Unreal Alchemy

by Tansy Rayner Roberts

  “The Mums have been making noises about moving out of the city before winter,” says Holly. “In a word, yes. They’re gonna cover some of our rent, because such guilt at abandoning us before we’ve even finished first semester.”

  “I’ve been looking,” Hebe says pointedly. “And attending all my classes.”

  Holly pats her hand. “Some of us aren’t natural multi-taskers.”

  “It’s just, the flat under ours is up for lease,” says Sage. “I know it’s — but it would be great, being so close. Neighbours. Convenient for the band. If it wouldn’t be weird?”

  He looks at Hebe, because of course it isn’t being neighbours with Holly that might be the weird part.

  “It’s fine,” Hebe says automatically. “Of course it’s fine. We’ll check it out.”

  “You’d need a third,” says Sage, looking relieved. Hebe feels warm, like she had passed another ‘totally cool, supportive ex-girlfriend’ test.

  “Bags putting flyers on noticeboards!” Holly announces.

  Hebe rolls her eyes at her sister. “You can’t solve every problem with flyers on noticeboards, Holly.”

  “I give good flyer,” says Holly and makes finger guns.

  “I can’t believe everyone thinks you’re the one in the band who’s not a nerd,” Sage complains.

  These two haven’t changed, even as everything else changes around them. Holly and Sage being friends who kinda hate each other, that’s something Hebe can hold on to.

  Reassurance, like a warm blanket.

  Chapter 7

  Holly & Sage & Nora Hold An Audition

  “Juniper Cresswell,” mumbles the cellist, the fourth student on the list for the Fake Geek Girl auditions. She glances around at the eggbox-lined garage they have hired for rehearsals.

  “Not the kind of stringed instrument I was expecting,” says Sage, agitated. He’s been boring Holly all week with his weird rants about ‘alchemy’ and how putting a band together from disparate elements is somehow relevant to the magical theory he has been inhaling in his advanced first year courses and not, well. Anything to do with music, apparently.

  “Shut up, it’s retro,” says Nora, giving Juniper a cheeky grin. “And she’s cute.”

  “Shut up both of you and let her play!” says Holly impatiently. She can see that their banter is making Juniper nervous, and she’s invested in this particular audition.

  Juniper looks like she wants the stinky sound-muffling carpet to swallow her up.

  But then she starts playing, eyes firmly down as she concentrates on her work. It’s a cover of a 90’s Madonna song, though halfway through she veers off into Queen and finishes up with a recent Kraken release, pure instrumental, making the songs sound way more ethereal and meaningful than Holly has ever thought any of them were before.

  It’s glorious.

  “Alchemy,” hums Sage knowingly, as the final notes fade.

  “Fine, whatever,” says Holly impatiently. “Let’s see what happens when we stir the ingredients.” She shoves him at his drums. “How do you feel about jamming, Juniper? See how we all mix together?”

  Juniper looks startled, but then she raises her chin bravely. “Sure,” she says. “If you think you can keep up with me.”

  Nora hoots with laughter. “I like you!”

  Juniper stares expectantly at Holly, not the others.

  “Right,” says Holly, not used to leading as opposed to being randomly bossy and demanding. “Let’s mix things up and see what goes bang.”

  “Yeah, now I’m remembering why you didn’t take Extended Alchemy in Grade 11,” Sage snarks.

  But they play.

  And it’s… not perfect. Not yet.

  But it’s pretty great.

  Chapter 8

  Holly Catches A Cellist

  WANTED: girl geek who can play stringed instrument

  For songwriting, rock band shenanigans

  And Taking Over the World.

  Holly put a lot of work into her flyers.

  She and Sage and Nora talked at length over late night drinks and early morning bacon sandwiches about what they were looking for in a fourth bandmate.

  (Holly isn’t convinced they need a fourth at all, but Sage and Nora say their sound needs strings of some kind and none of them are willing to pick up a guitar.)

  The geek element was Holly’s idea.

  Nora and Sage have this superpower of creating geeky songs with surprising depth. It made Holly feel left out at first, like there wasn’t a place for her in her own band…

  Then Hebe named them by accident: Fake Geek Girl. It was a joke name, like the best ones always start.

  Sage loved it, and it made Nora laugh. Holly found herself glowing, weirdly proud that the band was named after her. She is the Fake Geek Girl, and she is damn well going to own that identity.

  She doesn’t want other band members coming in and stealing her spotlight. Sure, it’s selfish, but she’s an eighteen-year-old rock singer. Selfish comes with the job description.

  The flyers are bold and bright, with a silly montage of pics Hebe took one afternoon, of Sage and Nora and Holly playing grunge dress up, pulling faces.

  Holly wanted Sage to bespell the flyers to play the band’s best songs-in-progress but he accidentally set fire to four of them so she did it herself, copying out the charms and applying them to the individual photocopies pages.

  She missed three lectures of her first week at uni, but it was worth it. The flyers are amaze.

  Holly posts four of them on noticeboards in the Humanities Department in the College of the Unreal before she realises she has picked up a shadow.

  Every time she posts a flyer, she catches something in her peripheral vision: a swoosh of a long skirt, or a strand of hair, flicking back around the corner and out of sight.

  It happens on the first floor, and the second.

  “If you’re so interested, you can help me put some of these up,” she calls into the stairwell at one point, and hears nothing but an echo of her own voice and then a deafening silence.

  Still, when they hold the open auditions a week later, Holly has that odd little non-encounter in the back of her mind. When the blushing cellist in the long floral skirt makes her apologetic way into the garage they hired for rehearsal space, Holly knows.

  Hello, it’s you.

  Chapter 9

  Holly Adds Nora To Sage And Stands Well Back

  Holly and Hebe wait at the kitchen table. Holly’s hand creeps towards the teapot again, and Hebe smacks it away. “No more tea. There is such a thing as over-hydrating.”

  “You are way too young to own a teapot,” Holly snarks back. “It’s not even your only one. You have a cupboard of them, Grandma Hallow.”

  Hebe raises her eyebrows and said nothing, which is hands down the most annoying thing she could possibly have done. How is Hebe not freaked out about this?

  “What are they even talking about,” Holly moans, breaking the silence after a torturous thirty seconds.

  “Hopefully, musical influences they share, or this project of yours isn’t going to get very far off the ground.”

  Holly risks a longer look at her sister. It’s unfair, how difficult it is to read someone who has basically the same face. “This is okay with you, isn’t it? That I’m… keeping Sage in the divorce, or whatever.”

  A wistful look crosses Hebe’s face. “I’m keeping him too.”

  “He’s going to be around a lot, if we pull this band together. And if you and I share a place.”

  Hebe holds up her phone, which has several rental ads highlighted on the screen. “Any time you have a spare hour to actually come look at flats instead of pricing drum kits with my ex-boyfriend…”

  Holly flinches.

  “I’m kidding,” her sister says quickly. “Seriously. I’m fine, Sage and I are always going to be friends and I’m excited about your band. It’s cool to see you so invested.”

  Holly’s eyes flick to the door
again. “What if they hate each other?”

  “Don’t all the best rock bands hate each other?” Hebe glances at the clock. “Five more minutes and then you can legitimately offer them another cuppa without looking like Stalker Girl.”

  Holly survives three minutes, then sidles over to stand casually in the doorway of the living room to their flat, where Sage and Nora were awkwardly introduced seventeen minutes earlier, then left alone to ‘get to know each other.’

  “What the fuck,” Holly says flatly.

  Sage and Nora are both sprawled on the floor around a… toy mountain range, covered in small metal figurines? There are dice. Red alert, there are dice.

  “No,” Hebe breathes, coming up beside her sister and nudging her with a hip. “Nora, are you into tabletop gaming?”

  “I am so into it,” says Nora, her eyes bright and her torn fishnets splayed across the floor. She waves a figurine. “I’m the baddest orc in the village.”

  “Noooo,” Holly whispers in a low moan, swaying against the door frame. “She can’t be. I can’t have another geek in my life. We don’t have the storage space.”

  “Best song I ever wrote is about witches playing RPGs,” says Nora. “Wanna hear it later?”

  “Yeah,” says Sage, already clearly head over arse in platonic love with their new keyboardist. “I have one about how Neil Gaiman’s novels are so mainstream it hurts.”

  “Sick!” says Nora.

  Hebe reaches out, and pats her sister on the head sympathetically. “Remember, you were worried they might not like each other. This is better, right?”

  This is so much worse.

  Chapter 10

  Holly’s Crisis Management Technique Is Made Of Rainbows

  Bars are not good places to be sad and freaked out. This one is called Sappho and Steel, a reference to something that made Hebe and Sage both laugh when they first heard it, though Holly herself never bothered to Goole the joke.

  Holly is on her own tonight. Her hand is actually trembling on her rainbow-coloured King Island Iced LGB-Tea, and everyone who passes her table gives her a sympathetic look, like she is some baby bisexual at her first rodeo.

  She should have gone to the coffee place to have her freak out. But then, she never would have met Nora.

  Nora has spiky mermaid hair, a pierced lip, and 100% all-black wardrobe. Nora volunteers as a counsellor at her local shelter. She has a hot lawyer girlfriend, and the best boots in the known universe. Nora doesn’t just offer a sympathetic look, but stops by the table to check in that Holly is okay.

  “I’m fine,” Holly snaps.

  “Sure, chook, whatever you say.” There is no judgement in the stranger’s voice. Holly bristles only a bit when she introduces herself and sets her spiced mead down at the table without asking.

  “I’m not having a crisis,” Holly adds. “At least, it’s not my crisis.”

  Nora’s eyes twinkle. “Why don’t you tell me about this crisis you’re not having?”

  “My sister’s boyfriend is gay,” Holly blurts. “And that’s — I mean, it’s fine, obviously, I’m bi, I don’t care, except it’s not fine, because I invested in him, I mean we’re friends but also I thought he was going to end up my brother-in-law. They don’t even fight, they’re perfect together except for the whole they just broke up because he’s gay part. Now we’re going off to uni and I don’t even know if he’ll want to come to the same one now that — I mean, I thought they were forever, you know? I’m not stupid, I know that never happens with high school boyfriends, but it was totally going to happen with them.”

  So that was a speech and a half. She’s outed herself as barely out of high school twice over, and she doesn’t even care about that because Nora probably isn’t going to want to sleep with her anyway.

  (She doesn’t know about the hot lawyer girlfriend yet but when she finds that part out, well, of course Nora is taken, because Nora is the best of everything.)

  “How’s your sister taking it?” Nora asks, sipping her drink.

  “That’s the worst part,” Holly snarls. “She’s fine. I mean, she’s sad, but she doesn’t blame him. She hasn’t even got angry about it. I broke furniture when I found out. Like, for 24 hours I thought I had to hate him, but she doesn’t want me to, and… it’s just weird, you know? He’s like family and. Ugh. Would it be weird to start a rock band with him so we still have an excuse to hang out?”

  Nora has the kind of face you tell things to, apparently. Holly didn’t even know that was going to come out of her mouth.

  “I don’t think it’s weird,” says Nora. And then: “Do you need someone on keyboards?”

  Chapter 11

  Sage & Hebe Are Totally Going To Be Fine

  Hebe was not expecting Sage on her doorstep today. Or this weekend, actually. She has family stuff, and shopping to do, and university forms to fill in. They have the whole summer to hang out, and don’t need to be in each other’s back pockets all the time. So…?

  She certainly wasn’t expecting her boyfriend to be red in the face and breathing hard like he just ran across the length of the city to get to her. His magic, which is ridic powerful but doesn’t usually react to her gentle, non-threatening domestic charms, sparks violently against her like a weaponised sunburn. He is agitated; upset.

  “Sage, what’s wrong?”

  “I think I’m gay,” he blurts out.

  Hebe has a moment in which she thinks absolutely nothing.

  Then it catches up with her.

  “Um, okay,” she manages.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  Somehow she gets him inside. She makes him a cuppa, almost without thinking — her wretched housewife magic takes over, wanting to be a good hostess. That calms any more panicky thoughts in her brain. They sit on the ugly couch that her Mums adore so much. Hebe resists the urge to hug him because do they even do that now?

  Not being able to hug Sage is scarier than the thought of him not being attracted to her. Sage not actually being all that attracted to her physically is something Hebe has been aware of for a long time, like white noise. It literally never occurred to her before this moment that it wasn’t her fault.

  What were they now?

  “Thank you for telling me?” she manages. What she does not say is ‘actually this explains a lot.’ She will save those thoughts for later, when she debriefs with Holly.

  Because. Actually. This explains a lot.

  She’s going to have to tell Holly. She’s going to have to tell everyone. She’s going to be unpacking this for weeks.

  Sage is wrecked. “I haven’t been lying to you, I promise, babe. I literally just figured this out today.”

  How? Hebe wants to ask, but that part is none of her business, probably.

  Three years. They have been dating for nearly three years, from the beginning of Grade 10 through to right now, and they’ve been fine. What makes today different?

  “When you say gay,” she says after a moment. “You don’t mean bi, or… because that would be completely okay, of course.”

  “Nope,” he says, staring at the floor. “Which. Yeah. Sorry. That would have been better. But no.”

  She’s weirdly calm. She doesn’t burst into tears. That’s good, right? She can handle this. She can be chill and supportive. No drama. “So is this where we break up?”

  Sage looks at her, panic in his face. “I — I think so? I don’t want to lose you, Hebes. You’re still. You’re my best person, you know? I love you.”

  Hebe takes the cup from him, sets it on the table out of the way, and lets herself hug him after all. Sage’s arms around her felt as they always have, safe and warm. Easy. Uncomplicated. “You won’t lose me. It’s going to be fine. We’ll figure this out.”

  Fine. That was one word for it.

  Chapter 12

  Sage Figures Something Out

  His name was Isaac but we’d been referring to him as Iago behind his back because… well, Holly has a type, and it’s basicall
y ‘handsome, borderline criminal, possibly has a part-time job as a Disney villain.’ If she was dating him, chances were high he was a sketchy dude.

  And she was. Dating him. Which made this like, 400% worse.

  Holly’s romantic tastes are… well, she has her own special version of the binary. She gets crushes on these amazing, competent, intelligent, mostly unattainable women, but somehow she always settles for the good looking douchey dudes who make her feel pretty and treats her like crap.

  So Isaac/Iago was a douche, and pretentious with it, all floppy black hair and intense eye contact. He had to be using vanity charms, no way those emerald eyes of his were legit.

  I hated him on sight.

  He reckoned he was a in a band, but they never had gigs or even practice except when he wanted to get out of plans he’d made with Holly.

  He could play literally two chords, but carried his guitar everywhere with him like it was the Holy Fucking Grail. He flirted with everything that moved. I swear I once saw him hitting on a tree.

  Even his magic was irritating, all hot and abrasive. It clashed badly with mine, brought me out in a sweat when he was nearby. At least, I thought it was his magic.

  Yeah. I was behind the eight-ball on this one. Slower than dirt.

  This isn’t a story that does me any favours, by the way, though it was never gonna be. Feel free to skip to the end.

  So I walked in on Asshole Iago making time with some emo sales guy behind the counter of the new hipster music store Vinyl Is Back, Baby.

  Like, what the fuck? Right out there in the open. Holly’s like a sister to me which I guess is some excuse for why I grabbed him by his stupid high-collared shirt and shoved him off into the alley out the back to scare the shit out of him.