Crazy for Your Love - Lexi Ryan

by Lexi Ryan

  “So . . . Teagan?”

  I nod, and my stomach knots. “Yeah.” For now. And maybe not even that. This afternoon felt like it was about more than pleasure, more than getting off, but when she got that text, she shut me out. For months I’ve been dodging anything that resembled commitment, but suddenly I’m getting this ache in my gut when I imagine letting Teagan go. It doesn’t matter if this weekend is pretend. I already know it’ll hurt to see it end. Months messing around with Myla and Bethany and I was never tempted, but a couple of days pretending with Teagan and I already wish I knew how to make it real.

  Myla drops her gaze to her shoes. “I know it sounds pathetic to ask, but what about her made you change your mind about relationships?”

  “She’s . . .” Fucking amazing. Fun. Sexy as hell. And sweet in the most surprising ways. And this morning when she asked about my nightmare, I thought maybe she really might understand what I’ve been going through. “I’ve been carrying a torch for Teagan for a long time, and once she gave me a chance, I knew I didn’t want to let her go.”

  Myla nods. “I’m so lonely, Carter. Maybe you and I aren’t a love match, but sometimes I think I’m not going to be a love match with anyone, and that is a really crappy feeling.”

  Her words are a blow to the chest. I know what that feels like. I was searching for someone special for years before I changed my ways. Being alone and wondering if I’d ever find someone to spend my life with sucked, and I hate that I’m making Myla feel that. She’s my friend and I care about her, but right now it’s pretty clear that I should have been more careful with her feelings. “You’re incredible, Myla.” I blow out a breath and drag a hand through my hair. “In fact, I work with a couple of guys who have been hounding me for your number. Hank, in particular, really likes you.”

  She smiles slowly and looks up at me through her lashes. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  I swear she stands a little taller. “You could give Hank my number. I mean . . . if that wouldn’t be too weird for you.” She blows out a breath. “But only if he’s looking for a relationship. I think this thing with you taught me something about myself.”

  “I’ll make sure. And I’ll make sure he knows that you’re an important friend to me, so he’d better not hurt you—not that I’d set you up with anyone I thought might intentionally hurt you.”

  “You’re a really good guy, Carter.” She squeezes my arm. “I hope Teagan knows how lucky she is.”

  “Eh, I’m the lucky one in that relationship.”

  She shakes her head, her hair swaying across her shoulders. The tear tracks drying on her cheeks glisten in the light from the street lamps. “See what I mean? That’s something a good guy would say.” She lifts onto her toes and presses a kiss to my cheek. “I’ll see you around.”

  I grab her hand before she can walk away. “Myla, wait.”

  She shakes her head. “Don’t make this harder.”

  “No . . . I wanted to say thank you. For everything.”

  Her eyes are full of tears, but none fall. “You’re the worst kind of heartbreaker, Carter.”

  I flinch. “I don’t mean to be.”

  “I know. That’s exactly what makes you the worst. This would be easier if I could hate you. Even a little.” She pulls her hand from my grasp and jogs down the alley to the front of the building.

  I lean back against my car and close my eyes.

  “Did you mean it?”

  I open my eyes to my brother, who’s walking toward me with his hands tucked into his pockets. I tense. I’m not ready for another lecture. Even if I fucking deserve it. “Mean what?” I ask warily.

  “Everything you just said about Teagan.” Jake takes the spot beside me. We’re shoulder to shoulder, both looking up at the sky. “I’ll be honest—after you two disappeared upstairs earlier, I was worried, but you sounded sincere.”

  “I am.” My voice cracks. “I’ve felt something for her for a long time, but I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “You could try telling her.”

  Jake and I turn to see Shay stepping out of the shadows by her car two spots down. Fucking seriously?

  I sigh, exasperated but resigned. Never was there a better metaphor for my entire life than trying to have a private conversation and discovering two of my siblings witnessed it. “Is my entire family spying on me, or just the two of you?”

  Jake holds out his palms. “I was taking out the trash.”

  I turn to Shay. “What’s your excuse?”

  “I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but you were dragging Myla into the alley when I got here, and I decided not to leave my car until you two were done talking.”

  I sigh. I don’t really care that they both heard. I’m more upset with myself. How did my life become such a mess that I thought I was single and yet this week has felt like a series of bad breakups?

  “Why don’t you, though?” Jake asks softly. “Tell Teagan, I mean.”

  “Trust me, I’ve dropped a couple of significant hints today.”

  Shay snorts. “Idiot. Women don’t like hints. We like kindness and consideration, but you still have to be direct. Believe it or not, we don’t like sitting around and dissecting what men have said to us.”

  I swallow hard. I was the one to tell her only four days ago that I don’t do relationships, that I had nothing to offer beyond a friends-with-benefits arrangement. And she was with me on that. “She has no desire to be with someone like me.”

  “A player?” Jake says at the same time as Shay says, “A man-whore?”

  “A firefighter,” I growl. I roll my shoulders back. “She was in love with a police officer who died on a bad traffic call. She’s got a thing against guys with dangerous jobs.” I turn to Shay. “Did she ever tell you about Heath?”

  “Heath?” My sister frowns and shakes her head. “That name doesn’t ring any bells.”

  I hope Teagan won’t mind me asking, but it’s weird that she wouldn’t tell Shay, one of her best friends, about a man she thought she’d marry. “What about Rich?”

  “He’s the ex she wanted you around because of, right?” Shay asks.

  I nod. “Yeah, but do you know anything about him?”

  “No, not really.” She takes the spot opposite Jake, and we all lean against my car, in no hurry to get inside. “It’s weird, now that I think about it. An ex bad enough to merit a fake boyfriend at her sister’s wedding, and yet she’s never talked about him.”

  “I met him inside,” Jake says, shrugging. “He seemed okay.”

  I grunt. “Her whole family loves him, and he seems nice enough, but . . .”

  “But what?”

  I cut my eyes to my sister. “I swear this isn’t a typical case of ex avoidance. I have a bad feeling about him. It’s like he’s too nice. Too much of everything her parents want him to be. And I think . . .” I shake my head, trying to piece it together—Teagan’s terror when Rich was in town, the way he seems to still know her so well even though they haven’t dated since high school, and the text she got today. The way she immediately looked at him afterward and then shut me out. “She’s scared of him.”

  “Think he was abusive?” Jake asks.

  “That’s the only thing I can come up with,” I say. “She’s admitted he was very controlling, so it’s logical he may have been physical about that need to control her. But even that doesn’t completely make sense. Why wouldn’t she tell her parents? Or at least her sister?”

  “Why don’t you ask her?” Shay asks.

  “Because when I agreed to do this for her this weekend, she made me promise I wouldn’t ask about Rich.”

  Jake lets out a long breath and squeezes my shoulder. “I need to get back in there before Cindy threatens to cut my dick off again, but let me know if I can do anything to help.”

  “I’m going in too,” Shay says.

  I arch a brow. “Girls’ night tonight?”

  “No. I’m avoiding the disserta
tion.”

  “Ah, yes, I hear that’s the best way to finish it.”

  She smacks my arm. “Shut up. Writing is hard.”

  I laugh and wrap an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her. As crappy as I feel about what happened with Myla, I’m glad I got a chance to talk to Jake and Shay tonight. I needed that.

  We all head in together through the back door. Shay and I cut through the kitchen and leave Jake to deal with the latest food order while we make our way out to the bar.

  “I have to return to the bachelor party,” I tell my sister.

  “Godspeed,” she says, winking.

  “Everything okay?” Liam asks when I return to the group.

  “Yeah. I think it’s all worked out.”

  “Was she an ex, or . . .?” He looks concerned, and I can’t blame him. If a woman had acted that way with him, I’d feel like I had to get that information to Saanvi somehow.

  “You don’t have to look so tormented. Teagan knows Myla, and I’ll tell her about what happened.”

  “I think Rich might beat you to it.”

  I follow Liam’s gaze to the front of the bar, where Rich is pushing through the doors. When he hits the sidewalk, he turns right, not getting a cab but heading down the street—toward the dance club where the girls are supposed to be spending their night. He’ll be able to tell Teagan whatever he wants while I’m stuck here. Fucking fantastic.

  But maybe it doesn’t matter if Rich is going to the girls’ party.

  I turn to Liam. “You know what I want to do?”

  “What?”

  “I want to find our women and spend the rest of the night with them.” I arch a brow. “Can you honestly tell me you want to sit here and play cards when your fiancée is dancing at a club only two blocks away?”

  “A man after my own heart.” He smacks me between the shoulder blades. “I’ll tell the others.”

  Teagan

  My sister is a happy drunk. Not that she’s unhappy sober, because frankly, the girl never stops smiling, but alcohol somehow magnifies that happiness. She lets her guard down after a few drinks, like most of us do, but instead of being sloppy and obnoxious, she exudes joy I want to soak up.

  Tonight has been all dancing and booze and laughter. In truth, I wasn’t looking forward to the bachelorette party. The only bridesmaid I really know is my cousin Sabrina, and she and I don’t exactly have a great relationship. Maybe it’s a good thing she’s not arriving until tomorrow morning. I can give my attention to Saanvi and enjoy myself without feeling judged by Sabrina.

  Saanvi comes up to me on the dance floor and swings one arm around my shoulders. “This is the best weekend ever.” She means it, and I couldn’t be happier about that. “Do you know why it’s the best ever?” she asks, swaying.

  I grin. “I don’t know. Maybe because you’re marrying the love of your life?”

  She snorts. “I would’ve done that on the dreariest day in the ugliest courthouse in America. And it does make me happy. But you know what makes that happiness even more awesome?”

  Everything, it seems. “What?”

  “Seeing you and Carter!” She groans. “Oh my gosh. You guys are so cute together! Even Mom is loving him, and she wasn’t sure about it, because you know how she feels about Rich.”

  How everyone feels about Rich, I think, because Saanvi likes him nearly as much as my parents do.

  “But Carter. Damn, girl. No one, and I mean no one, is worried about how fast this thing happened between you two now that we’ve met him.”

  Guilt is a dull blade twisting in my gut. “You guys were worried about my relationship?”

  “Of course we were! Come on, falling for a pseudo-celebrity who has women chasing after him? Yeah, we were worried. Not now, though.” She waves a hand, as if what she said shouldn’t matter. “I like him. I like that you like him, and I like the way he looks at you. I remember the first time Liam looked at me like that. I’m pretty sure that was the moment I fell in love.”

  I laugh. “And how exactly does Carter look at me?”

  “Like you’re the first starry night he’s seen in a decade.” She sighs dreamily, hanging on me a little. “Like you’re the moon and he’s the sun.”

  “That’s poetic.”

  She grins. “I figured you’d rather hear that than the truth.”

  I frown. I kind of liked the idea that Carter looked at me like that. “What’s the truth?”

  “Like he wants to lick every inch of you and make you come.”

  I smack her arm. “Saanvi.”

  “You two haven’t done it yet, have you?”

  “Saanvi!”

  “I can feel the tension. I know you haven’t. Is it him? Does he have like religious reasons for waiting, or . . .” She narrows her eyes. “Or is it you? Maybe after everything . . .” The joy seems to drain out of her in a rush. “Maybe you’re scared to be with someone again.”

  I roll my eyes. “I’ve been with men since Heath.”

  “So why not Carter?”

  Why not, indeed? I don’t have a good answer. Not one that doesn’t involve more lies. “We want it to be special,” I finally say, because that feels like the truth.

  “Oh my God.” She throws back her head and tugs on her hair with both hands. “That is so hot. But you do other stuff, right?”

  “Seriously, stop.” I laugh.

  “Come on! Don’t treat me like your innocent baby sister. I’m a grown woman, and I want all the dirty details.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  She sighs. “Okay, maybe I just want to live vicariously through you. Liam and I decided to do this stupid thing where we don’t do anything more than kiss the last month before the wedding, and I’m dying over here.”

  I snort. “I thought you went up to your room to nap this afternoon.”

  “By napping, I meant kissing,” she says. “Only kissing. And don’t get me wrong, the waiting is hot, but I might combust before our wedding night.”

  I laugh. I was so down after getting that text, so down all through dinner, but it’s so easy to be happy around her. “I think you can make it a few more days.”

  “Easy for you to say. You have Carter in your bed.” She grins. “Maybe the special moment will happen while you’re in the suite!”

  A thrill races through me at the thought, and I realize I want to make it a plan. I shouldn’t, but . . . “Maybe.”

  “Would you be okay with that?”

  I want to tell her the truth about our relationship. Honestly, I assumed I would at some point, but . . . what a tangled web we weave. “I could see it happening,” I admit.

  “Then let’s get you another drink!”

  After a trip to the bar, my little sister and I dance until I’m breathless and my feet are aching. These shoes are hot but not very forgiving. When a favorite eighties song ends, I put a hand on her arm. “I’m going to the table. I need a drink.”

  She grins and waggles her fingers in a little wave, already moving her hips to the beat of the next tune.

  I swing by the bar to get a bottle of water before heading to our booth on the back side of the dance floor. I’m so focused on rehydrating that I don’t even notice I’m not alone until I settle into the booth and Rich swoops in to take the spot next to me.

  “Hey, beautiful,” he murmurs. He slides in so close his thigh presses against mine.

  I scoot in farther, and he follows. “Back off.” The words are low, breathless, and probably impossible to hear over the thumping house music.

  He holds up both hands. “I’m here as a friend. I just needed to tell you something.”

  “What?” I snap. I hate the way I feel when he’s close. Powerless. Trapped. Dirty.

  He tilts his head from side to side, stretching his neck. “Why do you look at me like that? I came here because I care about you, but you’re looking at me like I’m a monster.”

  “Where did you get that picture?”

  “You already know
the answer to that.”

  “Did he give it to you, or did you take it off his phone after he died?”

  “It? You think that’s the only one I have?”

  The knots in my stomach are folding in on themselves. Again and again. Tighter and tighter. Pictures. Plural. “If you ever cared about me at all, you’ll delete them.”

  His eyes flash. “No.”

  “Then you are a monster. And there’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear.”

  “Really? Not even if I know something about your boyfriend?”

  I still. Shit. He knows. And if he knows, he’ll tell my parents. And if my parents know, they’ll flip out, and it’ll ruin Saanvi’s whole wedding weekend. I won’t let that happen.

  “You deserve someone good, Teagan. You might not want that someone to be me, but it’s definitely not him.”

  He doesn’t know. He’s just spewing his regular bullshit. I drain the rest of the water and avert my gaze to the dance floor, trying desperately to keep the relief off my face.

  “I saw him with another woman tonight.”

  “So?”

  “Oh.” He arches a brow. “So you two have an open relationship, then? Interesting. Maybe Heath knew you better than you knew yourself.”

  “Shut up,” I growl. My nails bite into my palms, and I force myself to relax my hands. I take a deep breath. “I’m sure whatever you saw wasn’t what you thought. Carter has a lot of friends. He’s lived here his whole life.”

  “They weren’t talking to each other in the way friends talk. She practically jumped into his lap when she saw him, like she’d done it a hundred times.” He smiles slowly, like this is a poker game and he knows he’s laying out a winning hand. “And then they left. Together.”

  I flinch as jealousy slams into me. I know Carter. This is what he’s like—the women, the flirting. At least it’s what he’s been like for a while now. I shouldn’t be surprised that a random woman threw herself at him. And he’s not really mine, so I have no right to feel this jealous at all.