Bunyips and Billabongs

by Amy Hopkins

  “Yeah, I’m sure he’ll get right on it. Do you know how long the coffee machine in the break room has been broken?”

  Penny couldn’t see the speaker since a dark cloud obscured her vision.

  “Peter, a coffee machine isn’t quite the same as basic security. Can you imagine what would happen if the media found out about the stuff we’re keeping in here?”

  “Speaking of our unusual residents, when did the dog arrive?” Penny heard footsteps pass her hiding place. A moment later, her cage-mate shifted so she could see.

  Not that her view of two pairs of loafers and some jeans cuffs did much to explain what the hell was going on.

  “Christ, Lucy, don’t open it. He might be rabid!”

  “We don’t have rabies in Australia, you tosser. Anyway, he seems friendly.” Lucy cooed softly, and Penny heard panting.

  A cage door rattled as though someone was patting it. “Whatever.” Peter sighed, sounding bored. “Do we just pencil it in on the rounds log?”

  “Yeah, we’ll have to. Day shift really needs to tighten up their paperwork. I’ll have a word with Sam about it before I leave, for all the good that will do. The man is incredible when it comes to what he’s accomplished here, but he’s more disorganized than a car full of cats.”

  “G’night, Snotty.” Footsteps moved closer, and Penny’s view disappeared again. “You good in there, mate? Lucy says you should be good to go in a couple of days.” Jeff paused. “Lucy, is the bunyip bigger than it was yesterday?”

  More footsteps. Penny was jostled to the back of the cage. “Nah. He just likes to wriggle around. Are we done?”

  The footsteps moved away, and a door clicked open, then shut. The ephemeral body surrounding Penny shrank back and nudged her. Unbalanced, she toppled forward against the cage door, expecting to crash against it. Instead, it opened, and Penny tumbled onto the floor.

  The cage snapped shut and the creature inside—the bunyip, Penny thought with a shudder—hunched back into a corner.

  “Red?” Penny called in a loud whisper.

  One of the cage doors rattled. Penny raced over to find Red sitting inside, awkwardly hunched over in the tiny space.

  The door was locked, and Penny had no idea where the key was. “I’m gonna have to break it somehow. Sit tight.”

  Red whimpered, but Boots hissed at the bunyip’s cage again.

  “Uhh, Red? Don’t freak out, okay?” Penny’s stomach muscles clenched as she tried not to react to the bunyip’s arm as it reached out between the cage bars. It was far too long and had too many elbows. Still, it did the trick. It clawed at the lock on Red’s cage and popped it open a moment later. As the bony arm disappeared, Penny mustered up a weak but grateful, “Thank you.”

  Red exploded from the cage in a puff of fur, frizzed with static from the metal. He licked Penny’s cheek and she giggled, then made for the exit.

  “Are they gone?” she asked.

  They made it out of the building safely, though with a few extra scrapes thanks to the wonky vent grate. Penny wriggled through the fence gap first, then waited for Red.

  Halfway through, he froze. Then, whimpering, he frantically pushed through. Sensing his urgency, Penny grabbed his front paws and yanked him free. Just as Red rolled under the electric fence tape, his body contorted. The fence snapped loudly, and the scent of burnt fur wafted past.

  Red hustled to his feet, limping. He ignored Penny’s questions and headed straight for a tree. When Penny followed, he bared his teeth until she backed away. The rainforest darkened as the moon slid behind a cloud.

  Several moments later, Red emerged from behind the tree, stark naked and in human form. “Sorry for growling at you, Penny.”

  “Don’t be sorry for snapping, be sorry for flashing.” Penny spun, turning her back on him to avoid the sight of him cupping his manhood with his cheeks as red as his hair.

  “Ah, fuck! Sorry, lass.”

  “You want me to go find your clothes?” Penny offered.

  “Nah. It’s dark. I’ll make a run for it.” Penny waited but didn’t hear him move away. “Can we maybe leave this bit out of Agent Crenel’s report?”

  Laughing, Penny made an offer. “I’ll give you a two-minute head start. If I see your pasty ass before I get back to my room, it’s going in.”

  She had barely finished talking before twigs snapped and leaves swooshed behind her. When she turned back around, he was nowhere to be seen.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The next day’s tour began with a drunken party of rabbits.

  The Centzon Totochtin were a group that sprang from Aztec culture. Penny wasn’t sure how they had made it to Australia. Smuggling the four hundred tiny gods across the world seemed impossible, but the deities didn’t act like they were being held against their will.

  One rabbit bounded up to Penny and sniffed her knee. Another approached Marge and slipped a tiny paw into her hand, pulling her away from Gerald, who had knelt on the ground to chat with one of the furry Aztec gods.

  “Whiskey?” Gerald sniffed a thimble-sized glass. “Yep, smells like whiskey.” He took a sip and smacked his lips. “Bloody ripper! That tastes great! You got any more, little matey?”

  Marge nervously joined a circle of dancing rabbits. When one pushed her into the middle, she did the only dance she knew—the Nutbush. When the rabbits joined in, tapping tiny feet and kicking them up in time to a beat produced by their stomping, Gerald finally realized what his wife was doing.

  “Hey! Let me try!” He jumped to his feet and stuck out two hands, Macarena-style. When he started swaying his hips, humming the tune, half the rabbits flocked toward him.

  The two groups faced off in a dance fight that Penny was sure was hilarious, only she couldn’t see past the tears of laughter streaming down her face.

  When the Centzon Totochtin finally dispersed, Penny’s stomach hurt from all the laughter. She quickly sobered, though, when Sam announced the next stop.

  “We have a real live bunyip in our rehab facility.” He waited for the gasps and excitement to calm down. “I know, a real Aussie legend, right? Now, we can’t let you pet it—” There was a smattering of laughter at that. “But we’re going to let you watch feeding time.”

  “You’re going to feed it a human?” Whoever shouted the question from the crowd had echoed Penny’s thoughts.

  Surely, he wouldn’t.

  “Not a real human,” Sam reassured the watching crowd. “It’s a pig. We’ve just…dressed it up a bit.”

  “The bloody bunyip’s getting a better breakfast than I did,” Gerald muttered. “Fancy giving a nice fat slab of bacon to the attraction and not your guests?”

  To Penny’s surprise, Sam led the group away from the wildlife hospital and over to a large, glass-fronted enclosure. A rope barrier kept the spectators several feet back, despite it being low enough to step over.

  Inside, stunted gum trees drooped over a shallow pond. The clear water stirred, and a trail of bubbles moved toward the bank, then receded.

  A hatch snapped open at one side. A body shot out, towed by a rope that stretched from one side of the compound to the other. Not a body, Penny realized. A pig.

  The pig wore a blue sundress, a wide-brimmed hat, and a pair of oversized sunglasses. Crooked lipstick was smeared on its bristly mouth, and gloves covered the two front trotters. A blue sneaker dragged along the ground, the other shoe lost somewhere in the leaves.

  “See?” Gerald grumbled. “They could have sliced her up for the barbeque. Bacon in a dress is still bacon!”

  If Sam heard the complaint, he didn’t show it. Instead, he leaned over, making the rope barrier lean toward the glass. “Come on, B. You need to eat, buddy.”

  He spoke softly, not to his audience, but to the bunyip, coaxing it out with the concern of a man imploring his sick dog to eat.

  The bunyip exploded out of the water, triple-jointed arms stretching out from a shapeless, shadowy mass before they darted down to skewer the
pig-woman. The tourists squealed in fear and delight. Claws ripped through the tough pig flesh, shoveling it past a wide, hinged jaw, dress and all. Seconds later, the bunyip receded as quickly as it had appeared, still chewing the enormous meal.

  Penny got up on her tiptoes, craning her neck. “Where did it go?” she asked Red, who stood beside her, a good foot taller.

  “It’s still in there,” he said. “I can see the shadow moving. Dunno how. That water isn’t deep enough for a fat beastie like that.”

  Penny turned to him. “Red, how did they get it over here? We’re half a klick from the—”

  Red gave a quick shake of his head, his eyes slipping toward Sam. The owner of the Flying Crow still faced glass, but his body had stilled.

  Penny snapped her mouth shut.

  “I know, right?" Amelia lifted her insulated coffee cup. "Who'd have thought it would stay hot?"

  Despite being grateful for the rescue, Penny eyed Amelia warily. "I still can’t believe you brought coffee with you. In this heat?"

  Amelia shrugged and took another sip. "Hot and tired, or hot and caffeinated? I'm starting to regret making fun of how cold you get back in Portland."

  The tour ended soon after that with an abruptness that made Penny uneasy. Back in the tent, she asked Amelia if she felt the same.

  "I didn't notice anything weird." Amelia absentmindedly scratched Boots on the head. "You're probably just paranoid, Penny. No wonder. From what Red said, you guys were half a second away from being busted. Crenel would kick your ass if he knew that."

  "Well, he's not going to find out from me," Penny pointed out. Still, she winced when the agent in question texted her, asking her to meet with him as soon as she had a free moment.

  Rather than drag it out, Penny messaged him back.

  Right now. Your place or mine?

  I'll come to you.

  Crenel must've expected her response because the tent zip opened moments later. Crenel ducked through and closed behind him before casually taking a seat at the end of Penny's bed. "Progress report."

  "I went looking for information last night," Penny admitted. "I found the holding center where they house and treat injured Mythers. They had a few unusual residents, but nothing I can categorically say shouldn't be there." She handed her phone to Agent Crenel, already open at the pictures she had taken. "It does look like they're treating them."

  "What about the bunyip?" Crenel pressed. "Red told me you saw it in there. Was it properly restrained? A cannibalistic creature like that could wreak all kinds of havoc if it got out."

  "Well, I wouldn’t say it was restrained." Penny explained the ease with which the bunyip had broken out of its cage and its surprising behavior. "It seemed as if it could get out at any time. I don't know what they're treating it for, but maybe it's biding its time until it's well?" Penny shrugged, at a loss.

  Crenel didn't look satisfied with her answer. "That doesn't sound safe. Still, if all we have to bust this guy on is an OHS violation, it will have to do."

  He stood to go. Penny reached out a hand to stop him, then pulled back.

  "What is it, kid?" When Penny didn't answer, Crenel folded his arms and frowned. "You think we've got the wrong guy, don't you?"

  "I didn't say that," Penny protested. "But…maybe we do? And maybe, even if we don't, it's not what we think it is. We don’t have any evidence that this guy smuggles, trades, or even looks at the Mythers funny."

  "So, you want to wait until we get more evidence." It was quite clearly a statement, not a question. Crenel ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "We're going to run out of time. If you don't want this guy busted, we need to clear his name. How are you going to do that?"

  Penny threw her hands in the air, frustrated. "I don't know! We don't have the authority to run this as a full operation. We're hamstrung."

  Crenel opened his mouth to respond, then looked down at the colorful serpent insistently head-butting his knee. "What is it, Boots? Are you volunteering to help us?"

  Boots nodded eagerly.

  "No. No way!" Penny shook her head, then pointed a warning finger at Amelia, who looked for all the world like she was about to agree with a snake. "I said I had doubts. That's the exact opposite of being certain. What if I'm wrong? What if something goes wrong, and Boots gets hurt?"

  "Boots, did you speak to the bunyip?" Crenel asked.

  Boots nodded.

  "Do you think this is risky?" He continued.

  The serpent shook her head.

  "You're taking the word of someone who can't even talk," Penny pointed out.

  Amelia walked over and took a seat beside Penny. "Penny, you kind of did that when you brought Boots to America. I know, I know. You couldn't have stopped her if you wanted to, and this is no different. Do you really think she’s going to let you leave her home?"

  Penny stood and moved away from her friend. "This is completely different! She snuck into my suitcase! What was I supposed to do, abandon her at the airport?"

  Boots coiled around a bedpost, shinnied up it, and shot along the top railing. She wrapped her tail around it, then dropped her head so it was level with Penny's. Boots launched into a barrage of hissing, occasionally pausing and shaking her head as if she simply couldn't believe the stupidity she was hearing. She ended with a hiss, a cough, and a solid head-butt to Penny's nose. Then, she released her grip and dropped onto the floor. Boots slithered over to sit next to Agent Crenel, who had a hand covering what was clearly a smirk, and waited patiently for Penny's response.

  For a moment, Penny was too shocked to respond. Eventually, she sighed. "Fine. Traitor. I'm not even going to lecture you about how I was only doing this for your own good."

  Crenel reached out a surreptitious hand, and Boots slapped the palm with her tail.

  "Great." Penny grabbed her pillow, bunching it into a ball. "You've taught my snake to high-five. She doesn't have five; she doesn't even have one. Get out of here, old man. You’re a terrible influence."

  "I'll come back in an hour to hear your amazing plan." Crenel slipped out of the tent just in time to avoid the pillow tossed at his head, although Penny could swear she heard him chuckle as he walked away.

  "Bastard."

  Chapter Sixteen

  The plan, in the end, was simple. Approach Sam, offer him a once-in-a-lifetime deal with Boots as the bait, and arrest him as soon as the money changed hands. "Simple," Penny repeated to herself, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans.

  Twenty feet away, Sam was deep in conversation with Sophie. Penny hovered behind some clumping bamboo, waiting for the perfect moment to approach the refuge owner. "Just set up an illicit deal with the dangerous smuggler. No big. It's not like he could possibly suspect I'm up to anything, right?"

  Sam finished his conversation, then looked directly at Penny. He waved goodbye to his companion and headed toward her.

  Penny plastered a bright smile on her face and stepped out to meet him. "Hi, Sam!"

  "Hi." He crossed his arms and waited for her to speak.

  He's not making this easy on me, Penny thought. I'm just gonna have to go for it.

  "You have an amazing assortment of Mythers here, Sam. Where do you get them all?" She cringed internally at the obviousness of her question.

  "Here and there," Sam said. Just when Penny thought he wouldn’t volunteer any more information, he continued. "Most of them are rescues. Creatures that we found injured or ill. Some were relocated because their natural environment was under threat—usually some big, fancy development going in. And, a few want to come to us. We've got quite the reputation in the Myther community."

  "Wow." Penny bit her lip, her gut twisting uneasily. Something about this felt wrong. I can't back out now. If he’s innocent, this will go at least a little way to clearing his name. "I'm surprised to see you only have the one rainbow serpent. There are over a dozen in the country now."

  Sam's expression softened a little. "I've seen a few in my time. Beautiful creatures."r />
  "I, um, know where you can get one." Penny didn't give herself any space to back out. "A bigger one, and a bit smarter than the one you have now. I have one. She is for sale. I could —"

  "No." Sam’s face hardened, and he turned on his heel.

  "It’s a one-time offer." Penny didn't have time for games. She didn’t want him to take the deal, but she had to be sure. "Ten grand. I’ve got her here with me, hidden away. No one knows I have her. She’s untraceable."

  Sam froze. He slowly turned back to look at her. "Do you know what the fines are if you're caught selling a Myther? There's a good chance of jail time, too."

  Penny swallowed, disappointment quickly hardening into fury. I will take you down, you son of a bitch. "That's only if you get caught. There’s paperwork to take care of, but…"

  The muscle in Sam's jaw worked for a moment while he considered her offer. "I know a guy who can do the papers. Ten thousand, not a cent more. I'd recommend against approaching random people next time you want to do something this illegal, though." He glanced around. "This isn't the time or the place to discuss this. We'll meet tonight."

  Penny nodded, her heart racing a million miles an hour as Sam gave her directions to an unused holding bay at the back of the refuge. "Come alone. Bring the snake." This time, he left without looking back. As soon as he was out of sight, she fired off a text message to Agent Crenel.

  He took the bait. The handover is tonight. Is there any chance of calling in backup for this one?

  His reply didn’t give her any security.

  I'm working on it now.

  Penny skipped dinner, the bundle of nerves in her gut too tight to allow her to eat anything. She insisted Amelia attend and take Red and Cisco with her. "I don't want him to think anything is up. He won't be too surprised if I'm not there, but if we're all absent, he might get worried."

  Agent Crenel waited behind with Penny. He paced in her tent, his frustration growing by the minute. "This whole situation is a mess of barely-there information. They think a local team is nearby, and they think they’ll be able to attend. Why the hell can’t I talk to them myself?"