“I don’t know what you mean,” I denied, shaking my head.
“You’re Crew’s old lady,” she replied, taking a huge bite of cookie. “Enough said.”
“I’m not his old lady,” I informed her. “I’m his baby momma. Totally different.”
She snorted, crumbs flying, as she said, “That’s so cute.”
“She doesn’t understand and cover your mouth,” Sloan scolded her.
“Understand what?”
“Hayes mate for life?” Tori commented as Sloan nodded. “Crew is all knotted up. The question is are you?”
“What exactly are your intentions toward Crew?” Sloan probed, her demeanor switching from young, friendly girl to interrogator in two seconds flat. I stared at her taken aback and Tori laughed.
“It’s always the sweet ones you have to worry about,” she told me confidingly, pushing a cookie toward me. “Here, have a cookie.”
“Your good cop/bad cop thing is impressive,” I said faintly, taking the proffered cookie. “I don’t have any intentions toward Crew,” I answered her and she scowled.
“Wrong answer,” Tori advised and I nodded frantically, seeing that.
“What do you mean you don’t have any intentions? He’s the father of your baby, correct?” Sloan grilled and I nodded.
“He is, but I don’t expect anything from him,” I declared and they both gave me doubtful stares. “Okay, what I want and what I expect are different.”
“Then what do you want?” Tori asked pointedly.
“A family,” I admitted, then dropped my head into my hands with a sigh. “Stupid, right?” I shook my head, not looking up. “An undercover DEA agent falls for a biker and gets knocked up, then wants to live happily ever after with him.” A damp chuckle escaped me. “It sounds like a cheesy romance novel.”
“Hey, don’t knock the romance novels,” Tori declared and I raised my head.
“She’s got a whole stash of them hidden in the laundry room,” Sloan mentioned as I glanced between them helplessly.
“Guys never look there,” Tori dismissed, exchanging a glance with Sloan before looking back at me. “So, you’re in love with Crew.”
“Stupid, huh?”
“No, Crew is, well, he’s Crew. He just needs the right loving lady in his life,” Sloan said cheerily and I couldn’t stop my snort of laughter.
“Loving lady,” Tori repeated and I snorted again as Sloan rolled her eyes. “That’s a new one, Sloan.”
She sighed, looking at me but I just shook my head.
“Honestly, I feel dumb around him,” I admitted and they both gazed at me in surprise. I shrugged. “I want to be a strong, independent woman, but when I’m around him, it’s like I become someone else.” I broke apart the cookie, sneaking a tiny bite. “I’ve been scared for a long time,” I admitted and Sloan stared at me sympathetically. “I joined the DEA because of my brother and I thought the good guys always won, you know?” I shook my head, sniffing as I blinked hard. “They don’t,” I stated and Tori nodded reluctantly. “When Donny died, the world stopped being this safe, black and white place and I got scared, but I couldn’t be scared because he was gone and I had to make it right. Make the ones responsible pay.”
“You went undercover with the Vipers,” Tori replied and I nodded, swiping at my cheeks.
“I did and I pretended like it was all okay and I wasn’t scared.” I paused, and Sloan nudged the milk toward me, so I took a long gulp. “Then I met Crew and for the first time in a really long time, I felt safe, and that was terrifying.”
I picked up another piece of the cookie and nibbled on it, not looking at them, but I could feel them exchange a glance.
“I was drug addict,” Tori stated baldly, and my lips parted, the cookie in my mouth. “Well, I still am. Ex-addict would be a better description because you never really stop being one.” I managed to chew as she spoke, her hands splayed on the table. “I wake up every morning wondering if today will be the day I slip.”
Sloan made a noise and I realized she had never heard this.
“I think I’m not strong enough to resist the urge when things go wrong. I wonder when Cord will get fed up with me, when he’ll realize he made a mistake loving me.”
Sloan reached over and took one of Tori’s hands and slowly I slid my hand over to take her other one. She let us, smiling appreciatively. “When I’m at my weakest, I trust Cord. He’s my strength. Feeling safe with him, it doesn’t make me less, Drea. It makes me more.”
I nodded and she squeezed my hand and I heard Sloan sigh.
“I was sixteen when Creed saved me,” she admitted and I had to stop the shock I felt flooding my face. “I was scared to death and completely alone when he brought me to the clubhouse.” She shook her head, biting her lip before she said, “I had nothing to lose. They could have killed me and it would have been okay, but they didn’t. Creed protected me, stood up for me, and he gave me back my sense of safety.” She shook her hair back as she lifted her chin. “He choose me over the club.”
“In other words, we’re trying to say, you’re not weak or helpless because you love him,” Tori said gruffly.
“No, you’re not. It took a lot of courage to come here. You could have just walked away and we never would have known about the baby or Deacon or even what happened to Norah,” Sloan added.
“If it wasn’t for me, none of that would have happened,” I confessed and Tori made a scoffing noise.
“Please. Deacon might actually be dead if your people hadn’t interfered. And you’re not responsible for Monty’s actions.”
“I am responsible for letting him out of prison,” I said, bitter regret coating my words. “I didn’t know he was the one who did the hit.”
“You couldn’t have, but now you do know and you can make the bastard pay,” Tori replied with a shrug, grabbing another cookie off the plate. “I think she’ll fit in just fine,” she told Sloan, who nodded. “Eat another cookie,” Tori urged, glancing at me.
“And drink your milk. Calcium is good for pregnant moms,” Sloan encouraged, pouring more milk in my glass with a smile. I lifted it to my mouth, feeling better even if nothing had been resolved.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Crew
I bumped into the wall and cursed before I straightened up. I’d come in the back, looking for Norah, but she wasn’t there. I made my way to the front of the bar where Micah was serving drinks. She took one look at me and shook her head.
“You look like you’ve had enough,” she mentioned and I frowned. “You know you’re not even old enough to serve, right?”
“Never stopped anyone before,” I argued and she handed me a bottle of beer. “Whiskey.”
“No,” she said succinctly. “Take it or leave it.”
I took it, making my way to a back corner, where I collapsed, staring sightlessly at the busy bar. My mind felt like it had been shorted out. I couldn’t seem to focus on any one thing as my thoughts kept darting in circles. Going between the fact that Norah was back and apparently perfectly fine, Deacon was alive, and I was going to be a dad.
I scrubbed my hand over my face, and took a swig of the lukewarm beer, desperate to quiet the chaotic thoughts.
“Hey, there, Crew,” a breathy voice whispered as a hand slipped over my chest and the only thing I could think was, “She’s not Drea.”
I opened my eyes to see the blurrily outline of a woman I didn’t even recognize leaning over me. She smiled, lifting my beer to her mouth to take a drink. Before I could tell her she could take it with her when she left another voice said, “Get out of here.”
She took off and I didn’t need to look to see who had spoken. “Who called you?”
“Who didn’t?” He gripped, settling on the chair next to me, two bottles of water in his hand. “First, your damn brothers, and then Micah.” He handed me a bottle. “Drink this before she comes over here.”
I rolled my head toward him but opened the bottle of
water. “Are you scared of Micah, Johnny?” I asked, the alcohol making my tongue looser than normal.
“I am respectfully aware of her abilities,” he replied, and toasted me with our water bottles. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
“Shiiiit,” I groaned. “Is there anything they didn’t tell you?”
“I don’t know, is there?”
I glanced at him. “Deacon’s alive.”
He nodded. “Got that.”
“Norah’s back.”
“Talked to her.”
“You’re not gonna,” I didn’t want to say disown in case it gave him any ideas, but he seemed to understand my drunken slurring.
“No, Crew, I’m not. She’s welcome in the club. She’s Deacon’s old lady and she had reason to run.” I nodded, having shown them the videos Deacon had taken after I’d come back. “You’re not,” he hesitated then looked at me hard. “You’re not in love with her, are you, son?”
I stared at me for second, trying to process what he was saying. “Yes,” I finally answered, the word so painfully honest he winced. “Isn’t that what we Hayes boys do? Fall in love at first sight? With the woman who is all wrong for us?” I leaned back with a sigh and took a gulp out of the bottle in my hand, grimacing when I remembered it was water.
“Son, she’s not for you. If Deacon is alive….you’re gonna be a father and you need to be there for your son or daughter,” Johnny started to say and I stared at him in confusion. “We are talking about Norah, right?”
I shook my head as I pronounced, “Drea.” He looked relieved and I shook my head. “Norah? No, I’m not in love with Norah.”
“Thank God,” he sighed, taking a big swig out of his own water bottle and then wincing. “Damn shit.”
I snorted in agreement and waved my arm. One of the waitresses came over and leaned so I could get a good look at her cleavage. “What can I get you, darling?”
“Alc-oh-ol,” I enunciated, trying to keep my words from slurring. She grinned, patting my chest and I preened, feeling smug at my accomplishment.
“Hands off,” Johnny snapped, pushing her hand away from me. “Go do your damn job and don’t touch him.” She looked startled but quickly scurried off at his glare.
“What was that for?” I mumbled, not understanding the problem. He looked at me and then sighed, heavier than I’d ever heard.
“I’m trying to make sure the past doesn’t repeat itself,” he finally said, shaking his head. “Your dad, he sure knew how to fuck up relationships. I’d hoped that would be the one trait you didn’t inherit.”
“What do you mean?” I swayed forward as the waitress dropped two whiskeys on the table and hurried off. I picked up the drink and toasted him before knocking it back.
“Your dad was a great guy, and he loved you boys to the ends of the earth,” Johnny answered, taking a sip of the whiskey. “But the Good Lord knows, he couldn’t keep a woman happy longer than it took to knock her up.”
I choked and Johnny shrugged.
“You boys came by it honest. The whole love at first sight thing.” He nodded to himself. “Cash, there was only ever one woman for him.”
I stared at him blearily before stating, “It wasn’t my mom.”
Johnny laughed in spite of himself, “No, it was never Nina,” he agreed. “It wasn’t Cord and Creed’s mama either.” He shook his head, chewing on the side of his mouth as his fingers drummed restlessly. “It’s been damn near thirty years I’ve kept this secret for him.” He reached in his pocket, taking out a pack of cigarettes before putting them back with a sigh. “Smoking’s bad for you,” he told me unnecessarily, but I nodded anyway.
“Who did he love?” I questioned, intensely curious about this aspect of a man I’d grown up in the shadow of as I wondered why Johnny was telling me now.
“Her name was Sylvia,” Johnny eventually said, glancing at me, and the name nagged at me, but it took my drunk brain a minute to piece it together.
“Clutch’s mom?” I asked, positive I was wrong. He nodded though and I had to ask, “Is Clutch?” He nodded again and I had to brace myself on the table as the world spun. “You knew?”
“Yep,” he said, exhaling. “I knew. Made a promise to your dad not to say anything.”
“He’s been dead most of my life. I think you could have mentioned it,” I argued and Johnny looked repentant.
“I know, but it was Sylvia who made your dad promise,” he explained and I shook my head.
“She’s been dead a few years,” I muttered, still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Clutch was my brother. My oldest brother. “You had to tell me…today?” I glanced over at him. “Couldn’t have saved it until tomorrow?”
“No,” Johnny leaned forward, his gaze intent. “I couldn’t risk you doing exactly what your daddy did.”
“Which was?”
“Ruining the only relationship that mattered to him.”
“Sylvia,” I stated and he nodded. “But Clutch?” I shook my head. “He doesn’t know.”
“No, I always intended to tell you boys together, but Cord was gone and I didn’t.”
“Okay, but what does this have to do with me?”
“Your daddy loved Sylvia, but when she found out she was pregnant,” Johnny shook his head, “She got scared, thought your daddy would be upset, and she pushed him away.” Johnny took a swallow of the whiskey, swirling the amber liquid in the glass. “Your daddy was heartbroken, didn’t know what to do so he got with Cord’s momma and made Cord.”
“Bet Sylvia didn’t like that,” I muttered and Johnny whistled.
“She was some upset, but she didn’t have anyone to blame but herself. She’d pushed him away and not told him about the baby. When he found out, it was too late. Cord was on the way and Sylvia never forgave him.”
“What does this have to do with me?” I asked again in confusion.
Johnny waved his arm in frustration. “Because I don’t want you going and knocking up some woman because you’re upset with your Sylvia.”
“Drea,” I commented, gazing at him with new appreciation.
He lifted his hand, accepting my correction. “Drea, then.”
I let out a soundless chuckle. “I appreciate the thought, Johnny, but I didn’t come here to get laid.”
“Then why are you here?”
I shook my head. “Trying to quiet the thoughts so I can think.” I glanced at him. “If that makes sense.”
“It does actually.” He gave me a bemused stare. “Your daddy used to say something similar.”
“Of course he did,” I retorted easily, not bothered by the comparison for once. “Thanks for coming and trying to save me from myself.”
He nodded, more to himself than me. “Yeah, sometimes I wish I could have done the same for Cash, but then we might not have you.”
“A dad,” I whispered, not quite able to grasp the idea.
“You’ll make a fine one,” Johnny assured me and I arched a single eyebrow and he chuckled. “Better than me.”
“I don’t think you did to badly,” I answered and he shook his head. “Deacon…I don’t even know if he knows about his son.” The thought caused my chest to tighten and Johnny looked regretful.
“If we’d known.” He took a sip of the whiskey he still nursed. “But seeing those videos of Monty and Martinez….I can see why he didn’t say anything. It would have put the entire club in jeopardy.”
“We have to tell Norah,” I sighed, rubbing my hands together before reaching for the bottle of water. “I hate to say anything without more information though.”
“Secrets are the devil, my boy, the devil.” Johnny stared sightlessly at the room and I wondered what other secrets he kept locked away. I guzzled down the water then burped.
“I was going to stay here tonight, but I think maybe I’ll go home,” I told him and he nodded absently. “I’ll be back by in the morning to talk to Norah.”
“Bring your girl…Drea,” Joh
nny ordered and I nodded, clapping his shoulder.
“You gonna be alright?” He glanced over and nodded. “You want me to tell Clutch and the others?”
“No, bring them with you in the morning. I owe it to him to tell him myself.”
“A’ight,” I answered, suppressing a yawn. “I’m out.”
The walk home sobered me further and the one thought my mind focused on was the threat Monty presented, not only to Drea and my unborn child, but the entire club. I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed the number I knew by heart.
It rang several times and I was about to hang up when I heard a breathless, “Baby.”
“Mom,” I replied, relief surging through me at finally hearing her voice. “You’re okay?”
“I’m okay,” she assured me, but the hitch in her voice said something else.
“You can come home,” I told her. “We’ll protect you. Johnny won’t persecute you.”
“You know I can’t,” she murmured, leaving me disappointed once again, even though I’d known that would be her answer. “Monty’s good to me.”
“He’s a threat to me and mine,” I stressed, standing by the dog kennels, all empty at the moment. “You’re gonna be a grandma,” I told her, hoping it would be enough to change her mind. “I gotta kid on the way.”
“What?” Surprised delight lit up her voice. “Oh, that’s wonderful, Crew. Oh my goodness.” I heard her laugh and rubbed my chest to try and ease the pressure there. It’d been a long time since I’d heard her laugh. “I always wanted to be called Sugar. Grandma makes me sound old.”
“Of course,” I murmured, not bothering to remind her that if she stayed with Monty she’d never get the chance to meet the kid.
“I’m happy for you, Crew. You were the best thing that I ever did.”
I sucked in a breath as I pleaded, “Tell me where you are, Mom. I’ll come get you. We can be a family again.” I leaned my forehead against the wall, praying she’d agree. “I love you, Mom.”
Traitor (Southern Rebels MC Book 3) Page 11
