The Popcorn Colonel

by Toni Anderson

  “Oh, no!” said Marie. “They lost their baseball!”

  “Don’t worry, dear,” Mrs. Buttercup said. “The Colonel loves making the players baseballs. He often comes to watch the games.”

  It was a big win for the blue team! The players were shaking hands and saying “good game” while the spectators vacated their seats.

  William asked Mrs. Buttercup if he could get a couple of autographs from the players. When Ty-nee and Willy stepped off the field, Mrs. Buttercup pulled them to the side. They were both ecstatic at the thought of someone wanting their autographs. They decided the best way to give William one was to dip their little hands into a thimble of butter and then put a handprint onto one of the movie ticket stubs they had collected as a souvenir from the movie that had shown earlier that day. William thought that was better than anything he could have hoped for, because the ticket stub also had today’s date on it. He would never forget the day that he became part of all of this. William held tight to his autograph and watched Willy and Ty-nee run back to the field. Just as they reached the pitcher’s mound, they turned back and waved to everyone.

  “I think it’s time that we move on so you can meet the next group; the Mayor told me that we needed to keep busy while he took some time to work on a plan.”

  “Plan?” said William. “What sort of plan?”

  Mrs. Buttercup straightened her dress. “The Mayor will tell us all about it when we get back to the Town Square.”

  The children looked at one another. They were both wondering what was really going on. It seemed like this tour was all about getting them out of the Mayor’s hair for a bit. They were enjoying it though, and they gave one another a knowing smile while following Mrs. Buttercup.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The Pirates’ Harbor

  The next movie poster was of a big pirate ship docked at a little harbor town, a pirate flag waving in the breeze. The movie title read, “Ketch & Codfish.” This was the definition of swashbuckling. Here, popcorn pirates were swinging from ropes attached to a cardboard ship with a popsicle stick plank over a little ocean of butter. It was more like a butter puddle to the children though. They had a sign over the dock that said “Pirates of the Corn-a-be-an.” So far, this was Marie’s favorite part of the tour, and it was about to get better. A little Popcorn Pirate wearing an eye patch, a gold earring, and red and white polka dotted trousers swung from a rope and landed right in front of them with his fists on his hips.

  “Ahoy, Cracker Jack Sparrow!” sang Mrs. Buttercup.

  “Argghhh how ye be Pop-ette?” he said.

  She smiled and told him she was giving a tour and having a wonderful time. He looked up at the children kneeling down to take a closer look at him.

  “I be Cracker Jack Sparrow and this be me first mate, Popcorn Shrimp.” the pirate said.

  Popcorn Shrimp was a short, extra round little pirate. He smiled, puffing up his chest and standing as straight as he could. His pirate attire was perfect for a first mate, a blue and white striped shirt with green pants cut off at the knee.

  Cracker Jack Sparrow was standing beside a large origami bird made from a full sheet of notebook paper that was decorated with an array of brightly colored crayons so that it looked like a tropical bird. The bird was ten times bigger than Cracker Jack, and when Marie told him she liked his bird, he was noticeably honored.

  “Aye, this be me bird, Poppycocka-too! Me likes to sit on his shoulder me do. Arghhh, he be much too big ter sit on mine, ye see,” announced the popcorn pirate as he leaned back against the bird and crossed his arms. Then he leapt forward as if he had been distracted from something very important and just realized it.

  “It be a pleasure to make yer acquaintance, ye scallywags. I be off to acquire another movie doubloon, me hearties!”

  He gave a full bow, pulling his big pirate hat from his head and placing it over his chest. The feather tickled his mustache as he completed his departure. He was singing a “Yo Ho Ho” song that was fitting for any pirate as he turned and disappeared into a shadowed entrance on the ship.

  William and Marie were beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed with everything they were encountering. It was like a vivid dream, but both of them were certain they were not asleep. It did seem like they were wasting time in Stock om when they should be focusing on finding Mr. Zuckerwatte.

  “Mrs. Buttercup, I have a question,” Marie said. “Where did everyone get their clever names?”

  “Oh my, that is an excellent question. The Colonel names us,” said Mrs. Buttercup. “When we get a group of new Pops, I give them the tour. They get to decide which area of Stock om they like the best. The Colonel created each area from some of his favorite movies.”

  William watched as five pirates pulled a piece of old discarded fried fish across the floor that had been hooked with a crochet needle.

  “What are you doing?” William asked the pirates.

  They all stopped and looked up at William. “Argh, Cracker Jack told us to walk plank so we harpooned this plank o’fish we found in the big treasure chest in the Land of the Lost Pops.

  “Ewww gross! I bet they found that fish in the trash can out back,” Marie said to William.

  “Nay, wee lass, it be a treasure chest not a trash can. There be an “X’ marking the spot. Cracker Jack Sparrow made us a map, and we followed it to the buried treasure.”

  “All of the trash cans in Shuckersville…, I mean the Land of the Lost Pops, have X’s on them. The trash service in town is called Xavier’s Trash Pickup,” Marie informed them. The Pirates just stared at her dumbfounded.

  Popcorn Shrimp stepped forward in a huff: “Shiver me timbers!”

  He stomped off with his peg leg tapping the cardboard ship’s deck, making quite the ruckus for such a small little fellow. He called out all hands on deck, and the pirates gathered in a circle. They talked amongst themselves and recollected all the treasures they had found in something this girl was saying wasn’t even a treasure chest. Many Arggghhs and a quite a few grunts of agreement drifted over to the children. Finally, the private pirate meeting ended, and Popcorn Shrimp decided to set the record straight. Several of the deck hands grabbed a navy-blue ribbon and began towing the line away from the ship. Hidden behind an empty lifesaver’s candy bag, the pirates’ most prized possession emerged.

  “Avast! Feast yer eyes on this ruby.” “It took twelve of us to haul this beauty back to the ship, it did.”

  “That’s beautiful, Popcorn Shrimp, what a find!” said Marie, feeling a little bit guilty for upsetting the pirates about their treasure chest as she admired the red candy ring pop.

  Mrs. Buttercup turned to the crew of pirates that had gathered around the children.

  “Fair winds and following seas. We best be on our way!” she told them.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  The Movie Choosing

  Marie was not ready to leave the pirate ship, but Mrs. Buttercup had already walked away. Marie saw her look over to the Mayor as he made a gesture that indicated he needed more time for whatever he was working on. She came to a stop beside a gumball machine that was being polished by a few of the Pop-ulation.

  “Oh, I didn’t notice that was there. Do you want one, Marie?” William remarked as he reached into his pocket to retrieve a quarter.

  “Sure!” Marie answered.

  He knelt down. The price tag was one penny.

  “Wow! I could buy twenty-five gumballs,” William said. “This is awesome!”

  A little popcorn lady wearing a bright dress that had colorful stripes similar to candy corn poked her head out from behind the gumball machine. “No sir. You can buy zero gumballs, not here anyway. This is the movie chooser machine and only the Colonel gets to put a doubloon in there. I’m very sorry,” she said, wringing a soft polishing cloth in her hand.

  “I’m Candace Corn and I’m in
charge of keeping this in tip top shape. You can call me Candy if you would like,” she said.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Candy Corn,” said Marie.

  William leaned over with his hands on his knees. “What is the movie chooser machine? And did you say doubloon? Like what Cracker Jack Sparrow went to get?” Mrs. Buttercup took over the conversation, so Candy Corn went back to polishing. “Scribe, would you please come over here?” said Mrs. Buttercup. “Tell the children about the movie chooser machine.”

  Scribe fumbled with his notepad, straightened his bow tie and glasses, cleared his throat, and took a brave step forward. He had certainly been caught off guard by Mrs. Buttercup’s request. He was not usually the one who had a speaking role, and he was a bit shy. He thumbed through previous notes in his note pad, stopping when he said, “Ah, here it is!”

  Scribe adjusted his glasses at the end of his buttery nose and began to read:

  After the last movie showing of the day and before he goes home, the Colonel will visit Stock om to activate the movie chooser.

  Step1: Cracker Jack Sparrow retrieves one doubloon from his stock pile.

  Step 2: The doubloon is guarded until the Colonel arrives.

  Step 3: When the Colonel arrives, he places the doubloon in the machine tocommence the dispense.

  Step 4: The clank of the gumball hitting the flapper signals that the time has come.

  Step 5: The Mayor calls for the Pirates to hoist the line to lift the flapper.

  Step 6: The gumball rolls out.

  Once the color of the gumball is revealed, the winner gets to choose the next movie that will show at the Cotton Candy Movie House. The colors are assigned as follows:

  Green - Ol’Half-Popped

  Orange - Larry and Corn Dog

  Red - Mayor Cornelius Buttercup

  White – Ty-nee Cob and Willy Maize

  Yellow – Pop-Along Cassidy

  Blue – Cracker Jack Sparrow

  Pink – Mrs. Buttercup

  The winner will receive a list of choices from the Colonel and they will then decide, along with the Pop-ulation living in their area, which movie they choose. The team leader will then report to the Scribe and the Mayor, and they will then let the Colonel know. The winning team gets to keep gumball trophies until one area has collected seven. At that time, all the gumballs are returned to the movie chooser machine for replenishment, and we continue on.

  Mrs. Buttercup complimented Scribe on his thorough explanation. It reminded her of why the Mayor had picked him for the job. He had taken those notes during the very first movie choosing. He asked Mrs. Buttercup when she expected the Colonel to arrive, and she replied that the Mayor was looking in to it. He seemed concerned but did not press the issue. The popcorn pirates were becoming restless, and the Pop-ulation had started to gather around.

  Larry and Corn Dog walked up about that time and blurted out, “Drop the orange ball; Corn Dog is ready to fetch it!”

  Someone in the general Pop-ulation popped off, “Hey, Larry! How do you expect him to get the ball when all he does is carry around that stick?”

  “You can actually teach an old Corn Dog new tricks!” Larry challenged.

  “That’s enough you two,” Mrs. Buttercup scolded as she headed for the town square. The Mayor was waving her over.

  “So, Ty-nee and Willy chose ‘Small Town Hero.’ That is so awesome that the popcorn people get to pick the movie that shows!” William said.

  “Way to go, William. You have been paying close attention to the details. The Colonel would be proud. Now we must go meet with the Mayor. There will be time for more exploring later.” William and Marie headed toward the town square where the Mayor was standing behind his golden podium that looked a lot like the golden box and the golden door knobs.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  The Beacon and The Town Square

  William counted seven concerned and confused looking popcorn faces standing under a red banner with white lettering that read New Pop Stop. They were accompanied by two of the Special Forces’ finest. Mrs. Buttercup gave a delighted smile to the Mayor, and he waived her on. She bounced on over to the New Pop Stop, clasping her delicate hands together in an effort to contain her excitement. It had been one year since the last arrival of New Pops, and she was more than ready to begin the second portion of orientation, the first being the tour they had taken earlier.

  Stock om was in the midst of some serious hustle and bustle. It was New Pop arrival day, the children’s first day there, and to top it all off, the Colonel was missing. The Mayor had sent Mrs. Buttercup off to keep the children occupied until he was ready for them, and now he was.

  The Mayor called out to Scribe, requesting his presence at the podium, then looked up at the children. “Did you enjoy the tour?” the Mayor asked with a suspecting grin. He already knew the answer to that question. Of course, the kids had a wonderful time, who wouldn’t? After all, talking popcorn running around dressed up and acting like characters straight out of the movies was pretty incredible.

  William took a deep breath then began his excited summary. “Oh, yes sir! We met Ol’ Half-Popped first. He told me he went on all sorts of missions, but I need clearance to hear about them. Then we saw Pop-Along and Indian Corn. Their posse was headed over the Grand Canyon for some root beer. A baseball game was going on next to that and….”

  The Mayor cut him off. He told him he wanted to hear all about the tour, but it would have to be later. Right now, they had a rescue plan to put in motion. He raised a small red and white striped flag as a signal to all to the Mission Leaders to join him at the drawing board.

  “It will take them a bit of time to make it over here. While we wait, here is a bit of extra information I feel comfortable sharing with you since I’m ninety-nine percent sure you will get all the clearances you need from the Colonel,” asserted the Mayor as he looked over to Scribe, who was writing intensely in his notebook. The Mayor paused, and Scribe looked up and nodded that he was getting it all down. Satisfied, the Mayor rose up to his tip toes, cupped one hand around his mouth, and whispered.

  “Here is something you won’t hear on the tour,” then he gave a wink. “The podium is actually a homing beacon for the New Pops and any Lost Pops we are trying to find.”

  “Oh, so that’s what you meant when you asked if we had come to fix the beacon. What happened to it? Why wasn’t it working?” Marie interjected, working more of the mystery out. “We had a bit of a flood, but never mind that now, as I was saying … the podium is a beacon and we all have an internal compass that points us in this direction. Isn’t that clever? The Colonel and his agents have lapel pins that….”

  A loud clatter interrupted him and startled the occupants of Stock om. Almost everyone ran for cover toward the big popcorn tub where they preferred to hide. The Mayor was unnerved and descended from the red bottle cap behind the podium and rushed over to the popcorn tub with Scribe following close behind. The New Pops were huddled in a corner behind a line of Special Forces standing at the ready. The general Pop-ulation had begun to express a multitude of concerns as to where the Colonel was.

  “What should we do, Will?” asked Marie with a hint of fright.

  “It’s fine; we are safe in here,” William said. “If the Mayor isn’t upset, we shouldn’t be either. Just stay calm and relaxed, okay.” William even surprised himself with his cool under pressure demeanor.

  The children decided it was best to stay where they were and wait for instruction. They used the time to take in the details of the town square. A green doormat on the floor said Welcome. It had a lush green lawn, and the podium was situated slightly to the back, probably to account for standing room when the Pop-ulation gathered to listen to the Mayor speak. Behind the podium was a shoebox with windows and a door cut into the side. A thimble sat upside down near the front door holding a small silk poppy fl
ower. Marie was just about to peer inside when she heard three taps on the drum by the Special Forces drummer. She looked over and saw the Mayor standing there talking with Ol’ Half-Popped. Ol’ Half-Popped was clearly one hundred percent against William and Marie’s being in Stock om and disagreed with the way the Mayor’s Office was handling things in the absence of the Colonel.

  After the last beat of the drum, the popping began. Ol’ Half-Popped had begun to rally the soldiers. Meanwhile, the General Pop-ulation popped out of hiding. They all went back to their areas and picked up where they left off. They were a resilient bunch of popcorn, and it seemed like nothing ever happened. The Mayor came back to the town square and informed the children that he told the Pop-ulation that plans had changed and the Colonel would not be by for the movie choosing today. From the looks of things, they were perfectly fine with the news. The pirates were swabbing the deck with cotton swabs, the cowboys were attempting a second journey to Soda Pop falls, the baseball team was nowhere to be seen, and the Special Forces marched around in unison.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The Details of The Plan

  William was distracted by all the popcorn shenanigans going on behind them. At last, Marie got his attention. “Let’s go see if we can get that door open.”