by S. K Munt
‘Then you should have been a bit more specific!’ Kohl snapped, shoving Kohén back, and I heard the difference in their voices- it was only slight but Kohl had more of a drawl then Kohén, who pronounced his words crisply. ‘You said that Emmerly was a gorgeous blonde with a fantastic rack and that Larkin was like a very pale little boy!’ He thrust a finger in my direction. ‘And she’s a Goddamned bombshell! What? Have you been wearing TWO eye-patches all of these years, big brother?’
The eye-patch! That was right! Kohl was supposed to wear an eye patch. Kohl was SUPPOSED to be in Pacifica and yet here he was, kissing me and then embarrassing the life out of me. Kohén turned to glare at me, and his expression grew pensive, causing me to shrink further into myself when confusion prevailed across his handsome features.
‘No. She’s just… just all dressed up, that’s all,’ he said, but he glanced down at my legs, his frown deepening then back up at me, releasing his brother. ‘And what’s with you, huh? You’ve been plucked, dyed, sparkled, painted and plumped up beyond recognition! I thought you didn’t care about that sort of stuff? And how could you let him kiss you like that? Did you hear that the absent twin had returned and decided to see if he could kiss the real frog into a prince?’
My mouth fell open in shock.
‘Don’t be a toad,’ Kohl answered before I could rip the banister off the landing and beat Kohén with it until he started talking sense again. The younger twin had the grace to shoot me an apologetic look that made me want to knee him in the crown jewels for. ‘She didn’t know who I was, Big K. You said I should just let your doting follower believe that I was you and get her kissing on, and she did.’ He winced at me. ‘It just worked on the wrong girl.’ I cupped my mouth- they really had planned this! Kohén had intended to let Emmerly throw herself at the wrong brother? That wasn’t only mean and insensitive, but dangerous! If things had gone too far…
But things didn’t go too far. And if this had happened to Emmerly instead of you, you would have wet yourself laughing over it!
‘You kissed HIM?’ Kohén demanded, looking confused. ‘You kissed him thinking he was ME? Why, Larkin?’
Uh-oh! We have to talk about this NOW?!
‘To atone!’ Kohl announced, slapping Kohén on the shoulder. ‘She threw herself at me the second she saw me, told me that she missed me and apologised for whatever she’d said about you as a kisser to hurt you.’ Kohl smiled at me. ‘And then said that you should just kiss her now so she could spread a more flattering rumour about your prowess. And she said she’d do that because you were important to her; so stop breathing fire, okay? You’ve been wondering where you stand with her for the last six months and now you know- she’d do anything to keep your friendship intact.’ Kohl screwed up his face and stepped back from Kohén. ‘I just thought she was Emmerly apologising for telling you what Larkin had said and embarrassing you, so I let her make things right, thinking that I had your blessing to do so. But if I’d known that this was your buddy …’ his eyes swept down my legs and then back up again, and he winked. ‘Well I still would have kissed the heck outta her, no doubt, but I would have set her straight about what her true prince charming’s actual name was first!’ He stepped forwards and took my hand, bowing to plant a kiss on my knuckles, not moving his gaze from mine. ‘Kohl Barachiel, at your service,’ he said, and then began to straighten and pull me toward him. ‘And on my knees, if the lady wishes. And a kiss like that could have a man on his knees for-’
Kohl didn’t get to finish his sentence, because Kohén snarled and lunged at him then and suddenly, prince charming was flying down the second flight of stairs, and prince pissed-off was taking me by the arm and leading me down the steps and over his brother’s prone body.
‘That was NOT how I wanted you to meet,’ Kohén groused as he steered me away from Kohl’s groan of annoyance.
‘Really?’ I asked dully, feeling like my internalized hysteria was going to vaporise me. My face was hot, my organs felt squished by the way my heart had expanded to throb obnoxiously, and my mind had stopped spinning and refused to so much as tick over now. ‘But it was so memorable...’
‘You know it…’ a voice said from behind us, and when I turned to shoot Kohl a dirty look, his cheeky smile was utterly disarming. I turned back before he could see my blush, and told myself that I was doing so out of embarrassment, and not because Kohl Barachiel had just made my heart flip in my chest so many times that I wasn’t sure which way it was facing anymore.
‘Larkin…’ Kohén pulled me into a hug the moment that Kohl was out of sight and held me tightly. ‘I missed you.’
I relaxed into his hold and then squeezed him back with all I had. ‘I missed you too.’
Music began to play then- the party had begun.
*
I expected Kohén to take me out into the courtyard so that we could discuss what had just happened in private, but the moment we set foot in the marble foyer, his mother pounced on him and pulled him away from me so swiftly that his hand slipped from mine. I gulped and stepped back into the alcove where the ballroom door had been latched open, not sure if I should go with him or slink off. For the time being, all I could do was stare, for Kohén looked light years beyond handsome in his suit. He must have shot up at least five inches in the six months that he’d been gone, and was now much taller than I was. He’d filled out too, not as much as Kohl who seemed to be larger all around for the same height, but he definitely didn’t look like the gangly teenager who had broken my heart. I pressed my hand to my chest, feeling my insides shudder at the memory, the way an overused muscle reminds its owner of the strain it has suffered by aching.
He’s here! He’s back and he missed me! This doesn’t have to hurt anymore!
‘Kohén, there you are!’ the duchess cooed. ‘I was just discussing your future matches with your uncle- I had no idea that you were doing that very thing with an attractive young lady at the same time!’ Her eyes shifted back to me and a radiant smile lifted the corners of her mouth, stunning me. Not only had she never smiled at me like that before, but because she looked even more beautiful than all of the Given girls combined in her silver gown. ‘Hello dear, now don’t hide in the shadows. I don’t believe we’ve…’ the words faded into nothingness as I stepped forward and curtsied as I’d been told to do at formal occasions. ‘Larkin?’ she finished, her tone coloured by disbelief.
‘Your highness,’ I released the edges of my skirt and smiled apologetically, not missing the way that her expression quickly transitioned from surprise, to humiliation and then finally, to anger. ‘I’m sorry for being so late. I’ve been feeling unwell all day, but Kohén convinced me to come-’
‘I wouldn’t take that personally dear,’ the duchess bit out, all of her composure leaving her. She lifted her wine glass to her lips and averted her eyes to the ballroom. ‘Give him a year or so and he’ll be able to convince you all to do just that. Practice makes perfect, after all.’
My ears rang, and Kohén gasped. ‘Mother!’ his voice was low, but none of his anger was lost in the translation. ‘That is a horrible thing to say!’ His eyes met mine and I could see that he’d gotten over his fury with me and had granted it to her. ‘I’m sorry!’ those eyes screamed.
‘Really?’ His mother laughed to herself but looked to her brother in law, not her son when she responded with: ‘I thought it was rather generous and frightfully optimistic.’
I wanted the marble to crack beneath me so that I would slip into the abyss and never be seen again. That didn’t happen so I looked around us, afraid to see how many people had overheard the duchess’s defamatory remarks, and was slightly relieved to see that only a serving girl was within earshot. But that was bad enough, for her face was bright red and her lips flattened into a barely-repressed smirk. She darted me a look and there it was- the judgement Maryah swore didn’t exist.
‘Constance…’ the sharp-suited man took the glass of wine from her hand before she could sip from it
and handed it to Kohén. ‘How many of these have you had?’
‘Not enough to soften the blow of sharing my son’s birthday with a Corps’ worth of whores,’ she snapped, striding off and I pressed my hand to my stomach, feeling as though she’d run me through with a hot poker. The king’s brother- looked back at us and mouthed the words: ‘I am so sorry,’ to me, but I just looked at my ballet shoes and prayed for the strength not to run straight outside and into the Wildwoods were evidently, certain people thought I belonged.
And Maryah’s worried about her Given decorum? Yeesh!
‘She didn’t mean those things…’ Kohén whispered to me, sliding his hand under my arm and linking elbows with me. ‘She’s just been drinking since four is all, and I didn’t see her eat a bite so the excitement- and wine- has gone to her head.
‘She did mean them,’ I said, allowing him to lead me forward and through the doors to the ballroom, because I felt too weak to walk anywhere on my own. Two Companions stepped out of our way in their white silk uniforms- a gorgeous raven-haired one with olive skin, and an older blonde whose make up was too hard for her age. ‘And if she’d caught a glimpse of that scene upstairs a few minutes ago, she would have said- and meant- a whole lot of other stuff too.’
Kohén led me past the Companions but turned on the very edge of the dance floor and pulled me into a waltz-hold. It was still early, and barely anyone else was dancing yet, so we probably stood out, but I was grateful that he was holding me up and taking measures to talk me down from my emotional cliff’s edge. This was the Kohén I’d missed- the rational, affable boy who tried to smooth the creases out of every issue he encountered. This was the boy I wanted to go to for advice and assistance with Lindy’s third pregnancy, and this was the boy whose eyes I was afraid to meet for fear that I wouldn’t recognize the soul staring back at me from within them.
All because I’d kissed him. All because I’d liked it. All because I was an idiot who could no longer keep track of her own hopes and dreams, let alone see them through. My eyes darted around the cavernous room, taking in all the opulence and trying to appreciate it but I was breathing too lightly to process anything, much less discern one gown, or gender, or performing Artisan from another. There were a lot of those though! They were all dressed in skin-tight gold suits like the kind worn by divers, and were scattered about the room dancing, contorting themselves into strange poses or twirling fire. It was quite the spectacle and I hated the duchess for making me too upset to appreciate any of it.
‘You didn’t know who you were kissing,’ Kohén said softly to the air just beside my neck. ‘If I can understand that, then so could mother.’ He turned me from a girl juggling fire, to the bar where a man in a gold formal suit was pouring an auric liquid like a waterfall over a pyramid of crystal flutes. ‘And like Kohl said, you weren’t kissing me to seduce me, were you? You were doing it to win my trust back. I mean…’ his Adam’s apple lifted and sank in his throat. ‘You didn’t kiss him because you actually wanted to, did you?’
I had been transfixed by the sight of so much wine, but I looked back to my dance partner. ‘Is that a trick question? Why on earth would I want to kiss a strange boy?’
‘Me, I meant,’ Kohén smiled a thin, embarrassed smile. ‘You weren’t kissing me because you wanted to, were you?’
I wet my lips. ‘Because if I did want to kiss you… your mother would be right, and I’d be a whore?’
Kohén’s blue eyes widened. ‘No! How could you doubt what you mean to me?’
‘Because you haven’t written to me in three months!’ I snapped, all of my hurt bubbling to the surface of my emotions and welling in my eyes.
‘I was angry and trying to make you sweat the way I sweated your state of mind!’ he shot back. ‘Friends fight, Larkin, but that doesn’t mean I’d label you so unjustly!’
‘Why not?’ I asked bitterly. ‘Your mother just labelled me that unjustly, even though she knows that we have no say in what becomes of us!’ I was on the verge of tears, and the fact that I could see the other Given girls grouped together across the room and staring at Kohén and I in shock and in Emmerly’s case- anger- was making it worse. Emmerly looked incredible- her treacle-coloured hair had been cut as sharply as a guillotine blade that dusted her left shoulder while the other side slid over her right eye seductively. Her dress wasn’t like ours though- it was like the others; a one-shouldered golden gown with golden adornments- one that was expected to end up in Kohén’s hands later that night, and cement her destiny even though she’d once dreamed like I did. Was she a whore? Did she deserve this life? The snarl on her face and the way my crystal shoes were sparkling tellingly on her feet made me want to say yes out of spite, but that wouldn’t make it true, not yet.
But if Kohén pulled that dress off her, she would become a whore. It would be his fault, not hers but only she would be marked for it forever.
‘My mother resents you all because she is so in love with my father,’ Kohén said, sounding tired. ‘And she voiced it just now because she was drunk and you should understand that she’s suffered this system as much as you fear the Given do. We could discuss the specifics of all of that until we’re blue in the face but before we do that, answer my question and stop trying to change the subject to politics: Who were you kissing tonight, Larkin? A friend that you wanted to make amends with? Your disgruntled employer who could get you banished for gossiping about me? Or… or the boy you felt like kissing?’
My stomach flipped over, and I stared down at my ballet shoes. ‘Technically, I was kissing your devious twin…’ I said, trying to keep my tone light. ‘And by the way, a head’s up that your mirror image was coming back sans eye-patch would have been nice so I could have made a name tag for him or something…and brought him a birthday gift instead of shipping it off to Pacifica two weeks ago!’
But Kohén slipped his finger under my chin and lifted my eyes to his before taking my hand again and swaying me. ‘Answer. The. Question.’
His eyes were too blue, so I focused on his crown. ‘What do you want me to say, your highness?’ I asked in a brittle voice. ‘Your friend wants to be honest, your companion has been trained to answer you with the most flattering response, and your dance partner wants to run for the ocean and not stop swimming until she reaches Rabia, in case both of the other two get it wrong.’
Kohén leaned down and narrowed his eyes, forcing me to meet his gaze again as he whispered: ‘I want you to say that you kissed me because you missed me, Larkin,’ he brushed his lips against mine and I sucked in a breath- a move that I heard echoed right across the room. Evidently- we had an avid audience, and the knowledge made my scalp tingle as much as the charge running between Kohén and my fingers did. ‘As a friend. As an employer.’ He moved our joined hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles. ‘As the most beautiful girl in the room who has been in my dreams every night, for six months. As Larkin.’
I couldn’t drag my eyes from his. ‘You think I’m…?’ I breathed in and tasted ice. ‘How much wine have you had?’
‘Just two glasses in my room, to calm my nerves, but that’s beside the point…’ he whispered, smiling, and light danced in his eyes. ‘Just say what’s in your heart, please… I can’t take the not knowing anymore. I never thought this would happen- that I’d feel anything for you but friendship. But then I was kissing you and I could have soared... and when you pushed me away, I could have died. So to hear that you made fun of that moment just…’
‘It was a lie,’ I whispered. ‘What I said about the kiss, and the kiss itself so none of it counts anyway, does it? Anymore than me kissing Kohl did tonight.’
‘No THAT was a lie,’ Kohén whispered, nudging my chin up, and blue sparks crackled beneath it from his fingertips. ‘I never intended to kiss her before I went away. She asked, so I used that as an excuse to ask you.’ He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, and his face was flushed when I looked at him in surprise. ‘I plotted that moment all day.’
I caught my breath. ‘Why?’
Kohén smiled shyly, and it was dazzling. ‘I’d hoped to take you overseas with me, and see what happened between us without Maryah and the other girls breathing down our necks. But then my parents said that I couldn’t, and I panicked. I couldn’t bear the thought of wondering what it might be like for two months without you, so I decided to find out before I left. If it was bad, we’d have time to get past the awkward part, but if it wasn’t…’ he made an irritated sound. ‘But I asked you to show first Larkin. You’ve seen my hand… Now reveal yours.’
I broke the eye contact and looked over at Emmerly. Poor Emmerly who had been waiting for this evening for months! Poor Emmerly who had been so warped by this system that she’d evolved from snobbish, to thief. Then I thought of Martya who should have been with us- who would have been spared this life if she’d been born second, not third- who would still be alive if she hadn’t been as terrified as me. Then there was sweet, broken Kelia who should have been on a pedestal not a countdown, and Elfin and Lette, who should have been dancing together on some stage, not practicing kissing when the lights went out so they’d be able to one-up the rest of us! It was wrong, so wrong that I had a better chance of making it to the other side of my twenty-first birthday unscathed, just because I’d had the fortune of being born ugly enough to inspire Kohén to make promises that the others had been too pretty to be entitled to.
And now he thought I was beautiful and he wanted to know that I wanted to kiss him back? I could give him that, and still maybe get out of the palace intact, but at the expense of the others? No, it wasn’t fair to any of us. I wet my lips, and looked back to Kohén.
‘I can reveal everything,’ I said, smiling up into his face. ‘I can tell you what’s in my heart, your highness. I can tell you how I felt about that kiss, what it did to me- how I’ve missed you, how I spent all day climbing the walls, hoping you’d come to me…’ Kohén’s eyes had brightened and the charge was streaming through me. ‘And I will,’ I whispered. ‘Just as soon as you release the others.’
