man, how it feels thick and long against me. I don’t know what comes over me, but I reach down and wrap it in my hand.

  “Fuck.” Gavin hisses out. I loosen my hold and look up at him, unsure if I’m doing it right.

  “As much as I want your hands and mouth on my cock, babe, I don’t think I’m gonna last. I need to be inside you right now.” At the thought of having him in my mouth, I squeeze his cock in my hand and stroke it once. Gavin growls next to my ear, grabs both wrists, placing them over my head, and crushes his lips to mine. He’s so powerful and so dominant; I can’t seem to keep up with him. He lets go of my right hand and grabs my leg to put it around his waist, then guides his cock to my entrance. I’m lost in our kiss and the way he is rubbing the head of his cock against my clit. I begin to grind against him, and that burning feeling starts up again. I moan into his mouth, and then he’s pushing into me slowly. At first, I feel him stretching me and don’t think it’s too bad.

  “Babe, you’re so goddamn tight; I don’t think I’m gonna last long,” he hisses and captures my mouth in a searing kiss. At the same time, he pushes himself all the way inside me. I can’t scream at the intrusion since his mouth is muffling my sounds, but thankfully, he stops moving once inside and allows me to adjust.

  “Babe?” he whispers against my lips as I take in several breaths.

  “Babe, you okay?” He nips at my lips and then leans his head between my shoulder and neck.

  I manage to nod my response and he begins to move slowly, slightly out and then back in. The pain slowly subsides and is replaced with an increasing amount of pleasure. I feel so full and stretched with him inside of me; it’s perfect. I start to move against him, and that gives him the green light to speed up.

  “Fuck, Bailey! You feel so fucking perfect!” he grunts out as his hips slam into me. He’s gripping onto my hips, keeping me steady, and all I can do is hold on to his muscular back.

  “Gavin!” I cry out as I feel that fire getting closer to the surface. He brings his fingers to my clit and begins rubbing it and then latches onto one of my nipples, and just like that, I’m going up in flames, screaming out his name.

  Gavin slams into me two more times before he’s pulling out of me abruptly and calling out my name as he comes against the wall next to me.

  I blink a few times, and when I can focus, I see Gavin smiling down at me as the steam from the shower floats around us. I sag into him and he wraps me in his arms.

  “That was amazing,” he whispers into my hair as we stand under the spray of hot water. I can’t manage much more than a nod of my head.

  “I’m hoping you being speechless means you thought it was amazing, too.” He tickles my side as I laugh, begging for mercy. I can barely stand my legs are so jelly.

  “Yes! Please stop!” I laugh even harder.

  “That’s what I thought.” He places a few more kisses on my lips and forehead before starting to wash my body and hair. I’ve never had someone take care of me like this; I feel like I’m floating around on a cloud. Once he’s rinsed out the shampoo, which smells exactly like him, cinnamon and spice, I return the favor and wash him up.

  Once we’re both clean, he dries us off and leads us to his bedroom where he finds a t-shirt for me to wear. He pulls back his covers and gets into bed, bringing me along with him. He nestles me in closer so my head is resting on his bare chest and he wraps both arms around me. I let out a content sigh and silently thank my mom for leading me to Gavin before I drift into a blissful sleep. In the distance, I vaguely hear him whisper.

  “You’re mine, beautiful.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Bailey

  I wake up feeling lik
e I can’t breathe. At first, I’m confused as to where I am, and then the events from the night before come rushing back. All thoughts of him making love to me are wiped out when there’s a tightening grip around my ribs and the shouting of someone’s name I can’t quite make out. I try to move and wake Gavin up when I realize that I’m still tightly snuggled against his chest, a chest that is covered in sweat. I lift my head as much as I can to look up at him, his eyes are still closed, squeezed tight, and there’s a light sheen of sweat covering his face.

  “Gavin.” I try to get out but he begins to thrash around, and his grip on me tightens even more, I finally manage to slip one of my arms free and reach up to shake him awake.

  “Gavin!” I all but scream, much louder this time. God, he seems to be having a horrible nightmare.

  “Travis!” he screams into the night and jolts up so abruptly I almost fall out of bed.

  “Gavin?” I whisper, trying not to startle him even more. I slowly move on the bed next to him and gently place my hand on his sweaty back. At my touch, he flinches, and I retrieve it quickly. When his eyes lock with mine, I almost burst into tears.

  Staring back at me aren’t those intense dark chocolate eyes that make me melt just by looking at me. Staring back are eyes so hollow that all I find is emptiness and terrible pain.

  The need to wrap him in my arms and protect him is so overwhelming. I wrap my arms tightly around him and guide his face to the curve of my neck. At first, he just rests his head there, but shortly after his arms come up around my waist and move me to straddle him, where he allows me to hold and comfort him without words.

  I trace my fingers lightly up and down his back while feeling his labored breathing against my chest. I wonder what he could have been dreaming about that would have him so out of control, struggling to wake up, looking so lost, and with pain filling his eyes. Before I can break the silence, Gavin pulls his head back to look straight at me, with an intensity that leaves me breathless, and all I desperately want to do is comfort him in any way possible.

  “I need you, Bailey,” he whispers against my lips and begins lifting the shirt up and over my head. I don’t argue or ask questions. I understand that right now he just wants to forget what he was stuck living through moments ago.

  “I’m yours, Gavin,” I whisper back while locking eyes with him. From his expression, it is the right thing to say. He crushes his lips to mine and takes what he needs. For most of what is left of the night, Gavin loses himself inside me until he’s chased away whatever demons were haunting him.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Gavin

  I took Bailey twice before I pulled out of her, took care of the condom, and crawled back into bed with her. In the shower, I didn’t use one, and although I pulled out, I still should have asked her permission to go bare. Once settling her back against my chest, I bring it up as I begin to play with her hair.

  “I didn’t use a condom in the shower, Bailey. I always do, I never go without. But with you, I just lost control with need. I should have asked you first, I’m sorry, baby. I get tested regularly and I’m clean,” I whisper against her head and wait for her response.

  “I had a full physical done before arriving in Watermount Falls. I’m clean, too, but I’m not on any birth control.” She snuggles even closer to me.

  “Would you consider going on birth control? I won’t lie to you, babe, you felt un-fucking-believable without a condom.” She giggles softly and presses a kiss to my bare chest. So damn cute, this woman.

  “I guess I can work something out. I’m due for my period in the next couple of days, so we should be okay.”

  We fall back into a comfortable silence, our breathing the only sound in the quiet room. The rain stopped a while ago but the wind is still wild out.

  I attempt to process how I will even begin to tell Bailey about my nightmare, but there’s really no easy way to say it. She deserves to know. I know I scared the shit out of her when I woke up screaming Travis’s name and then roughly took her, which was my attempt to get rid of the images that lingered with me. Despite my savage ways, she never asked me to stop, nor did she ask for an explanation. She just gave me her body, as if she knew that’s what I needed. She deserves better than that.

  I hold her tighter to me and kiss her head a few times before taking in a deep breath and throwing myself back into the nightmare that has been a part of me for the past seven months, eight days, and ten hours.

  “My brother was nineteen when he came to me and told me he had enlisted in the army.”

  I can feel her body stiffen slightly, so I wait. She kisses my chest once more and relaxes against me again without saying a word. I close my eyes and hold onto her while I reveal the most terrifying experience of my life.

  “He didn’t ask for an opinion; he just wanted me to know that in less than two months he would be deploying. He was the type of guy that when he set his mind to something, he stuck to it. He was the one who always encouraged me with my passion for drawing and then tattooing. He knew my parents would be pissed, my father more than anything, my mother was just worried. Father expected him to follow in his footsteps since I was, apparently, a lost cause, and tattooing wasn’t something to brag about to his high-end friends. So, Travis came to me first with the news. I was terrified for him, of course, he’s my baby brother, but I was proud of him, and encouraged him in anything he wanted to pursue.”

  “Every Sunday, it was a ritual for us to go over to my parents’ for lunch, mandated by our mom. That night, he told our parents he had enlisted and would leave in six weeks. My mother, being the mother hen, was worried about her baby boy. Our father, well, he was outright pissed and made sure everybody knew he didn’t approve of Travis’s decision.”

  “Before we left, our father pulled me aside and demanded that I change his mind. Being the eldest sibling, it was my responsibility to do so, or so he said. I refused, of course, as it wasn’t either of our decision to make. My father made it extremely clear that if his boy didn’t return it would be on my hands, and I could forget about stepping foot in his house again.” Bailey inhales sharply but doesn’t say a word. It’s as if she knows what I’m about to say before the words leave my mouth. She holds me tighter to her and presses a few kisses to my chest, before lying back down.

  “He managed two tours. The first one was six months and he was granted two-weeks leave. When he came home to visit before heading to his second tour, our father fought him over his decision and continued to blame me, demanding that I make it right instead of spending time with Travis and being happy he was home for a short while. On a mandatory Sunday lunch, seven months and eight days ago, two lieutenants showed up, handed my mother a couple of letters, Travis’s tags, a flag, and their condolences.”

  “Mother couldn’t say a word, she was heartbroken at the news of losing her baby boy, and Father dearest stayed true to his word. He screamed and dumped all his blame on me and kicked me out.”

  “Every night, when I close my eyes, I’m in the middle of a war zone searching for him. I find him and run as fast as I can to reach him, and when I’m just about a foot from him, he vanishes. Then we’re in a hospital room, and he’s lying there with all these tubes and doctors trying to save him, but nothing helps. I try to move, to get to him, to save him, but I’m always too fucking late.”

  I exhale and tighten my hold on Bailey, to the point I’m probably hurting her, but she doesn’t protest. I need her as close as I can get her so that I can wash these damn images away and hide in her forever if I can.

  I’m expecting her to ask questions, or to try and say some meaningless words that won’t heal anything and will only infuriate me since I’m so sick of hearing people give me their stupid condolences. But Bailey surprises the fuck out of me and just proves to me why she’s so damn different from any other woman I’ve ever come across.

  “From how you’ve described Travis, it doesn’t seem as if he would want you to live your life with guilt o
ver how he chose to live his.” She lifts her face toward mine, and I can see the few tears she’s shed at hearing my torment. Reaching up to me, she takes my lips in a soul-crushing kiss and then lets me take her again, as if she knows that’s what I need to deal with these suffocating moments.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Bailey

  Sun pours into the room and warms my skin. I don’t want to wake up yet. When I open my eyes, all the memories from last night come rushing back. It was the perfect date. It was the perfect everything, really. I stretch my arms above my head, and wow, do my muscles ache. I ache in places that I didn’t even realize could ache. Gavin was sweet, dominant, soft, and hard, all at the same time. Although he had no idea I gave my virginity to him last night, he couldn’t have planned last night any better than how it happened.

  And now to build the courage to tell him about my past, since he did open up to me about his brother. Granted, he probably felt obligated since he had a freaking nightmare, but that’s beside the point. Ugh!

  Why oh why can’t I just enjoy this blissful feeling of having had Gavin all night a little bit longer. Stupid conscience.

  I know I have to tell him, now more than ever, since he was open with me about something so traumatizing in his life that he is still struggling with. Shit! My story is so different and so complicated. I’m worried that telling Gavin will put him in danger. What if he finds me and threatens to hurt Gavin? I would never forgive myself. And that is why you have to tell him! Oh, shut up already!

  I spot Gavin in the kitchen—he’s topless and his back muscles flex as he moves, his sleep pants hang low around his waist, emphasizing his backside. He has a nice ass, girl! Get it straight! Go away!

  He’s making coffee and cooking breakfast. Shit, I told Ash I’d meet her with enough time to talk before she started her shift at the grill. I spot the time on the clock above the TV and see it’s just after eight. I guess I can stay for a little bit and still have time to meet up with Ash.