Scorn of Secrets

by B Truly

  It’s a pity a total stranger has welcomed me with open arms into his family when my blood sister never has. My cousin, Dariel has always been more like a sister. We’ve been tight as white since middle school.

  Thinking of Dari makes me homesick. We have been keeping in touch every week. I still miss her and my Gigi Thibodeaux. Being around Justin has helped my transition. Dropping my guard and letting him in turned out to be a good thing. Although I’m still cautious about becoming more than friends. It’s a fine line to tread. I don’t want to chance ruining what we have now—an easy-going companionship.

  On Monday, an Honor Society meeting saves Justin and me from having a study session today. I haven’t been alone with him since we kissed. I can’t stop thinking about the one we shared. I’ve daydreamed about it constantly. I do want to study and spend time with Justin, I just fear what will happen if we do.

  My cell pings, receiving a text message after school. Glancing at the number, I don’t recognize it.

  U got detention r something? What’s taking u so long 2 get 2 the parking lot?

  Who’s this?

  I text back, having an idea, although I wasn’t even aware, he had my number. I didn’t give it to him.

  Jay!

  How did u get my number?

  Our parent’s r living together & knocking boots. It ain’t that hard.

  I smirk at my screen. Jackson is the crude twin.

  I have an Honor Society meeting today.

  Want me 2 swing by later 2 pick u up?

  It’s nice of Jackson to offer. For some reason he ruffles me, and I don’t want to be alone in the car with him.

  I’m not sure what time we’ll be done, so I’ll just ride the after-school bus home. Thanks, though.

  Suit yourself.

  Justin is leaning against a wall next to my locker as he’s begun a pattern of doing. His hazel eyes study me, searching. I ponder what he comes up with. A shiver surges through my body as I get a flashback of last week’s kiss.

  “We haven’t gotten a chance to study all week, Madi. Are we on for tonight?”

  I’ve practiced several times today making up an excuse for why we can’t study. A believable one, where he won’t know I’m dodging him. I’d come up with a fake honor meeting. Those words don’t leave my mouth. Maybe I’m over thinking it. I end up saying, “Yeah, we can.”

  One week! That’s the sum total of my restraint for Justin. I suck. Well, I’m more like putty in his hands. After I exchange books, I close my locker. The green-eyed monster strikes when the gorgeous chick I’ve seen flirting with Justin comes around the corner. On the first day of school, Jennifer had basically knocked me out of the way.

  As she passes by, her eyes roam hungrily over Justin and I earn a sneer. Rolling my eyes, I zip my backpack. “You know, if I had a dollar for every time a fangirl shot me a murderous glare, I would be rich.”

  Justin snorts. “Don’t mind Jen. We broke up a while back.”

  He takes my backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. Such a gentleman. Whenever he walks me to class, he carries my bag. Envious stares have become part of my daily routine. Jennifer used to just turn up her nose at me. Now she looks at me like she wants me dead.

  “I don’t think Jennifer got that memo. She still wants you, along with so many others.”

  “Well, Jen and I are history. Besides, I’m only interested in one person.”

  A ping of envy courses through me, and then I wonder if he means me. I don’t dare ask—not wanting to fall into a trap. “Well, she’s got me on her hate list, regardless,” I share with him.

  He narrows his eyes. “Has Jen or anyone else given you problems?”

  “Besides the death glares, not really.” I change my footing.

  “Hey, don’t worry about her or anyone else. Most of them only want two things. To get into me or my brother’s pants, or they want to get in good because they know my dad’s loaded. It gets old.”

  I understand his point of view. I have a different problem—I’m the odd girl out. These girls see me as a threat. I don’t like attention, especially the negative kind. I would much rather fall into the background.

  As if he can read my mind, he asks, “We’re good, right?” I nod. “Okay, then, let’s get to class.”

  Justin pierces me with a heated look—one with promise. What is he up to? Opening a door leading to hall stairs, he entwines our fingers and pulls me quickly into the staircase. A tingle shoots through my body. He scopes out our surroundings. Since the tardy bell is about to ring, the staircase is empty.

  “I can’t stop thinking about you—about that kiss,” Justin whispers.

  Barely having time to process his words, he presses my body against him, and then captures my mouth in a dynamite kiss. I grip the back of his neck. He pulls me closer. Panic of getting busted flies to the rear of my mind as we really start getting into it. Our tongues dance and my body ignites in passion. His natural smell of cinnamon spice fills my senses, and I want more of him. He groans, kissing me harder as his hand rubs the center of my back.

  “Well, well. What do we have here?”

  Pulling away abruptly, I stare wide-eyed at Jackson. My cheeks grow scarlet. In a way, I’m relieved it’s only him. On the other hand, his brother catching us mortifies me.

  Jackson shakes his head with a mischievous grin stretching across his face. “I figured something was going on with you two. I just didn’t have a clue of how intense it was.”

  I shift my weight. My body is rigid.

  “Give it a rest, Jay,” Justin warns.

  Jackson throws up his hands in surrender. “Be lucky I wasn’t a hall monitor. With the way y’all were going at it, you definitely would’ve gotten detention.”

  “We don’t need a run down,” Justin snorts.

  “Hey, I’m all for going after what you want.” Jackson’s jaw muscles flex. “You didn’t have to hide it from me though, bro.”

  The final bell rings, making me jump. Great, now Jackson is thrown into the mix. Something tells me that he isn’t going to let this go.

  * * *

  Justin shut off the engine a while ago. We’re sitting silently in the driveway inside his SUV.

  “Don’t pay attention to Jackson. You should have some insight now as to how he is.”

  “What’s his deal? I can’t figure him out.”

  Justin leans back, biting his bottom lip. “He’s a Rube Goldberg device. I was his womb mate and half the time, he still puzzles me.”

  He squirms in his seat. I haven’t known Justin long, but I sense he’s withholding information. “If there’s more to it, just tell me.”

  Sighing, he admits, “Jackson kinda has a thing for you, too.”

  Okay, I wasn’t expecting that. “You’re serious?” He nods. “I thought him and Tanya were buddies.”

  “They are, but he’s into you.”

  “I’m … not sure what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything.”

  “It just makes it worse.”

  “This doesn’t involve him. This is between us.”

  “I disagree. I like you, Justin, but he’s your brother. I don’t want to come between you guys. I’m trying to fit in as it is.”

  “I know my brother, and Jay has a thing for a different girl every month. He doesn’t feel the way about you like I do.”

  Justin’s admission makes me gasp. Around campus Jackson is known as the school slut. Coincidentally, that seems to make chicks lust after him more. Ultimately, none of this changes Justin’s and my situation. “Maybe you’re right. Although, it’s not only him I’m worried about.”

  “It’s the backlash of our folks dating?” asks Justin.

  I bore holes into the floor car mat. My silence speaks volumes.

  “So where does this leave us?”

  “I think we should leave things how they are. It’s less complicated that way.”

  Justin understands exactly what I mean. His mouth fo
rms into a tight line. This isn’t what my heart desires. I just feel it’s best for everyone.

  18

  Screw It

  Thanksgiving is around the corner. The cool air is a welcome treat. Justin and I are keeping our hands to ourselves, which has been harder than I thought. I constantly want to touch him or for him to touch me. He hasn’t tried to push the issue since the day we kissed in the hallway.

  I find Justin in the kitchen one morning eating a bowl of cereal. “You’ll have to settle with riding to school with me today,” he says. “Jackson already left to give Suri a ride.”

  Suri is the gorgeous Puerto Rican senior that Jackson left us stranded at school for a while back. If he’s giving her rides, then maybe they’re messing around again. Relief fills me. I didn’t like the idea of Jackson being interested in me. I’ve been riding with Tanya and Jackson to school all week. I’m secretly delighted for Justin to give me a lift.

  “Fine by me.” I can’t help grinning like a fool, and Justin’s lips curve upward also. I go to the pantry to get a pack of strawberry Pop-tarts. Placing them in the toaster, I turn the knob for extra time because I like them crispy. Since the weather has been cooler, I’ve been taking advantage of the cappuccino maker. They are perfect for this time of year. “I’m going to make me a cappuccino. Do you want one?”

  “Yeah, thanks. I’ll have the cinnamon vanilla flavor.”

  Tanya graces us with her presence. “Is Jackson still asleep?”

  “Nah, he left to give Suri a ride,” Justin relays.

  Tanya wrinkles her nose. “Is she his hazelnut flavor of the month again?”

  “Looks like it,” Justin replies. “You can ride with me if you want.”

  “He could have at least told me he wasn’t going to drive me,” Tanya complains. “I need my own car.”

  She pours herself a glass of orange juice, mumbling under her breath. Justin glances at me, fighting a grin.

  Silent hurrahs circulate through the air when chicks see that Justin and I aren’t as tight as we have been. Jennifer especially seems to be eating it up. When we pass by each other in the hall, Jen smirks instead of glowering.

  Justin hasn’t been to my locker as much this week and I can’t help pouting. On my way to class, I spot him chatting with a chick even prettier than Jennifer. She’s definitely into him—no surprise there. The girl flips her hair, batting her lashes. My stomach takes a nosedive. Doing what is best isn’t sinking in. My mind and heart are at war. I want to interrupt their conversation so badly. Somehow, I force myself to keep walking.

  * * *

  What’s up in H-town? Dari texts me.

  It’s better. I kinda like it here now.

  Really? Well, that’s progress.

  How have u been?

  Busy with dance & hating my classes.

  Dari has been on the dance team since last year.

  The classes r more difficult this year, I reply.

  Tell me about it. I’m failing Chemistry. If I don’t pull my grade up, I won’t be able 2 dance.

  Can u go 2 tutorials?

  Guess I’ll have 2. So, how r the boys in H-town?

  Dari has been into guys for a while. Her boy-bug syndrome must be rubbing off on me, because I’m into them now. Well, one in particular.

  There r some attractive ones that go 2 Taylor.

  Chauncey was asking about u by the way. When I told him, u moved 2 Houston he seemed bummed.

  Yeah, he seemed nice enough.

  R there any boys u like?

  My cheeks flush. I glance around as if she can see me.

  Maybe. Nothing has come of it, so don’t ask.

  K. I’ll ask about it later.

  I can’t help laughing. Dari is always trying to hook me up.

  Any guys on your radar?

  Yeah, Darius Hart has been flirting with me.

  The football player?

  If it’s the same boy I’m thinking of, then I’ve heard of his rep. He seems like the bad boy type.

  He’s not as bad as people make him out 2 be. U just have 2 get 2 know him.

  As long as u like him & he treats u well, then there’s no objections from me.

  Dariel and I ping-pong texts a while longer, catching up.

  * * *

  As usual, the cafeteria is loud, buzzing with chatter and laughter. Lina and Cara flank on either side of me. They are two people I consider as friends. Sean normally sits at the end of our table with his crew. I’m a bit surprised when he plops down across from me. We have 6th period history together. His smooth, dark skin reminds me of black lacquer. He’s nice looking, just nowhere near as handsome as a certain someone. His homies glance at us, grinning. No doubt they’re wondering why Sean isn’t sitting with them.

  “Hey, Madison, what’s up?” asks Sean.

  Lina raises her eyebrow—Cara snickers. “Hi, Sean.”

  “Are you ladies going to the home district football game?”

  “I’m going,” Cara replies.

  Lina nods—I shrug.

  Sean’s face falls. “You’re not going, Madison?”

  “I wasn’t planning on it. Football isn’t really my thing.” Basketball interests me more. There’s a definite reason why.

  “Football’s everyone’s thing. At least at Taylor.” Sean’s lip curves upward, and I can’t help but smile.

  “You should come with us,” Lina offers. “Taylor made the playoffs. That’s a big deal.”

  “You know she would prefer to cuddle up with a romance novel,” Cara teases.

  I smirk. “Reading is good for your mind, and FYI, I do go out sometimes.” Both of my friend’s giggle. “I might go.”

  “Bet.” Sean’s face brightens.

  He continues to make idle chit-chat, most questions directed toward me. The bell dings for us to return to 4th period, so the next group can chow down.

  “See you in class.” Sean idles a sec, and then strolls off with his buds.

  Cara scurries over to talk with some of her other friends, while Lina walks next to me.

  “What was that about?”

  “Seriously, Madison,” Lina chastises. “You’re so naive when it comes to boys.”

  “I’ve only had one long-term boyfriend.” If you could even call it that. We’d gone out all of three months at the beginning of my sophomore year.

  “Well, Sean is preparing to make his move. Though I’m sure another guy in particular is gonna have a problem with it.”

  I feel my cheeks flush. Ever since Jackson caught us kissing, I’d gotten my panties in a wad. Justin isn’t happy about me playing the friend card. He and I never had an official conversation about being in a relationship. I sense that’s where it was headed after Justin confessed, he liked me. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that letting my guard drop will only lead to dangerous territory. Respecting my wishes, Justin has given me space.

  I’ll be the first to admit I miss Justin. I’m conflicted. Should I just go with the flow and say screw what everyone else thinks, or leave it be? Having a nonchalant attitude is foreign to me. I’m confident enough in my own skin. But relationships and dating one of the most popular boys in school are different matters. Mix in the fact we live in the same household and that our parents are bumping and grinding—it scares me to death.

  “Are you interested in Sean?” Lina snaps me out of my thoughts.

  “He’s nice, I just….”

  “Oh, I know. You’re crazy about Mr. Jenkins.”

  “Shut it.” I scrunch up my nose.

  “Well, I’m dying to know what he’ll think when Sean pursues you.”

  “I’m sure Justin wouldn’t make a scene. You act like we’re dating, and I’m playing over him.”

  “The way he feels about you is written on his face. For whatever reason, you are running away from it.”

  Can Lina read minds?

  “Well, I don’t know Justin like you do. He seems laid-back, definitely a jokester. But somethin
g tells me he ain’t gonna just stand back while another dude hits on you.”

  “Sean was only being friendly. You read too much into things.”

  “Right…. That’s why he just happened to sit across from you today, directing all the questions at you.” Lina shakes her head. “I need to school you on how guys work, fast.”

  After 6th period ends, Sean walks alongside me to my locker. He chats about the upcoming break, then gets quiet suddenly. I glance at him and he changes his footing.

  “What’s up?”

  “I was wondering if you wanted to meet up with me at the game.”

  “Oh….”

  “Madie!” Lina shouts, cutting me off and rushing over. Sean’s brow furrows.

  “Hi, Lina,” I greet, startled at her odd interruption. Something is up her sleeve.

  Leaning over, Lina whispers, “Five o’ clock.”

  My head pans in that direction to where Justin is glowering at Sean.

  “Told you. This should be interesting. Call me.” Lina walks away as quick as she came.

  I offer Sean an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Lina’s over-enthusiastic.”

  “It’s all good. So, what do you say about meeting at the game and hanging out afterward?” Sean glances quickly at Justin. “I wasn’t sure if you were available, but decided to just ask.”

  Meaning, he wonders if Justin and I are an item. But since we haven’t been up under each other lately, maybe we aren’t. Justin catches on. He strolls toward us, stopping next to me.

  “Hey, Madi.” Justin scowls at Sean, towering several inches over him. Instead of speaking to Sean, Justin pretends he isn’t there. Sean takes a step back, clearly unhappy.

  “Howdy.” My throat feels scratchy.

  Justin clears his throat. “Aren’t we going out to eat before we go to the game together on Friday?”

  Excuse me? A tingle radiates through my body. Sometimes it’s annoying Justin has this effect on me. He must’ve been listening. I can only gape at him. I’d be lying if I denied being thrilled Justin is asking me on a date—even if it’s in an indirect way. This is a pissing contest at its finest. Sean knows very well what Justin’s angle is. Jackson holds a bad boy persona. If it comes down to it, I’m sure Justin can hold his own, too. I remember hearing about the twins getting in an altercation at a party last year with two other guys. Testosterone heated, coming to blows. Word has it, the Jenkins brothers kicked their butts. Gossip travels fast, and I’ve gotten the impression that most guys are cautious of them. Sean decides not to challenge him.