Our Last Goodbye: An absolutely gripping and emotional World War 2 historical novel

by Shirley Dickson

  ‘I’m so sorry for your loss.’

  The man sank onto a high-backed wooden chair.

  He looked at her, his face slack. ‘I cannot take it in…’ He choked back the tears.

  ‘Are you up to telling me what happened?’

  ‘I mean’ – he looked stunned, as though he wasn’t listening – ‘folk send their bairns out here in the country to keep them be safe… and now look what’s happened.’ His face crumpled. He looked up at May, disbelief in his eyes. ‘Nice night it was… when Maud decided to take Spot for a walk up to the moors. A bomber limping home from a mission crash landed in the top field.’ His voice cracked and he gulped. ‘Maud, being who she was, rushed to help… just as the plane exploded into flames.’ He wiped a tear away with the back of his hand. ‘Silly bugger… Maud didn’t realise the crew had bailed out.’

  ‘Oh! How dreadful.’

  ‘She and the injured pilot were taken to hospital.’ Mr Talbot shook his head. ‘I knew by the state of her she wouldn’t survive.’ His voice wobbled. ‘In the end I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.’

  ‘That must be so hard. Your wife was a lovely woman, Mr Talbot, and so brave.’

  He drew a laboured breath and nodded.

  He wiped his eyes with a hand. ‘You’ve come about Derek?’

  ‘Yes.’ May realised now that the poor man was in no fit state to look after a young boy.

  ‘Look here … I’ve come to think a lot of the lad and, if this hadn’t happened, he would’ve been welcome to stay. But not now Maud isn’t here. I don’t know what I’ll do. Whatever it is I think the lad’s best off with his own family.’

  ‘Does he know about Mrs Talbot?’

  ‘Aye, I’ve told him… blunt, like, because I don’t know any other way. He’s cut up but I don’t know how to comfort him… I’m not meself any more.’

  ‘Of course not. Leave Derek to me.’

  ‘I’m sorry to land this on you… but to be honest, I cannot manage.’

  ‘Where is he?’

  ‘Upstairs. He won’t come out of his room.’

  Mr Talbot’s red-rimmed eyes pleaded with May.

  She found Derek in the small musty-smelling front room, beneath the bedcovers.

  ‘Derek. I’ve come to take you home.’ Her mind grappled with the question of where she could take Derek tonight. The only idea that presented itself was to take him to Salmon Street to Richard’s old lodgings and ask Ernie if he had a bed for tonight. Not ideal, but what alternative did she have? It was then that May realised how alone she was in the world and the thought in her present condition frightened her.

  ‘I don’t want to,’ a firm muffled voice said. ‘This is me home.’

  ‘Mr Talbot can’t look after you any more.’

  ‘I can stay and help him around the farm.’

  ‘He mightn’t be staying.’

  ‘Aunt Maud would want me to be with him.’

  ‘Derek… your Uncle Alf is very sad and can only look after himself just now. You’ve to come home with me.’

  A blonde head appeared from beneath the covers and Derek sat up. May’s heart plummeted as she noticed the first flush of round-cheeked boyhood had left him.

  Derek’s ashen face appeared rebellious.

  Her only hope was to be firm. ‘Derek, this isn’t your home. You only came here to be safe from the bombing, remember? Mam thought it best until the time––’

  ‘You can’t make me do anything. You’re not me mam.’

  May didn’t know what to say. She decided the time had come to be honest and tell the truth.

  ‘Yes I am, Derek.’

  * * *

  They sat on a stone seat by the squeaky wooden gate that opened out onto a stretch of boggy land covered with thin reeds. Far below, black and brown cattle grazed in the fields and further still, folk in the diminutive town of Allendale went about their business.

  As silence grew between mother and son, May wished she was one of the townsfolk without a care except what to have for tea.

  Derek gave her a sidelong glance. Beside him on the grass stood the little brown case that Mam had packed all those months ago. Thoughts of her mother swirled in her mind, and May knew she would approve of what she was about to do.

  ‘I am your mammy, Derek.’ How could she put the story in words he could understand? ‘You see… when you were born you were my son but you had a different daddy then and he had to go away to war. I couldn’t marry him and that’s what’s supposed to happen. So, our mam made you her son… because she loved you so very much and she was married.’

  She hoped he could follow and understand.

  ‘Where is this other daddy, now?’

  ‘Your dad was a very brave man, Derek… he died fighting for his country.’

  Dear God, she prayed, don’t let all this talk about death warp the poor bairn’s mind.

  Derek perked up a bit. ‘Did this other daddy fly aeroplanes?’

  ‘He was a soldier.’

  ‘And carried a gun?’

  ‘I suppose so.’

  Derek’s eyes glazed as he imagined and his boyish expression looked pleased.

  ‘Derek, we have to go now and catch the bus.’

  He turned and looked at her. ‘You don’t act like a mammy.’

  May laughed. ‘How do I act?’

  ‘Like a sister.’

  ‘It’s okay by me if you want to think of me in that way. But one day I’d like to be your mammy.’

  His little face crumpled.

  Derek had heard enough to cope with for one day.

  She stood and picked up his small suitcase. As they walked down the hill, she felt a small hand creep into hers.

  His tear-stained face looked up at her. ‘I’m glad I had another daddy. I didn’t like the one I lived with.’

  * * *

  It was while May sat on the homeward-bound bus – watching the countryside pass by the window, pointing out to Derek the tall and pink rosebay willowherb in hedgerows – that the idea came to her. She knew what she could do now to give Derek a home until she’d formed an alternative plan.

  ‘Did you ever meet Mam’s sister?’

  May saw confusion cloud Derek’s expression.

  ‘You mean my real mammy, who died?’

  A twinge of sadness pulled at May’s heartstrings. If that was how her son could cope then she would accept it.

  ‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘Mam’s sister is called Ramona and she and her husband are very sad and I wondered if you could help make them be happy again.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘They had a son like you. He flew aeroplanes but his got shot down. I’m sure they’d like a boy like you to live with them until I can—’

  ‘Was he brave like my other daddy?’ Eyes shining, Derek interrupted.

  ‘I’m sure he was.’

  ‘Did he fly the plane?’

  ‘You could ask Aunt Ramona.’

  ‘When will I see her?’

  ‘We’ll ask if you can stay for a while.’

  Derek looked a little tearful again. ‘What if she dies like Mam and Aunt Maud?’

  May knew then her son had inherited her own sensitive and anxious nature.

  ‘Their deaths, Derek, had nothing to do with you.’

  ‘Cross your heart.’

  May did.

  ‘And Derek… maybe we’d better not tell Aunt Ramona about your other dad. We’ll tell her I’m your sister. It’s our secret.’

  Derek gave a delighted smile. He liked secrets.

  23

  May stepped off the train onto the platform at South Shields station. Derek followed, his small body appearing to droop.

  He looked around and his chin wobbled. ‘This is where Mammy waved when I lef—’

  A train came steaming into the station and his voice got drowned.

  May took his hand and led him outside into the damp late afternoon air. She noticed the ground was wet and was surprised because she had
n’t seen rain all day.

  She removed Derek’s cap and ruffled his blonde hair. ‘Mam thought you were such a big boy, Derek, how you settled at the farm. She said she was proud of you but she missed you so much. D’you know what I think?’

  He squinted as he looked up at her. ‘What?’

  ‘Mam’s in heaven with Aunty Maud and they’re talking about you.’

  ‘Really?’ His pinched little face flushed with pleasure. ‘What d’you think they’re saying?’

  ‘Let’s see, Aunty Maud will be boasting how you were such a big help at the farm. And Mam… she’ll show off and say how you made a cup of tea and brought it to her one Sunday morning while she was still in bed.’

  ‘She was pleased,’ Derek joined in, his voice eager, ‘but she said I hadn’t to use a kettle full of hot water again till I’m older.’

  ‘So, you see, if you get lonely for Mam, just imagine her talking in heaven about you.’

  A satisfied little smile split Derek’s face. Neither of them had eaten anything since breakfast and so May treated them to a cup of tea and sandwich at Binns department store café.

  ‘Where are we going now?’ Derek wanted to know as later they stood at the trolleybus stop in King Street.

  ‘To Mam’s sister I told you about. She lives in Whale Street.’

  * * *

  May rang the bell on the funeral parlour door and it was Mr Newman who answered it.

  ‘Come in, May.’ He looked bemused as he led the way through to the upstairs living quarters.

  Both the Newmans looked shadows of their former selves as they sat on their sumptuously cushioned couch – or ‘settee’ as Ramona preferred to call it.

  May, perched on a wooden chair with Derek standing at her side, explained the situation.

  ‘Mr Talbot’s in a right state and can’t look after Derek any more. And so I had to bring him home… only there’s no home to come back to, seeing as how I live in the Nurses’ Home.’

  ‘Another tragedy.’ Ramona’s voice was weak, as if her suffering had affected her throat.

  Gone was her irritating air of grandeur, replaced by a sense of hopeless listlessness. Her shoulders drooped, her hair hadn’t had its usual immaculate coiffure and the frilly white high-necked blouse she was wearing had tea stains down the front. Since her son had died Ramona had lost all interest in life and let herself go. But then, thought May, wouldn’t she be the same if anything happened to Derek? The light of her world would have gone out and she couldn’t imagine how she could go on. A rush of compassion surged through May and she wanted to help somehow.

  ‘Now, now, dear, this isn’t our tragedy,’ Roland Newman told his wife.

  He leapt from the couch and, removing his round spectacles, began to pace the floor as he polished them, as he always did when cornered by a tricky situation. Sensitive to all the Newmans’ nuances and moods since she’d worked for them as a parlour maid, May would give him time to respond in his own way.

  ‘Let’s hear what May has to say.’ He looked expectantly at her.

  May gathered her thoughts. ‘As you know, I’m training at the hospital and I have to live in. So there is nowhere for Derek to stay.’

  ‘What has this to do with us?’ Ramona spoke sharply. Her pinched expression made it plain she wanted to be left alone so she could continue to wallow in grief.

  ‘Now dear, I think May has a valid reason to be here’ – Mr Newman perceptively eyed the small suitcase at Derek’s feet – ‘and I think it has something to do with this young chap.’

  May smiled, appreciatively. ‘I am here because of Derek. The thing is, he’s… this has all come as a surprise and he’s got nowhere to sleep tonight and I’ve nobody else to turn to. I thought, being relatives, you might be kind enough to help. I wondered… could Derek stay here for a while until I make alternative arrangements?’

  She sensed Derek shifting uncomfortably at her side and she laid a hand on his back to help him stay calm.

  ‘What about that man… me sister’s layabout husband?’ Ramona’s voice was disapproving.

  ‘Dad’s… made a new life for himself.’

  ‘Typical, his wife not long gone and he waltzes off from all responsibility.’

  A gleam of hope dawned in Mr Newman’s otherwise desolate eyes. ‘It’s true, families do stick together in times of trouble, especially during times of war. The young lad will perhaps bring a breath of fresh air into the house.’ Though his expression was tentative his voice, as he spoke, was determined. ‘Since our boy passed on we’ve been… reclusive.’

  May suspected he meant Ramona as she knew Mr Newman had kept himself busy with work.

  ‘What we need is a new direction in our lives,’ he continued.

  ‘Roland! What are yi’ sayin’? We could never replace our Danny…’

  ‘No, dearest. I wouldn’t think to try. But think on… what would Danny want? Our lives to stop because of him? No. He’d want us to find a way forward out of our grief and in doing so we will also be helping someone out. Just imagine if Danny was here. He’d be delighted to assist and he’d treat this young chap like a kid brother. Who knows,’ he beseeched his wife, ‘the lad may even be interested in the business one day. Ramona, this is your sister’s boy. He’s family.’

  This was all a bit much for May but, she reprimanded herself, beggars can’t be choosers and the Newmans would be doing her a great service.

  Ramona sagged. ‘Danny was the most giving person… and you are right, Roland, he would be the first to lend a hand to anyone in need.’ She laughed through the tears shining in her faded blue eyes. ‘Can you remember when he was a little lad, all the creatures he brought home? A little bird with a broken wing, the smelly mouse that kept escaping out of the cage…’ She choked and couldn’t go on.

  Mr Newman moved to put a hand on her shoulder. ‘I remember, dearest.’

  Ramona wiped away the tears with a handkerchief. She sniffed and addressed Derek. ‘Would you like to live with us for a while?’

  ‘Would I have me own room?’

  ‘My own room,’ Mr Newman corrected. ‘You’d have Danny’s.’

  ‘He flew aeroplanes, didn’t he? May, me… my sister’– he gave May a look of acknowledgement that he’d kept their secret – ‘told me he was brave and flew aeroplanes for the war.’

  ‘Danny was a fine pilot.’ Ramona stood up from the couch. ‘Would you like to see his room? There are games and a Meccano set in it.’

  ‘Oo, yes please.’

  Hysteria rose in May. She felt left out as if this was family business – a family she wasn’t part of. But Derek was her prime concern and she’d move heaven and earth for his happiness.

  Ramona stood and looked at May. ‘We all have regrets…’ Surprisingly, it seemed as though she understood May’s pain. ‘What I regret is that I never made it up with me only sister… and it’s too late now.’

  She took Derek by the hand and led him from the room.

  Feeling the pain of parting with her son again stabbing in her ribcage, May could hardly breathe. She looked around the room that she’d kept spotlessly clean as a parlour maid for so many years. Dust lay thick on ledges, there were crumbs on the carpet and the linoleum surrounds needed a mop.

  Mr Newman interrupted her thoughts, telling May, ‘We’ll take good care of the lad. He’ll want for nothing.’

  May wanted to protest that the arrangement was only for a short period but she couldn’t deny the hope she saw in Mr Newman’s eyes. Besides, she had no hope of providing Derek with a home in the foreseeable future and what more could she ask than to have him taken care of by two responsible people in such comfortable circumstances?

  But as she followed Mr Newman downstairs, the sense of making the wrong decision overwhelmed May. The impulse to race up the stairs, grab Derek and flee from the household took hold. But instead, common sense prevailed, and she smiled gratefully at her old boss. ‘Thank you for helping me out. I appreciate this so much.�
� And she did. She handed him the suitcase. ‘I’ll be in touch as soon as I can.’

  Mr Newman opened the parlour door.

  Sincerity shining from his eyes, he said, ‘Thanks to you, May, that was the first time I’ve dared mention my… Danny’s name in front of the wife since he was taken from us.’ He stood tall and smiled. ‘Derek could be the making of Mrs Newman.’

  As the door closed behind her, May was anguished. She didn’t want Derek to be the making of anyone. She wanted him all to herself. Automatically, she laid a hand on her abdomen, over the new life inside her. She didn’t know what to expect or how she’d manage but the need to protect both Derek and the baby she carried grew strong.

  * * *

  As she set off up the street, profound loneliness overcame her. She felt as though everyone had someone in their lives to love but her. She’d thought she had a future with Richard but he’d scarpered once he knew about the baby. Blast! Hadn’t the affair with Billy taught her anything? How could she have been so wrong about Richard? Because he had seemed genuine, her mind cried. May had to face facts; when it came to men she was easily duped. And just like Billy, she had something to remember Richard by.

  Gone was the sense of achievement she’d previously experienced and the pride in what she was now doing with her life. Instead she was racked with feelings of inadequacy and the fact that she’d lost all respect for herself.

  ‘I love you unconditionally, lass,’ Mam’s voice spoke in her head. She missed her mother so much and the voice comforted her. If only Mam were here.

  But she was gone, May reminded herself, and it was time she took command and sorted her own life out.

  A door opened on the other side of the street and Trevor Milne, Etty’s husband, came into view. He didn’t turn, and shutting the door, he hurried down the street.

  What should she do about Etty? May remembered her thoughts from a while ago about how by harbouring bitterness she was only hurting herself. May hadn’t been ready then to make up with Etty but she knew in her heart that she was now. Life was unpredictable, especially in wartime, and who knew what side of the moral compass you’d find yourself on. May forgave Etty and she needed her back in her life. Not just for selfish reasons, as someone to confide her troubles in. No. May wanted to share her life again with Etty, the good and the bad times like they used to, and to see those two gorgeous little girls again.