Icestorm

by Theresa Dahlheim

  She took another sip of tea, and Koren quickly stood and took the empty cup from her. “Thank you, dear,” the sorceress murmured, and it was obvious to Tabitha that the two of them were like grandmother and granddaughter. She envied that fiercely. As she watched Koren take Lady Josselin’s teacup back to the corner table and refill it, she decided that of all the girls in this room, Koren, at least, had to be a virgin. She was so small, her face was so round, and her body still had the stick-straight lines of a child. No man could possibly look at her seriously.

  “Thank you, dear,” Lady Josselin said again as Koren gave her the refilled cup. “You’ll have to pardon me, ladies. I drink a lot of tea.” She sipped once, twice, and set the cup down. “I believe I was talking about fertility and infertility. I want to make sure that all of you understand how pregnancy actually happens. I have been surprised more than once by educated women who still held false assumptions about this. If a man’s seed reaches the woman’s womb on the day her egg has been released from its sac, the seed might join with the egg. Then the joined seed and egg might implant in the womb and start to grow. But it does not happen every time.”

  She went on, and again, none of her facts went against what Beatris had told Tabitha and Pamela when Tabitha had first started bleeding. Beatris would be happy to know that, so Tabitha decided to include it in her next letter. There was also some new information, such as the idea that the man’s seed determined the baby’s gender. This came from Sorceress Khisrathi’s research, which showed that there were two kinds of seed but only one kind of egg. Tabitha saw many startled faces around the room at this revelation, and Lady Josselin said, “I want to make this fact common knowledge around the world. No woman should be blamed for giving birth to a girl when her husband wanted a boy.”

  The sorceress then talked about infertility, which affected both men and women, but for very different reasons. Tabitha did nothing to betray her special interest when Lady Josselin briefly spoke of male impotence, but when the sorceress said that no spell was guaranteed to help a man father a child, Tabitha felt a little sick inside. Infertility in women turned out to be complicated, and Lady Josselin listed all the large and small things that could prevent pregnancy or cause miscarriage. “My research also confirmed something that many healers suspect,” she added. “Magi women are much more likely to be infertile than ordinary women. This is unfortunate, since if more magi women could have children, we would have more magi in the world.”

  Maga Samari raised her hand again. Lady Josselin’s answer to her question was long, and the maga looked chastened before the sorceress was finished. Lady Josselin turned to the rest of them and translated. “Maga Samari’s question was about mixed-race marriages. It is correct that mixed-race marriages have a lower than average chance of producing children. However, mixed-race magi marriages have children more often than mixed-race ordinary marriages. Also, children born to any mixed-race marriage are more likely to be magi.” She looked rather pointedly at Samari again, and then she directed a similar look at Attarine. “So be sure to put any bigotry aside while you are here, and look at all the fine young men at the Academy.” Now she smiled at them all, rather wickedly. “We’ve had an especially good crop come in this year.”

  Tabitha wished Lady Josselin had not said that. It killed the scholarly feel of the meeting. She could only listen to this old woman talk about these things if she could pretend the sorceress’s interest was all academic.

  Another Khenroxan maga asked a question, and after Lady Josselin answered her, she again turned to the group to translate. “The question was whether or not the charms that are supposed to help a woman become pregnant actually work. Yes, they can, but the success rate is low. Spells are at their most effective when they maintain things. They are less effective at changing things. If you are not pregnant, it is easier for a charm to help you stay not pregnant than it is for another charm to help you get pregnant.”

  Tabitha felt another moment of despair. Her father could not stay as he was now. He needed a son.

  “My lady,” the curly-haired Khenroxan girl spoke up in Mazespaak, and Lady Josselin nodded to her. “Sorcerers’ magic is more powerful, though, isn’t it? A sorcerer could get a girl pregnant even if a magus couldn’t, right?”

  “You are correct on your first point,” Lady Josselin said. “Less so on your second. You will remember that sorceresses can’t become pregnant, and although no sorcerers are impotent, very few of them father children. None of the sorcerers in my generation have. Fertility is an aspect of the human body, and of healing, where the sheer strength of sorcerers’ magic can’t overcome all difficulties.”

  “Yes, my lady.” The girl bowed her head, subdued. “I’m sorry.”

  “Dear, never be sorry for asking honest questions. For purposes of this discussion, very little is out of bounds. In fact, does anyone have particular questions thus far about things we have discussed? I have quite a bit more to say on related topics, but this is a good time to pause. You can even ask for more tea.” She smiled, and then repeated herself in all four languages.

  Two of the girls did ask for more tea, which Koren provided, but no one raised a hand to ask anything else. As Koren resumed her seat, Lady Josselin shifted in her chair and let out a long breath as she flexed her knee. “Ah, that’s better. Now. A related topic.” She cast her gaze over them all, from left to right, her dark brown eyes thoughtful. “Boys.”

  No. No, don’t talk about boys. Not real boys. Boys in theory. In the abstract.

  “At Maze Island Academy, we welcome boys and girls. We do this because there are too few magi in the world for us to exclude half of them on such a stupid and unfair basis as gender. We also do this because we want magi boys and magi girls to meet and marry and have magi children. We consider this to be very important because, again, there are too few magi in the world. This means that we elders want you girls to talk to boys, get to know them, and fall in love with them. And, of course, no matter what we elders actually want or intend, it also means that you might go to bed with them.”

  Again, no one reacted. To distract herself, Tabitha tried to look around the room without moving her head, wondering which of the girls were virgins. She did not know for sure if Attarine and Isabelle still were, and she could not tell by looking at the expressions of any of the others. Awe of the sorceress reduced everyone to a certain core innocence.

  This is the Lady Josselin, she reminded herself. I should never feel awkward asking her anything. If even half of the stories about her were true, she knew more about love, passion, and heartbreak than anyone who had ever lived.

  “In all things,” Lady Josselin said, “I try to emphasize the practical, and the reasonable, and the doable. So should you, for that is what will enable you to help your people as magi. And from that standpoint, I find it ridiculous to ask for complete celibacy among girls and boys constantly in each other’s company. Now. Your headmistress no doubt told you that you would be expelled if you were caught with a boy. I will add this to that. Maga Judita deserves your respect and obedience, and it’s her duty to enforce the rules of conduct. However, she is not overzealous, and a single incident rarely results in expulsion.” She looked around, and at the slight frowns that Tabitha could see, she repeated her words in the other languages. Then she said, “I, personally, would be remiss if I did not inform you of what to expect should you choose to go to bed with a boy.”

  Tabitha rather thought that that depended completely on the boy. Or man. No girl could expect someone like Alain for her first time.

  Lady Josselin sipped her tea. “Before that, though,” she said as she set the cup down, “I will emphasize the word choice again. This must be your choice. Every one of you must now promise me something.”

  She now looked directly at Tabitha, and Tabitha could not help it that her eyes widened, but then the sorceress’s gaze went to Attarine, then Isabelle, and she spoke in Thendalian. “If any man, magi or otherwise, tries to overpo
wer and rape you, you must fight him, with your magic and with any other weapons you have. Your punches, your kicks, your nails, your teeth. And you must scream, with your mind and your voice. No matter what he says to threaten you, you must fight and you must scream. It is extremely likely that you will be able to escape, so don’t let yourself feel helpless. A magi woman, many magi women, possibly I myself, will hear you scream. None of us will ignore you, and we will all help you, and we will not later scold you and tell you it was all your own fault. You must promise me that you will only go to bed with whom, and when, you truly want to. And.” Her look at Tabitha was even more intense now. “Second, considering the unique skills that magic-users have, you must also promise me that you will never force any man to do something he does not want to do, in bed or otherwise.” Her eyes moved between Isabelle and Attarine, and then landed on Tabitha again, as sternly as Natayl’s. “Say that you promise.”

  Attarine’s answer was a whisper, and Isabelle’s barely a murmur. Tabitha nodded assent and said clearly, “My oath on it, my lady.” Only the second part mattered in her case, of course. The thought of anyone trying to rape a sorceress was ludicrous.

  Lady Josselin repeated her words, and extracted each promise, in every native language, finishing with the Khenroxan girls seated closest to her. Tabitha noticed that Koren did not make the promise, but she had probably already done so. Lady Josselin had probably given her this entire talk the very day they had met.

  “You have given your word to me,” the sorceress said then, “and I have accepted it, so I expect you to abide by it. Rape is all too common, and it is never justified or excusable, no matter who initiates it.” She paused for another sip of tea. “The boys at the Academy are told plainly that they will suffer much more than expulsion if they even try to rape a girl. The same applies to you if your seduction of ordinary men passes from enticement to coercion.”

  It did not. In neither case had Tabitha forced anything. She was sure of that.

  But Alain thought I was Marjorie.

  “… but no one can lie to the Circle,” Lady Josselin was saying. “If the boy says one thing and the girl says another, we can quickly find out what likely happened. And it goes both ways. Accusing a boy of trying to rape you when he didn’t is also grounds for expulsion.” She nodded toward the Khenroxan maga, who had raised her hand again.

  “My lady, you said you can find out what likely happened. You can’t … you can’t find out the real truth?”

  Lady Josselin tilted her head from side to side. “Well, everyone remembers events just a little differently, even events like that. Especially events like that. It can be trickier than expected to discover, as you say, the real truth.”

  She turned to a Telgard maga who had her hand raised, and they had a conversation in Telgardian that Tabitha could almost understand. When Lady Josselin translated for the group, it was quite close to what Tabitha expected. “The question was, what if a boy is drunk and doesn’t realize what he’s doing when he tries to rape you? My answer is, he certainly knew that he was drinking. Drunkenness is no excuse for rape. For your own safety, stay away from boys or men who get drunk. And as you probably realize, Maga Judita’s rules about you not drinking are not without practical application here. If you are a healer and can quickly clear your head of alcohol, that’s wonderful. But to preserve the integrity of your choices, it’s safer not to drink at all.”

  This did not worry Tabitha. She did not really like the taste of most alcohol, not even Thendalia’s most revered wines, and none of her friends ever got drunk.

  The other Telgard maga tentatively raised her hand. But when Lady Josselin acknowledged her, she bit her lip, shook her head, and looked down at her hands.

  “Very little is out of bounds here,” Lady Josselin repeated gently. “Your question may be important to some of these other girls, so please ask.”

  The Telgard girl nodded. She did not look up, but she managed to ask, “My lady, what if a sorcerer tries to rape one of us?”

  The silence and stillness that followed this question was complete. Tabitha stared at the maga in disbelief. Was she accusing Graegor? That was not possible. He was kind to everyone, and especially kind to women. It was why so many of them were always trying to get close to him. He was hers and he would never even think of forcing himself on anyone.

  “You will not be able to fight off a sorcerer,” Lady Josselin said. Her face and voice were calm and practical. “Try to get away. If you can’t, then beg him to let you go. If he does not, then you must do everything you can to stay alive, even if that means submitting to him. But afterward, come directly to me. To me. Do you understand?”

  The maga nodded. Lady Josselin translated everything she had said into all four languages, looking at all the girls in turn as she did. Tabitha nodded just as solemnly as any of the others. Surely they were still speaking theoretically.

  Then Lady Josselin softly asked the Telgard girl, “Has this happened?”

  After a short silence the girl murmured, “Lord Borjhul.”

  Tabitha felt icy needles at her neck and spine. It was not theoretical, and worse, it did not come as a surprise to her. Borjhul had never again tried to bond with her, and in fact had never even touched her, not even during the long day in the labyrinth. But his predatory eyes had followed her everywhere.

  When Lady Josselin spoke, her voice was quietly terrible. “He raped you?”

  “No.” The Telgard girl shivered. “He … asked me. When I said no, he … grabbed me so I couldn’t leave, at first. Then he let me go.”

  “Stay after we’re finished today,” Lady Josselin told her. “I need to know more.”

  The girl swallowed. “Yes, my lady.”

  Lady Josselin looked over them all again. “Has anything similar happened to any of the rest of you? Or have you heard any rumors of rape by any of the sorcerers, young or old?”

  As the sorceress repeated in the question in translation, Tabitha forced herself to consider the others. Would Ferogin? She might expect it of any such horribly mannered lout, but she had the feeling that he would consider something like that to be beneath him. Rossin? She had no idea. He was so wild inside, did he even understand the idea of rape? Daxod was mourning his dead wife, so Tabitha doubted he could be callous enough to rape someone. Arundel seemed too fair-minded for such a thing, and besides, Ilene seemed too normal to tie herself to a rapist.

  That left the older sorcerers. Tabitha thought of Natayl, but then immediately forced her attention back to what Lady Josselin was saying.

  “The magi badge that you wear will serve to protect you,” the sorceress was telling the girls. “You’ll find that most men are wary of even speaking to you, for fear that they might offend you, so it is highly unlikely that one would try to rape you. But I do encourage you all to take the unarmed combat and weapons training classes the Academy holds. Your telekinesis can give your knives, or your fists, unusual strength and abilities. Use them to defend yourself, and to intervene when you see any other woman, or anyone at all, who needs your help.”

  Tabitha saw Isabelle nod in agreement with this. Several other girls were nodding as well, so it did not really mean anything, but it did make her wonder if Isabelle already knew how to fight.

  “Rape is one thing,” Lady Josselin said then. “Lovemaking is another. You need to be just as careful here, but in other ways. My first piece of advice in this regard is that before you choose to sleep with someone, get to know him. Spend a year, or even longer, talking together. People are like trees—they change seasonally. I know waiting is always difficult, but it can save you from many mistakes.”

  A year? Tabitha had no intention of waiting a year. She did not like being forced to wait a month.

  “But I am not your mother or your headmistress,” Lady Josselin continued. “I will not pass judgment on you if I find out that you have chosen to sleep with someone after one day. Whether I learn by accident or by your confiding in me, you can tr
ust that I will tell no one.”

  For these magi girls, Lady Josselin’s words were probably true. But Tabitha did not for one moment believe that she could safely tell her own story to the elder sorceress.

  “If you come to me for advice, I will give it freely,” Lady Josselin said. “And since you are all here right now, I will tell you what to expect if you choose to go to bed with a boy.”

  She was really going to talk about it. She was really going to describe it. No one leaned forward, but Tabitha could almost feel everyone in the room deliberately not doing so. She herself did not twitch, and told herself firmly that Sorceress Josselin knew all about these things. She was very wise, and Tabitha would do well to listen. She told herself to sit still and not squirm.

  “It usually hurts the first time,” the sorceress said. “How much it hurts depends on a lot of things, but your maidenhead is a major factor. Here is another myth I want to dispel. Your maidenhead does not cover the entire opening to your birth canal. If it did, your monthly blood would have a difficult time flowing out, wouldn’t it? A normal maidenhead surrounds the opening to the birth canal, and has a hole in the center, sometimes large and sometimes small. It is a thin membrane, and it is easily torn. Many virgins tear their maidenheads by horseback riding or other kinds of exercise. This is another fact that I want to make widely known throughout the world.” She enunciated her next words very clearly, in every translation. “If your maidenhead is not torn, you are probably a virgin. If your maidenhead is torn, you may still be a virgin. Girls suffer shame and worse because people don’t know this. Tell everyone, whenever the subject arises.”