Enshrine

by Chelle Bliss

  “You’re taking a bath, caring for me, and being so gentle. It’s not very butcher-like.”

  “I do have an image to maintain, don’t I? Let’s keep this our little secret.”

  “Not a problem.”

  “Hey,” he whispers, his face growing serious. “You know it’s not true, right?”

  I swallow down my fear. This conversation has me on edge. “You haven’t killed people, you mean?” It’s an awkward topic to talk about when you’re naked with a man and completely at his mercy.

  “Yeah.”

  “If you say so.” I fake smile at him, but I’m not convinced.

  “I mean, I never use a knife, so it’s not true.”

  My mouth falls open in shock. “Well.”

  “Jesus, you’re so fucking easy.” He laughs again. “I’m not a murderer, Cal.”

  Well, that’s a surprising admission, but I’m still not sold. You can’t have that nickname and his looks without doing some pretty nasty shit. “Okay.” My voice is tiny, but I’m not about to argue.

  “How do you feel?” he asks, his finger caressing the sides of my neck, making tiny circles against my skin.

  “Better,” I admit. I realize that for the last few minutes, I haven’t even thought about how I feel or that I have it.

  His lips find their way to my forehead and press hard against me as he holds my face in his hands. “Good,” he says against my skin before backing away. “Let’s get out before you’re a prune and I lose all sense of who I am. I do have an image to uphold.”

  “I won’t tell,” I blurt out, half kidding but really not because I’d never talk to anyone about Bruno.

  Bruno carefully carries me from the tub and rests me against the counter before he dries me off. I should do it on my own, but it feels nice for someone else to take care of me for once. The old me would have had a fit. I shouldn’t need anyone as much as I need him. But for once, I have nothing left to fight about and no strength to do it either.

  Life isn’t turning out to be everything I expected.

  Bruno isn’t who I think. Did I believe that he wasn’t “The Butcher”? Fuck, no. You don’t get the rep without there being some truth to it. But he isn’t the boogeyman either. He’s soft, tender, even. His strength during my time of need gives me solace and leaves me wanting more.

  But I’m afraid I need him. Crave the strength he gives me. I can’t stop thinking about his words after he places me in bed and curls his body around mine.

  He isn’t who I thought he was. Who is he?

  I know I’ll find out, but do I really want to know?

  His strong, warm, protective arms feel too good to stay awake. The last thing I remember is hearing him whisper, “You’re going to survive.”

  11

  Stage 3 Continued—One Step Back

  Another week of my life passes in a blur. Sitting at my second chemo treatment, I think about everything that has happened since I heard the devastating news.

  Material things no longer matter.

  I’m not as strong as I thought, but I am.

  Bruno has become a fixture in my life.

  Shutting people out isn’t possible any longer.

  I want to live.

  Over the course of the last week, Rebecca and Bruno have kept me busy. I’ve regained my strength and have begun feeling more like myself again with their help.

  Rebecca wasn’t happy that Bruno was around at first, but he grew on her slowly.

  “There’s something about him,” she insists, sitting on a stool in front of my chemo chair, moving back and forth using her feet.

  “What do you mean?” I play dumb because I know where she’s going.

  She taps her finger against her lip and the wrinkles on her forehead deepen. “I can’t describe it, but there’s something that—”

  “I know.” I grab a cracker from the table and jam it in my mouth before I say something more.

  “I still don’t like him around you.”

  I swallow down the dry crumbs in my mouth. “Bec, he’s harmless,” I lie, but I find it easier the more I do it. After spending so much time with him, I almost believe my own bullshit.

  Her nose wrinkles and she shakes her head quickly. “He’s not, Cal. He’s scary and dangerous.”

  I laugh at her absurdity. A couple of weeks ago, I would’ve said the same thing. I would’ve never let him inside, but now, I’ve seen another side of him, one that only gives me comfort. “He hasn’t killed me yet, so I think I’m safe.”

  The stool squeaks and she comes closer. “But his people…” she whispers.

  I gasp and cover my mouth, totally playing with her. “He has people?”

  “Yeah.” She nods with a very serious look on her face. “He does.”

  I move my face closer to hers and drop my voice so only she can hear. “Does he keep them in cages?”

  “Be serious,” she tells me and scowls.

  “Bec.” I laugh, leaning back and relaxing. “Bruno isn’t at all what we thought.”

  “Illusions are dangerous. They reel you in, and at the last minute…” She makes a cutting motion across her throat.

  “You’re so dramatic.” I laugh it off. If Bruno wanted to hurt me, I wouldn’t be here. He’s the gentlest man I’ve ever met.

  “Nurse,” Becca calls out and points at me. “Does chemo mess with the brain?”

  Her lips purse and she looks confused. “Excuse me?”

  Becca waves her hand in front of me. “Can it mess with her mind? Her thinking has been altered.”

  “Should I grab a doctor?” she asks and starts to move toward me with her hands outstretched.

  I put my hands between us and stop her, shooting a pissy look at Becca. “I’m fine, Nurse Bobby.” I look at her tag to make sure I use the right name. “My friend is just being dramatic.”

  She’s looking back and forth between us. “Are you sure, dear?”

  “Becca, tell the woman I’m fine.” My jaws clenches.

  Becca spins around on the stool, acting more mental than I am. “Oh, she’s fine,” she starts to say and stops her stool so she’s facing Nurse Bobby. “She’s dating a guy we call ‘The Butcher.’ So clearly her thinking is perfect.”

  Poor Bobby. She looks confused as shit and a little frightened. “Oh dear.” Her eyes look around the room, and I know she wants to get away but doesn’t.

  “I mean, what’s not to love about a man who kills people for a living, right, Bobby?” Becca laughs like a loon.

  “Um…” Bobby mumbles.

  “Bobby, you can go. Becca is having a moment. A very dumb moment that she’ll regret later.”

  “Why, are you going to send him after me?” She covers her mouth, pretending to be in a panic and acting like a tool.

  I glance up at Bobby and smile. “Leave us for a bit. My friend is just playing a very unfunny game.”

  “Okay,” she whispers and starts to back away, but she keeps her eyes on us. “But if you need me, just holler.”

  “Becca.” My voice is firm and unwavering.

  “Callie.”

  “You’re a dope.”

  “She’s too easy, and I swear you’re going off the deep end.”

  “Let’s not forget whose fault that is?”

  “Yours,” she replies with a guilty smile.

  “Yours, dumbass.”

  “Just be careful with him, babe.”

  “You’ve seen it, haven’t you?”

  “What?” she asks, tilting her head as if she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, even though she clearly does.

  “You said there’s something about him. You know that he isn’t what we think. You can feel it.”

  “I don’t know what I think or feel anymore. He’s still dangerous. That I know for sure. But there’s something I can’t put my finger on. Something doesn’t quite fit.”

  “All I know is that he’s helped me more than I can ever explain.”

  “Have you fuck
ed him?”

  I can’t hide my smile.

  Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. “Jesus, Cal, I can’t believe you.”

  I laugh at her fake angst, but I know she’s going to ask for details. “Don’t tell me if you had the chance, you wouldn’t have done the same thing.”

  “Well, yeah. Duh. Bucket list.”

  “How would you have listed him?”

  “Have hot monkey sex with a scary criminal.”

  “You’re insane.”

  “Says the girl who’s done it.” She scoots closer. “So how was it?”

  “What?”

  “Hot?”

  I sigh because it was and more. “Yeah.” I smile, remembering exactly how sexy it had been.

  “I hate you sometimes.” She laughs and slaps my leg playfully.

  “Want to switch lives?” I feel guilty as soon as it leaves my mouth.

  Her laughter dies. “I would.”

  “I would never wish this on you, Bec.”

  “But I’d switch places with you in a heartbeat. You’re my best friend. I can’t have anything happening to you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  When I woke up this morning, I made a pact with God. I know it sounds insane, and maybe I am losing my mind, but dammit—anything is worth a shot. I promised Him that if He saved me, if He spared me from death, that I’d devote my life to finding a cure so no one else has to go through what I have been for last three weeks.

  I told Him I’d even give up my shoe obsession, stop buying purses en masse, and give my all to stopping the disease from slowly killing off humanity. I’ll become motherfuckin’ Mother Teresa if it means I’ll survive.

  Sitting among the other cancer patients and watching how graceful they are gives me renewed energy. They aren’t falling apart and too afraid to live.

  If they can push through and show strength, so can I.

  With Rebecca by my side and Bruno insinuating himself into my world, I feel like anything’s possible.

  12

  Poison

  Bruno’s at my apartment waiting for us when we walk up the steps. Pacing in front of my door like a caged animal, he’s muttering softly to himself.

  Becca and I both stop dead when we see him. “Bruno?”

  He freezes and turns on his heels to face us. “Fuck, Cal. I’ve been worried.”

  “About?” I ask, taking a step closer and holding Becca back with one arm.

  He comes closer, reaching out for me with a wild look in his eyes. “You.”

  My cheek presses against his palm and I close my eyes. “I was at chemo. I told you about it.”

  “I wanted to take you,” he tells me and runs his thumb down the apple of my cheek.

  I glance up at him and smile, trying to make him relax. “Becca took me. I was in good hands.”

  He looks over my shoulder and tries to smile. “Is she okay?” he asks her and ignores me.

  “I am here, you know,” I tell him and tap his chest.

  “Yeah,” Becca ignores me too. “Better than I thought she would be.”

  “I got her from here.”

  “Hello?” I question, looking back and forth between the two of them. “Still here.”

  Becca comes up behind me and kisses my cheek. “I’ll leave you in very capable hands.” She stifles a giggle as she whispers in my ear.

  “Bec.”

  “Call me if you need anything. I have to run to work. I’m late for my shift.” Before I can argue, she turns and almost skips down my hallway before disappearing into the stairwell. Becca isn’t late. It’s only three, and I know she doesn’t need to be at the bar to work her second job until after seven.

  “Hungry?” he asks, turning his attention back to me.

  “Are you calmed down yet?” I place my palm flat against him, relishing the feel of his heart pounding beneath my hand.

  He laughs softly. “I’m calm. Just a shitty day at work.”

  “No one to butcher?” I make light of his job, whatever it is, even though I haven’t figured it out entirely.

  “Nope. Everyone survived today. So how about something to eat?” he asks, pulling my key he’s never given back from his pocket and unlocking my door.

  “I don’t feel like eating. My stomach isn’t feeling so well. I ate crackers during chemo,” I tell him as he ushers me inside with one arm around me. “But I don’t think they’re going to stay down for too much longer.” Without hesitation, he scoops me into his arms and carries me toward the bed. “Bathroom, please.”

  “Bed.”

  “Bruno.”

  “Callie.”

  The man is impossible.

  When he sets me down, he leaves the room and I hear movement in the kitchen. Before I can climb to my feet, he’s back and has a bowl in his hand. “Use this.” He places it on the bed next to me.

  I grimace, wrinkling my nose in disgust. “What?”

  “I’ll clean it. I don’t want you lying on the bathroom floor anymore.”

  The thought of him cleaning up my vomit makes my stomach turn more. “No. I rather go into the bathroom.”

  “Just stay here.” He pushes me back and lifts my legs, positioning me against the headboard as if I’m a decorative pillow. “Relax. I’m taking care of you. If you’re going to be sick, do it in the bowl.”

  Men are weird. I wouldn’t clean up his puke. Even if I loved him, worshiped the ground he walked on, I just couldn’t do it.