Impostor

by Susanne Winnacker

  “Don’t be stupid. You’re having one-on-one lessons with Alec. Let me spell it out for you: Alone. With Alec. This is your chance.”

  If she’d seen us last night, she’d know how hopeless it was.

  “You know how focused Alec is during training. He wouldn’t even notice me if I walked into the dojo naked.”

  “We’ll see.”

  I slumped down on my bed and watched Holly rummage in her drawer. When she actually set her mind on something, she was a force to be reckoned with, and Alec and I were on top of her to-do list.

  She flung an article of clothing at me and it hit me in the face. The scent of peach and vanilla filled my nose as I pulled it over my head. It was a white T-shirt. Without protest, I put it on.

  “What’s so much better about this shirt?”

  Holly pointed at my chest.

  “Holly!”

  “It’s funny.”

  I groaned. In big red letters, PLEASE TALK TO MY FACE; MY BREASTS CAN’T HEAR YOU was written across my chest. “I’m not wearing this.”

  “Oh, you are. And here, take these sweatpants. They’re not as loose as yours.”

  I didn’t have the energy to argue with her, not with the way my brain had been in turmoil ever since I saw Madison. I wiggled into Holly’s sweatpants. At least they were black and happily devoid of any printed sayings.

  I glanced at the clock. “Great, now I’m late,” I said as I hurried out of our room.

  “Your legs look great,” Holly called after me.

  “No running in the corridors!” Mrs. Finnigan, Major’s secretary, shouted. I’d never seen her run in the corridors, but she barely fit through the doorframe so it wasn’t really an option for her. I stumbled down the staircase, hurrying as fast as I could to the ground floor.

  Within a minute, I arrived in the dojo, breathless from running four floors. I glanced over the green mats, floor-to-ceiling mirrors, and suspended punching bags. Alec was practicing high-kicks on one of the bags. I stopped short in the doorway. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, only black training pants. His muscles tensed with every kick, and the artificial light of the halogen lamps made his skin look golden. A large black dragon tattoo covered his right shoulder, hiding the scar he got as a small boy. He’d fallen through a banister, down two floors, after his parents had abandoned him in a crowded mall the day before Christmas. He shouldn’t have survived the fall, but his Variation saved him. Alec always said his Variation helped him cheat death but the FEA helped him survive.

  Without looking over at me, he said, “You’re two minutes late.” He did another kick before he turned around.

  His eyes immediately dropped to read the words on my chest. Warmth crawled up my neck, and I promised myself I’d thank Holly later.

  He tore his gaze away from my breasts and looked at my face, showing not a hint of embarrassment. “Nice shirt,” he said dryly. “Oh, and twenty push-ups for being late.”

  My smile faded. I walked up to him, trying my best not to openly admire the display of muscles on his chest. “Oh come on, Alec. Don’t act all high and mighty. You’re not Major.”

  His gray eyes held mine, his expression hard. “Thirty push-ups, Tess.” His voice was strained.

  Every time he used that nickname I wanted to bury my nose in his neck and let him hold me. Many years ago my mom had called me that. Back when she’d still cared for me, maybe even loved me.

  I got down on my knees and supported my weight with my arms. The first few push-ups were okay, the following ones not so much, and by the time I reached number twenty my arms began to quiver.

  “You should work out more often. Your arm muscles are almost nonexistent.”

  What the hell. Was he trying to be funny? My arms weren’t that bad. Not everyone could be as strong and muscley as Alec. Actually, nobody was.

  “Shut up,” I retorted.

  I pushed myself up again. Only ten more to go. The mat beneath my body was the same pale green as the hospital gown Madison wore. A vivid image of her frail body flashed before my eyes. My arms gave way and my face hit the mat. The faint smell of feet and sweat crawled into my nose.

  “Tess?” Alec put a warm hand on my shoulder. His voice was colored with worry.

  He sat down beside me, and silence settled around us. “Do you want to talk about it?” Suddenly, I wanted to talk to him, wanted to tell him everything—much more than my thoughts about Madison. I pulled away. “No. Let’s practice.”

  “You sure? I can tell Holly and Tanner that training is postponed.”

  I jumped to my feet. “I’m fine.”

  Alec took it easy on me after that. I could tell. My high-kicks were miserable. There was barely any power behind them. I had horrible aim and was out of breath within a few minutes. But every time I tried to summon my power, I was haunted by thoughts of Madison. Madison, the girl not much older than me who lay dying. The girl who wanted to become a vet. The girl who wanted to spend a year living abroad after high school. The girl who never would.

  “Let’s see how good you are at getting rid of an attacker.”

  I nodded, glad for the distraction.

  Alec wrapped his arms around my waist and tried to drag me away. My attempts at stomping on his foot or kicking his shin were half-hearted at best. The feel of his naked chest pressed against my back wasn’t something I was desperate to get rid of.

  “You’re not really trying, Tess.” His lips brushed my ear as he spoke, and a shiver shot through my body. My muscles went slack, any will to defend myself against him gone. His closeness felt so good, so right. I leaned my head back against his chest. He smelled like a spring morning in the woods, like spearmint and something spicy. Deep down I knew I shouldn’t crave his closeness as much as I did. I shouldn’t want him at all. He wasn’t mine to want.

  He stiffened when our eyes met.

  I still remembered the first time I’d seen him. He and Major had stood in their prim suits amid the ragged furniture and empty beer bottles littering my mom’s living room. Despite my fear and embarrassment, his grey eyes had set me at ease, his smile assuring me I’d be safe with him.

  And now, I couldn’t stop myself from looking at his lips. Slowly, he leaned down.

  “Alec?”

  Kate’s voice hit me like a wrecking ball. Alec dropped his arms and stepped back. She stood in the doorway, her copper eyes narrowed. I wasn’t sure how long she’d been watching us, but it was obvious that she was furious, despite the fact that nothing had happened. A tiny part of me felt bad for wanting Alec. He was with Kate. I shouldn’t like someone who had a girlfriend, but I couldn’t help it. I’d liked him from the day he’d taken me from my home, long before she’d come into the picture. Sometimes it felt like I’d never stop wanting him.

  Kate smirked. “Nice shirt. Pity that you don’t have any real breasts to speak of.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, avoiding her gaze. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of reading my thoughts.

  “Kate, stop it.” Alec’s voice held a warning.

  He looked at me with an apologetic smile, but I didn’t want his pity, especially not after what Kate had just said.

  “I thought we were going to watch a movie. Remember?”

  I hated how her voice took on a whiny edge whenever she didn’t get her way. I wished Alec wouldn’t fall for it, wished he wouldn’t watch anything with her. Movie night was supposed to be our thing.

  He grabbed a towel and wiped his face. “I can’t. Tessa and I are training for the mission. Holly and Tanner are going to join us soon.” He added the last part as if to placate Kate, whose face looked like she’d tasted something nasty. After a moment, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. Her lips clung to his like a suction cup. I wanted him to push her away. I wanted him to kiss me like he kissed Kate.

  I turned my back to them and took a few swallows from the water fountain, trying to banish the image of Kate’s lips on Alec’s. The sound of Holly
’s high-pitched giggling, followed by Tanner’s baritone laugh, made me relax, and I finally dared to face the room again. Alec approached me; thankfully, Kate was gone.

  Tanner had put in his septum piercing. Summers forbade him to wear it during training or missions. I always pictured a bull charging a red cape when I saw him, though with his skinny frame he looked decidedly more like a walking stick than a bull. Holly looked happy to be part of the preparations, even if she couldn’t go on the mission herself.

  The two of them stood near the entrance, watching Alec and me until I felt like the awkwardness might crush me. Alec cleared his throat. “Tanner and Holly, thank you for joining us. Major thinks we should prepare for all eventualities and that includes the possibility of Tessa facing off with a Variant.”

  I took a step back. I’d always known a Variant could be the killer, but somehow I’d never thought it through to the end, never considered the potential of having to fight against someone like me. It opened up so many scary possibilities I didn’t even want to think about, much less actually encounter. The killer might be able to manipulate me and make me compliant, could poison or stun me with his touch, could make me trust him against my will, and those were only the options that sprang into my mind; countless others could exist. I’d be heading into a fight without knowing if my opponent was uniquely armed or not, without having any idea how dangerous his weapons were. How could I ever expect to stay safe?

  Alec touched my shoulder again, but this time I didn’t pull back. My eyes were drawn up to his and I knew he could read the fear and horror written all over my face. His fingers tightened, tension creeping through his body. “We don’t know for sure if a Variant is involved. If I thought there was any chance—” he paused for a moment before concluding. “I won’t allow anything to happen to you.”

  I was dimly aware of Holly and Tanner standing beside us, but in that moment there was only Alec and me. And that was when reality really sank in. I’d be all alone, trapped in Madison’s home, her body, and her life. I’d meet people I didn’t know, people who might lie to me about Madison’s past and about their loyalties. I’d be the prime target of a killer who not only had an advantage over me through his local knowledge of Livingston, but possibly through a Variation.

  “So what exactly are we supposed to do?” Tanner asked lightly.

  The tension suddenly left Alec. “I want you to attack Tessa with your Variation. Holly, you will try to take her by surprise.” Holly nodded eagerly.

  “It’s not likely someone invisible will attack you,” Alec said, catching the troubled look on my face. “But it’ll heighten your senses and help you focus. Don’t trust your eyes; use your ears. Tanner will keep you distracted. Now close your eyes so Holly can have a chance to disappear.”

  I did as he asked and tried to listen for Holly’s steps, but either she wasn’t moving or she was a lot more stealthy than I gave her credit for. Alec whispered something, though I couldn’t tell what or to whom.

  “Ready!” he shouted a second later.

  The moment my eyes shot open, a ball was hurtling toward my face. At the last second before impact, I ducked, while scanning the room for Tanner, my still-visible attacker. He stood a few feet to my side, his arms crossed over his chest. Of course, Tanner didn’t need to move a muscle to throw things at me; his thoughts alone were enough. With a ripping sound, a jump rope came loose from the wall at the end of the dojo. It shot toward me at knee level, twisting and rotating in the air like a lasso. Sneakers squealed behind me and I whirled around, expecting an attack from Holly, but was greeted with empty air. Something thrust against my calves as pain sliced through my legs. My arms shot out, fighting for balance, when a foot materialized out of nowhere and slammed into my chest. The air shot out of my lungs with a gasp as I fell backward and collided with the ground. Fire slithered up my tailbone and across every inch of my body until I felt sure I was burning alive.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to regain my breath. If this had been a real fight for my life, I’d be dead. Defeated by a rope and an invisible girl.

  “Are you okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you so hard.” The feel of Holly’s warm hands on my shoulders shook me out of my misery. She, Tanner, and Alec stood over me, watching me with knitted brows.

  “No, it was my fault. The rope distracted me and I couldn’t shift my focus fast enough. I was just overwhelmed by the situation.”

  Alec nodded like that was exactly what he’d expected. Jeez, I thought, thanks for the vote of confidence. “At the beginning of your mission, you’ll feel the same way. There are so many facts, so much information you’ll have to process all at once. I think this exercise will help you discern the important things from the not-so-important things.”

  I let him pull me up and dusted myself off, though the mat hadn’t left any dirt on my clothes.

  “Why didn’t you use your Variation?” he asked.

  “I—I don’t know.” It hadn’t even crossed my mind. My Variation helped me disguise myself, but I’d never considered it a useful talent in a fight.

  “If you want to defeat your opponent, especially if it’s another Variant, you need to use your Variation. It’s what gives you an advantage. It’s what keeps your moves surprising and what makes you dangerous.”

  Alec was right. This wasn’t the time for holding back.

  “Okay, let’s try this again,” I said, my voice steadier than I’d expected.

  Holly became invisible again. I tried to track her movement by sound, but it was useless. Tanner advanced on me, for once unsmiling. He balled his hands into fists as I took a step back from him. Abruptly he stopped, just as a medicine ball hurtled toward me. With a wheeze, I dropped to my knees. The ball had missed my head by mere inches. I looked up in disbelief.

  “Maybe you should use objects that won’t kill Tessa if they hit her,” Alec said, scowling.

  I jumped to my feet and charged toward Tanner. A grin flitted across his face, but it quickly disappeared when I thrust my fist into his stomach. He parried my next two punches and I drew back to think of a new tactic. I felt a draft on my back and jumped aside. “Holly?”

  She didn’t give herself away. Tanner grabbed my arm but I slipped out of his grip. He kicked at my legs, trying to make me stumble. Another medicine ball hurtled toward me at stomach level. That would hurt. I bolted away from it, but the stupid thing continued to follow me.

  Use your Variation, I told myself. The rippling tore through my body and I shrank as I stumbled toward Tanner. His face wavered when he saw me—now in the body of the young girl from the mall, no more than five years old. The medicine ball slowed. I darted toward him, fell to my knees, and bit into his calf. He drew back with a yelp and landed on his butt. I grinned as I shifted back to myself. Someone barreled into my back. I fell to the ground beside Tanner, turned around, and saw Holly, who was beginning to slowly materialize.

  I groaned. Defeated again.

  “This was better,” Alec said. “Tanner had qualms about attacking a young child. That’s a good way to use your Variation. If you can distract your opponent by eliciting pity for yourself, then you gain an advantage over him—which you used to full capacity.”

  Tanner rubbed his calf where I’d left the imprint of small teeth. “You wouldn’t say that if she’d bitten you.”

  I stifled a laugh.

  “But you let yourself get distracted again, Tess. You forgot about Holly because you were too busy gloating,” Alec said.

  My cheeks burned, but I didn’t try to defend myself. Instead I got to my feet and said, “I want to try it again.”

  • • •

  Over the next few days, Alec and I met for training twice a day—in the morning before running practice and again in the afternoon. I was allowed to skip my regular classes so I could focus on the mission—much to Holly’s disappointment. As important as they might have been in some cases, forensic pathology, DNA profiling, and criminology wouldn’t help m
e much on the field.

  By the end of the week, every inch of my body was bruised and I still hadn’t made much progress. At least, that’s how I felt. Holly picked up on my worries as usual. She wrapped an arm around me as we walked through the corridor.

  “I’m scared, Holly,” I said in a small voice.

  She squeezed my shoulder.

  From the corner of my eye, I spotted Alec entering Kate’s room. The sighting felt like the last thing I needed. I wished he’d spend his time with me instead, and distract me from my worries.

  “I don’t get why he likes her,” Holly said, following my gaze.

  We stepped into our room, and I flung myself face-down on my bed, breathing in the fresh scent of the pillow.

  The mattress dipped as Holly lay down beside me. “Is this about the mission or about Alec?”

  I’d whined to her about Alec so often, it wasn’t surprising that Holly assumed he was the reason for my outburst. And while a little part of it was because of him, the mission had started consuming every one of my waking thoughts. I wanted to enjoy what little time I had left in headquarters, but the worry and fear seemed attached to me. “What if I fail? What if I don’t come back because I get myself killed?” I whispered.

  Holly sucked in a breath. “Don’t even say such a thing. Major wouldn’t send you out there if he thought there was a chance of getting you killed.” Her words sounded comforting, but I could still hear the uncertainty in her voice.

  “But missions are always dangerous,” I countered. “Major wouldn’t make an exception for anyone. And how can he make sure the killer doesn’t get me? He said it himself. Once I become Madison, I’m bait.”

  Holly was silent for a moment, her eyes wide and scared.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”

  “Don’t be stupid. You can talk about anything with me.” She hugged me, and I relaxed against her.

  “You know what’s kind of pathetic?” I said, hoping to lighten the mood. “If I get myself killed, I’ll die without ever having kissed a boy. Pathetic, huh? Bards will sing about the old spinster Tessa.”