This Girl

by Colleen Hoover

  and kisses me hard, causing me to groan under my breath. I slip my hands underneath her shirt and around to her back. The softness and warmth of her skin beneath my palms is a feeling I never want to forget.

  As soon as my hands meet her skin, she takes my jacket in her fists and begins tugging it off me. I lean forward, still meshed to her mouth, and struggle to free myself from the jacket. Once it’s off, I toss it behind me and place my hands back underneath her shirt.

  Touching her, kissing her, being with her . . . it feels so natural. So right.

  I move my lips to the spot on her neck that drives me crazy. She tilts her neck to the side and moans quietly. I move my hands to her waist and tighten my grip while I trail kisses along her collarbone. I slowly inch my hands up her waist until my thumbs meet her bra. I can feel her heart hammering against her chest, and it causes my own heart to try to outrace hers. As soon as I slip my right thumb underneath her bra, she pulls back, away from my lips. She gasps for air.

  I immediately pull my hands out from underneath her shirt and place them on her shoulders, silently cursing myself for being so impatient. I push her shoulders back in order to give us space to breathe. I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes.

  “I’m sorry.” I open my eyes and keep my head flush against the headrest. “I’m going too fast. I’m sorry. I’ve just imagined touching you so many times I feel like it’s so natural. I’m sorry.”

  She shakes her head and pulls my hands away from her shoulders, holding them together between us. “It’s okay,” she says. “We’re both going too fast. I just need a moment. But it feels right, doesn’t it? It feels so right being with you.”

  “That’s because it is right.”

  She stares at me silently, then out of nowhere, she crushes her lips to mine again. I groan and wrap my arms tightly around her, pulling her back against me. As soon as she’s pressed against my chest, I place my hands on her shoulders and push her away. As soon as she’s apart from me, I pull her back to me for another kiss. This happens several times and I keep having to remind myself to slow down. I eventually have to push her off my lap and onto the driver’s seat. However, this doesn’t help, because as soon as she leans her back against the driver’s side door, I lean across the seat and kiss her again. Seeing how much I need her causes her to laugh, which makes me laugh at how pathetically desperate I’m acting right now. I somehow pull away and slump against the passenger door. I run my hand through my hair and grin at her.

  “You’re really making this hard,” I laugh. “Pun intended.”

  She smiles and even in the dark I can see her blush.

  “Ugh!” I run my palms over my face and groan. “God, I want you so bad.” I lunge forward and kiss her, but place my hand on the doorknob. I yank it and the door opens up behind her. “Get out,” I say against her lips. “Go get in your car where you’re safe. I’ll see you when we get home.”

  She nods and swings one of her legs out of the car, but I don’t want her to go. I grab her thigh and pull her back in and kiss her again. “Go,” I groan.

  “I’m trying.” She laughs, pulling away from me. She climbs out of the car and I slide across the seats, following her straight out the car door.

  “Where’d you park?” I ask her. I wrap my arms around her and press my lips to her ear.

  “A few cars over,” she says, pointing behind her. I slide my hand into her back pocket and retrieve her keys, then walk her to her car. After I open the door for her and she climbs in, I lean in to kiss her one last time.

  “Don’t go inside when you get home. I’m not finished kissing you,” I say.

  She grins. “Yes, sir.”

  I shut her door and once her Jeep is cranked, I tap my knuckles against the window and she rolls it down. I place my hand on the nape of her neck and lean through her window. “This drive home is about to be the longest thirty minutes of my life.” I kiss her on the temple and take a step back. “Love you.”

  She rolls up her window, then places her palm against the glass. I lift my hand up to mirror hers, matching our fingertips together. She mouths, “I love you, too,” and begins backing away.

  I wait until she’s out of the parking lot, then I walk back to my car.

  I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how I went so long without her and now I feel like she’s such a vital part of me, I’ll die if I’m not touching her.

  •••

  I’M NOT EVEN in my car for a minute before I dial her number. I’ve never called her without the conversation being linked to Kel or Caulder before. It feels good calling her for her.

  She’s driving directly in front of me so I can see her reach for her phone when it rings. She tilts her head and holds the phone between her shoulder and her neck. “Hello?”

  “You shouldn’t talk on the phone while you’re driving,” I tell her.

  She laughs. “Well, you shouldn’t call me when you know I’m driving.”

  “But I missed you.”

  “I miss you, too,” she says. “I’ve missed you for the whole sixty seconds we’ve been apart,” she says sarcastically.

  I laugh. “I want to talk to you while we drive, but I want you to put your phone on speaker and set it down.”

  “Why?”

  “Because,” I say, “it’s not safe for you to drive with your head cocked to the side like that.”

  I can see her smile in her rearview mirror. She drops the phone and sits up straight. “Better?” she says.

  “Better. Now listen, I’m about to play you an Avett Brothers song. Make sure the volume on your phone is turned all the way up.” I turn on the song I’ve listened to on repeat since the night I fell for her and turn the volume up. When the chorus hits, I start singing along to the lyrics.

  I lower my voice and continue to sing the rest of the song, then the song after that, and the song after that. She listens silently the entire drive back to Ypsilanti.

  •••

  LAYKEN PULLS INTO her driveway right before I turn into mine. I rush to kill the engine and head across the street before she has a chance to open her car door. When I reach her, I swing the door open and reach in, pulling her out by her hand. I want to push her against the Jeep and kiss her crazy, but I know we’ve more than likely got at least three pairs of eyes on us. What I wouldn’t give to have her alone in my house right now, rather than out here in the open. I kiss the top of her head and stroke her hair, accepting whatever time I can get with her right now.

  “Do you have a curfew?”

  She shrugs. “I’m eighteen. I don’t know if she could give me one if she wanted to.”

  “We don’t need to push our luck with her, Lake. I want to do this right.” I’m lucky that Julia would even allow her to be with me at this point. The last thing I want to do is upset her.

  “Do we have to talk about my mom right now, Will?”

  I smile and shake my head. “No.” I slip my hand behind her head and pull her mouth to mine, kissing her like I don’t care who might be watching. Hell, I don’t care. I kiss her crazy for several minutes until it gets to the point that my hands can’t stay above her shoulders for much longer. I pull away just enough for us to catch our breath.

  “Let’s go to your house,” she whispers.

  The suggestion is so tempting. I close my eyes and pull her to my chest. “I need to talk to your mom first before I pull something like that. I need to know what our boundaries are.”

  She laughs. “Why? So we can push them?”

  I lift her chin and pull her gaze to mine. “Exactly.”

  The entryway light flicks off, then back on. An indication that Julia is setting some boundaries.

  “Dammit,” I groan into her neck. “I guess this is goodnight.”

  “Yeah, I guess so,” she says. “I’ll see you tomorrow, though, right? What time do you have to leave for graduation?”

  “Not until tomorrow afternoon. You want to come over for breakf
ast? I’ll make you whatever you want.”

  She nods. “And lunch? What are you doing for lunch?”

  “Cooking for you,” I say.

  “And dinner? I might want to have dinner with you, too.”

  She’s so cute. “Actually, we have plans. My grandparents are coming to graduation and we’re going out to dinner afterward. Will you come?”

  A worried look crosses her face. “Do you think that’s a good idea? What if someone sees us together? You’re technically still a teacher, even though you’re between jobs.”

  Dammit. I’m really starting to hate this new job and I haven’t even started yet. “I guess I do need to figure that out tomorrow.”

  “I do want to come to your graduation, though. Is that okay?”

  “You better,” I say to her. I’ve wanted her there more than anyone, but until tonight I didn’t think that was a possibility. “It’ll be hard as hell keeping my hands off you, though.”

  I kiss her one last time, then back away from her. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  I turn and begin walking away. My emotions are contradicting themselves because I feel absolutely elated that we’re finally together, but devastated that I have to leave her right now. I turn around to look at her one last time and when I catch sight of her watching me walk away, a satisfied smile spreads across my face.

  “What?” she asks when she sees the look on my face.

  Just seeing the smile on her face is enough to keep me satisfied for the rest of my life. Seeing her happy again is better than any feeling in the world. I never want to see her sad again. “This will be worth it, Lake. Everything we had to go through. I promise. Even if you have to wait for me, I’ll make it worth it.”

  The smile fades from her eyes and she clutches her hand to her heart. “You already have, Will.”

  That. Right there. I don’t deserve her.

  I walk swiftly back to where she’s standing and take her face in my hands. “I mean it,” I say. “I love you so damn much, it hurts.” I force my lips against hers, then pull away just as fast. “But it hurts in a really good way.” I briefly kiss her again. “We thought it was hard being apart before? How the hell am I supposed to sleep after tonight? After actually getting to kiss you like this? After hearing you tell me you love me?” I kiss her again and walk her until she’s against her Jeep.

  I kiss her like I’ve wanted to kiss her since the moment I knew how perfect we were together. How much we made sense. I kiss her with abandon, knowing I’ll never have to walk away from her again. I kiss her knowing that this won’t be our last kiss. That it won’t even be our best kiss. I kiss her knowing that this kiss is our beginning, not another good-bye.

  I continue to kiss her, even when the light turns off and on several more times.

  We both notice the light, but neither of us seems to care. It takes us several minutes to actually slow down and pull apart. I press my forehead to hers and look directly into her eyes when she opens them. “This is it, Lake,” I say, pointing back and forth between us. “It’s real now. I’m not walking away from you again. Ever.”

  Her eyes fill with tears. “Promise?” she whispers.

  “I swear. I love you so much.”

  A tear rolls down her cheek. “Say it again,” she whispers.

  “I love you, Lake.” My eyes scroll over every inch of her face, afraid I’ll miss something if I don’t take every last piece of her in before I go.

  “One more time.”

  Before I love you can come out of my mouth again, the front door swings open and Julia walks outside. “We’re going to have to set some ground rules,” she says. There’s more amusement in her voice than anger or annoyance.

  “Sorry, Julia,” I yell over my shoulder. I turn back to Lake and kiss her one last time, then take a step away from her. “It’s just that I’m madly in love with your daughter!”

  “Yeah.” Julia laughs. “I can see that.”

  I mouth one last I love you before heading across the street.

  18.

  the honeymoon

  “AND WE LIVED happily ever after,” she says.

  I laugh, because that couldn’t be further from the truth.

  “Yeah, for like two weeks,” I say. “Until your mother put the brakes on things the night she walked in on us.”

  Lake groans. “Oh, my God, I forgot about that.”

  “Trust me, it’s not something I wish I remembered.”

  point of retreat

  “WHERE ARE WE going?”

  I put my seat belt on and lower the volume on the radio. “It’s a surprise.”

  It’s the first night I’ve been able to take her out in public since we officially started dating two weeks ago. I was able to pull out of my contract with the job at the junior high when I was accepted into the Master’s level teaching program. So technically, we’re able to date. I’m not sure how it would look, since I was her teacher just a few weeks ago. But to be honest, I don’t really care. Like I told her, she comes first now.

  “Will. It’s Thursday night. I have a feeling wherever you’re taking me, it’s not that much of a surprise. Are we going to Club N9NE?”

  “Maybe.”

  She smiles. “Are you doing a slam for me?”

  I wink at her. “Maybe.” I reach over and take her hand in mine.

  “We’re leaving early, though. Are you actually taking me out to eat? No grilled cheese tonight?”

  “Maybe,” I say again.

  She rolls her eyes. “Will, this date is going to be my suck for the day if you don’t become a little more talkative.”

  I laugh. “Yes, we’re going to Club N9NE. Yes, we’re going to dinner first. Yes, I wrote a slam for you. Yes, we’re leaving the club early so we can go back to my house and hardcore make out in the dark.”

  “You just became my sweet,” she says.

  •••

  “OUT OF ALL the restaurants in Detroit, you chose a burger joint,” I say, shaking my head. I take her hand and lead her toward the club entrance. I like to give her a hard time, but I love that she chose a burger joint.

  “Bite me. I like burgers.”

  I wrap my arms around her and nip at her neck. “I like you.” I keep my arms wrapped around her and my lips attached to her neck as we walk through the door. She pries my fingers from around her waist and presses her palm against my forehead, pushing me away from her neck. “You need to be a gentleman in public. No more kissing until we’re back in your car.”

  I lead her back to the exit. “Well, in that case, we’re done here. Let’s go.”

  She yanks my hand back. “No way. If you plan on seducing me on your couch later, you have to seduce me with your words, first. You promised a performance tonight and we’re not leaving until I see one.” She walks me toward the booth that Eddie and Gavin saved us seats in. She scoots in beside Eddie and I scoot in beside her.

  “Hey,” Eddie says, eyeing us curiously.

  “Hey,” Lake and I say simultaneously. Eddie’s expression grows even more curious.

  “This is weird,” Eddie finally says.

  Gavin nods. “It is weird. It really is.”

  “What’s so weird?” Lake asks.

  “You two,” Eddie says to Lake. “I know you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks now, but this is the first time I’ve actually seen you with him. Like this, anyway. You know, all in love and stuff. It’s just weird.”

  “Oh, shut up,” Lake says.

  “It’ll take some getting used to. It just seems like you’re doing something wrong. Something illegal,” Eddie says.

  “I’m twenty-one,” I say defensively. “I’m not even a teacher anymore. What’s so weird about it?”

  “I dunno,” she says. “It’s just weird.”

  “It is weird,” Gavin says again. “It really is.”

  I can see their point, but I think they’re overreacting. Especially Gavin. He’s known how I’ve felt ab
out Lake for months. “What exactly is so weird?” I put my arm around Lake’s shoulders. “This?” I turn and kiss Lake hard on the mouth until she laughs and pushes me away. We both turn back to Eddie and Gavin and they’re still staring at us like we’re a freak show.

  “Gross,” Eddie says, crinkling up her nose.

  I pick up a sugar packet and toss it in Eddie’s direction. “Go sit somewhere else, then,” I tease.

  Gavin picks up the sugar packet and throws it back at me. “We were here first.”

  “Then deal with it,” I say.