Flame and Starlight (The Esteria Series Book 1)

by Dana Isaly

  “I don’t know why,” he murmured into my hair. “But I know I was supposed to save you, Alys.” I swallowed against the tears. “And you were supposed to save me.”

  “Save yourself, Asher.”

  I pulled out of his hands and stalked off to the bathroom where I slammed the door and threw his shirt on the ground. I stepped into the empty bath and turned on the water. It was so hot my skin instantly began to turn red. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them tight. And then, resting my forehead on my knees, I cried.

  I mourned my easy life that I had lost back in England. I cried for my mother and for my friends. I let all the anger burn off my skin and melt into the water. This was never Asher’s fault. Deep down, I knew better. I knew that if it weren’t for him, I would have probably been dead by now, or worse. I kicked myself for being an asshole, and then because I didn’t want to face him, I laid my head back against the bath and cried again.

  I was thoroughly waterlogged, and the water had turned ice-cold by the time he knocked on the door, two soft little raps that brought me out of my haze. I furiously wiped at my eyes.

  “Yeah?”

  “May I come in, please, Alys?”

  I started crying again at the gentleness in his voice, and without waiting for my word, he slowly crept in through the door and knelt next to me. I shivered against the chill in the bath.

  “My princess,” he whispered as I reached for him and he reached for me. Completely unfazed by the water sloshing out of the bath and all over him, he scooped me up and let me sob into his neck while he somehow wrapped me in a towel and carried me to the bedroom.

  He shushed and murmured against my sodden hair and ran his hands over the towel, trying to warm me up. Even his shadows seemed to know I was cold and kept their distance. We sat on the bed like that, him staring into the fire and me staring at his chest, until the silence became unbearable.

  “You should sleep,” he said, cutting through the silence like a blade. “I’ll let you change and get some rest.”

  He began to stand, but I threw my arms around his neck.

  “Do not leave me, Asher. Never leave me. I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I’m so, so sorry.”

  He let out a breath and pushed me away from him. My heart dropped.

  “Hey,” he said, grabbing my chin. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that, right?” I laughed, and he caught it with a kiss. “I will never leave you, Alys.”

  I straddled his waist and let the towel fall to the floor. I rested my forehead against his and let my emotions flow through that bond he had created. I let myself feel his as they moved across our skin.

  Adoration. Hope. Fear. And something a bit more demanding in the present moment.

  A deep rumble through his chest had my breath hitched in my throat and my hips moving against him, hard and ready.

  “How will I ever be able to stay mad at you?” I asked against his mouth.

  “I’m really hoping you never can. You were terrifying.” He laughed and moved his fangs against my neck. I tilted my head to the side to give him better access. I rolled my eyes.

  “Bite me, Asher.”

  “With pleasure, princess.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Zemira met us on the road the next morning, worry lines marking her otherwise flawless face. I let Asher do most of the talking and leaned against the carriage door. My new Fae ears wouldn’t let me miss a second of their conversation, but I pretended it did and stared out into the forest covered in deep snow. Who knew I would be such an interesting topic of conversation?

  “Alys?” I turned my face towards Zemira and smiled. She walked over towards me, and I pushed off the door. “What Asher told me has me troubled. That power is something you need to learn how to control before it learns how to control you.”

  I nodded and kicked some snow with my boots. We were leaving this morning instead of staying for the Solstice celebration because they both thought it was too risky to keep me out among people. I didn’t feel like fighting with a High Lord and a High Lady, but I honestly didn’t think it mattered where I was. It seemed that they would come for me no matter where I was. But I was mentally exhausted, and being back in my own room sounded comforting.

  Zemira put a hand on my shoulder, bringing me out of my thoughts. Her smile was reassuring as she leaned forward and whispered in my ear so that Asher couldn’t hear.

  “Don’t reach for a savior, Alys. Reach for a knife. Be your own savior.” She leaned back and met my eyes with a fierce look in her own. My fingers twitched, and the dagger on my thigh suddenly felt much heavier. Her words spurred something in my blood that I recognized as courage. A new determination overtook my anxiety. She winked, and with a kiss on Asher’s cheek, she walked back towards town.

  Asher walked over and took my face in his hands, stroking my cheekbones with his thumbs. The worry behind his eyes was almost enough to break my heart. I had to get this shit under control before it broke him, too.

  “What did she tell you, little duck?”

  “Just a few words of encouragement.” I stood on my toes, and he met me halfway. His lips were so soft on mine I couldn’t help but lean into it. The kiss deepened and started to remind me of all the other places his mouth had been last night…and this morning. My skin heated as his desire flooded into me. Gods, his desire for me made my knees weak. I could feel it build in my chest, reaching out and twining with his.

  He growled into my mouth and lifted me into the carriage and pounded twice on the roof. It lurched into motion as he sat me on top of him, my simple wool dress pooling around his thighs. His impressive length pressed into my core, and I ground into it.

  “Fuck, princess,” he whispered as he trailed his kisses along my jaw and down my neck. My nipples peaked and strained against the fabric. “I’m at your mercy. Ask anything of me and it’s yours. I’m yours.”

  I laughed and pushed all the fabric out of the way and untied his pants. “Round four?”

  He caught my mouth in a bruising kiss, his tongue exploring, teeth clashing. I finally got him freed from his pants and hovered just above him, rubbing the tip up and down my wetness. His hand trailed up my side, over my breast, and landed around my neck.

  “You aren’t wearing any panties,” he groaned and squeezed. I smiled and watched his lips part in a sigh as I slowly lowered myself down on him, inch by excruciating inch, until he was in me to the hilt. While he was distracted, I moved my hand from him to the dagger at my thigh and brought it to his throat. I smiled as his eyes went wide, and his hand fell from my throat.

  “Sit there and behave for once, High Lord.” I started to move against him, while still pressing the blade against him just enough to make sure he didn’t move. It was my turn to be in control.

  His fingers gripped my hips with such strength I knew I would have little purple cherries there. Knowing he was barely holding himself together just spurred me on. I could feel the heat rise in my belly and my toes start to curl. I took deep breaths, letting it wash through my body. I rolled my head back, and the dagger fell out my hand as I gripped his shoulders for support.

  He pulled my dress down, and as he latched onto my breast, I fell over the waterfall. I knew the driver was a mere few feet away, but I was never good at being quiet. Asher’s hand covered my mouth and squeezed as I let out a scream that would have otherwise woken the dead.

  “Let me see those beautiful eyes,” he said, his hand dropping to my jaw and forcing me to look at him. I knew my eyes were hooded but glowing. He loved them, his personal starlight. He pushed back against me, taking his own pleasure as I gripped him and moved with him. I leaned forward, gripped his jaw, his stubble rough against my fingertips, and pushed my lips against his.

  “Come for me, High Lord. Show me what I do to you.”

  He seized my mouth with such force I tasted blood, and it lit a fire in my veins. I wanted more and sucked harder on his lip. He tasted like life itself, like starlight an
d darkness and sin, and I couldn’t get enough of it. He groaned and pressed a thumb against the bundle of nerves between my thighs.

  “Oh, fuck,” I growled into his mouth.

  “My sentiments exactly,” he said through harsh breaths. I felt my own orgasm building again, the heat of it stirring deep in my belly. A few more thrusts and we came together, sweaty and spent.

  I leaned my forehead against his. “That was so inappropriate with the driver right outside.”

  He laughed and kissed me again. “Trust me, if he had a woman this beautiful at his fingertips, he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her either.” I eased myself off him, and he ripped a section of his shirt off and started to push my skirt up around my waist.

  “What’re you doing?”

  “I’m not going to have you just sitting in it, love.”

  He slowly ran the section of shirt up the inside of each of my thighs and then further. The gentle touch was like a feather on my heated skin.

  Why is this making me hot again?

  I felt my chest and face flush when he found the most sensitive part of me.

  “Don’t look at me like that or I’ll make it round five.”

  I took deep breaths, cooling my blood. He threw the piece of cloth on the floor of the carriage unceremoniously and then kissed each thigh before letting my skirt fall back down over my legs. I laid my head back as he put himself back together as best he could with the lower half of his shirt missing.

  He shifted closer and pulled me into his chest, his shadows puffing out around us like clouds. His fingers twirled themselves through my hair. My mind drifted to worries in the silence.

  I didn’t know how we were going to eliminate this threat without either hiding me away forever or fighting. I didn’t know anything about politics here or war, but I did know I didn’t want anything to happen to the Fae I had come to know. I didn’t want to lose what I had here, what I had with Asher.

  The thought of him dying trying to protect me or fight for me made my heart race and my palms sweat. It also wouldn’t just be Asher fighting and risking his life. He would need help. Wars are not fought one-on-one. I would not let people who I hadn’t even met fight to save my life just because Asher had some sort of revenge plot.

  If I had to sacrifice myself to save him, and other innocents, I would without hesitation. If it came to me leaving him, leaving this court, to keep him safe, I would. In my mind, I could see that becoming my only option.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Anything.”

  “What if I wanted to leave?” I whispered. I felt him stiffen beneath me.

  “Leave Esteria? My court? Or me?” He grabbed my chin and forced my eyes to his. His words had come out clipped, and any warmth in his eyes had faded to black. His shadows seemed to pull away from me and hovered over him instead. I felt their absence like a knife to the chest. I blinked away the tears threatening to spill.

  “You.” My voice cracked on the singular word. He closed his eyes with a deep breath, and then his fingers moved from my chin to encompass my entire jaw, his fingertips digging into the bone. His eyes bored into mine.

  “I was just inside you, and now you talk about leaving me, little duck?”

  I whimpered as the tears rolled over my cheeks. “It would save you.”

  His dark eyes darted back and forth between my own. “If you left me, it would rip my heart out of my chest. It would be like taking the moon from the night sky. You belong to me just as I belong to you.” His grip became gentle then as his other hand slipped up to cup the other side of my face. He stroked the tears from my cheeks.

  “It would save innocent people if I left, Asher. If I went to him, it could solve the problem. I only see this ending in war and bloodshed or me leaving. If he wants me this badly, he isn’t just going to give up and let us live our lives in peace.”

  “I don’t care about innocent lives,” he said as he kissed my cheeks. “I care about yours. He will…” He swallowed, and his eyes became distant. He blinked away whatever thoughts had plagued him and turned back to me. I pulled out of his grasp.

  “You are a leader.” I grabbed his hand in my own and squeezed. “You don’t have that luxury.”

  He sighed and lay back against the seat and closed his eyes, running his fingers over them. I watched his shadows swirl around my arms and settle themselves back across my skin. They had become a comfort blanket.

  “This is madness. You are madness.”

  I rolled my eyes and turned my attention to the trees outside the carriage window. We sat in silence for a long time before I felt him shift, and then his arm snaked around my waist.

  “I can’t bear the thought of losing you.” I leaned back against his chest and fought against the pain in my throat. “We just need to figure out why he wants you and what he wants you for. Once we know his true motives, we can fight smarter, not harder.” I let myself believe him, for now.

  “I’m not important enough for all of this, Asher.”

  “You are important to me, Alyssandra.”

  I gave a soft laugh. “You know, Aoife did say something kind of interesting during her little visit.”

  “And what might that have been?” He kissed my hair, and I steeled my nerves.

  “She may have mentioned something about you marking me? That these shadows of yours that seem to have latched on are a way of saying you intend to mate with me.” I held my breath and thanked the Gods I wasn’t facing him. His breathing slowed, and he stilled behind me. A knot grew and twisted in my stomach. The silence was deafening.

  The carriage came to a stop in the middle of our silence. We were home. The anxiety crawled up my throat and forced my heart out of rhythm.

  “If you thought this to be true,” he murmured, his breath warm against my ear, “why the fuck would you ever entertain the idea of leaving me in a ploy to save me.” And with that, he pulled away from me and threw the door open, not giving the driver time to do it for us. I felt the color drain from my face.

  He turned around and looked back at me, his eyes on fire. “Mating is not human marriage. It is a soul bond, a blood bond. You are more naive than I thought if you think leaving and giving up would ever be the answer.” He turned on his heel and walked away, leaving me with my mouth open in shock.

  “I could smell the two of you from a mile away,” came Emric’s deep voice, full of laughter. It filtered in through the open carriage door. I regained composure and quickly jumped out of the carriage, hoping to run and catch up with Asher. “Finally sealed the deal, eh?” He was clearly blind to Asher’s mood as he clapped him on the back.

  “Say one more crude thing about her and I will rip your throat out.”

  Emric threw his hands up and took several steps back. The smile didn’t falter, though. We both glanced at each other and then watched him storm his way inside.

  “Trouble in paradise already, Wheezy?”

  I smiled weakly. “I just want to get inside, Em.”

  His violet eyes went soft as he smiled at me. “Come on, then.” He slung his arm across my shoulders, and we walked inside.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I paced the library with Emric sitting on a chair, legs over the arm, carving out pieces of an apple.

  “You’ll wear a path in that rug.”

  I sighed and plopped down heavily on a chair near the window. The sun was starting to set, letting the stars swirl and mingle in the darkened sky. I could feel his stare on me.

  “He’s fuming. I can feel it from here.”

  “Just as I’m sure he can feel your rotten mood wherever he is.” He popped another piece of apple into his mouth and smiled at my scowl. “Careful, your face might freeze like that.”

  “I was just trying to come up with a solution to our problem without there having to be a war.”

  “And why do you think there would be a war? You’ve got quite an inflated sense of self-worth there, Wheezy.” I flipped him off,
and he laughed, sitting the core of the apple down on the stand. “Look, Ash didn’t make this decision on his own. He spoke to all of his advisors, he spoke to me and I took it to my men, and he spoke to every single Fae that works in this place. Everyone knows what happened to him as a boy. They know what happened to his mother. No one wished that on you. And, shocking as it may be, everyone respects him as a leader and therefore respects his decisions.”

  “But if I left and went to the Autumn Court on my own, it would save a lot of stress. And maybe lives.” I laid my head back and closed my eyes. “I’m trying not to be a damsel in distress. I am trying to fix my own problems.”

  “This isn’t your problem, Alys. You didn’t ask for that bastard to go off and sleep with someone to produce you. This problem is literally a product of someone else making bad decisions and being an overall bad person.”

  “I wish Asher hadn’t brought himself into it. He would be much happier with someone that didn’t need constant protecting.”

  “You speaking for him isn’t fair. You make him happy. End of story.” I looked at him as he stood and tied his hair back. “Don’t go running away. It would destroy him. And I’m not sure he could come back from it.” He walked over and kissed me on the top of my head. He laid a hand on my shoulder, and I squeezed it with my own. “None of us want to see you leave.”

  “Okay” was all I could say. I still wasn’t convinced.

  “Anyway, now that you’re back, we can start training again. Let’s get that power of yours under control, yeah?”

  “See you tomorrow morning, Em.”

  He gave my shoulder a final squeeze and then left me alone with my thoughts.

  I stared out the window until the sun had completely set and it was just the stars lighting the sky. It was almost a full moon. I wondered if he looked forward to escorting the souls into Summerland or if I had put him into such a foul mood he wouldn’t even be able to enjoy that. I groaned and laid my head back. I had half expected him to come find me at some point and try to make up. My stubbornness wanted it to be him that made that first move.