How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny

by Joyce Meyer

  Perhaps they would be responding oddly to me, or I would hear later from someone else that I had hurt them, and then I would be back in my cycle again. I would feel and think: “I did not act right. They got hurt, and it’s all my fault, I have to change. I try and try, but I always seem to make the same mistakes over and over.” Then it would be time to feel condemned again. I always thought something must be wrong with me — it was always me!

  My husband, who was and is secure, had a balanced perspective on these issues. He did not want to hurt people, yet at the same time he knew he could not be something he wasn’t. He realized that the world is full of all kinds of people, and not all of them are going to respond favorably. He knew that if he made himself responsible for all of their reactions to him it would steal from him the life that Jesus died to provide.

  This does not mean that we can treat people any way we feel like treating them and just “blow it off ” saying, “If they have a problem, that’s their fault.” If God convicts us of wrong behavior, we should repent and let Him help us change our ways. But if there is no conviction from God, and we simply are receiving satanic condemnation through our own lack of confidence, then we must stand against those things or we will be in a spiritual prison all of our life.

  After years of agony, I finally experienced freedom in these areas. Strongholds that have been imbedded in our lives for a long time don’t always come out quickly. We have to keep seeking our freedom and refuse to quit until we see the breakthrough God promises in His Word.

  We must learn to listen to our heart and not our head and feelings. Dave listened to his heart, and I listened to my head and feelings — that is why he was enjoying life, and I was not.

  CONVICTION OR CONDEMNATION?__________________

  And when He comes, He will convict and convince the world and bring demonstration to it about sin and about righteousness (uprightness of heart and right standing with God) and about judgment.

  John 16:8

  Jesus told the disciples that when the Holy Spirit came, He would have an intimate, personal ministry to them.

  One of the things the Holy Spirit is responsible for is guiding believers into all truth, and He is the agent in the process of sanctification in believers’ lives. This is partially accomplished by His convicting powers.

  In other words, every time we are getting off track or going in a wrong direction the Holy Spirit convicts us that our behavior or decision is wrong. This is accomplished by a “knowing” in our spirit that what we are doing is not right.

  When you and I feel convicted, we should repent and change our direction. No more and no less is required or acceptable. If we know how to and are willing to cooperate with the Holy Spirit, we can move on to spiritual maturity and release all the planned blessings of God in our lives. If, however, we ignore this conviction and go our own way, we will find the way very hard and difficult. Our lives will be unblessed and therefore unfruitful.

  Satan does not want us to receive conviction, nor does he even want us to understand it. He always has a counterfeit for all the good things that God offers — something somewhat like what God offers, but which, if received, will bring destruction instead of blessing.

  I believe Satan’s counterfeit for true godly conviction is condemnation. Condemnation always produces feelings of guilt. It makes us feel “down” in every way. We feel “under” something heavy, which is where Satan wants us.

  God, on the other hand, sent Jesus to set us free, to give us righteousness, peace and joy. (Romans 14:17.) Our spirits should be light and carefree, not oppressed and heavy with burdens that we are unable to bear. We cannot bear our sins, Jesus came to bear them. He alone is able to do so, and we must receive His ministry.

  I spent years not understanding the difference between conviction and condemnation. When I felt convicted for my wrong actions, instead of repenting and receiving God’s mercy and grace, I immediately felt condemned and went into my cycle of guilt and remorse.

  In John 8:31,32 (KJV) Jesus tells us, …If ye continue in my word,…ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. I am so thankful for the truth that was made known to me by the indwelling Holy Spirit because it has truly set me free.

  If you have problems in this area, you may be thinking, “Joyce, I don’t want to feel this way, but I don’t know how to stop the cycle and begin enjoying freedom.” It is the anointing on the Word of God that will set you free: He sends forth His word and heals them and rescues them from the pit and destruction (Psalm 107:20).

  Here are some Scriptures to meditate on that will build your faith for those times when you are attacked by feelings of guilt and condemnation. Use them as a weapon against Satan by speaking them out of your mouth. Tell him the same thing Jesus did when He was being attacked: “It is written!” (See Luke 4:4,8; Matthew 4:7.)

  But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.

  Isaiah 53:5

  He who believes in Him [who clings to, trusts in, relies on Him] is not judged [he who trusts in Him never comes up for judgment; for him there is no rejection, no condemnation — he incurs no damnation]; but he who does not believe (cleave to, rely on, trust in Him) is judged already….

  John 3:18

  Therefore, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit.

  For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has freed me from the law of sin and of death.

  Romans 8:1,2

  Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect [when it is] God Who justifies [that is, Who puts us in right relation to Himself? Who shall come forward and accuse or impeach those whom God has chosen? Will God, Who acquits us?] Who is there to condemn [us]? Will Christ Jesus (the Messiah), Who died, or rather Who was raised from the dead, Who is at the right hand of God actually pleading as He intercedes for us?

  Romans 8:33,34

  …for the accuser of our brethren, he who keeps bringing before our God charges against them day and night, has been cast out!

  Revelation 12:10

  Stay in the Word. Spend time with God regularly. Refuse to give up, and stop the excessive self-examination. Let God convict you, don’t do it yourself.

  Truly meek people do not spend excessive time thinking about what they did right or what they did wrong; they simply stay “in Christ.”

  That is what you should do. Stop feeling guilty and condemned and start feeling bold and free!

  HOLY BOLDNESS

  Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

  Ephesians 6:10 KJV

  As believers we are to be bold in the Lord and the power of His might. Sometimes we let a “wimpy” spirit get on us. We get cowardly and afraid to step out and do what God is leading us to say and do. We must regularly be reminded that God’s Word says that He …hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7 KJV).

  I personally like the word power. I believe we all want to be powerful. God has some great plans for each of us.

  God has great plans for you!

  But now I am going to tell you a little secret — fear will never stop coming against us. We must learn to do what God tells us to do whether we feel fear or not. We must “do it afraid” if necessary, but that’s what boldness does; it does it anyway!

  I always thought that as long as I felt fear, I was a coward, but I have learned differently. When God told Joshua repeatedly to fear not, He was actually letting him know that fear was going to attack him, but that he was to walk in obedience to what God had spoken.

  We are not cowards because we feel fear. We are cowards only if we let fear rule our d
ecisions.

  According to Vine, the Greek word phobos, translated fear in English, “first had the meaning of ‘flight,’ that which is caused by being scared; then, ‘that which may cause flight.’”7 God wants us to stand firm in His might and not run.

  Stand still and do what God has said to do!

  Fear is a spirit that can produce physical and emotional symptoms. When fear is attacking us, we may feel shaky and weak or find ourselves sweating. It may take everything we can muster just to speak or move. None of that means that we are cowards. The Word of God does not say “sweat not, shake not, tremble not” — it says “fear not”! The way to conquer fear is to press on through it and get on the other side of it — the side of freedom.

  You and I usually want our deliverance by some miraculous means. We would like for some friend to pray for us so that we experience the disappearance of the problem, or we want to go through a prayer line and have some minister make our fear go away. That would be nice we think, but it normally does not happen that way. God does do miracles, and when He does, it is wonderful, but often we are required to “walk things out.”

  Don’t think something is wrong with you if you always seem to have to “go through” things and never seem to get a miracle. God has different plans for each of us, and if He requires us to “walk it out” and “go through” it, then He has His reasons.

  Going through things and not running from them is one of the major tools God uses to cause us to grow up and to prepare us to be used by Him to help other people. If we never go through anything, we never gain a personal victory over Satan. When we “hang in there” personally with God and press through difficult things, “walking them out” and learning from them, then we get a victory that nobody can take away from us.

  We don’t need to be constantly looking for somebody else who knows God to win our victories for us. We need to learn to be victorious for ourselves.

  I certainly believe in praying for one another. I honestly don’t know what I would do if people did not pray for me all the time. I believe prayer encourages and strengthens us so we can “go through” and not give up. I believe in ministering to one another, but there comes a point in all of our lives where we must stop running from difficult things and let God do the work in us that needs to be done.

  We need to be bold!

  If that means confronting fear, then we should press through the fear and learn what it means to be truly strong in the Lord and in the power of His might!

  TRUE BOLDNESS IS MORE THAN A LOUD VOICE__________________

  He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, he who rules his [own] spirit than he who takes a city.

  Proverbs 16:32

  There is a difference between someone being loud and obnoxious and truly being bold in the Lord. I have been loud all my life, but I have not always been bold. I could talk big, but my actions were frequently fearful.

  When a person has a strong personality everyone always assumes that individual is bold, but that is not always the case. I have discovered that many people with “strong personalities” are secretly very fearful people. They sometimes have an overly aggressive attitude that can be a coverup for fears they don’t want to face or deal with.

  What I call “holy boldness” is a beautiful thing. It steps out in quiet obedience and obeys God no matter what the personal cost. It gives glory to God and does not think highly of itself and lowly of others who are less aggressive.

  Loudness or fleshly aggression always draws attention to itself. Often it does its own thing instead of obeying God, and is critical and judgmental of quieter people who are also precious to the Lord.

  It is important to realize that we all have different God-given personalities. Just because people have a quieter or milder personality does not mean they cannot also be bold. Actually, it is sometimes those very types of people we must look to in order to find true boldness.

  As I said, I was always loud, often obnoxious and yet secretly fearful. I still have a strong personality, but I have changed. I know when to press forward boldly and when to wait, when to speak firmly and when to keep quiet.

  We never have any of God’s principles working properly in our life if we don’t have balance in them. We cannot present a rough, harsh attitude and call it boldness. True boldness is filled with love and mercy. It is strong when it needs to be, but is also considerate of others.

  It is imperative for the plan of God that the Church manifest holy boldness, not secretly live in fear and condemnation then present some fake attitude to the world that is devoid of all power. I honestly believe that perhaps 80 percent of all people who call themselves Christians feel condemned most of the time. There are very few people who truly know who they are in Christ and walk in the security of that truth.

  People experience all kinds of insecurities about themselves. They are double-minded in making decisions because they are not sure they hear from God. They doubt themselves to such a degree that they won’t step out in obedience and do the things God is leading them to do.

  Yet when it comes to shouting and making noise, they have a corner on the market, especially those who consider themselves to be really stirred up and on fire for God.

  If we are to be truly bold, we need to learn to control our emotions and be humble enough to allow God to use us and bless us as He sees fit.

  CAN YOU STAND TO BE BLESSED?__________________

  Blessed (happy, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes], nor stands [submissive and inactive] in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down [to relax and rest] where the scornful [and the mockers] gather.

  But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night. And he shall be like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper [and come to maturity].

  Psalm 1:1-3

  A fellow believer recently told me of a very expensive automobile that had been given to him. This man had been faithful for many years in the ministry. He had worked very hard and made many sacrifices. A group of businessmen who knew and loved him wanted to bless him with a certain automobile they knew he really admired, but could never own without supernatural intervention. The car cost sixty thousand dollars.

  The man told us he was thinking about selling it. We asked him if that would offend or hurt the people who gave it to him, and he responded that they had told him when they gave him the car that he was free to do with it as he pleased. I remember asking him why he would want to sell it since it was his dream come true. I remember his exact words to me. He said, “I know I am in ministry and that I shouldn’t feel the way I do, but to tell you the absolute truth, I don’t feel worthy to drive a car that expensive.”

  This is another manifestation of a lack of boldness which comes from insecurity and not really knowing who we are in Christ. If we cannot even be bold enough to receive and enjoy the blessings of God without feeling guilty and condemned, then we are certainly lacking in an area that is very important. To begin with, God wants to bless His children, and in addition to that, He wants us to be a blessing. How can we bless someone else if we are not blessed ourselves?

  I believe it takes boldness to be blessed. First, we have to pray some bold prayers, and second, we have to be able to receive and enjoy the blessings when they come.

  I remember the way I once was, before God taught me about righteousness through Jesus Christ. I felt so bad about myself that I could not imagine God wanting to give me radical blessings. I could barely believe He would provide for my daily needs, let alone give me far above and beyond those needs. I did not possess the boldness in prayer to ask for things that were not desperate needs.

  As I h
eard more and more teaching about God’s plan to prosper His children, I ventured out in prayer and began asking for some things that were desires of my heart, but not vital necessities. I can still remember feeling uncomfortable trying to talk to the Lord about things like really nice clothes or a new wedding ring. The ring I was wearing at the time cost seventeen dollars. Dave had purchased one for me that cost approximately a hundred dollars when we got married. Then a few years later, while we were playing golf, I asked him to carry it in his pocket for me. He must have pulled it out with some golf tees and lost it on the golf course. By that time we had three small children and no money for wedding rings. I bought one at a Christian bookstore. It had a cross on the top of it and was very pretty, but I sure wanted a really nice one.

  By this time in my life I was getting really serious in my relationship with God, and I had just completed my first long fast. I had fasted the entire month of February, asking God to help me walk in love. Afterwards, a woman in the church I attended came up to me at a service and handed me a box with the message, “God told me to give you this.” When I opened the box, it contained a beautiful wedding ring with twenty-three diamonds on it. Of course, I was very excited, but I began to notice that I was uncomfortable wearing it. I felt like people might think I was trying to be a big shot, or that they might not understand that it was a gift and not an extravagance on my part. I was afraid of their judgment.