Hard Frost- Depths of Winter

by Thia Mackin

  I growled, causing him to stop instantly. The noise sounded more ocelot than person, and the embarrassment left a heavy weight on my chest. “I am sorry. I can carry my own dish to the sink.”

  He nodded, watching me closely as I picked up my plate and moved toward him and the sink. The attention made me nervous. More nervous. My palms were sweaty, and the crutch slipped just a bit. Five more steps to the… My fingers spun on the hand grip, and I stumbled. The plate shattered on the tile as I crashed into Rankar.

  His hands gripped my elbows, holding me up. “I’ve got you.”

  Frustration filled my eyes with tears. I leaned my forehead against his shoulder to hide them, and his arms wrapped around me in a hug. A feeling of security encircled me. For a moment, I tried to remember the last time I’d felt so completely safe. Don’t you dare cry. The threatening tears backed off, and a ragged exhale escaped instead. I let the crutch go, allowing him to steady me. A healthy fae could bench press me, so Rankar could easily keep me from falling.

  For a moment, his chin rested on top of my head. “What do you need, soldier-girl?”

  Heat rolled off him, thawing my skin and gradually relaxing me. The pressure in my chest that felt like a mild heart attack became an unfamiliar ache much lower. Leaning my head back, I caught him staring down at me, but the emotions rolling across his face escaped me. My fingertips touched the smooth skin of his cheek; his eyes closed. “Rankar, would you kiss me?”

  He suddenly scrutinized my expression, the easiness of the moment before replaced by tension. Even his arms tightened around me. If he could do so without dropping me onto broken plate and leftover food, he likely would have let go.

  “I should not have asked that. Can you set me on the stool and grab my crutches? If so, I’ll get out of y…”

  A squeak escaped when his hands shifted to my butt, lifting me a few more inches as he moved toward the counter. Then I was seated on the granite. For a moment, I expected him to grab my crutches, throw them at me, and run. However, his fingers brushed my thighs and urged them apart. When he stepped between them, my breathing hitched.

  “Kinan, open your eyes.” I obeyed, unsure when I had closed them. “Do you still want me to kiss you?”

  The hunger I felt reflected back at me from his brown eyes. Enough so that I didn’t hedge my answer. “Yes.”

  His left hand rose slowly until his fingertips brushed my neck. Though I had watched the movement in my peripheral vision, the touch still sent a shudder through me. His thumb caressed my jaw, controlling the tilt of my head. All the while, he watched for … hesitation, maybe. Goddess, could he not feel the steam filling the room?

  His t-shirt twisted between my fingers, and I jerked him forward. The pressure of his hand increased. The flashover incinerated me as his lips tugged at mine. No easing into it or testing the waters. His mouth covered mine, stealing the air from my lungs even before I opened to him. Who needed oxygen? I breathed Rankar in, feeling truly alive for the first time in longer than I remembered.

  My good leg wrapped around him, blocking any retreat. The touch at my throat and thigh warmed my skin until I broke from the kiss to pull off my shirt. Before he could object, his went next. My short nails dug into the skin of his shoulder as I urged him against me. Skin to skin, his fire nipped at the coldest corners of my soul, and I wanted him to burn me to ash. “Pants. Our pants.” A tug at the button on his jeans underlined the urgency of my words.

  Teeth scraped the skin beneath my ear before he stepped back to shove his jeans down and off. If he’d worn anything beneath them, they dropped with his pants. My arms gripped his shoulders as he moved close again and pulled me off the counter. Then my back hit the refrigerator. Somehow, his warmth kept me from feeling the cold metal against my skin. Instead, the impact pushed us closer together, and I groaned.

  “Working on it, soldier-girl,” he murmured against my neck, voice holding equal measures of frustration and amusement.

  “Work faster,” I argued, gripping the upper edges of the refrigerator and holding my own weight for the moment.

  His heat disappeared; then I was finally, gloriously naked. His callused fingertips skimmed up the skin of my right arm as his other hand supported my butt. Wrapping my leg around him again, a sigh escaped as the fire enveloped me. Then I trapped his lower lip with my teeth and tugged gently before dipping for a kiss. His eyes met mine. My breath caught.

  “You’re sure?”

  Knowing he’d never let me fall, I released my grip on the fridge and framed his face. “I want to kiss every inch of you. Before or after you are inside me is your choice.”

  “Gods, yes.”

  His mouth covered mine, and my fingernails caressed his scalp. He steadied me as we moved through the house, doors flashing by as he relied on years of familiarity to navigate. Then we were on the stairs, and he broke away to watch the steps. The motion rubbed in the most delicious way, and I gasped. “Sorry. I’m trying not to jostle you. Just a bit farther.”

  “Jostle me some more,” I urged, reaching between us.

  His cock filled my hand, my fingers tightening as they moved from base to tip and back. He stumbled, holding me firmer. “Fuck, Kinan.”

  “Yes, please.” My plea sounded breathless as the tip of his cock rubbed my clit. Rankar now used one hand against the wall to steady us as he walked down a hallway. “How far is your damned room?”

  His laugh choked off as I undulated against him. “Here.” My back touched the wooden door briefly. “Here.”

  Then it opened, and we were inside. My body hit the cotton comforter, but I didn’t bounce. Rankar came down with me, the heat of his skin burning mine. The jolt up my injured hip caused me to swallow a groan of pain. His tongue laving my nipple distracted me almost instantly, though. Fingers in his hair, I tried not to pull.

  “Harder,” he pleaded.

  Encouraged, I let the short strands catch between my fingers. “I thought…” A gasp escaped me as his teeth tugged at the sensitive peak. My hips bucked as he bit down softly. Impatience filled me, and I moved one hand to the back of his neck to urge him closer. “I thought we were going to have sex. What are we waiting for?”

  His chuckle vibrated so wondrously that my good foot hooked his thigh, and I tried to leverage him upward. The bed moved slightly as one of the drakyn landed briefly on the mattress before disappearing again. “I sent Hypnos for a condom. I’ve been trying to distract you until he delivered.” Rankar held up a foil packet.

  While we couldn’t give one another disease, an accidental pregnancy the first time I ever had sex would really round things out. At least one of us had brain cells firing. My heartbeat still pounded in my ears, almost covering the panting sound of our breathing. I met his eyes for reassurance as nervousness jolted through me.

  Goddess, he wanted me as badly as I did him. “Kiss me, Rankar. Light me on fire.”

  Never looking away, he crawled up my body. His hand skimmed from my shoulder to the newly neglected breast to slide between us. The taste of his lips was so sweet against mine, but his fingers teasing my clit lifted me off the bed. Goddess bless! He inhaled my cry before moving just far enough away to slide on the condom. The cool air of the room sent bumps along my skin, and he swallowed my protest too.

  Then he warmed me again, my skin aflame everywhere he touched. “Kinan…”

  I lifted my head, capturing his lips again. I could literally kiss him until I suffocated. It would be the best death.

  “Kinan.” He touched my face with both hands, securing my attention. “Are you sure?”

  For a moment, I ignored his question and reached for him. However, he held me still until I focused fully upon him. “Yes, Rankar. Yes.”

  His grip shifted to my thigh, pulling my leg higher on his hip. Then he moved closer, his cock sliding between my folds and entering me. Finally, finally. I grabbed his ass and tried to seat him deeper.

  “Slow down, anwylyd. You’re so tight. I don’t want t
o hurt you.”

  His breaths were pants, and he concentrated so godsdamn hard on not hurting me that the lack caused me pain. My entire abdomen clenched every time his chest brushed my breasts. If his lips touched me anywhere, I’d shatter.

  “You are killing me, Ran. Please.”

  He whispered something in Welsh as his hips surged forward, and he filled me. The suddenness brought tears to my eyes, delivering a mixture of pleasure and pain. Everything inside me tightened around him, holding him in place, then sweet relief. After a long second, I tried to lift my hips closer.

  He held me still. “It’s been a long time for me, anwylyd. I want this to last.”

  “Oh.” I smiled, content for him to stay inside me forever. However, that wasn’t exactly fair. “Come for me, Rankar. Burn me to the ground.”

  He growled, resting his weight on his elbow and my good leg. Those sweet lips covered mine as his fingers reached beneath me to grip my ass. A half-scream escaped, and I arched into him. The friction from his movement should have literally caught me aflame. Instead, his thumb rubbed my clit in time with his thrusts. Too much. Everything tightened again, overwhelming my senses to the point of pain. His teeth clamped in the spot where my neck and shoulder met, sending me over the edge and shattering me into a million pieces.

  Rankar’s hips thrust faster as I wrapped my leg behind his thigh to keep our bodies close. My nails left half-moon marks in his back as I urged him deeper. Our eyes met, and for a moment, warmth and affection filled me to overflowing. Then pleasure-pain crossed his face as he spilled, joining me in orgasm. His movement stalled; his breathing slowed. And in that moment, I felt more linked to him than I had to anyone before in my life.

  Uncomfortable with the added intimacy, I averted my eyes but moved my fingers to rest on his hip—still not ready to lose the connection. Rankar removed the condom then lowered himself to half-cover me, a heavy blanket I never wanted to throw off.

  His fingers brushed my shoulder, and I idly noted the touch ached. “Fuck, Kinan, I drew blood.”

  “Shh,” I murmured, smiling with my eyes closed. With him curled against me right now, the world seemed so right. “You can do it again later.”

  His rueful chuckle sounded so far away as my eyes grew heavy and I slipped into sleep.

  The bed shifted, pulling me awake. I sighed as an arm slid across my midriff. The chill disappeared. Rankar curled against my back. “Where’d you go?” I murmured, gripping his hand and moving it to rest over my breast.

  He nuzzled my spine before laying his cheek against the back of my neck. His exhale sounded content, drowsy. “For our clothes.”

  “Mmm.” Lifting his fingers to my lips, I kissed the tips before putting them back over my nipple. Somehow, they fit there. “Why do you smell like cleaner?”

  “I disinfected the counter and the fridge and cleaned up the broken stuff. If I didn’t, I’d never be able to look Mom in the eyes again.”

  Oh, gods. Rolling to my knee, I only avoided cracking Rankar’s skull with my own due to his catlike reflexes. Ignoring the jolt of pain from the other leg, I stared down at him in panic where he lay on his back. “She’s going to kick me out. She might kick you out! What were we thinking? In the kitchen! We are dead. We are definitely dead.”

  His arm tugged me down to his chest, and he pressed my cheek to his shoulder. The even cadence of his breathing eventually calmed my own. “Then it will be worth it,” he finally murmured, kissing my forehead.

  My hand traced his collarbone, fingers skimming the side of his throat. Naked, my body draped over the muscle and sinew of his, I felt completely at ease. Safe. His arms enfolded me. He was right.

  I’d die happy.

  Chapter 11

  The pillow moved beneath my cheek, and I groaned, not wanting to wake up. Warmth soothed my aches. The smell of leather and fire that reminded me of Rankar surrounded me. Oh. My eyes snapped open, and I looked into my bedmate’s gaze. Was that uncertainty that he hid? Did he regret what happened? Shit.

  Tensing to get up, I paused as he touched my shoulder. “Hey, soldier-girl. What was that?”

  An exhale steadied my nerves as I nodded to him. “I could ask you the same, I think.”

  He turned onto his side, facing me. His hand skimmed down my arm to rest on my hip beneath the covers, and the shudder going through me was impossible to hide. If he wanted me out of his bed, he needed to quit touching me, godsdamnit.

  “Kinan, it’s been a long time since I slept with anyone. If you saw anything on my face other than contentment at waking up beside you, it was uncertainty of how you would react to waking up beside me.”

  Okay, so he didn’t want to kick me out. That was a start.

  I forced a hesitant smile, relaxing slightly. “I—uh—have never slept with anyone, so I’m not exactly sure about the protocol for morning after.”

  Despite my awkward confession, the warm approval on Rankar’s face only intensified. “We can start with a good morning kiss, a shower, and then breakfast since we’re both rusty on protocol?”

  My fingers skimmed over his cheek, noticing he’d been blessed with fae genes that made it difficult for Tuatha de to grow beards. His skin felt smooth, no stubble yet. Stretching up, I touched my lips to his gently. My eyes met his as I pulled back. The tenderness there stole my breath. If he truly felt half of what I saw, this was real. The weight pushing the air from my lungs when he kissed me, the fire licking at my skin where his body met mine, and the sensation of floating when he looked at me like he was now—I wasn’t just imagining those things.

  “Ran…” I swallowed, choking on what I needed to say. My head bowed. No way could I meet his gaze. Dammit, how many languages did I have to speak to find the right words? Apparently, at least one more.

  His fingers encircled my wrist, stilling the nervous movement of my hand against his neck. “Do you want me to go back to Asez, Kinan? I can make myself scarce.”

  Startled, my head jerked up until I could see his eyes. “Rankar, you live here. This is your home.”

  His half-smile held none of the happiness of minutes ago. “My home is outside Tucumcari. My parents live here. You live here. Would it be easier if I head back now?”

  Frustration cut off my words, but it only lasted a moment. Twisting my wrist, I freed it from his grip. “Of course it would be easier.” When he tried to move—to stand, to leave—I threw my leg over his waist and sat on him. The pain barely registered as I settled my hands on his pectoral muscle, pushing down. That made him pause. Goddess, it caught my attention, too, as the shift caused his erection to rub against parts of me already sensitized the night before. “You’re a fighter, Rankar. You know that easier isn’t always better. And I don’t want easy.” The curl of my lips caught me a tad off guard. “The hard way is basically my modus operandi, but I’m not often in situations where I don’t know what to do or what to say or how to proceed. Yet here I am. I want to show you what I feel and ask you where this goes from here. And the words can’t be found. I’m more lost in this second than I was the night we met.” Words choked me, but I managed to push them out. “Please stay.”

  “I’ll stay.”

  I nodded before leaning down to brush my lips across the corner of his mouth. Exhaling, my breasts against his chest, I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. “Five more minutes?”

  My breaths naturally synchronized with his, and his right hand brushed from my shoulder to the curve of my ass. The contented noise that escaped sounded like a purr, but I quashed it immediately, nuzzling my face into his throat in embarrassment. His knuckles reversed path, lingering in all the best places before massaging the back of my neck.

  “What kind of feline?” he murmured against my ear.

  The rumbling stopped, and I realized I’d been doing it again. “Ocelot,” I whispered against his skin, hesitantly.

  His fingertips rubbed my scalp as his left hand drew my right one to rest high on his chest. The vibration
beneath my fingers tingled, but pure delight caused me to laugh. “Cougar,” he admitted, the smile evident even in the single word. “We could try a shift in a week or so. See if you do better on four legs than two.”

  Uncomfortable discussing my alternative form, I focused instead on our joined hands, specifically the pinkie finger on his right hand. “Signet ring?” He used his thumb to turn it so the crest became visible. A hand held a sword, and a snake curled around the blade. A large cat—obviously a cougar—overlaid the image. “Is that for the Sirachs?”

  He shook his head slightly, barely breaking contact between my forehead and his cheek. “Donovans. My mother’s clan.”

  “I like it.” With that, I closed my eyes again and squirmed until my leg was trapped between his. My fingers caressed the skin beneath them, but he stilled the movement by linking his through mine. “That tickle?” I asked, wiggling until my nails lightly brushed his skin.

  “More, I intended to give you the nap you’d asked for and am feeling a mite distracted.” He shifted slightly, and his erection brushed my hip.

  “Mmm.” I kissed his neck, touching my tongue to his skin before gently biting down. Our combined hands slid downward until my knuckles grazed his nipple. “Weird. I’m feeling a bit”—I sucked the skin lightly, not enough to leave a mark anyone would see—“distracted, too.”

  He rolled me beneath him, and I looked up into his warm brown eyes. “How’s that nap?” The calluses on his palms from holding a sword and defending those who meant everything to him contrasted with the softness of my breasts as he teased me. The peaks of my nipples felt neglected, hard and waiting for attention.

  “Postponed,” I gasped, arching my back.

  The nap lasted longer than five minutes, and so did the shower that followed. By the time we made it downstairs, the horses were restless and hungry. Watching a shirtless Rankar dice ingredients for the omelets from the kitchen table where my leg muscles could rest, I empathized with the mounts. What in the world is wrong with me? People I became attached to were injured or killed, a curse that followed me from the bombing that killed my parents through Atkoy and Abinaleh. Whether the man enjoyed our time together as much as I did or not, what the hell was I doing risking his health by encouraging this?