Glue, Baby, Gone

by Joanna Campbell Slan

  “I’ve been a real jerk. You deserve better.”

  “I’m disappointed by your mother’s actions. It’s not like her to interfere.”

  “I should have been more trusting. I tried to keep my feelings under control. Honest, I did. But when she told me this last night, I thought I’d go crazy. The idea of losing our child drove me out of my mind.”

  “I could tell you were upset.”

  “Right.”

  The drive back to the house was uncomfortable to say the least. More so when we pulled up and discovered a truck parked beside our garage. That could only mean that Detweiler’s parents were visiting. Had Thelma decided to show up and lecture me? Was this her way of driving home a point? I badly wanted to ask if Detweiler had expected this visit, but I was so upset that I knew better than to voice my concerns.

  Instead, we quietly got out of the car. I let him take the baby, while I followed like an obedient servant. An angry, seething servant at that.

  My mood darkened to black when we pushed through the side door and heard strident voices. Brawny was saying, “Respectfully, you are wrong.”

  Detweiler and I came to a complete, dead stop in the hallway. All I could see was his broad back. The baby had fallen asleep on the drive home. Our entrance had been soundless. I could see him tense up, and I knew he was hesitating. He loves his parents, truly he does, but he’s enough of a grownup to realize when they have crossed a line.

  At least, I hoped he was.

  “But you didn’t even go to the childbirth classes!” Thelma said. Her voice was pitched unnaturally high.

  “Aye, I didn’t.”

  “You didn’t know what you were doing! The baby could have died. All because Kiki is so involved in that store that she wouldn’t take time off and listen to her body.”

  “I dinna take the childbirth classes because I’m a trained midwife. That was part of the education I got even before I went to nanny school.”

  “Midwife?” Thelma scoffed. “You have to be kidding me. No midwife is qualified to deliver a baby. A class? That’s all? You endangered my grandbaby.”

  I literally saw red. If Detweiler hadn’t been blocking the hall, I would have attacked Thelma. As it was, his presence prevented her imminent demise.

  Fortunately, Brawny took this accusation in stride. Our unflappable nanny said, “With all due respect, Madame. You’re wrong. I have personally assisted more than thirty births in dicey situations. I’m a trained medic, from my time serving the Queen. If I’d thought Kiki or the babe to be in distress, I could have kept them both alive long enough for us to make it to hospital. Second babies always come fast. Again, I want to be respectful, Madame, but you need to have a re-think about this.”

  Louis Detweiler’s soft tones intervened. “Sweetheart, I think you’re being unfair. I know how scared you get—”

  “Don’t you patronize me, Louis Detweiler!” It split the air as a shriek.

  And that’s when our infant son began to cry.

  CHAPTER 17

  To call the next two days “rocky” would be the understatement of the decade. Detweiler promised me he’d get his mother to calm down. “Dad will help. He knows she’s being overwrought.”

  Holding my tongue took every particle of energy I had left. Rather than greet his parents the day we walked in on Thelma’s tirade, I took the backstairs to our room. There I slipped into our adjoining bathroom, turned on the shower as a covering noise, and had a loud, sloppy crying jag.

  After that, I crawled into bed and fell asleep until the baby needed to nurse. Holding him, I reminded myself that Thelma had been wrong. We’d get over this as a family.

  But a mean voice inside me said, Really? She sure seems reluctant to let this drop.

  I tried to turn my attention to Sunday, the day that Anya would name our child and we’d “officially” present him to the family. I was doing a pretty good job until the day of, when my mother arrived.

  “Too many cats,” she said, standing on my threshold and sniffing the air. “Smells like cat litter in this house, doesn’t it?”

  As a matter of fact, it didn’t. Anya had changed the litter half an hour ago. We’ve been using a new product by Arm and Hammer that really keeps down the smell. Besides all that, the litter pan was in the basement, and the two cats accessed it via a cat door that led them downstairs. We make it a habit to douse the air with a good squirt of Febreze at least once a day. So I was absolutely, totally positive that the house didn’t smell like cats.

  Besides all that, my mom has lost her sense of smell. I know that because my sister found a rotting pumpkin in the back of her closet. Mom didn’t remember putting it there, but the stink alerted everyone in the house that something was amiss.

  Now Mom stood in the middle of our foyer, complaining loudly about the smell of cat pee. My sisters, Amanda and Catherine, rolled their eyes in concert. Pretty soon we’d need to have a sit-down discussion about “what to do about Mom.” She was getting too weird for my siblings to handle. Okay, beyond weird, she had become downright dangerous. On a whim, she’d lit a half dozen candles in her bedroom. The smoke alarm saved the house from going up in flames.

  “Mom?” Amanda took her by the elbow. “Let’s go into the living room. There’s a lovely fire there.”

  “Smoke,” she said. “I’ll smell like smoke.”

  Actually she always reeks like a certain brand of hairspray, which shall be nameless. I think she must have confused it with perfume, the way she sprays it on. This is incredibly unfortunate for me because I’m allergic to the fragrance in that particular hairspray. Each time I get close to Mom, I start to sneeze. Amanda has removed the hairspray from Mom’s bathroom several times now, but new cans seem to appear regularly. In fact, I could tell that she’d managed to secure yet another stash because as she walked past me, my nose started to run. I sneezed repeatedly.

  “Sorry,” mouthed my sister.

  Catherine, my other sister, shook her head. “I have no idea where Mom gets that stuff. I’m thinking she must buy it from other old ladies at the Senior Center, because Amanda tosses a can out of her bathroom on a regular basis. But she must have a supplier somewhere.”

  I couldn’t answer for sneezing.

  Luckily I wasn’t holding the baby. If I had been, I’d have dropped him. It’s amazing to me that a sneeze can totally overpower you. Repetitive sneezes were so crippling that I had to lean against the wall to keep from toppling over.

  “Can I get you anything?” Catherine asked.

  “Benadryl. Master bathroom. Medicine cabinet,” I gasped.

  She trotted up the stairs, while I concentrated on not wetting my pants. The sneezes had me so much in their thrall. Meanwhile, my eyes had started to water, and tears ran down my face.

  Mom had taken her place in the large recliner. As I sneezed, I could see her staring at me. I wondered, “Does she realize how sick she’s making me?” The answer was, “Probably.” The next question was, “Does she care?” And the answer to that was, “Only because it’s fun for her. You’re sick and she’s amused.”I would never, ever understand that woman.

  While I was staggering around in the kitchen, using paper towels to mop up my running nose, the Detweiler clan had arrived. I re-entered the family room to find Thelma holding my son. Since that day we’d walked in on her complaining about me, I’d been overly polite to her, the best way I knew of for disguising my anger. I said hello to the older Detweilers and to Emily, Ginny and Jeff Volker’s daughter.

  Lorraine and Leighton had also arrived. The two lovebirds had made an assortment of appetizers. They helped Brawny put finger food on the coffee table.

  “I want something to drink,” said my mother. “Leighton? Would you get something for me?”

  She batted her eyelashes at my neighbor. He was too much of a gentleman to tell her to take a hike, even though she was perfectly capable of hoisting herself out of the chair and walking into my kitchen. “What would you like?” he b
ent his head close to hers to take her order.

  Father Joe and Laurel came through the back. They’re like members of the family. Anya worships Laurel. Erik adores Joe. At some point in the future, Detweiler and I plan to ask them to serve as our kids’ legal guardians in case anything happens to us. We know from sad experience that you can’t plan to live forever. Regina Detweiler Lauber’s death being a case in point.

  “Aunt Kiki?” Emily tugged on my hand. “Mom and Dad said to tell you they’re sorry they couldn’t come. Dad’s parents are visiting from Iowa. Grandpop is too grumpy to expose to neighbors. That’s what Dad says, and I think he’s right. Mom said she wants to come over next week. Aunt Patty and Uncle Paul couldn’t make it because they can’t get out of their driveway. Aunt Patty’s really mad at Uncle Paul because he didn’t get out there with the snow-blower right when the snow started coming down. But I think they didn’t come because they had a fight about having a baby of their own.”

  This amused me. Emily had all the down and dirty details on the family. She delivered all this scuttlebutt with a lack of drama, but we both knew she was ratting out her Aunt Patty. I wiped my nose and reached out to give her a hug. “Emily, I’m sorry they aren’t here, but I’m pleased as punch that you are.”

  “Anya told me she got to see the baby come. She said she has pictures. I can’t wait to see them. He’s pretty cute, isn’t he? The baby, I mean. Except that his face is kind of squishy, isn’t it? Anya showed me the spot on this head where you can watch his heartbeat. Seriously weird. Ugh.”

  I laughed. My sister Catherine handed me a box of tissues and the Benadryl. “I’ll go grab you a glass of water.”

  I sneezed my thanks.

  Emily was staring at me. Time to shift into “teachable moment mode.” “Yes, that soft spot is weird isn’t it? You can see why you have to be so careful with babies, can’t you?”

  “Right, and he’s so little. I can’t believe he was squished up inside of you.”

  “It’s hard for me to believe, too. I’m glad he’s out. Things were getting crowded.”

  Emily leaned close and whispered, “My mother would like another baby, but my dad keeps saying no. I don’t understand that. Everybody loves baby. That’s all Aunt Patty ever talks about.”

  I struggled to keep the smile on my face. This was the sort of casual bombshell tidbit that felt like a hot potato in your hands. You didn’t dare drop it. You couldn’t lob it to someone else. You had to juggle it until you could find the right place to put it.

  “Uh, that happens a lot. Even when two people love each other, they might not always agree.”

  “They fight over it. All the time. They think I’m not listening, but I still hear them,” she said, in a confidential manner. Her eyes were wide as she waited for my response. Not knowing exactly what to do, I hugged her close and whispered, “Does that worry you?”

  “Y-y-yes. My friend Daisy’s parents got divorced because they were fighting all the time,” she whispered to my shoulder.

  “It can be scary, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Honest. Sometimes folks argue because they love each other, and they’re trying to communicate, but their emotions are bigger than their words. I know they love you, sweetie, and I think they love each other.”

  I let her go and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Why don’t you go and ask Mimi if you can hold the baby?”

  Catherine handed me a glass of water, and then nimbly walked through the gathered crowd to hand a similar glass and a spoon to Detweiler that he used for tapping on the side of a water glass. “Everybody? Hello? Everyone? Thank you all for coming. Especially for braving the elements. Everyone made it but Cara Mia Delgatto. Her flight had a connection in Charlotte, and that airport is closed down, so her plane was canceled.”

  I did my best to keep smiling. The others might not notice or care about Cara’s absence, but I felt a sharp edged pain, an emptiness. I knew she would have been here if possible, but it still hurt that she wasn’t.

  Brawny circulated, offering cocktail napkins.

  The voices died down and came to a stop as everyone but my mother gave my husband the attention he deserved. She kept chattering on to Lorraine, who’d taken the chair next to Mom’s. Even though Lorraine put a finger to her lips, Mom didn’t shut up. Joe reached over and took Laurel’s hand. His dog collar lent him an air of authority, but the soft expression in his eyes was total mush. He and Laurel were meant for each other.

  Would Detweiler and I be able to get back on track?

  I worried and I didn’t worry at the same time. I just felt…blah.

  Detweiler waited patiently for my mother to shut up. Amanda went over behind Mom and told her to shush. She turned to my sister with the sort of angry look that would peel the skin off an onion, but she was prevented from lashing out because Leighton handed her a glass of champagne.

  “For you, pretty lady,” he said, giving Mom the glass while winking at Lorraine. With a tray balanced on one hand, he wound his way through the assembled gathering as he dispersed glasses of apple cider to the kids and bubbly to the adults.

  “Please raise your glasses in a toast to our newest family member,” said Detweiler, “and to my wonderful, beautiful wife for fulfilling all my dreams.”

  “Here! Here!” Louis cheered. Thelma smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. The children all clapped.

  “We tried to get Sheila and Robbie by Skype, but it didn’t happen.” Detweiler explained. “Maybe they couldn’t figure out how to make it work. Robbie’s a bit of a Luddite.”

  “Anya? We’ve been waiting, sweetheart,” I said, by way of encouraging my daughter. “What have you decided to name the baby?”

  Anya was sitting next to Emily, who was snuggled deep on the sofa with the baby on her lap. Emily was regarding the infant with a mixture of awe and interest. Anya carefully lifted her brother from her cousin’s grasp. With the accomplished motion of a practiced hand, she turned the baby to face all of us, while supporting his tiny head in the crook of her arm. I couldn’t help the tears that started. My daughter looked so grown up. I could imagine her as a young mother with a babe of her own. Catherine came over to stand next to me, and slipped an arm around my shoulders. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Detweiler. This should have been a happy moment, but he and his meddling mother had done their best to ruin it for me.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot about this. Names are very important. They’re almost sacred. Our new little brother is extra special. Partially because we got to see him arrive.”

  Thelma winced.

  Erik had been seated at Anya’s feet, stroking Gracie’s head, but now he gave his older sister his full attention. His dark chocolate eyes solemn in his dear little face.

  “Erik and I talked about this little guy, and I told Erik how much I miss my real dad, and he told me how much he misses his father, too. But we both love Detweiler, our new dad. So we decided to name the baby Tyler George Lowenstein Detweiler, because Tyler was Van Lauber’s real first name, and George Lowenstein was the name of my daddy. Of course, you all know that this baby is a Detweiler. Erik and Mom are now Detweilers. I’m hoping that I can become a Detweiler, too.”

  PART II / CHAPTER 1

  January 31

  Thelma kept her distance from me, which in itself signaled a problem between us. Typically she’s very affectionate and interested in all I’m doing. Not today!

  I didn’t trust myself to figure out anyone’s mood because mine seemed seriously out-of-control, but the way my mother-in-law held herself, the stiff posture and the turned down lips, told me Thelma wasn’t happy about something. By contrast, Louis had been over-the-moon with joy that Anya wanted to become a Detweiler. But Thelma acted like she didn’t hear Anya or care. That in itself was unusual. Typically, she encouraged Anya to feel like part of the Detweiler clan.

  When the urge to tinkle hit me, I decided not to go upstairs. On a whim, I went quietly down the hallway past the kitch
en. On my way back to the living room, I overheard Thelma complaining. Pausing, I pressed my ear to the wall so I could listen better.

  “It’s a pity that Anya didn’t name your son after his father,” Thelma said.

  “That’s fine, Mom. The baby is a Detweiler. That’s enough for me,” Detweiler answered. “Come on. Ease up a little.”

  “How can I? Your wife doesn’t seem to care about what’s best for your baby.”

  “What? Mom, that’s not true or fair and you know it. In fact, you ought to be thanking your lucky stars that Kiki didn’t spend more time in the hospital.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean it’s my job to read the police reports. Another attempt was made to steal a newborn.”

  “You have to be kidding me!”

  “I wish. That makes two in less than two weeks. We’re stretched thin on manpower, as usual, so Prescott Gallaway in his infinite wisdom has decided not to warn the public. But he’s got a meeting scheduled with hospital administrators to go over their security protocols.”

  “Nobody steals dead babies. That’s what has me worried. That Kiki isn’t concerned enough about keeping your baby alive.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” Detweiler said.

  At that point, I’d heard enough. I tiptoed back to the bathroom, slammed the door behind me and spent five long minutes growling in fury at my reflection. How dare she accuse me of being careless! I had no idea what bug crawled up Thelma’s backside, but if she didn’t watch her step I was going to…

  To what?

  There was nothing I could do. I wasn’t about to ruin my marriage over a nasty mother-in-law. I’d been through that rigamarole once before. You can’t come between a mother and a child, nor should you try. You’ll only splinter your family if you persist. I’d learned that lesson the hard way with Sheila, my late husband George’s mother.