There Are No Men

by Carol Maloney Scott

  “Claire, you absolutely have to stop drinking like this. You were better for a while, I don’t understand.” She sighs and offers me a bottle of water. “Maybe you should go home sick.”

  I accept it and take a big swallow. “No, I have stuff to do.”

  “This weekend you need to come out with me. The Meetup group is doing a wine tasting on Friday night—just a tasting, not a swigging, and then there’s a disco bowling thing on Saturday.”

  “I am not going to any more singles Meetups.” I rub my temples and fidget in my chair.

  “What? Why? I know. You think Nathan is the one already, right? Just like that and he’s the guy!” She snaps her fingers.

  “I think he is.”

  “What happened to fun and meeting new people? Claire, you barely know this guy.”

  “This weekend he really opened up and I found out a lot about his childhood—”

  “So, he comes over and tells you about his childhood and you think you know him? You need to know about his adulthood, his life now. You still haven’t been to his house, right?”

  I shake my head no.

  “That’s not normal, Claire, and you haven’t even had sex with him. You can wait, but you can’t go around planning a future with a man you have only known a couple of weeks, especially when you aren’t even intimately involved.” She exhales and purses her lips. “You don’t see any of this?”

  “He’s busy and—”

  “He can’t possibly be too busy to take you to a play or to accompany you to a show. He wasn’t even concerned about who you were with or how you would get home?”

  “He was worried, but he trusts me.”

  “I would like to believe all of this, but I’m not buying it. Tell me why you can’t go to his house again?”

  “It’s being renovated.”

  “Right. So is it like the movie where the kid is lost in New York running from the bad guys, and he finds his uncle’s house and there’s that huge hole in the floor, and the bad guy steps on glass and gets chicken feathers stuck to him? That kind of renovation?” She is so damn sarcastic sometimes.

  “The chicken feathers and the glass are in the first movie. The one where he’s left ‘Home Alone.’ You’re getting them confused.”

  “That’s not the point! Do you just fall for any guy who wants you?” I think of Ron and how I settled at sixteen. “Wait, no you don’t—because Justin and Brandon are both obviously crazy about you, but you have blown them off for the smoke and mirrors guy.”

  “They are boys. Nathan is a man. An important man.”

  Rebecca sinks back in her chair and lowers her voice. “I think you’ve forgotten what that word means?”

  “Which word—important or man?”

  “Both.”

  I blink back tears and stand up, placing the water bottle on the desk. “I really have to get to work. Pam wants to meet Brandon and talk to him about a contract. I need to set up a lunch

  meeting.” I lower my head and walk towards the door.

  “Wait. I’m sorry, Claire. Your behavior is just reckless lately, and I worry about you.” Rebecca pouts and smiles weakly.

  “This is precisely the reason I haven’t told my real mother any of this, and I definitely don’t need a second one. Really.” I muster up a little grin and walk out the door.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  “Let’s just stop in my office—we left the paper work in here and—” Tim is interrupted by giggling.

  We all stop in the doorway of Tim’s office—me, Tim, Pam, Frank and Brandon. Cecilia is sitting behind Tim’s desk and the back of a familiar head is peeking over the top of Tim’s guest chair.

  “Nathan?”

  He sits up straight and turns around abruptly.

  “What are you doing here?” I smile to hide my annoyance and confusion. My heart rate quickens.

  “Hello, Sweetie. I was looking all over for you and Cecilia was kind enough to entertain me until you came back from lunch. I was going to surprise you and take you out.” He is beaming back and forth between Cecilia and the rest of us.

  Cecilia jumps in and breaks the silence. “Yes, Claire your office door was locked, but I told him you would be back soon.” She smiles, but I’m probably the only one who sees the contempt behind all those perfect white teeth.

  “How nice. Thank you, Cecilia.” I stare at Nathan. “We were just taking Brandon out to lunch to discuss acquiring his book.” I gesture towards Brandon, who peeks his head around the corner. The doorway was jam packed, but Pam and Frank have receded back into the hallway, deep in conversation and oblivious to the show going on in here.

  Tim interjects, “Cecilia, did I miss anything while I was gone?” He raises his eyebrows and she jumps up from his desk.

  “No, I was just making our guest comfortable and having a quick coffee break.” She grabs her empty coffee cup and heads for the door. “Nathan, it was so nice to meet you.” We step out of the way so she can make her escape. She has some nerve! I would never sit behind Tim’s desk.

  Cecilia pauses when she passes Brandon. “Hi, I’m Cecilia.” She offers her hand and he shakes it while looking over at me. “I’m a budding writer, too! I hope your book will be successful.” She glares back at me over her shoulder. Tim doesn’t notice, but I think Brandon does.

  She’s a budding writer? What? Now that she’s gone, I can introduce Brandon to Nathan, and get that whole ordeal over with. Brandon is acting like the other night never happened, thank God.

  I walk over to Nathan, who is now standing, give him a quick peck on the cheek, and introduce him to Brandon. The two men shake hands, and the differences in their ages and statures is pronounced.

  “Pleased to meet you, Brandon. You’re the neighbor who’s in the band, right? I was going to say hello the other night, but I understand you must have been tired and eager to get home. Thank you for bringing Claire home safely—I had a pressing matter at the hospital.” He clears his throat and smiles at me.

  “Nice to meet you, too. No problem—she wasn’t in any shape to drive.”

  I sneak a glimpse out in the hall to see if everyone else is still occupied. I don’t want them hearing about my weekend escapades. I hear a new, but familiar, voice in the group.

  “How was lunch?” Rebecca barrels her way into Tim’s office, which we have now completely hijacked.

  I introduce her to Nathan and Brandon, and I’m not sure which one she is more impressed with.

  “I am so glad I stopped by. It’s great to meet both of you. So where did you guys go for lunch?”

  “The steakhouse on the other side of the plaza,” I reply.

  “Shame on you, Claire.” She wags her finger at me. “You shouldn’t be eating steak. Didn’t Dr. Mason say—”

  Mercifully, Tim interrupts. “Hey folks, sorry to barge in to my office, but I need to get this young man’s contract signed, sealed and delivered.” His tone is light, but I know he wants us to get moving. Not a moment too soon. I don’t want Nathan to know about my high cholesterol, and how does the human resources expert think my medical problems are appropriate office discussion? I’m going to kill her later.

  We all laugh and head back out to the hall, apologizing to the big boss for commandeering his office. Nathan shakes Brandon’s hand again. “A pleasure, Brandon. We’ll have to come see one of your shows some time.”

  Brandon smiles and catches my eye before Tim shuts the door.

  “I’ll leave you two alone. Nice to meet you, Nathan.” Rebecca excuses herself and walks away, as I scowl at her disappearing frame.

  “How long have you been here?” We start walking towards the elevator and my office.

  “Not too long. That Brandon is a nice young man. I pictured a rougher character—because of the music and late night partying.”

  I push the button for the elevator, which arrives immediately. We step inside.

  “And what was Rebecca saying? Why can’t you eat steak?”

 
“What? She’s crazy. We were just doing this diet and cutting out fat and—”

  Nathan is not smiling. “Seriously, Claire? You were on a diet? Do you have high cholesterol?”

  “No! Maybe a little high.” Nathan’s eyes widen and I continue. “But my overall risk is low. I’m thin and there is no history of heart disease in my family.”

  “I can’t believe you kept this from me, Claire. This is distressing. You should be on a strict diet and exercise program. I saw donuts in your kitchen!” He raises his voice and the people in open cubicles are staring. I pull him by the arm closer to my office door and put the key in the lock.

  “I’m sorry. It’s just not a big deal and I didn’t know—”

  “Not a big deal? That is an irresponsible attitude. I will not allow the woman I love to have heart disease. Haven’t I suffered enough?”

  Woman he loves? I start to respond and he holds up his hand. “I will put together a program for you, and we will recheck you in three months, and every three months after that, until your numbers are in normal range.”

  I sigh and look down at my feet. “You’re right, Nathan. I need to take better care of myself.”

  “Good girl.” He comes closer and kisses me on the forehead. “I’ll call you later.”

  He walks towards the door and I stop him. “Nathan, did you mean it that we can go see Brandon’s band?” I wince and await his response. “They’re playing again this Saturday.”

  He grins and says, “Of course, Sweetie. Whatever makes you happy. I will bring earplugs, just in case.” He sees my dejected expression and says, “I’m kidding, Claire. It will be fun. Now eat a salad tonight and go for a walk with Dixie. Doctor’s orders.”

  As soon as he leaves I collapse in my chair. Boy, did this day take a turn for the worse quickly. Cecilia is a crazy bitch, and I could strangle Rebecca. I know I shouldn’t be hiding things from Nathan, but we’ve only been together a short time. I was going to tell him, but after everything he told me the other night I didn’t want to spring this on him, and I know I can get it under control.

  Lunch was great. Brandon is impressive with his writer’s hat on! I know what Nathan means—I know him pretty well and even I wondered what he would be like in this professional setting. Tim offered him a nice advance on his next book and a tidy sum for the rights to his submitted manuscript. I’m happy for him. He seemed like he wanted to say more when I was leaving Tim’s office, but I will see him at home. I mean if he’s outside. Speaking of outside, I need to take Dixie for that walk. Maybe we can go to the park for a change of scenery.

  I arrive at home a few hours later, and decide to tie Dixie outside. It’s the first of May and a beautiful day. The tie-out stake is secure now, thanks to Brandon, and I just need a quick change of clothes and we can be off to the park.

  I am only inside a few minutes, grab a water bottle and my keys, and I hear a voice on my porch. I swing open the door and Brandon is standing there holding a wiggly and excited Dixie.

  “Why are you holding her? Come on, don’t tell me she got loose again?” Brandon hands Dixie to me before she jumps out of his arms. I attach her leash to her harness and put her down. Now that she has Mommy back, she is jumping on Brandon’s leg. She’s a confused little chick—must be catching.

  “I was sitting on the porch reading over my contract again and she came running over. I know that tie-out stake was secure. But it’s loose again. Has your lawn guy been here? Maybe he hit it with the mower, or the weed whacker?” Brandon bends down to pet Dixie, who has flipped over for a belly rub and gotten tangled in her leash.

  “That’s possible, I guess. Damn it, she’s such a little whack-job. I wish I could leave her out here once in a while. I guess I need a fenced yard.” My stomach hurts thinking of her running across the street, even though it’s only a cul-de-sac.

  “No, that thing should be secure. You just need to check it before you tie her up. I fixed it again.” He stands up. “Where are you off to?”

  “Thanks, and we’re just going to the park. Me and little Miss Houdini.” We both smile and shake our heads at Dixie’s antics.

  He continues to stand there a moment longer than necessary. I begin, “Did you want to come with us?”

  “I could do that. It’d be good to get some exercise in the fresh air.” He picks up Dixie and we walk to my car, which is filthy as ever.

  “Sorry about my car. Do you want to put her in the carrier?”

  “No, she’s fine on my lap.” Dixie licks Brandon’s nose and we’re off.

  The whole way there he holds onto her as she frantically peers out the window, taking in all the excitement. She doesn’t get out much, and she clearly loves it.

  We go on a nice long walk, and before getting in the car to go home I spot the swings.

  Brandon notices and gestures to them. “Did you want to play on the swings, Claire?”

  “Actually, I kind of do. Does that make me a whack-job now?”

  “A little bit, but it’s cute.”

  I try to punch him in the arm, but of course he is way too fast for me, and easily dodges my blows.

  He picks Dixie up and carries her. Before I can protest, he ties her leash around the picnic table leg, right next to the swings. “She’s not going anywhere now.” She flips and hops but finally settles down. That was a long walk for her miniscule legs.

  We sit on side by side swings, and start to leisurely pump our legs.

  “You wanna hear something funny? When I first saw you across the street I thought you were a young father, and I imagined you putting together your swing set for your little family.” When I first saw him. Hopefully he won’t want to reminisce about any other aspect of that encounter.

  “That is funny. I would love to be that guy someday, but I need the right woman, you know?” His blue eyes are gleaming in the late day sun.

  I attempt to swallow the lump in my throat. “So are you excited about your contract?” I lean my face up towards the waning sunlight and close my eyes.

  “I am—it’s nice to have my work recognized. I sold a good number of my self-published books, but it feels good to have publisher backing. The advance doesn’t hurt either.”

  I catch his smile as I open my eyes and see him pumping higher in the air.

  “So, what did you think of Cecilia? She’s the office hottie.”

  “Really? Hmm...”

  “Come on, you thought she was attractive.” I smile and glance over at him. He is swinging higher than me.

  “Yeah, she is, but she’s kind of prickly. Like a porcupine.”

  I burst into a fit of giggles. “A porcupine?”

  “Yeah, both her looks and personality scream ‘prickly little creature.’ She was enjoying making you squirm—getting caught talking to your boyfriend, sitting at the boss’ desk. And with that spiky hair and all those skinny sharp angles, she could be dangerous.”

  “She would want to kill you if she heard that.” I don’t care if she talks to Nathan. He is so much older than her—she would never be interested in him. Now Brandon, yes. I wouldn’t be surprised if he just got himself a new stalker. Justin will be relieved. “You’ve got her pegged. She isn’t the sweetest woman in the office. Too bad you missed Amanda, the front desk receptionist. She’s out sick today.”

  Brandon stops swinging and looks at me intently. I slow down. “I doubt she’s prettier than you.”

  There goes my heart rate again. Maybe I do have a serious cardiac condition, but more likely it’s the excessive competitive swinging. “That’s ridiculous, Brandon. She’s more than ten years younger than me.”

  “It’s too bad you can’t get over this age thing. Younger does not always mean prettier.”

  “I think you need to see an eye doctor. You know, you don’t need to butter me up anymore. You have your signed contract.” I grin at him.

  “I didn’t see anyone in the office prettier than you.”

  I glance over at little Dixie lying next
to the picnic table just to have somewhere else to look. “Push me,” I announce.

  “What? You mean on the swing? You were doin’ pretty well by yourself. Almost as high as me.” He smiles and stands up.

  “Don’t gloat, I’ve always needed help to get as high as I wanted to go.”

  “I think maybe you still do.”

  “What does that mean?”

  He starts pushing me. “Nothing, I just meant on the swings.”

  After I am so high that I am in danger of flipping over the top, I scream for him to stop. I slow down and come to a rather abrupt standstill using my feet. “Whew, that was fun. Your turn now.”

  “You’re going to push me?” He points from me to him. “I don’t think you’ll be able to do that—you’re just a little chicken.”

  I put my hands on my hips. “Really? I am mightier than I look.”

  He laughs and sits down on the swing.

  “Prepare to fly!” I can barely make him budge. “Come on, you’re not helping.”

  He smiles and starts doing a bit of the work, but not so much that he is going to knock me over on the backwards motion. As I gently push him I look at the back of his neck. It looks soft and sweet, like a little boy’s neck or like Dixie’s velvet ears. Stray little fuzzy hairs rest gently on his skin. I get the sudden urge to kiss it, and not really in a sexual way, but sort of. It’s a confusing sensation. Maternal and sexual at once. I’m glad he can’t see my face.

  As he slows down and turns to me, I grasp for something to say. “So, why did you buy that big house? Did you just want the basement for the band? You have a lot of room.”

  He gets up from the swing, and walks over to Dixie and sits on the picnic table bench. Who doesn’t want to be a dad, right?

  “Yeah, for the band, but I also do want to have a family someday, so I thought it was a good idea to get a big place.”

  Maybe I misunderstood him. Why would he disapprove of his friend’s wife’s pregnancy if he wants a family? I have my own opinions, but you and Cassie should do things your way. I’m beginning to think Brandon is a big bullshitter. I didn’t see anyone in the office prettier than you.