Travels With a Fairytale Monster

by Elizabeth Gannon

  Ryle nonchalantly leaned against her giant, his head barely coming up to the other man’s stomach. “This oughtta be good.” Ryle elbowed Dom in an effort to get his attention. “Watch this, big guy, you’ll like it.” Ryle used his hands to beckon the plan forward, as if it were a shy animal. “Come on. Hit us with it, Tay. We’re sitting over here ‘urgently needing’ it.”

  “I am not sitting.” Dom informed them.

  “Good to know.” Ryle told him sarcastically. “Keep us updated as the situation develops.”

  “Should I be sitting?” Dom continued. “Because if she wants me to sit, I can…”

  “No one is sitting!” Taylor yelled in annoyance.

  “Then I am glad I ignored Rai-El’s words and chose to remain standing.” Dom declared, something close to pride in his tone. “I felt that it was the right decision.”

  “Yep. You called that one, big man.”

  “The Brother has never struck me as the most responsible of the human kind.” Dom continued, as if explaining his thought process.

  Ryle shot him a thumbs up. “Good call. Sorry I tried to lead you astray.”

  Dom smiled, obviously pleased with himself for avoiding that cunning trap.

  “Would you pay attention!?!” She yelled at them again. “This is important!” She began to pace back and forth in the road. “Here’s my plan: we’re going to follow this road until it reaches the Felony Forest, make our way through it as quickly as possible, then beat the Baselanders to the capital and get the king to free Dom.” She paused. “And if possible, save the kingdom.”

  “An excellent strategy.” Dom praised.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Ryle made an annoyed sound and looked up at him. “How can you be so whipped, so fast, man?”

  “I know a good plan when I hear it.”

  “Oh, the hell you do!” He pointed at Taylor. “She just said exactly the same thing I did, only this time, breasts were involved, so you automatically agreed!”

  “I resent that, human!” Dom defended, sounding insulted. “I would never agree with a plan merely because of her breasts.” He paused, his voice serious. “Her hair played a role as well, and…”

  “It wasn’t the exact same thing as you said, Ryle!” She argued, talking right over Dom. “You had all sorts of unneeded information in there! You just had to mention every little bad thing until it sounded like a horrible idea!” She threw her arms out in exasperation. “I streamlined it! It’s a workable plan now! We can do this!” She ticked off the points on her fingers. “Felony Forest as quickly as possible, beat Buggane to the capital, free Dom, reparations and apology.” She paused. “And if there’s time, save the kingdom from the Baselanders and annihilation.”

  Ryle stared at her in wonder for a moment, then looked up at Dom. “You’re going to have a busy few days, man. It’s all scheduled out for you now.”

  “The best plans are those which allow for every eventuality,” Dom informed him, “while also not being so detailed or etched in stone as to eliminate the freedom to…”

  “Oh, shut up!” Ryle rolled his eyes. “You are just like… not even a huge friggin’ giant anymore, you’re just some oversized yes-man, who agrees with whatever my sister says!”

  “No, he’s not!” She yelled at Ryle.

  Dom looked down at the smaller man. “No, I’m not.”

  Ryle made an exasperated sound. “It’s like I’m trapped in some kind of waking nightmare right now.”

  “The important thing is that we also have this!” She produced the weird staff thing and held it up. “Which means that we have the power here.”

  “Oh, super.” Ryle intoned. “You somehow managed to snag the magic wand. Great.”

  “It’s not a magic wand.” Dom informed them, then looked over at her. “Unless you’d like it to be, in which case, it’s the most magical wa…”

  “Oh, shut up!” Ryle yelled at him again in disgust, cutting him off.

  “My point, if you’ll allow me to finish,” she chided, “is that with this we can make sure that no one tries to control Dom.”

  “Other than you.” Ryle reminded her. “Which, now that you bring it up, is a suspicious set of circumstances, when you really think about it.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” She sniffed in indignation. “I see nothing suspicious about any of this.”

  “Uh-huh.” He looked up at Dom. “Wanna let me have a second alone with my big sister here? Family stuff.”

  Dom looked over at her for a ruling.

  She nodded at him. “He’s just weird. It’ll be fine. Just go… I don’t know… have fun for a few minutes or something.”

  “Very well.” He strolled away.

  Ryle waited until he was out of earshot, then pointed at the staff. “You are using that magic wand to control his mind or something.”

  “I am not!” She cried. “That’s insulting!”

  “Oh, maybe not deliberately, but if that staff is the only thing that can control him, you’re telling me that it’s not just a little strange that it’s also in the hands of some girl he’s suddenly fawning all over!?!”

  “Fawning?” She repeated, feeling oddly pleased by that news. “Really? You think?”

  “This is serious.” He admonished. “For gods’ sake, if it is that stupid magic wand thing controlling him or something, then that makes anything you do together… you know…,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “…assault or whatever.” He finished. “Because he’s not in control of himself, and that’s not right. Or it could be that he simply wants that magic wand thing and is kissing up to you to get it!”

  She looked down at the road. “Maybe he just likes me for me.”

  “I hope he does.” Ryle agreed. “He’d be a damn fool not to. I know I find you totally amazing.” He shook his head. “But we don’t know what that thing does or how. We don’t even know if what you’re feeling is real. It could be the magic wand thing is screwing with both of your minds. It could be sending out some kind of… psychic flirty vibe through the air or whatever. We have no idea and I’ve already lost too much in my life to risk losing you on this, okay?” He shifted on his feet. “Anna and our baby… Mom and Dad…” He cleared his throat again. “So I’m not willing to bet you on him. Or on some creepy magic wand thing you stole from evil people who want us dead. I can’t do anything about the wand though and I don’t know Dom well enough to trust him, so I’m going to assume he’s an asshole until he surprises me and proves me wrong. Now, normally I’d be the protective brother and just threaten the guy to treat my sister right, but that man can step on me with ease, so I want to stay on his good side.” He pointed at her. “Which means that I’m telling this to you directly. Please watch yourself, okay? I can’t…” He trailed off, his voice tight. “I can’t lose you too.”

  She swallowed a lump which was forming in her throat. “Okay.” She nodded. “I’ll be careful.”

  He let out a long breath. “We cool now? You’re not pissed at me or anything?”

  “No, we’re cool.” She smiled at him. “I’m not pissed at you or anything.” She reached out to hug him. “You’re wrong, but thanks for caring.”

  “How could I not?” He asked, winking at her. “I mean, who else could come up with such an amazing plan on her own like that?”

  She slapped at his arm and started off down the road to go look for Dom. “It’s a good plan!”

  “It’s a terrible plan, Tay.” He informed her. “I know because I’m the one who gave it to you, and I stole it from that military meeting you and the giant had eye sex through, so I’m sure the plan is total bullshit.”

  “Oh, that version didn’t have us going through the Felony Forest though.” She grinned at him. “My version is much more interesting.”

  “And will soon get us killed.”

  “You seem at peace with that.”

  He shrugged. “Dying in the next couple days is still better than dying in the next couple hours, which
was what the situation was yesterday, so we’re on a good trend.” He turned around to look at her while walking backwards. “Who knows, we might even reach the point where we don’t have to worry about dying horribly for at least the next week!”

  She laughed at the excitement in his tone. “Whoa, whoa. Let’s not go coming up with crazy ideas like that. I mean, there’s no telling…” She stopped and looked ahead where Dom appeared to be sitting cross-legged in the road, staring at a rock.

  Ryle turned back to look at him too. “Your giant is damaged goods, Tay.”

  “Oh, he is not!” She batted at his arm again. “Stop saying that! You’ll hurt his feelings.” She reached the spot in the road where Dom was sitting and carefully approached him. “Hi.” She told him as calmly as possible. “Is everything okay?”

  “It is wonderful, Tay-Lore.” He responded. “I am having fun.”

  “This is fun?” She looked around the area, searching for something he could possibly be doing besides staring at a rock. “This?”

  “Oh, yes.” He responded immediately. “Much.”

  She looked over at Ryle and he made a small swirling motion next to his temple, indicating that Dom had lost his mind.

  She made a face at him.

  “You told me to have fun.” Dom clarified. “And then I noticed this fascinating stone, just sitting here.” He pointed at it. “Isn’t it amazing?”

  The boulder in question looked entirely ordinary. Hell, downright generic. It wasn’t even shiny. It was a dull, grey, stone. Entirely unremarkable in every way.

  “That is one spectacular fucking rock, dude.” Ryle deadpanned. “I’ve never seen a rock like that before and I’ve obviously seen my fair share of good starin’ rocks.”

  She swatted at her brother again. “Oh, hush!” She patted Dom on the shoulder, taking on a nurturing tone. “I’m glad you found something fun out here, honey.” She pointed down the road. “You go ahead and stare at your rock for as long as you want, and when you’re ready, we can go.”

  “Okay.” Dom said, still watching the stone. “I am enjoying ‘fun.’”

  Minutes ticked by in silence as he continued to stare at the rock, unmoving.

  Ryle looked over at her questioningly and she simply shrugged.

  Half an hour passed in silence before Ryle’s patience was at an end. “Okay, rock time’s over, man.” He informed Dom, his voice dry. “Seriously. Say goodbye.”

  ****

  As it turned out, the Felony Forest had been grossly exaggerated in the popular culture of the kingdom. It wasn’t anything like it’d been described.

  It wasn’t even a real forest; just some trees arranged in a fairly narrow valley. The wooded area cut through the mountains and was the quickest way to reach the capital. Most travelers bypassed the canyon and went the long way around however, as the Baselanders and Buggane had done. The pass could save a considerable amount of travel time, but voyaging through the constricted passages and clusters of trees was too dangerous for most people. Every turn in the road supplied would-be bandits with a dozen different hiding spots from which to attack, and the cliffs were littered with caves, some of which stretched for miles. It was a base of operations for every thief, murderer and kidnapper in the kingdom.

  The Felony Forest, although only half accurately named, was a place for the desperate. Travelers had to be desperate to risk it and bandits had to be desperate to enter into business there in the first place.

  All in all, it was actually kind of interesting. If it wasn’t going to get her killed, it’d be fun to tour.

  Taylor scampered up a rock slide behind her brother. “You know, when I planned this trip, I really intended it to be about freeing Dom and saving the kingdom…”

  “If there’s time.” Ryle put in, adding the last point on her to-do list just in case she’d forgotten.

  “…but I never really thought that we’d be seeing such beautiful scenery on our trip!” She enthused. “I mean, just look at that!” She gestured to the valley ahead of them.

  “Oh, hell yeah.” Ryle nodded in agreement. “I’ve seen some spectacular fucking rocks on the trip so far, man.” He began picking his way down into the valley. “I mean, I saw some really good starin’ ones back there,” he pointed back to the road which ran along the river below them, “but here?” He pointed to the valley. “Here’s where the really sexy rocks live. I can feel it.”

  “Oh, shut up.” She made a face at him. “You know what I mean.”

  “I understand the sentiment, Tay-Lore.” Dom called back to them. “I believe that you are correct.”

  “Yeah.” Ryle snorted. “There’s a big surprise.”

  “I heard that, The Brother.” Dom warned.

  “Heard what, big guy?” Ryle asked innocently. “Probably just the wind.”

  “All I’m saying is that a few days ago, my life looked like it was going to end in the shattered rubble of my home town.” She reminded them.

  “Again, sorry about that, Tay-Lore.” Dom apologized.

  “Not a problem, Dom. Not your fault.” She called ahead to him.

  “Yeah, don’t worry about it at all, big man.” Ryle slid a few feet on a loose stone before Dom grabbed his arm to support him. “Sure you leveled our childhood home and participated in the wholesale slaughter of our friends, but we forgive you because you’re an okay guy once we got to know you.”

  “Excellent.” Dom sounded pleased, missing Ryle’s sarcasm. “I am happy we have moved past it.”

  She ignored that. “But now? Now, I’m traveling with my brother and my giant, through the Felony Forest of all places, a section of the kingdom that I never thought I’d get the chance to see, let alone visit.” She beamed. “Isn’t this an exciting adventure!?!”

  “Yep.” Ryle nodded slipping on another loose stone. “And think of all you would have missed if we’d just stayed home.”

  Dom frowned back at him. “I would advise caution, Rai-El. If you were to fall from this height, your tiny body would surely brake beyond repair.”

  “Thanks for watching out for my ‘tiny body,’ Dom.” Ryle gave him a thumbs up. “You totally convinced me to ignore my first impulse, which was, obviously, to throw myself down the incline here.” He pointed down the mountain. “Which, now that I think of it, still just sounds so, so sweet.” He looked up at her. “How about you, Tay? Doesn’t looking at all those jagged rocks below us just make you want to throw yourself down onto them?”

  “It doesn’t but you sure do right now.” She made a face at him. “I forgot how terrible you are to travel with.”

  “He is a very negative human.” Dom decided.

  “He is.” She nodded in agreement. “He really, really is.”

  Ahead of them, the pathway began to level out as they reached the valley floor and the tree cover grew thicker, leading along a small stream which ran through the valley.

  “I’m still not entirely sure just what the plan is here.” Ryle told them, casually kicking a stone along the road in front of him. “I mean, even if we make it through this place, what are we going to do on the other side? We still have to make it past the Baselanders, right? This shortcut will bypass most of them, but at the very least, I figure we’ll still encounter a few advance pickets set up in front of the capital or at the Crossroads.” He looked back at them. “How exactly are we planning on dealing with that?”

  “I’ll think of something.” She tried to spot fish in the water, suddenly feeling hungry. She hadn’t eaten since yesterday and even then, she’d been close to starving.

  “Wait, you mean you don’t know!?!” Ryle stopped in his tracks. “You led us into the valley of death, you don’t know your way through it and you don’t know what we’re going to do once we get out!?!”

  Dom frowned. “Did you hear that?”

  “Of course I know!” She pointed in the direction of the capital. “We head east! Obviously!”

  “That’s not a plan!” He shot back. “That�
�s a direction!”

  “No, I’m sure I heard something.” Dom stopped in his tracks. “We are being hunted.”

  “A direction can be a plan!” She argued, yelling right over him. “It can be a plan if it’s a good plan!”

  “Which yours isn’t!” Ryle pointed at her. “You’ve led us in here, and now we’re going to die, and there’s no way out because your stupid plan never got that far!”

  “Oh, we’re not going to die!” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous!”

  “Death is looking like a distinct possibility, yes.” Dom corrected.

  “You worry too much.” She waved off his concern. “It’ll be fine.”

  Dom shook his head. “No, I don’t think that it…”

  “The point is that you are simply incapable of admitting that I’m right.” She turned to face her giant, talking right over his negativity. “Dom thinks I’m right though, don’t you, Dom?”

  The giant thought about that for a moment. “Um… I would say that what we plan to do upon leaving this valley is the least of our concerns at the moment.”

  “See?” She whirled around to face her brother. “And he really knows plans!”

  “Oh, yeah . He’s a fucking military genius!” Ryle waived a hand. “He’s spent the last however many years in captivity because his side lost a war and he’s only with us now because he got captured by us. Us! Think about how scary that is, that we could capture someone!” He nodded sarcastically. “Yeah, that sounds like someone who really knows how to strategize.”

  Her mouth hung open in shocked anger. “How dare you say that about this poor man’s life!” She turned to face Dom again. “Don’t you listen to him, Dom.”

  “I’m trying not to,” Dom assured her, “as he’s drowning out the sounds of whatever’s out there, but it’s becoming more difficult as your volume increases.”

  “He doesn’t have to listen to you.” She shook her head, refocusing on her brother. “Because he realizes that you’re an idiot, don’t you Dom?”

  “Almost immediately, yes.” Dom agreed distractedly. “But perhaps if you two could discuss this later, we could…”