Behind the Eclipse

by Pramudith D. Rupasinghe

  I could not remember what happened after that moment until I found myself in Dr. Irina`s room. I was surrounded by Dr. Michael, the Pastor Jean-Paul and a few other doctors including Dr. Irina.

  Everyone was looking at me without uttering a single word. A mystic silence was all over the place in which I dared not find words anymore.

  The Pastor Jean-Paul gently held my right hand and said, ‘God was kind enough to spare your life, lives of the two boys and leave a piece of hope when thousands of people were left in complete desperateness.’

  ‘George, I know how faithful you were to the holy father. Everyone among us knows your level of dedication to the church and spreading the gospels,’ he continued.

  ‘You are one of the few, the very few whose lives were spared. Lord has granted you that very rare chance not only thinking of you but also of the little ones who were not touched by this demonic curse that usurped thousands of human lives across the region.’ I remained silent, but his words reminded me of the time I learnt French from him. He used to explain me every single complex grammar point with minimum complication using examples from daily life in Africa. His teaching and his style of explaining were behind the outstanding success of my education during the time I had been in Guinea.

  ‘George, you are given a divine task which is a responsibility that you can’t escape. God had trusted you in taking care of the little boys,’ the Pastor Jean-Paul sounded firm, and he looked into my eyes as if he wanted me to talk.

  ‘I understand Pastor. I understand but…’ I paused.

  ‘Yes we are there for you,’ his words of reassurance I dared not question.

  ‘The boys are in Tubmanburg, and they are safe,’ he added.

  ‘First you have to take a rest, and then you can think of them.’

  ‘Being a survivor is being a loser?’

  ‘You are a hero, and you need to be braver,’ Dr. Michael responded to my question posed to the Pastor breaking his long silence.

  ‘George, Aminatta, and Princess were recalled by God who is the one that gave them the life. They will be fine in his hands.’ The Pastor Jean-Paul said touching my hand.

  ‘George, you have to be strong!’ Dr. Irina`s voice popped up suddenly.

  ‘I have no strength doctor. My Princess and Aminatta…’ My eyelids could not block the rush of tears.

  Everyone looked happy about my recovery and congratulated me. My local colleagues celebrated it dancing and singing while expatriate doctors and nurses were watching the dance. But I was utterly forlorn and could not imagine how my life would be in the following hour because I hated being a survivor whose life was empty without his wife and the only daughter.

  ‘No one on this earth lives just for themselves.’ I remembered Oldman telling one of my aunties when she was complaining that her nine children had completely taken her life leaving her nothing to live.

  ‘George, we will visit your home regularly, and you can call us for anything whenever you need,’ Dr. Irina said.

  ‘And you can come back to work when you feel you can.’ She added with her bonafide smile.

  ‘Your salary will be paid even though you are not at work.’ Dr. Annabelle told me pumping some relief into me.

  After having stayed 13 days in the ward witnessing deaths of other inmates every single day and night, hearing the mourns of suffering and battling with constant hopelessness, I came out of the ETU as a hero in the eyes of the others; I was nearly a moving cadaver which did not have life left to face challenges waiting outside the ETU and, to fight the internal battle of feelings that were consuming me within.

  ‘George, I will drop you home,’ Joseph Bah who was the driver of Dr. Annabelle was over-joyed to take me home.

  44

  The gates that used to be always locked were left wide open. It was a sight that I had never witnessed when Aminatta was at home. She was a protective mother and conscious woman who always paid extra attention to the surroundings. She always wanted the family and home to be safe.

  As the Jeep stopped near the open gate, I noticed that all the ornamental plants in the garden were dead and dried out leaving no sign of life in the compound. Along the rope that was tied between the two mango trees, were the clothes of Princess abundant and dirty with dust. The whole compound was void of life which made it look like an abundant cemetery. The metal door at the entrance was left open, and the wooden door was forced open which showed the traces left by a sharp tool that was used to break in were still intact and fresh. I concluded that it couldn’t have been long ago since someone had broken into the house.

  I dared not go inside since I anticipated a destruction that I wouldn’t endure to witness. The house was our dream, our safe heaven which Aminatta and I built out of our sweat and blood. Under the roof of this house, we had millions of dreams that we wanted to see come true.

  ‘Princess is happy to have her own room.’ I could still remember how happy Aminatta had been on the day we warmed the house. She grew up in an environment where there was no space for her own. Her happiness was elevated to an infinite height when she could see her as a mother who was able to provide her only daughter with space for her own.

  ‘My man ok?’ Joseph Bah had been watching me hesitate to go inside. He walked in with reluctance.

  ‘They destroyed everything,’ I pushed the door while responding to Joseph Bah.

  Instead of the welcoming feeling which filled my heart whenever I opened the door there was nothing but signs of destruction waiting behind it. Everything was burnt. The sofa set that Aminatta bought with a sum of money she had collected by doing domestic work at Dr. Harris`s place for several years was just a piece of charcoal.

  ‘This is rude,’ Joseph said. My thoughts were going with Aminatta who had faced the same destiny like her sofa set that she bought with hard-earned money. The ashes and the charcoaled sofa set did not allow my mind to be free from thinking about her incremation. On the blackened walls was the half burnt photo of Princess`s ninth year birthday. Her smile and the pretty face had already been caught by the demonic flames, but her sparkling eyes were still looking at me as if she was looking at her dearest father from where she was. On the floor was one of my shoes intact as if to say that I was left only with one leg now.

  ‘George! All stolen,’ Joseph quickly noticed that the house had been looted completely and they had destroyed all that they could not take out including the beds, chairs, and the beddings. House had ultimately become non-liveable.

  ‘Hm,’ I could not but release a heavy sigh in response. I felt an immense vacuum in my life. A vacuum that nothing could replace again.

  ‘My man! What are you doing here?’ It did not take a long time for me to recognise that it was my next door neighbour.

  ‘I came home,’ I replied looking out from a broken window.

  ‘You came home?’ He asked with a sarcastic tone.

  ‘Yeh Man! I was discharged.’ It looked like he was not happy with my reply. He rushed into his house just like a village chief who forgot his dagger on his bed.

  I sent Joseph Bah back and asked him to come and pick me the next day to bring my stuff from the room of Mr. Konnah`s place as I was left with almost nothing.

  As darkness fell, sundry negative thoughts started wrapping around my mind just like a passion-fruit creeper. They slowly conquered every single space in my mind leaving no space to think of anything else.

  ‘George I feel I am a full woman now,’ her words echoed in my ears as I was looking at the bed where Aminatta and I used to sleep. It was partially burnt and good for nothing but firewood.

  Once filled with smiles, laughter, and happiness with a full family, this house was the only place on the earth where I could have a relieving breath and stretch with the freedom that extended to the very end of my soul. Today, I was trying to find a place to sit among the pieces of burnt furnitur
e to have a rest.

  The Reverend Philip came to my mind again after a long time. ‘Life is an obit where light and darkness follow each other in a mercurial cycle. Sometimes, we keep faith when life opens to darkness; sometimes, we lose faith at times of misery and despair. Most people have a tendency to forget God when they are happy whereas some are thankful to him for keeping them happy. But having someone to blame or hold on to at times of despair or to thank or to disregard when life is filled with happiness and hope is important. That helps us to maintain the emotional equilibrium which is the driving force of life. And it is vital that God is always at a height that human cannot reach and he does not talk to you directly.’

  I could not remember the exact time, but it was around midnight when a rain of stones started falling on the wall. I was terrified and could not imagine what was going on. In thick darkness, I could not find the way out.

  ‘Who there?’ I yelled. No one responded, but another rain of stones started falling on the metal roof.

  ‘Who the hell is throwing stones?’ I yelled at the top of my voice.

  ‘You die!’

  ‘Go!’

  ‘We do not need Ebola here,’

  ‘You go!’

  ‘Go back to where you came from!’

  I heard several voices. I was sure those were not strangers, and I could recognise one voice. It was my next door neighbour.

  I received their message. I had heard about similar situations of the patients who were discharged from the ETU but never thought that I would be a victim of stigma induced violence.

  ‘We do not need Ebola here.’

  ‘You go before tomorrow evening!’

  ‘We do not want you here.’

  They kept yelling just outside the fence for some time and left. But the echo of their voices shook my mind even after the rise of the sun.

  When the sunlight was struggling to come into the house through the cracked glass of the window covered by dust, I walked out of the house before they came back again. I felt that surviving Ebola was easier than surviving in the society as a survivor. A raging anger towards myself was boiling within me.

  ‘God! Why you were cruel enough to spare my life?’ I asked looking at the sun that was still young.

  ‘If I was dead, I would not go through all this mental torture. I would not hear about the deaths of my beloved Aminatta and Princess,’ I thought. But there were two more mouths left to be fed. My boys were like a rope that kept me tied to life. Besides that, I did not see any reason for me to breathe this poisoned air in this cruel world.

  I was walking towards the junction to wait till Joseph Bah came. Then I noticed a white Jeep heading towards my house.

  ‘Morning’ Joseph Bah greeted me.

  ‘How the body?’

  ‘Trying small small*,’ I replied as I did not know any other answer to give.

  ‘What happened?’ Joseph sounded inquisitive.

  ‘You know, they threw stones on my roof and asked me to leave home,’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Yeh, Man!’

  ‘Where you go?’

  ‘I do not know,’

  ‘Let`s go and take my things from my room!’ I changed the subject because talking about what was going through would increase the level of anxiety.

  When I reached Mr. Konnah`s place, he was smoking his pipe walking up and down in the compound. He looked upon his round eyeglasses and recognised that it was me in the vehicle. The next moment, his pipe dropped, and he remained frozen for a while and kept on looking at the Jeep. Then a noticeable expression blended with fear and anger was on his wrinkled forehead. When I opened the door of the Jeep, he just turned back and started waddling towards the house like a crab frightened seeing a crane. I could not believe that such a kinetic energy would have condensed in his old legs that apparently were affected by severe varicose and osteoporosis. He rushed in, shut the door loud behind him and put his head out of an open window.

  ‘You go back! Ebola man!’

  ‘You have nothing here,’

  ‘I beg you, Go back!’

  ‘I beg you,’ he kept on screaming till I returned to the Jeep.

  ‘Nobody wants Ebola here.’ I heard him telling when we were reversing the Jeep to go back.

  ‘George, It is hard,’ Joseph Bah said while accelerating the Jeep.

  ‘Let`s go to the ETU!’ I said as I felt that there was no other place than the ETU for me to stay. It was like once you contacted Ebola, you were forever a virus and no one wanted you around.

  ‘I lost my Aminatta. Princess and home.’ I said to Joseph. I felt that I had lost everything I built over the years except my work. The ETU is the only place where my presence will be tolerated and needed.

  ‘Let`s go to the ETU!’ I said to Joseph Bah again.

  45

  I came back to the ETU with Joseph Bah and informed the security that I needed to meet Dr. Annabelle and Dr. Michael. Hand washing formalities and temperature monitoring at the gate brought my memory back to the first day as a nurse in the ETU which was a hopeful day. The fear of working in a deadly zone and the guilt of not being able to utter a word about my work to my family which was dominant at that time were not there anymore. But today, when I reflected on myself, I had neither fears nor guilt but a helplessness to face the future which seemed insecure. The red fence did not scare me out; I did not see people in PPE like aliens and the smell of chlorine had already become a part of my life. I walked into the waiting area and sat on a bench till Dr. Annabelle came.

  ‘George,’ she was amazed to see me on the following day after the discharge.

  ‘You are fine George?’ She was deeply concerned.

  ‘Yes doctor, but I can’t go home. Nobody in the community wanted me back,’ I broke into tears.

  ‘Doctor, I want to work, day and night here. I have nowhere to go.’

  ‘George, still you need to rest,’ Dr. Annabelle fell in serious thought.

  ‘Well let me talk to Michael and Irina.’ She abruptly stood from her chair and left the office. Tick-tick sound of her heels was outdone by the beat of my heart. I was anxious and uncertain. I was not definite about what the next second of my life would bring to me.

  In a while, she returned with Dr. Irina. ‘Michael is with a critical case,’ Dr. Annabelle said.

  ‘George, Pastor Jean-Paul wanted to discuss this matter on the other day.’ Dr. Irina said surprising me.

  ‘What matter doctor?’ I asked in bewilderment.

  ‘He wanted to take you back to the church. He is supposed to visit your home today or tomorrow.’ She looked at her wrist-watch.

  ‘We were pleased to hear about his plan and it was not a new thing that many survivors face violence and rejection when they get back to the workplace or the communities. You know that George as you worked here before,’ she continued.

  ‘Dr. Harris came last night to see me for a short meeting about you. He plans to send you to the ETU in Tubmanburg in Bomi. The Pastor Jean-Paul said they had built a new church somewhere near Klay where he intended to host you.’ While Dr. Annabelle was telling me the plans they had for me, my grandfather- Oldman came to my mind, all of a sudden.

  My uncle, who met with an accident in the bush while in search of medication for my father, used to take everything for granted and fell in trouble all the time. Whenever Oldman noticed that uncle had committed a shortsighted act and suffered its consequences, he used to tell him ‘Soil does not let you fall on hard rocks, it cushions when you fall while allowing you to feel the pain of your fall so that you will not take it for granted.’ It was not to let him down but to discourage him repeating such things and also to encourage him for recovering from the damage he had caused to himself.

  ‘Doctor, I do not have anything in my possession, not even a piece of cloth. If I can collect m
y salary in advance….’ I said with shame as I had never asked for money from anyone in the office before. It was beyond my imagination how a virus, not even big enough to be noticed by the naked eye, could bring my pride and dignity down and trample them into nothing making me seek financial support from the outsiders.

  ‘I am a survivor not a human being,’ I thought.

  ‘Survivor is a person who does not have the right for a life of dignity?’ My feelings made me question myself many times. And I gradually realised that living was different from surviving.

  ‘George, Dr. Harris has already made arrangements to provide you with a lump-sum for settling in. Do not worry! We will do the necessary,’ Dr. Michael appeared in the main office room.

  ‘I think you are aware of what plans we have regarding sending you to the treatment centre in Bomi?’

  ‘Yes doctor, I was told a moment ago.’

  ‘Pastor Jean-Paul will take care of your accommodation. As I understood, he will stay for a few weeks in Liberia before returning to Conakry.’ Dr. Michael sounded well informed.

  ‘They have a new project in Klay, a Church, and an Ebola orphanage,’ he added.

  ‘Jo!’ Dr. Michael called Joseph Bah

  ‘Take George to the French church in Tubmanburg!’ He told Joseph who just peeped from the door.

  ‘Good Sir,’ he showed his ugly smile which was quite scary because of his broken teeth that appeared irregularly through his heavy lips hidden in thick bushy beard full of grey and black hair.

  ‘George, Pastor Jean-Paul is informed about your arrival, and he is waiting for you.’ Dr. Michael added giving me an envelope which I later discovered to be my salary of the previous month.

  By three in the afternoon, I got into the same Jeep which took me to the ETU and started another journey with mixed feelings which reminded me of the day I left Loma`s. It was a journey to the epicentre of an eclipse where the light was; a journey from the darkness in quest of light to where it was speculated to be. My boys, home and the job; all of them were like stars that blinked in the dark sky popping up and hiding as if they did not want to bring an eternal ray of light to the barren skies.