Seeking Eden

by Megan Hart

  The teeners brought out platter after steaming platter of meat piled high in slices and swimming in gravy. Tobin realized he was drooling. Looking around, he saw he wasn’t alone. Everyone in the dining hall stared at the platters with ecstatic looks, and more than one person clapped.

  “Dig in,” Livna said, slapping a thick slice onto his plate. “Oy, will we fress tonight! Why not? In another few months, with what you’ll bring back, we’ll be drowning in good stuff!”

  The first bite was unlike anything he’d ever eaten. The meat was so tender it fell apart in his mouth; he barely needed to chew. The gravy was redolent with spices and flavors he couldn’t identify and didn’t care to. It was delicious. He could barely stop himself from gobbling the whole slice in two or three bites.

  But that wasn’t all. Next came more platters of food, and Livna told him the names of everything he didn’t know. Mashed potatoes with their own gravy. Jellied cranberry sauce, such a beautiful, shimmering red that it seemed almost a shame to eat it. Small bows of what she called macaroni. He declined the small dishes of gefilte fish, the gelatinous goop he’d found in the storeroom his first night in the city. Livna ate his share, smacking her lips and holding her stomach, rolling her eyes in rapture.

  More plates of veal came out of the kitchen, served several different ways. Tobin ate. And ate. And ate some more. Breaded veal in thin strips, served with a sauce of crushed tomatoes and more olive oil. Small chunks of it speared on long rods, interspersed with hunks of bread, onion, and the first new carrots. Shredded veal with more gravy. More and more and more!

  There were other things, too, tuna cakes and pasta, things he didn’t know, but mostly what he ate was the meat. He didn’t think he’d ever get enough. It was as though he’d been starving his entire life, and had never realized it until now.

  “Ah! The piece de resistance!” Livna said, stifling a burp with one gravy-spotted hand. Nobody’s manners were very good tonight. She pointed toward the kitchen door, where the main cook, Amnon, and his assistant Balfour stood, holding yet another platter. “This is their trademark, honey. Veal Mazeltov! Now that’s something I haven’t seen since Reb Ephraim married his first wife. And that’s a long time ago.”

  His stomach was full to bursting, but he couldn’t stop eating. Every flavor was too good, too rich, too sweet. Too rare. He was on overload and didn’t care. He’d have a piece of Veal Mazeltov, whatever that was. It looked good.

  The two cooks, with great pomp and ceremony, carried the platter up through the rows of tables, toward the head table. Tobin couldn’t quite see what was on it. Something large and brown, with something red in front of it. Greens and garnish hid most of it, and the cooks were holding it too high. He strained his neck, trying to see what had everyone oohing and ahing.

  Livna refilled his glass with water. “Clean your palate, sweetie. You’re going to want to taste this, all right.”

  He did as she said, swallowing the slightly bitter water and wiping his mouth with a napkin that had only a few clear spots left on it. The cooks were closer now, their faces proud as they brought their masterpiece toward the table. They were going to present it to him, Tobin realized as they turned to walk down the head table’s length.

  “One thing I don’t understand, though,” he said to Livna as she craned her neck to see the platter too.

  “What’s that, honey?”

  He’d read about feasts and meats and veal. “Where do you keep the cows?”

  She turned to look at him in confusion. “Cows?”

  “Yeah,” Tobin said. “You know. Cows. Veal?”

  Livna laughed, shaking her head. “Oh, honey. I’ve never even seen a cow, much less eaten one.”

  “Then what…?”

  As he spoke, Amnon and Balfour, with many flourishes and great presentation, set the platter of Veal Mazeltov in front of him.

  Tobin had seen rats before. Big ones, even, in the rocks by the shore. He’d thrown rocks at them to chase them away. The one on the platter was the size of a small dog.

  It had been skinned so expertly that the head, tail and legs still remained attached. The skin of the body was crisp and glistening with fat. The rat’s mouth gaped wide, its sharp teeth sunk into a ripe tomato. The eye sockets held sprigs of green.

  “To honor the man who’ll bring us prosperity!” Amnon announced proudly.

  Only the thought that he didn’t want to call attention to himself kept Tobin’s dinner in his stomach. He couldn’t get sick. He had to leave tonight. Secretly. If he got sick he’d be watched. They’d send him back to Frieda and he’d be forced to leave with the gatherers tomorrow morning. He couldn’t. Get. Sick.

  “Excuse me,” Tobin said and was amazed at how calm he actually sounded. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  The halls were so damned long, and so confusing! He took a wrong turn and another, and still hadn’t found the lavatory before his stomach actually stopped churning. Leaning against the wall, he burped loudly, covering his mouth, but that was all. His stomach gurgled a few times and subsided.

  “Damn,” he said aloud. “Veal.

  ”

  −19-

  The bag on Elanna’s shoulder was small and it didn’t hold much. She didn’t have much. The baubles and candies she could claim as her own meant nothing and would be no help on a trip.

  The only thing she had that mattered, really mattered, was the tiny dress she wore tucked inside her shirt. The dress her first child had worn for the few short hours of its life. The material was thin and faded now, so worn the pattern of ducks and bunnies had nearly disappeared. Elanna felt it against her skin, and it calmed her. It always did.

  In the shadows, she waited with her bundles at her feet. While everyone else was feasting at the banquet, she’d made a trip to the storerooms. She’d probably taken too much, but she wouldn’t be carrying it all alone. Tobin would help her.

  She had a lantern and a package of batteries. Some matches. Some cans of food and a jug of water. She’d even managed to find some extra clothes, too large for either one of them, but better than nothing. Everything was rolled inside some heavy blankets and tied with some thick cord. The bundles weren’t light, and they were a little awkward, but overall she was proud of what she had done.

  She heard him before she saw him. He was trying to be quiet, but he hadn’t had much practice at it. He was lucky to have gotten this far without being heard.

  “You were going to leave without me,” she said from the darkness as Tobin passed by her.

  She frightened him. His breath hissed out in a great whoosh, and he fell back against the wall, face white and strained. She tried not to let his harsh tone sting her.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Waiting for you,” she said calmly. “Be quiet, unless you want to wake the everyone.”

  “Elanna,” Tobin said warningly. “Go back to your room.”

  “No.”

  He sighed, running his hands through his hair in the distracted way he had. “I thought we already decided this.”

  “Apparently we didn’t decide the same thing,” she said, hoisting the bag over her shoulder. She tossed him one of the bundles and wrapped the cord of the second one around her fingers. “Let’s go. It will be light in a few hours. If we want to get a head start we’d better hurry.”

  “I can’t ask you to take on my quest,” Tobin said, holding the bundle awkwardly with both hands.

  “Who says I’m asking? Come on.”

  Without waiting for him, she slipped down the hall and into the main entryway. She pushed open the heavy front door and went into the night outside. The moon was full, its silver light making even the dirt of the streets look somehow prettier. Tobin trailed behind her.

  “Elanna!”

  She stopped, turned. “Argue with me later, Tobin.”

  He’d managed to sling the blanket roll over one shoulder. He put his hand to her and she took it. “Are you sure this is what you want t
o do?”

  She squeezed his hand and let it drop. Nodded. “Yes. I’m sure.”

  “But you’ll be leaving everything behind…”

  “I don’t care.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  She felt a brief sting of tears in her throat but she forced them away. “I know what I’m doing.”

  He lifted his face to the night air and took a deep breath. “Things smell better already.”

  She took a breath and smiled. “I think you’re right.”

  He turned around in a slow circle, pointing. “Which way do we go?”

  Elanna laughed softly and pointed. “This way. See? It’s a good thing you do have me. You’d never get out of here. You’d be on one of the gatherer’s trucks in a few hours.”

  “I’d manage,” he said stubbornly, but he followed her lead. “I was doing all right before.”

  “That’s a relief. I’m counting on you to take over from here.”

  Bantering with him felt good. They walked easily and quickly along the sidewalk, passing through patches of moonlight broken by shadows from the tall buildings.

  “How do you know this is the right direction?” he asked after a few minutes.

  She stopped to shift the bag and blanket roll. “I’ve never been beyond 39th street. But Ari told me once that if you keep going past the old bus station, you can reach the tunnel.”

  “Tunnel?”

  She nodded, starting to move again. The night was waning. When the gatherers grouped to leave, they’d notice Tobin’s disappearance right away. She hoped they’d waste time searching the Main Hall before branching out to the streets.

  “It’s collapsed now. You can’t really get through it. But the rubble has been built up enough that you can cross the water. It’s one of the old ways out of the city. Sometimes, when we get peddlers through, they talk about it. It’s not a nice place. I haven’t seen it, but….” She stopped. “They say there are trolls there. But they…they’re wrong, aren’t they?”

  Tobin grimaced. “I hope so.”

  The answer did not reassure her. “You said there were no monsters, Tobin!”

  He shifted his bundles and kept walking. His legs were longer than hers, and he was moving fast. She had to take two steps for every one of his, like she was running.

  “Tobin?”

  He looked at her but didn’t stop walking. “I don’t know for sure. I know what I saw, or didn’t see on the way here from Maine, but I’ve never been here before.”

  She stopped, glad for the chance to rest but unwilling to say so. “You mean there really could be things out there?”

  “I don’t know,” he repeated, and she wanted to pinch him. “C’mon. Let’s keep walking. It’s going to be daylight soon.”

  Elanna took a deep breath, trying not to think about it. “You told me there are no trolls or gobblings, Tobin. I trusted you.”

  “I told you this wouldn’t be easy. I didn’t ask you to come!”

  His words hurt, but she couldn’t deny them. “No, I guess you didn’t. Do you want me to turn back? I’m sure you can find your way on your own. You don’t need me.”

  But she wanted him to need her, didn’t she? The sarcasm in her voice was forced. She wanted him to ask her to come with him. She wanted him to want her. It was stupid and unfamiliar. She hated it.

  “Do you want to go back?”

  “No.”

  “Then let’s keep walking. Come on. I don’t trust Reb Ephraim not to send Luz after us.”

  Ignoring the stitch in her side, Elanna hitched up her baggage and began walking again. “Of course he will. We’ve stolen from the Tribe. Not just things…but me.”

  Tobin stopped. “You’re not something that can be stolen.”

  In that moment, she thought she might understood what love was, after all. “They’ll send someone after us. And the punishment…for me it would be bad. But for you…worse.”

  Tobin frowned and started walking when she did. “He knows I want to head West. I’d imagine if you know about the tunnel, the Reb does too. It wouldn’t be hard to figure out where I’m going. I guess it depends on how badly he wants me.”

  She thought about the gatherers and the trip planned. “He seemed to think he needed you.”

  Tobin smiled. “He doesn’t. I told him that. Before I left I drew a map for them and left it in his office. If he wants to send them, they can find it all right.”

  “You left a map?”

  “Sure,” Tobin said. She was surprised to see that he looked bashful. “I felt bad. I didn’t want the Tribe to suffer just because I’m searching for an ideal. I left the map, and it will show them where to go. It’s up to Reb Ephraim and the Beit Din now.”

  “They’ll do what’s best for the Tribe,” Elanna said.

  “I hope you’re right,” Tobin said with a shrug. “But it’s out of my hands now.”

  “Let’s go,” she said grimly, matching his pace.

  Her legs were starting to get tired, and they’d only reached 37th street. Another few blocks to the bus station. The bundles were getting heavy. Elanna tried to ignore the ache in her legs and arms, and the uncomfortable way the breath hitched in her lungs. She didn’t want to be a burden on Tobin. She didn’t want to prove him right.

  “Do you need to take a break?” Tobin asked, and she burned at the concern in his voice.

  “I’m fine,” she said through gritted teeth.

  They walked in silence a few blocks more, until at last she had to stop. Bitter tears of anger coursed down her cheeks as she tossed her baggage to the street and kicked it spitefully. She was a failure.

  “Hey, hey,” Tobin said, trying to soothe her. “Calm down. It’s all right.”

  “It’s not all right!” She sobbed. “I’m pitiful!”

  He patted her shoulder. “No.”

  “I am! I can’t even walk a mile without getting tired! How am I going to get to California?”

  “You’ve never had to do anything like this before,” Tobin said. He pushed her gently until she sat on the blanket roll. With one finger he wiped her cheeks. “It’s not easy.”

  “But I told you I was tough!” She cried miserably, rubbing her legs to ease the cramping ache.

  “And I believe you.” Tobin sat next to her. “We can do this.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “Just go. Go on without me.”

  “I can’t do that,” he said.

  He looked around them, at the fading darkness that meant the day would soon be upon them. “I won’t just leave you here. Especially knowing they’ll do something to you for trying to leave.”

  It wasn’t just being tired. She had to admit it. She was afraid. She looked up at him, knowing her eyes were red and her nose runny. She probably looked pathetic.

  “I’m scared,” she said simply.

  “It’s going to be all right,” Tobin said.

  He didn’t say “I told you so.” He didn’t frown or scoff at her. He didn’t make her feel like an idiot.

  Elanna stood, hefting the bundles back over her shoulders. “Let’s go.”

  “Are you sure?”

  He tried to take her bag from her, leaving only the blanket roll, but she didn’t let him. It was her bag to carry. She could do it.

  She nodded. “I’m not going to be a wimp about this. You’re right. You didn’t ask me to come with you. You don’t want me. I forced myself on you. I made the choice, and I’ll live with it.”

  He didn’t start walking. “Is that what you think? That I don’t want you?”

  Her heart skipped a beat. “Isn’t that true?”

  He shook his head slowly. “No. Nothing could be farther from the truth.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Tobin put down his blanket roll. He took hers from her hands and set that down too, then tugged the bag from her shoulder and placed it beside the others. Gently, he put his hands on her shoulders and stared into her face.

  “I want you
,” he said clearly.

  Her heart jumped again. Her cheeks burned. Her eyes searched his, trying to find the joke, but there was none.

  “Why?” she asked finally.

  “Because you’re kind,” Tobin said. He pushed her hair back from her forehead. “And you’re beautiful. And you make me laugh. Because…hell, Elanna, I don’t know. I don’t know anything about women.”

  He bent to kiss her, a light touch of his lips on hers that promised greater passion. When he pulled away, her fingers went to her mouth, as though to hold the kiss there.