Almost.
In a trance, I walk over to where my handbag lies discarded on the coffee table. I dig out my phone and plug it in to recharge the battery. Once the screen lights up, the pings never stop.
Text messages, calls, video calls. The soup kitchen, the plant nursery, and one number that stands out from the rest. I thought I had nobody left, but Raphael is here to prove me wrong. He's texted, called. The last text was only thirty minutes ago. He hasn't forgotten about me. He's worried about me. Unlike Nox, he wants to take care of me.
With shaky fingers, I hold my phone and stare at the last message he sent. He said he's coming over to the house again to check up on me. Fear squeezes my chest tight. That was thirty minutes ago. He'll be here any second. But am I brave enough to see him? I can never tell him what happened, I already know that. I'm not going to start a witch hunt against Nox, as much as what he did has destroyed me.
His punishment will mean nothing to me unless Nox himself is the one to seek it out.
He needs to realize he must repent for what he's done.
Until then, I'm done with the sick bastard.
The doorbell rings and I pick myself up from the couch robotically, stumbling over to the front door. I take a deep breath and open the door.
"Dove!" Raphael makes a move to embrace me but I take a step back, avoiding his inquisitive gaze. "Where were you, Dove?"
"Doesn't matter," I say, my voice devoid of emotion. "I'm back now. Not going anywhere again."
"I was so worried. Why won't you look at me?"
I close my eyes firmly, counting to five. Then, I open them and look at Raphael, the man who's only ever tried to help me since the very first day I met him. And yet I betrayed him. I chose the monster lurking in the shadows instead of Raphael. And now I'm paying for that awful mistake.
"Thank you," Raphael mutters. His dark eyes spark with worry and desire. There are so many things I wish I could tell him, but I'm uselessly tongue-tied, unable to broach the subject of my disappearance. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah," I nod, stepping aside to let him in. I've opened some windows but the air in here is still stale. My flowers and plants are desperately in need of water.
I put the coffee pot on and busy myself by watering the plants. I don't say anything and neither does Raphael. He just follows me as I move through the house, as if watching over me to make sure nothing bad happens to me again.
Fifteen minutes later, we settle on my couch, warming our palms on cups of warm coffee. Fresh air flows through the open window. My heart and head both hurt and I'm not ready for the conversation I know Raphael wants to have. I'm already dreading it. There's nothing I can tell him, anyway.
"Where were you, Dove?"
"I had to leave," I mutter. "It doesn't matter."
"You're pale as a ghost. What happened?"
"Nothing." I shake my head vehemently. Perhaps if I deny it out loud enough times, I'll start to believe it myself. "I'm back now. Everything will go back to normal."
"I missed you."
I risk a look at his handsome face. He's wearing a look of sincerity and I'm desperate to believe him. I want to know there's at least one person out there who has my best interests at heart, who doesn't want to hurt me, destroy me. I want to believe Raphael is here purely for me – to make me feel better.
"I missed you, too," I lie. The truth is, I haven't even thought about him. Not until I saw all the missed calls and texts.
"Are you going to be okay here on your own?" he asks. "You can come stay at my place for a while."
"No," I shake my head. I need to be alone, though I won't say that aloud, so I don't hurt his feelings. "I have my plants to take care of, and I'll have to head to work tomorrow, see if they'll take me back."
"I understand," he nods. An awkward silence falls between us, but Raphael breaks it soon enough. "Do you want me to leave you alone, Dove?"
"No," I say, surprising myself as much as I'm surprising Raphael. "I need a friend."
"I can be your friend. But, Dove..." He reaches for my hand and I fight every instinct in my body screaming at me to pull away from his touch. "I still like you… Want you."
"Okay," I nod. It's the most I can muster the courage for. I can't give him false hopes, promise anything other than to be his friend.
"Have you eaten?"
"Not for a while," I realize out loud. "Do you want to order some takeout?"
"Sure." If Raphael is surprised by the fact I've offered he doesn't show it. I scroll through my phone and we order together. Things feel surprisingly normal as I click on the TV and we settle in front of it, waiting for our food. This time, the silence is pleasant, companionable.
The food shows up soon. I load up our plates and eat hungrily. My stomach was rumbling. I needed this.
At least there's one thing I can be grateful for to Nox. He taught me how to take care of myself again. All those years I denied myself – for him, for my mother – feel inconsequential now. There's nobody in this world who I'll starve myself for, hurt myself for, again. I'm my priority now. I'm the only one who can take care of myself. And I fully intend on doing that.
"It's good to see you eating," Raphael tells me with a smile.
"This used to be my favorite," I mutter, picking up more noodles with my chopsticks. "Pad Thai. I ate it all the time back in New York."
"Seems like your life was quite different back then."
I swallow thickly. "Very. But I like it better here. And I'm done sulking and feeling sorry for myself."
Robin wouldn't want that.
At the mere thought of my brother, my stomach clenches with guilt and sadness. My appetite is gone in an instant. I put my plate on the coffee table and curl up on the couch, pulling my legs against my body. I want to cry, but I don't want Raphael to know what's wrong.
"Is there anything I can do?" he asks when I don't speak for a while.
I'm rarely this honest, but the truth flows from my lips easily this time. "Don't leave me. I need you."
"I won't leave." Raphael sets his plate down too, and brings over a blanket, draping it over my curled-up body. I look up at him, thanking him with a weak smile. "I'll clean up here. You get some rest, Dove, okay? I won't go anywhere, I promise you that."
"Thank you," I whisper. And then sleep is already pulling me under, promising a world of darkness where all my worries are gone, and I can float endlessly in the shadows where nothing can hurt me at all.
***
I don't know how long I'm asleep for. When my eyes fly open, my first instinct is to panic. But then I realize I'm not with Nox anymore. The truth of what happened hits me like a ton of bricks and I groan, burying my face in a pillow.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."
I look up, remembering Raphael. Pulling myself into a sitting position, I rub the sleep out of my eyes and manage the weakest smile. "I thought you would've left by now. What's the time?"
"It's seven a.m.," he says. "I promised to stay, didn't I?"
"You didn't have to do that."
"I know I didn't, but I like to keep my promises," he grins. "I cleaned up a bit, changed the sheets on your bed, did the dishes. The house is nice and aired out now."
"Thank you." Somehow, the thought of Raphael going through my things doesn't annoy me as much as I thought it would. He's only trying to help after all.
"When will I see you again, Dove?" he asks.
"I don't know."
"Don't pull away from me." He makes a move to touch me but changes his mind at the last second. "Please. I don't want to lose you. I want to help you. Make you feel better."
"I don't think anyone can do that," I tell him with a sigh.
"Has there been any word from your brother?"
His innocent question threatens to destroy me the moment it leaves his lips. I force myself to remain calm. Not to think about the bloodied hoodie in Nox's motel room.
"No," I manage.
"I could hire a PI," he o
ffers. "Help you figure out what happened.”
"No," I repeat. "Don't."
"Dove, I just want to help," he goes on. "I was worried sick for you."
"I can take care of myself." For the first time, I'm not lying by saying that. I don't need anyone now, not anymore. I'm independent. Perhaps Nox did teach me that. And yet I can never not hate him. Not after what he's done.
"Just promise me you won't disappear again," Raphael says. "I want to stay in touch."
"Yes," I nod. "I'd like that too."
As independent as I want to be, I will still need a friend. I just hope Raphael can accept I'm not ready for anything romantic. Not with anyone. Not after Nox.
"I have to head to work soon," he mutters, checking his phone. "Can I take you out to dinner tonight?"
I ponder his question. Perhaps I should say no, pretend like I don't want his company. But the truth is, I'm eager for someone to be around. Someone who doesn't see me as an object, a sex toy. I want Raphael to be that person. I only hope he can accept I'm not going to be in a relationship with him.
"Yes," I finally say. "But, Raphael..."
"Dove, you don't have to say it." He picks himself up and grins at me. "I'm a big guy, I can see what's happening. I've seen heartache too many times to count. I know what it feels like. Just let me make it better for you. No strings attached."
"Thank you," I manage weakly. Somehow, without me having to put it into words, he realized exactly what I needed.
"I'll see you tonight."
"Yes."
We say goodbye at the door and I lock up after he leaves, but not before checking the street to make sure nobody's there.
No sign of Nox.
Fucking good, I tell myself. If he showed up here again, I'd be forced to call the cops. He better keep his fucking distance, or else.
Chapter 33
Nox
3 months later
Some things never change.
I was always a monster. Despite my father's best efforts, he couldn't beat the evil streak out of me. And now, I've finally accepted it. I'm done running from who I am. I'm done denying myself the pleasure of watching Dove, my little bird, live her life even when she doesn't want me in it.
I'm a stalker.
And I'm never going to change.
I'm following her again today. I've been doing it since she left my motel room after losing her shit with me, but she hasn't noticed so far. I've been sticking to the shadows, hiding in plain sight, and it's worked well. I have no doubt Dove would keep her promise of turning me in if she spotted me tailing her. But I have no intention of being noticed. After all, I'm most at home in the shadows.
The pain from her rejection cuts deep, but what's worse is the feeling that she's in the wrong.
I desperately want to convince Dove I'm the right man for her, but I also understand she won't want to listen to me until something changes. And I'm not turning myself in.
She's been talking to Raphael. I saw him come to her house that first day when we parted ways. Jealousy squeezed my heart in its long fingers, threatening to make me lose my mind again. But since my argument with Dove, I've realized I can't hurt anyone else she's close to. She won't understand. She'll only hold it against me.
I never was a patient man, but I'm starting to realize I'll have to change if I want Dove back beside me.
She's working at the plant nursery today, settling back into her normal life and her regular routine. Under her green thumb, plants flourish and life thrives. Even her own, personal issues are getting resolved. My little bird is taking better care of herself, eating right, not hurting her pretty body. She's healing. And I'm the reason why. Yet I can't reap the rewards, not without coming back into her life and stealing back what's always been mine.
I know she's going to see that prick again today, and it pisses me off to no end. I don't want her around Raphael. Hate the thought of him touching her, consoling her. It should be my job to do that. Soon enough, Dove will come around and I'll take that bastard's place. Soon enough.
I saw her having dinner with him only last night. The guy's obviously in love with her. You can see it from the way he looks at her, obsessing about her actions, wondering whether it's too soon to make a move again. When I see those wheels turning in his head, I want to fucking scream at the guy, tell him he'll never have her, not like I once did. It's all surface level between them, but not between us. Our scars run deep. So very deep.
At least she's eating. It's a small consolation to know I've helped Dove heal, but it fucking hurts to watch her explore this new version of herself with somebody else. Somebody who should be me.
Somehow, I'll force my way back into her life. I just need to figure out how and play my cards right. But I have no doubt that Dove will be back in my arms. That's where she truly belongs, after all.
Today, they're going out again, probably for dinner. It's almost a daily occurrence now. Dove will meet Raphael in front of his office and he'll take her to a new restaurant every night. They're growing closer, getting attached to one another, and it fucking kills me to watch. I want to destroy the prick who's taking what's mine. I want to steal her back. But Dove doesn't want me – she's made that clear enough.
Before I got here, I touched my cock thinking about her. Thick, long ropes of cum decorated my shower tile as I brought myself off, thinking about my little bird. Whatever she does, she can never escape me. I'll always keep an eye on her. Watch her, make sure nothing bad happens. She's mine. Mine.
I know eventually, Dove and Raphael will fuck. I also know that's one thing I won't be able to stand by and watch. I'll burst on the scene and physically separate them if I have to. I can't fucking bear the thought of his dick, his fingers, inside her. Those holes are mine and I will do every-fucking-thing in my power to keep it that way. And yet I need to remain unnoticed, hiding in the shadows and hoping neither of them notices me.
I don't know how much Dove has told Raphael, but I'm betting it's not the whole truth. He seems like a self-righteous prick, the kind that would report me, track me down and make me serve time for everything I've done. But Dove wouldn't. Dove loves me too much to condemn me to such a fate. Now I just have to twist her pretty little mind into submission, convince her that obeying me is what she's wanted all along.
I wait for them to meet in front of his office building. It's only been a few months since they met for the first time. Surely, she doesn't feel as much for him as he feels for her. My little bird doesn't fall so fast, and I know for a fact she's still hung up on me. I know, because I listen to her fucking herself while she whispers my name, coming to the fantasy of me that she can never have in real life. Not because I don't want her to. Because she decided it has to be this way. And one day I'll change her mind.
My gaze is focused on the entrance to the building. But instead of seeing Raphael exit or Dove arrive, I see a young woman pulling a little girl along.
The woman is short but pretty, with an innocent looking face that tells me she's younger than me. She's wearing an angry expression though, pulling along the kid wearing mismatched clothes. My curiosity is piqued, and I watch them approach the building, the kid tearing her arm out of her mother's grasp.
The girl stomps and shakes her head, crossing her arms in front of her little body. Her pretty face is streaked with tears. She's refusing to go inside with her mother.
It takes me a moment to recognize the little girl, but when I do, my expression turns thunderous.
I've seen her before. The little girl was here when Dove had her photoshoot, but she never told me her name.
The woman only tries to convince the kid for a few minutes before she shrugs and disappears inside the building, abandoning her child. The little girl bravely wipes her eyes, and that's when she sees me. Slowly, a tentative smile pulls at the corners of her lips and she raises her hand, waving timidly.
I shouldn't engage, shouldn't talk to her. But as she starts coming over to where I'm hiding,
I realize just how eager I am for some human contact. How desperately I want to talk to somebody else, even if it is just a silly little kid. I've been stuck dealing with the receptionist, my only human contact, somebody I can't stand. Somehow, I'm starved of conversation, and the kid seems like a better bet of having a good talk with than most adults.
"Hello," she greets me shyly, and I smirk at her.
"Hey, kid. Long time no see."
"I was hoping I would see you again."
I nod in acknowledgement of her words, then nod toward the building. "Your mom still hitting on the guy that works in there?"
"Yeah." She sighs. So grown up for such a little thing. "My stepdad would be so angry if he knew."
I watch her closely, wondering how hard life must be for her. Whether she has anyone on her side, anyone to help her. Before I can come to a conclusion, the kid points to my face.
"You have a new scar."
I touch my fingertips to the mark Dove left on me. Sometimes I almost manage to forget it's there now that it's all healed up. "Yeah. Makes me look like a villain, doesn't it?"
She shrugs. "Sometimes heroes have scars, too."
Her words are so profound I find myself clearing my throat in an effort not to show my emotions. I need to change the topic, and fast.
"So, you said your mom's married?"
She nods. "I don't like the guy."
"Why not?"
Wordlessly, she reaches for the sleeve of her lilac shirt printed with dalmatians and pulls it up. There are traces of fingers being dug into skin there, deep and bruised, an angry dark purple.
"He did that to you?"
She nods, avoiding my gaze. "I don't think he likes me."
My blood boils at the fucking sight. Who hurts an innocent child? I remember my own father then and what he did to me. How he abused me. How he twisted things around to make it seem like I deserved it, like it was part of a lesson I needed to be taught.
"What's your name?" My heart speeds up. I shouldn't ask. I shouldn't get involved. But because of my own trauma, when I see a kid in trouble, I can't help but try and get them out of their shitty situation.
Tyrant Stalker: A Dark Forbidden Romance (Tyrant Dynasty Book 2) Page 21
