Then There Was You

by Miranda Liasson

  She walked around the counter and peeked into the waiting room to ask her dad if it was one of his patients, but everyone was excitedly weighing in on fabric swatches.

  “Burnt sienna is really popular right now,” the decorator, Claire Hutton, was saying. “We could do that in a vinyl on the waiting room chairs and alternate with aqua chairs. And I’ve got this fun pattern here that we could mix and match in between the other two. What do you think?”

  Her dad pulled his bifocals down on his nose, deep in contemplation.

  “I think after thirty years anything’s an improvement,” Leonore said, catching Sara’s eye through the window and winking.

  Sara decided not to bother them and go see the patient for herself. She’d just pulled the chart from the slot and turned the doorknob when Leonore came bursting into the back office. “Sara, wait!” she said excitedly, waving her arms. “He insisted on seeing your father as a sick visit. Don’t go in there!”

  Too late. She’d already opened the door. There, sitting with his long legs dangling off the exam table, was Tagg.

  Tagg. After an entire year. She didn’t trust herself to close the door behind her. She might murder him, and with the door open, maybe someone could stop her before it was too late. On the other hand, she didn’t want anyone hearing whatever he had to say. Closing the door won, after she’d signaled to poor Leonore that everything was OK. Maybe.

  “Tagg,” she said on an exhalation, trying to suck in deep, calming breaths as she approached him. “How did you get in here?” She’d known that sooner or later their paths would cross, although he seemed to be making every effort to ensure that that didn’t happen. Except for the paperwork she’d had to fill out to give him her half of their house, she hadn’t heard a peep from him. So why was he here, masquerading as a patient?

  His big brown eyes swiveled over to her. She used to love those dark, mysterious eyes—used to think they were honest eyes. His shiny ink-black hair and full lips were so familiar to her, yet knowing him seemed like a lifetime ago.

  She thought of all the times she’d looked at that face. Loved that face. They’d shared a lot together, over ten-plus years of life, there was no denying. For just a moment, it was as if none of the ugliness had happened and it was just another day, when he’d somehow come to joke around and say hey before his own workday began.

  But Tagg’s face wasn’t the same innocent face she’d once loved. He wasn’t the person she’d once thought he was.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “I had to see you, Sara. I’m dying.” He placed his hands over his chest.

  He was sitting there calm as could be. Definitely not in any distress. “Quit clowning around.”

  “I’m not clowning around. Look at my chart.” He pointed with a fine, long-fingered hand to the manila folder resting near the sink.

  She did. It read, simply, “Chest pain.”

  Chest pain? A nagging feeling in her gut told her something was up. Even if he was serious, she wasn’t about to collect his medical history. And she certainly wasn’t going to examine him.

  “I can’t see you as a patient.” She walked to the door and put a hand on the doorknob. “Let me get my dad.”

  “Wait,” he called out. “Why can’t you just see me? I’ll cooperate, I promise.”

  Who cared if he cooperated? She was too annoyed to see him, and the fact that she was truly irritated with him filled her with relief. That pining feeling, that yearning she’d felt in spite of herself for much of the last year was…gone. In the past year she’d often imagined meeting him again, and the thought had filled her with dread. She’d pictured running into him and his girlfriend on the street, maybe even seeing them strolling an adorable, drooly baby, Valerie wearing a diamond the size of a golf ball and proclaiming their love. And the same feelings would overtake her, that she simply hadn’t been enough. She’d been the woman someone could bail on two days before their wedding and never think of again.

  But strangely, she didn’t feel like that lonely, displaced person, the object of pity. She felt no sadness, no dread, no longing. Her heart wasn’t racing. Nor were her thoughts. She just wanted to move on with her day.

  Colton had already sent her a pic of Champ looking adoringly into his phone, captioned We both miss you already. And just then, as if she’d conjured him, her phone vibrated. Is Tagg in there? read the text. I see his car out front.

  Of course Tagg had probably parked his Popsicle-red Porsche on the street, with its license plate TAGG IM IT. Conspicuous consumption at its finest, that was Tagg.

  She ignored the text for now. She doubted Tagg was having a heart attack, but if he was, she didn’t want it to be on her conscience that she’d botched the diagnosis. Although it was tempting to do just that.

  “Just a minute,” she said, and walked out into the hall. She avoided the reception area, instead going to the only other exam room with a closed door and knocking.

  Her dad poked his head out.

  “Dad, how long will you be in there?” she asked.

  “I’m seeing Clara Ridgeway.”

  Oh God. A lonely senior who was also a hypochondriac. That meant a half hour at least.

  “Anything I can help you with, honey?”

  “It can wait until after you’re through.”

  Her phone vibrated again. Are you OK? She shoved it into her Leonore-pouch and reentered the exam room.

  “Are you having chest pain now?” she asked.

  “Yes, yes I am.” He splayed his fingers over his chest and grimaced.

  She glanced at her watch. Chest pain could be a complicated diagnosis, but the workup was fairly straightforward. Tagg was also a smart guy—and a doctor. If something were seriously wrong, he would have taken himself to the ER. This whole situation smelled like bad cheese.

  “Maybe you should head over to the ER,” Sara said.

  “No,” he said, quite adamantly. “I came to see you. I-I want to discuss my problem with you.”

  “Where does it hurt?”

  He moved the palm of his hand over his chest. “All over.”

  “How often and how long does it last? And does it happen during activity or at rest? Any fever or shortness of breath?”

  “It’s come and gone for about a year now, but it’s been nearly constant for the past month.”

  “How severe is it, and any radiation down your arm?”

  “No radiation. But it nearly doubles me over sometimes.”

  “Palpitations, skipped beats, strange rhythms?” She ran through all the usual questions, although the hair on the back of her neck was prickling. Nothing was adding up, but at the same time she didn’t want to ignore a weird or unusual problem that needed to be dealt with ASAP.

  She unwound her stethoscope from her neck and approached him. “Let me have a listen and then we’ll do an office EKG, OK?” She took his wrist and timed his pulse. “It’s steady, and you’re not tachycardic.”

  Suddenly he grabbed her hand. The abrupt movement startled her.

  “Sara,” he said, looking her in the eye, “I screwed up. Bad. I’m so sorry. My life’s been hell without you.”

  Sara pulled her hand away. “Tagg, what are you thinking? I’m at work. There are people who are sick here, for God’s sake.”

  “I didn’t think you’d talk to me any other way.”

  “You were right.” Her boldness shocked her a little, and her heart thumped hard in her chest. But she wasn’t backing down. This time she was going to say what she should’ve said long ago. “It’s been a year, Tagg. One whole year. Surely you’ve had other opportunities to contact me.”

  He at least had the decency to look sheepish. “I was embarrassed. With every day that passed, I felt more and more ashamed about what I’d done.” She shook her head and backed up, but he grabbed her elbow. She used to love that he’d always been a little touchy-feely, but not anymore.

  “Look,” he continued. “We dated for such a
long time. As it got closer and closer to our wedding, I kept thinking I never got to sow my wild oats. It was like I had this monster inside of me, always wondering what it would be like to date someone else because I never did.”

  She crossed her arms. “You’d think you’d have come to that conclusion sooner than two days before our wedding.”

  “I panicked. Maybe there’s even something admirable about that, wanting to get that out of my system, not committing because I wasn’t ready. I mean, what if we’d gone through with it? Imagine starting a marriage feeling like that.”

  The look in his eyes told her he believed what he was saying. Although she had an entirely different word for him, and it wasn’t admirable.

  “I know I embarrassed you and you’re right to be angry with me, but I understand myself so much better now. And I’ve come to understand there’s no one like you, Sara. No one. You’re beautiful and good and kind, and you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I was a huge fool. I hate myself every day for what I did to you. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “Where’s Valerie?” Sara asked. “Is she in the waiting room?”

  “We…broke up.” He looked embarrassed. “OK, she left me. But that was because I kept comparing her to you.”

  He was the picture of earnestness. Sara knew him well enough to know he was in pain. But she also understood what had happened to them so much better now. Tagg hadn’t admitted to himself that he hadn’t loved her the way he needed to until he’d done something really stupid. And she hadn’t had the courage to leave their relationship because it had been too damn comfortable.

  As with so many other things in her life, she’d gone with the flow to live up to other people’s expectations. Getting A’s, going to the best schools, achieving, achieving, achieving. Staying with Tagg because he was the “right” kind of guy, one who lived up to her dad’s expectations. Not that the achieving part had been a bad thing, but why had she been so afraid to rebel a little? Choose what she wanted?

  “Tagg, you’re forgiven,” she said, placing her hand over his. She meant it too. She now saw the whole embarrassing event as a relief, an opportunity to start over that she would’ve missed. She would have missed Colton, and never known what the possibility of true happiness looked like.

  Speaking of Colton, her phone vibrated again in her pocket.

  Tagg stood and took both her hands. Maybe it was the blue gown that made him seem extra vulnerable, but she did feel sorry for him. “I hope you can see it in your heart to give me another chance. If you do, I promise I’ll be faithful to you until the day I die.”

  “Tagg, you were my first boyfriend. My first everything. We supported each other through those really tough med school years. We believed in each other’s dreams. But the rest of it…it wasn’t right. We weren’t right. I’m sorry.” She dropped her hands and walked over to the door.

  He followed her. “I want to prove to you I’ve changed. Give me another chance, Sara. Please.”

  She felt really…bad for him. But his feelings weren’t her concern anymore. It was Colton she needed to check in with, which meant responding to his texts ASAP. “I’m sorry, Tagg.” Then she opened the door and left.

  In the hall it was so quiet you could’ve heard someone slice cake. She walked through the office to the reception desk. Leonore and Glinda were staring at her, wide-eyed. Her father was leaning on the counter, writing up a chart, and to his credit, he didn’t even look up. Behind the open reception window was Colton, standing there quietly.

  Thank God. She didn’t want him worrying, and now she could put his mind at ease in person.

  The exam room door opened, and Tagg stepped out into the hall, tucking in his shirt.

  “Dr. Langdon! A pleasure to see you, sir.” Tagg extended a hand. For a long second, her father stared down his nose over the top of his bifocals in that way he had of quietly assessing everyone he met.

  “Hey, Colt! How’s it going?” Tagg asked, giving Colton a wave. Colton nodded back, his jaw spring-loaded like a mouse trap, ready to crush and kill.

  “Taggart,” her dad said cautiously. “What brings you back to town?”

  “I came to beg Sara for forgiveness,” he said, his eyes darting around at everyone. Judging by the looks on their faces, Leonore and Glinda were definitely thinking this was better than Netflix. As were the handful of people in the waiting room. Leonore sat at the reception desk, arms folded staunchly across her ample chest. Glinda held a syringe in her hand, ready to inject at a moment’s notice.

  “And you’ve got it,” Sara said, her face turning its usual fifty shades of red. Now would he just leave already?

  “But I want more than that. I want you. And I want everyone to know. Complete honesty from here on out.”

  “Isn’t it a little too late for that?” Colton asked. He was frowning, and his steely gaze was boring a hole through Tagg.

  “Oh my,” her dad said. His gaze swung back and forth between Tagg and Colton, but he didn’t say anything, just cleared his throat. Maybe he’d decided not to touch that one with a ten-foot pole.

  In the old days her dad would have made small talk, or hugged Tagg, or at least given him a friendly slap on the back. Not so today—thank you, Daddy. He did, however, turn to Colton. “Have a nice day, son,” he said, giving him a wave before he left to see his next patient.

  Colton, in true cop form, scanned all the players, nodded at her father, and addressed Sara. “How are you?”

  “Oh, good. Thanks for asking.” She couldn’t help the near-hysterical giggle that bubbled up her throat. God, she just needed Tagg to leave already.

  Colt eyed her carefully. Then his gaze flitted to Tagg, his eyes narrowing a little. It struck Sara that this was how he might look during target practice.

  “Colton,” Tagg said, walking past Sara and out into the waiting room to embrace his friend. “Long time no see. What are you doing here?”

  Colton’s gaze landed on Sara, who held her breath while waiting for what he was about to say.

  “I saw your car out front,” he said casually. “Came in to say hello.”

  “I was just leaving. Walk out with me?”

  “I have a minute, sure.”

  Tagg actually walked back into the reception area and kissed Sara on the cheek. “We’ll talk more later, OK?”

  Ugh, that was just like him. What had she not made clear? After a year, did he actually think simply waltzing in and apologizing would bring everything back to the way it had been?

  Oh man, Colton’s jaw was so tight you could bounce a quarter off it, and a muscle at his temple was twitching. Maybe she should have shut Tagg down immediately by telling him about Colton. But she didn’t want drama in front of the entire office. Colton would understand and no doubt tell Tagg himself.

  “Take care, folks,” Colton said a little stiffly. “Have a good morning, Sara,” he said, as he and Tagg walked out the door.

  Her morning schedule was on the counter. First up was Troy Cummings, a two-year-old whose mother Holly worried endlessly about every sniffle. Holly’s own mother had passed away shortly before Troy was born, and she needed lots of reassurance. Sara would also be seeing an elderly patient from the nursing home with diabetes, a bad heart, and lung problems, and a recent widower, Mr. Stevens, whose bunions were bothering him for the second time in a week but who probably just needed a little TLC.

  Despite all the turmoil this morning, Sara was really looking forward to her day. Seeing her patients. Plus she felt that a huge weight she’d been dragging behind her for a year had been cut free.

  “You OK, sweetheart?” her dad asked in a quiet voice. “If I would have known it was that pea brain, I would have taken care of him myself. You should’ve told me.”

  God love her dad. He never said an unkind word about anyone, but calling Tagg a pea brain was about the most wonderful thing anyone could say to her right now. She even teared up a little.

  “Dad, I always thought yo
u liked Tagg.”

  Her dad took off his glasses and eyeballed her. “No, honey, you always liked Tagg. I just supported your choice, like I’ve supported whatever you wanted in life.”

  Sara blanched. Could she really have gotten it so wrong all these years? “But I always thought you thought he was the perfect guy for me.”

  “I appreciated his ambition, but I always felt he had his eye on anything and everything beyond his reach. The most prestigious job, better cars, better fiancées, that kind of thing. He was never one to be happy with what he had. But then, he didn’t really show his true colors until last year, did he?”

  “How could I not know you felt this way?”

  “I try to think the best of people. Sometimes I’m wrong, of course. But you’re an adult now. You can figure out what you want for yourself.”

  What else had she been wrong about? Her dad’s constant push to have her succeed—his hints about her continuing the fellowship she would’ve started last year—how did he really feel about that? And hadn’t he just told her now it mattered more what she wanted for herself than what he wanted?

  Well, she finally knew what she wanted. Colton.

  * * *

  Colton turned over in his brain what he’d just seen and heard. Tagg was going to talk to Sara later? He’d kissed her on the cheek and she’d said…nothing?

  Jesus, Colton’s stomach was churning as he walked outside with Tagg.

  It was a bright morning, but clouds were building, making the sun look a little watery.

  “It’s great to see you, man,” Tagg said, slapping him on the back. “And Sara. God, I’ve missed her.”

  The acid feeling in Colton’s stomach crept up to his esophagus. He was definitely going to have to break out the Tums.

  “I’ve been such an idiot.” Tagg paused and leveled his gaze at Colton.

  “Things not working out with Val?” Colton asked. Shocker if they weren’t.

  “I knew Val and I weren’t going to last forever. It just ran its course. But being with her helped me understand how much I’m really in love with Sara. Thank God she’s still single.” Tagg smiled and Colton clenched his fists.