This Girl

by Colleen Hoover

  my list of screw-ups.

  “That’s just great,” I mumble. How the hell do I even begin to fix all of this?

  Lake rises out of her seat and begins walking toward the door. “Let it go, Will. If she asks me about it, I’ll just tell her you were upset because I said asshole. And jackass. And dickhead. And bastar—”

  “I get your point,” I say, interrupting her before she can finish her stream of insults. She picks up her backpack and reaches the door.

  “Layken?” I say cautiously. “I also want to say I’m sorry . . . about last night.”

  She slowly turns toward me. The tears have stopped but the residual effects of her mood are still written across her face. “Are you sorry it happened? Or sorry about the way you stopped it?”

  I don’t really understand what the difference is. I shrug my shoulders. “All of it. It never should have happened.”

  She turns her back to me and opens the door. “Bastard.”

  The insult cuts straight to my heart, right where she intended for it to hit.

  As soon as the door closes behind her, I kick the desk over. “Shit!” I yell, squeezing the tension out of my neck with my hands. I let out a steady stream of cusswords as I pace the classroom. Not only have I screwed this up even worse with Lake, I’ve also screwed it up by making Eddie suspicious. I feel like I’ve somehow made this entire situation ten times worse. God, what I wouldn’t give for my father’s advice right now.

  •••

  MRS. ALEX AND her pointless questions once again make me late for third period. I don’t really mind being late today, though. After the interaction in my classroom yesterday with Lake, I’m still not ready to face her.

  The hallways have cleared out and I’m nearing my classroom when I pass by the windows that look out over the courtyard. I stop in my tracks and step closer to the window and I see Lake. She’s sitting on one of the benches, looking down at her hands. I’m a little confused, since she should be sitting in my classroom right now. She looks up at the sky and lets out a deep sigh, like she’s trying not to cry. It’s apparent that the last place she can be right now is two feet from me in a classroom. Seeing her out there, choosing the bitter Michigan air over my classroom, makes me hurt for her.

  “She’s something else, huh?”

  I spin around and Eddie is standing behind me with her arms crossed, smiling.

  “What?” I say, undoubtedly trying to recover from the fact that she just caught me staring at Lake.

  “You heard me,” she says, walking past me toward the courtyard entry. “And you agree with me, too.” She walks out into the courtyard without turning back. When Lake looks up at her and smiles, I walk away.

  It’s not a big deal. Lake is a student skipping my class and I was looking at her. That’s all. There wasn’t anything happening there that Eddie could report. Despite my failed attempts at reassuring myself, I spend the rest of the day a nervous wreck.

  12.

  the honeymoon

  “LET ME GET this straight,” Lake says, glaring at me. “You were being an idiot, staring at me through the courtyard window. Eddie sees you staring at me, which only piques her curiosity at this point. But then the next weekend in your living room when Eddie figured it all out, you get mad at me?”

  “I wasn’t mad at you,” I say.

  “Will, you were pissed! You kicked me out of your house!”

  I roll over and think back to that night. “I guess I did, huh?”

  “Yes, you did,” she says. “And on the worst day of my life at that.” She rolls over on top of me and interlocks her fingers with mine, bringing them over my head. “I think you owe me an apology. After all, I did clean your entire house that day.”

  I look her in the eyes and she’s grinning. I know she’s not upset, but I actually do want to give her a sincere apology. The way I acted at the end of that day was purely selfish, and I’ve always regretted how I just kicked her out at one of the lowest points of her life. I bring my hands to her cheeks and pull her to the pillow next to me while we change positions. I lay her on her back and rest my head on my propped-up hand, stroking her face with my other hand. I run my fingers up her cheek, over her forehead, and down her nose until my fingers come to rest on her lips. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you that night,” I whisper, bringing my lips to hers. I kiss her slowly at first, but the sincerity in my apology is apparently quite attractive to her, because she pushes my arm away and pulls me to her, then whispers, “You’re forgiven.”

  •••

  “WHAT ARE YOU doing?” I ask, waking up from a nap induced by pure exhaustion. Lake has her shirt on and is pulling her jeans up.

  “I need some fresh air. Wanna come?” she says. “They’ve got a really nice pool area and it doesn’t close for another hour or so. We can sit on the patio and have coffee.”

  “Yeah, sure.” I roll out of bed and search for my clothes.

  Once we’re outside, the courtyard is empty, as is the pool, even though it’s heated. There are several lounge chairs, but Lake takes a seat at a table with bench-style chairs so we can sit together. She curls up next to me and rests her head against my arm, holding her coffee cup between her hands.

  “I hope the boys are having fun,” she says.

  “You know they are. Grandpaul took them geocaching today.”

  “Good,” she says. “Kel loves that.” She brings her coffee cup to her lips and sips from it. We watch the moon’s reflection on the surface of the water, listening to the sounds of the night. It’s peaceful.

  “We had a pool back in Texas,” she says. “It wasn’t as big as this one, but it was nice. It gets so hot there that the water in the pool would feel like it was heated, even when it wasn’t. I bet Texas water on its coldest day is still hotter than this heated pool.”

  “Are you a good swimmer?” I ask her.

  “Of course. I lived in that pool half the year.”

  I lean in and kiss her, distracting her from the fact that I’m taking the coffee cup out of her hands. I slowly lean over her, hooking my arm underneath her knees. She’s used to my public displays of affection, so she’s none the wiser. As soon as she runs her hands through my hair, I lift her onto my lap and stand up, heading for the water. She pulls her lips from mine and darts her eyes to the pool, then back at me.

  “Don’t you dare, Will Cooper!”

  I laugh and keep walking toward the pool as she starts struggling to get out of my arms. When I reach the deep end of the pool, she’s clinging to my neck for dear life.

  “If I go, you go,” she says.

  I smile and kick off my shoes. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  As soon as I toss her into the water, I jump in after her. When she emerges, she swims toward me laughing. “These are my only clothes, you jerk!”

  When she reaches me I wrap my arms around her and she pulls her legs up, wrapping them around my waist. She hooks her arms around my neck and I swim backward until my back meets the tile siding of the pool. I put one arm on the concrete ledge to hold us up and my other arm I secure around her waist, holding her against me.

  “I’ll have to throw this shirt away now. The chlorine probably just ruined it,” she says.

  I slide my hand underneath her shirt and up her back, then press my lips against the area of skin right below her ear. “If you throw this ugly shirt away, I’m divorcing you.”

  She throws her head back and laughs. “Finally! You love my ugly shirt!”

  I pull her against me so close that even the water can’t pass between us. I bring my forehead to hers. “I’ve always loved this shirt, Lake. This is the shirt you were wearing the night I finally admitted to myself that I was in love with you.”

  The corner of her lip curls up into a grin. “And what night was that?”

  I tilt my head back until it rests against the concrete siding and look up to the sky. “Not a good one.”

  She kisses me at the base of my thro
at. “Tell me anyway,” she whispers.

  i love her

  “CAULDER, ARE YOU sure Julia said it was okay for you to stay the night?” He’s rummaging through his dresser looking for socks while Kel loads a bag with their toys.

  “Yeah. She said I can’t come over tomorrow night because they’re having family night, so I should spend the night tonight.”

  Family night? I wonder if that means Julia is finally telling Lake she’s sick. A knot forms in my stomach and I instantly become nervous for her. “I’ll get your toothbrush, Caulder.”

  I’m in the bathroom packing a bag for Caulder when I hear yelling coming from outside. I immediately run to the living room window and see Lake storming out of her house toward Eddie’s car. I can’t hear what she’s saying, but it’s obvious she’s pissed. Her face is almost the same shade of red as the shirt she has on. She swings open Eddie’s back door and turns around, still yelling.

  That’s when I see Julia.

  The look on her face makes my heart sink. Eddie’s car pulls out of the driveway and Julia is left standing at the edge of the yard crying as she watches them pull away. As soon as the car is gone, I swing open the front door and run across the street.

  “Is everything okay? Is she okay?” I say when I reach her. Julia looks up at me and shakes her head.

  “Did you tell Lake that I’m sick?” she asks.

  “No,” I answer immediately. “No, I told you I wouldn’t.”

  Julia stares down the street, still shaking her head. “I think she knows. I don’t know how she found out but she knows. I should have told her sooner,” she says, still crying.

  The front door to my house slams shut and I spin around to see Kel and Caulder making their way out the front door. “Boys! You guys are staying with me tonight instead. Go back inside,” I yell. They roll their eyes and groan, and then head back into the house.

  “Thank you, Will,” Julia says. She turns to head back to her house and I follow after her.

  “Do you want me to stay with you until she gets back?”

  “No,” she says quietly. “I just want to be alone for a while.” She walks inside and closes the door behind her.

  I spend the next two hours debating whether to text Gavin. It’s killing me not knowing if Lake is okay or not. I wait on the couch with the living room curtains wide open, watching for her return. It’s after eleven o’clock now, and I can’t wait a second longer. I throw caution out the window and grab my phone to text Gavin.

  Is Lake okay? Where are you guys? Is she spending the night with Eddie or coming home tonight?

  I don’t have to wait long before he replies.

  Yes. Movies. No.

  What the hell? Could he not elaborate a little?

  How can she be okay? And why the hell would you guys take her to a movie when she’s this upset?

  Two minutes go by without a response, so I text him again.

  Is she still crying? When are you guys bringing her home?

  I wait a few more minutes without a response, then begin texting him again. Before I hit send, my phone rings.

  “Hello?” I say, almost desperately.

  “What the hell are you doing, Will?” Gavin yells into the phone. “You’re acting like a psycho boyfriend.”

  “Is she with you right now?” I ask.

  “The movie just let out, she’s in the restroom with Eddie. I came outside to call you because I think you might need a reminder that you’re her teacher.”

  I grip my cell phone and shake it out of frustration, then put it back to my ear.

  “That doesn’t matter right now. I saw her leaving after she found out about her mom’s cancer. I just need to know that she’s okay, Gavin. I’m worried about her.”

  I get nothing but silence. Gavin doesn’t respond, but I can hear background noise so I know we’re still connected. “Gavin?”

  He clears his throat. “Her mom has cancer? Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. Has Lake not told you guys why she was crying when she got in your car? Julia doesn’t know how, but Layken somehow figured it out.”

  Gavin is silent again for a few more seconds, then he sighs heavily into the phone. “Will,” he says, his voice lower than before. “Layken thinks her mom has a new boyfriend. She has no idea she has cancer.”

  I fall onto the couch, but it feels like my heart falls straight through the floor.

  “Will?” Gavin says.

  “I’m here,” I say. “Just get her home, Gavin. She needs to talk to her mom.”

  “Yeah. We’re on our way.”

  •••

  I SPEND THE next several minutes debating whether to go across the street and let Julia know that Layken has misunderstood everything. Unfortunately, by the time I decide to go talk to her, Eddie’s car is pulling into their driveway. I watch as Lake gets out and walks to her front door. When she goes inside, I close my curtains and turn out the light. I wish more than anything I could be there for her right now. I know the heartache she’s about to experience. The fact that I’m a hundred yards away and not able to do a damn thing about it is the hardest thing of all.

  I walk to Caulder’s room and check on the boys. They’re both passed out, so I turn the TV off and shut their door, then head to my room. I can already tell it’s going to be a sleepless night. I can just imagine Lake crying herself to sleep. God, what I wouldn’t give to be able to hold her right now. If I could just take all of this away from her, I would.

  I’m lying with my hands under my head, my eyes focused on nothing in particular. A tear rolls down to my temple and I wipe it away. I’m torn up over the sadness I feel for this girl.

  •••

  IT’S HALF AN hour later when I hear a knock on the living room door. I immediately jump out of bed and run to the living room and swing the door open. She’s standing on my patio, mascara streaked down her cheeks. She’s wiping her eyes with her shirt and she looks up at me. All the things I’ve been willing myself to do for the entire past month get shoved aside by the sheer sadness in her eyes. I put my arm around her and pull her inside, then shut the door behind her. I’m positive she knows the truth about her mom at this point, but I still proceed with caution.

  “Lake, what’s wrong?”

  She tries to catch her breath, sucking in gasps of air between sobs. I can feel her melting, so I wrap my arms around her as she sinks to the floor. I sink with her, then pull her to me and let her cry. I rest my chin on top of her head and stroke her hair while she continues to cry for several minutes. I grasp the back of her shirt and bury my head in the crevice of her neck, fully aware of the fact that she came to me. She needed someone, and she came to me.

  “Tell me what happened,” I finally whisper.

  She begins to sob, so I pull her closer. Between breaths, she says the words that I know are the hardest words she’ll ever have to say. “She’s dying, Will. She has cancer.”

  I know from experience that there are no words comforting enough to follow that. I squeeze her and give her what she needs. Silent reassurance. I pick her up and take her to my bedroom, then lay her on the bed and pull the covers over her. My doorbell rings, so I bend forward and kiss her on the forehead, then head back to the living room.

  I already know it’s Julia before I open the door. When I see her, she looks in just as bad shape as Lake does. “Is she here?” she says through her tears.

  I nudge my head toward my bedroom. “She’s lying down,” I say.

  “Can you get her? She needs to come home so we can talk about this.”

  I glance back toward the hallway and sigh. I don’t want her to go. I know how much she needs this time to absorb everything. I turn back to Julia and take the biggest risk I’ve ever taken in my life.

  “Let her stay, Julia. She needs me right now.”

  Julia doesn’t respond for a moment. The fact that I’m disagreeing with her seems to throw her off for a moment. She shakes her head. “I can’t, Will. I c
an’t let her stay the night here.”

  “I’ve been in her shoes before. She needs time to absorb this, trust me. Just give her the night to calm down.”

  Julia’s shoulders fall and she looks down, unable to look at me. I don’t know if it’s because she’s angry with me for wanting Lake to stay, or heartbroken because she knows I’m right. She nods, then turns and begins walking back toward her house. Her defeated demeanor makes me feel as though I just broke her heart. She thinks she’s losing Lake to me and that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

  “Julia, wait,” I say, calling after her. She pauses in my front yard and turns to face me. When we make eye contact, she immediately shifts her gaze to the ground again and puts her hands on her hips. When I reach her, she still doesn’t look at me. I’m not sure what to say. I clear my throat, but have no idea what to say to her.

  “Listen, Julia,” I say. “I know how much your time with Lake means to you, I do. Believe me, I do. I want her to be there for you. The fact that she wants to be here right now instead doesn’t mean anything. She just needs to process this. That’s all. You won’t lose her.”

  She runs her hands across her eyes, wiping away fresh tears. She kicks at the ground beneath her foot, giving herself a second to gather