Chapter Twenty-Eight – Annie
For all practical purposes, Gray has become a whore. Unfortunately, I still run into him a good bit because of Topher, Scarlett, and the simple fact that we live in the same town. Each time I see him, he’s with a different girl, each one looking younger than the last. I still talk to him occasionally, and he sends me random text messages telling me he loves me or that he wants to hook up. Sadly, I usually respond and frequently meet up with him. I haven’t dated anyone since Gray. My heart is still his, but since he abuses it, it’s better to keep a distance, just satisfying carnal needs instead of emotional ones. The sex is still amazing, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’ll take whatever part of Gray I can get. This way, outwardly, it appears to be on my terms, that I’m the one who walked away.
His friends think I’m crazy. My friends think I’m crazy. They both tell me all the time that I need to move on, to find someone who will love me the way I love Gray, but I just can’t let him go. I know in my mind, he can’t change and this is who he is, but my heart just doesn’t care. My soul clings to whatever I can get from Gray. The funny thing is, yes, he’s always with some different girl, and yes, they all look at him the same way I did, or still do when no one else is around, but oddly enough, he brushes them aside when we run into each other. He never hides who I am. He never tries to ignore me. He always introduces me, hugs me, talks to me, and without fail, every girl has known exactly who I am upon introduction.
For the most part, they have even given me a warm reception. One or two of them have tried to solicit information on the infamous Gray – how to hold on to him, how to get him to open up, how to get him to commit, blah blah blah. Each time, I want to smack them, reminding them that our relationship didn’t work so I might not be the best person to ask. Finally, I tell Erin that very thing when Scarlett and I run into her and Gray at The Astro.
We, Scarlett and I, are standing at the bar waiting for our drinks, both completely blitzed. We dosed before coming down here tonight. This is a great club to come to rolling. The walls are solid black with some neon paint spattered around. Backlights are the only source of light in the place other than the glow sticks people are dancing with. They music is always rave/techno in nature with a funky beat, so overall, just a fun place to chill out, drink, and dance. The bartender knows us pretty well; we come here a good bit. As we are standing there talking to him, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn my head, not expecting to see Little Erin, one of Gray’s girls, standing there with her hand on me. I smile at her. “Hey, Erin, what’s up?” There are two Erin’s in Gray’s life, Little Erin, the one standing here with me now, and Big Erin, whom I went to high school with and can’t stand.
“Hey, Annie!” She’s smiling so wide that I think her cheeks might crack. She really is a cute girl and sweet as can be. I can’t help but like her, even though I know she’s fucking Gray, which tears me apart. “I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute?”
She’s got to be kidding. She has to scream to ask me if she can talk to me. Surely she doesn’t think we are going to have some heart to heart here amongst this chaos, or ever for that matter.
“I know it’s kind of loud in here, but if we could go back toward the front it’s not as bad. I promise I won’t take much of your time.” I give Scarlett a hesitant look before she waves me off. Erin takes my hand, leading me through the crowd. She glances over her shoulder a few times to make sure I’m still with her, like her holding my hand isn’t enough indication that I haven’t made a break for it.
At the front of the building, there is a circular wall that closes off the club from the entrance, and there are halls down both sides of the wall that lead onto the dance floor. Along that outside wall, there are benches. This is where she leads me, and I see Gray sitting up front. What the fuck? I start to protest, “Erin, look, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Annie, please. I just want to talk to you both. I swear it won’t take long.”
“What could you possibly want to talk to me about with Gray?”
“He won’t stay long. He just wants to tell you that it’s okay to answer my questions. He said you wouldn’t talk to me about your relationship with him unless you knew he was all right with it. He said you’re a really private person.”
This is just strange. There is nothing I can tell her about my relationship with Gray that will benefit her in the slightest. Not only that, but it’s heart wrenching for me to talk about it with my own friends, much less his newest flame.
When we reach Gray, he stands, and pulls me into his chest. Leaving Erin standing there watching, he leans down to kiss my forehead. Dumbfounded, I stare up into his eyes, and there it is. It never fails to click instantly. We can say a thousand words through eye contact without ever uttering one. I try to keep a straight face, knowing he can see in my eyes that I love him. He grins. His eyes crinkle on the sides, silently telling me the same with that smile he reserves only for me.
“Bird Dog.” He breaks the moment speaking my beloved nickname. It’s a welcome and a statement at the same time. Erin is just standing there smiling at the two of us. What the hell? I’d be gouging out my eyes if I were this girl. “I know this is weird, but Erin has some questions for you and I’m hoping you will help me out by answering them for her as honestly as possible.”
“Gray, if you want her to know about our relationship, why don’t you tell her yourself? Surely it would mean more coming from you.”
“She needs to hear it from you. Be honest with her, faults and all. She needs to understand who I am.”
Not wanting Erin to hear what I have to say next, I pull Gray down by the collar of his shirt and whisper into his ear, “What if my honesty isn’t what she wants to hear?”
“She needs to hear it, baby. She needs to understand who I am. You are the only person that can convey that to her. She knows what you mean to me. She knows that you are still very much a part of me. Just answer her questions. That’s all I’m asking.”
“Gray, you do realize that I’m not in the best frame of mind to answer her questions.” I know he can look at my eyes and tell that I’m on something; although, I doubt he knows what it is. Ecstasy is a drug I have taken up since we broke up. It’s euphoric. I’m on cloud nine, and nothing bothers me. I feel utterly loved by everyone I come in to contact with. It’s a horrible coping mechanism, but I’m clinging to it.
“Annie, I can look in your eyes and see that it’s not you in there. I also know I’m the reason you’re hiding, but I still love you. Will you do this for me? Please.”
“I’m not sure what you are trying to accomplish, Gray, but if you want me to talk to her, I will.”
“Thanks, Bird Dog. I owe you one.” He hugs me tightly again before turning to Erin, saying, “I’ll be at the bar when you guys are done.” We both watch him walk away before sitting down on the bench he had occupied just moments ago.
She looks at me shyly before launching into a barrage of words. “Annie, I really appreciate you talking to me. I know you know Gray better than anyone. He talks about you all the time. He considers you and Topher his best friends, but you probably already know that.”
Actually, I’m a little surprised by this. Yes, I know Gray loves me, but he chose everything else over me, so it’s hard to believe that he considers me one of his best friends.
“We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months, but I don’t seem to be able to get any closer to him than I was the day we met. The only thing he opens up about is you and that’s only if I pry. I keep telling him that I want to know him the way you do, that I want to be in a committed relationship, that I want to move this to another level, but he resists. What am I doing wrong?” This poor girl has no clue. She’s so young, so naive. I can tell she cares about him, but she’s fighting a losing battle. If Gray hasn’t let her in, he’s not going to.
“I’m not sure I’m the best person to be giving you advice, but I’ll tell yo
u what I can about him. When I met Gray, he was separated from his wife. It was an ugly divorce. I didn’t set out to be with him. Actually, I didn’t even know who he was. He pursued me. I can’t explain to you what happened between us other than it was an instant connection. Gray and I communicate non-verbally. We see each other in a way no one else has ever seen either of us before. I can read what he’s thinking in his eyes, by the expressions on his face. He does the same with me. Gray and I have been through a lot together, and it just ties us. I don’t know how much he has told you about our relationship – ”
Interrupting me, she says, “I know about Cole.” All of a sudden, it’s like there is a boulder on my chest. The tightness is overwhelming. Who the hell does he think he is discussing our son with this…this…girl.
“What?” I reply breathlessly.
“That day we saw you with Scarlett, the first time you and I met, he told me you were pregnant. When you lost the baby, he went ballistic. He wouldn’t talk to me, completely shut me out. I know he’s not over you, Annie. I also know the two of you continue to see each other on a casual basis.”
That’s shocking “He told you that we still see each other?”
“Yeah. I can’t say I like it, but he’s always been up front with me about it. I know he dates other girls, too.”
“The best advice I can give you on Gray is to let him be who he is. He is not going to change to meet your needs. His independence is more important to him than any relationship. The harder you push to get what you want, the faster you will drive him away. He obviously cares about you or he wouldn’t have bothered having me talk to you, but you need to understand this is his way of warning you – you’re treading on unstable ground. He had me talk to you to tell you that you aren’t going to get a commitment out of him, and to stop trying. No, he didn’t tell me to say that, but I know him. If he didn’t come back to me when he found out I was pregnant, I can assure you, he isn’t going to commit to you if you keep pushing him. Just let Gray be Gray. If you can’t handle the relationship as is, then you need to walk away. That’s what I had to do. I’m not going to lie to you. I love Gray more than anything in the world. If I thought there was even a remote chance that he would change, that we would have the same life goals, I would try to continue the relationship, but the truth is, Gray doesn’t want the same things I do. I know he loves me, but I love him enough to know that he can’t change. This is who he is. I want him to be true to himself. I struggle every time I see him, every time I’m with him, to keep my emotions at bay, to keep things casual. That’s the best I can get from him right now. That’s the best I’ll probably ever get from him. Maybe someday I will meet someone that will break my tie with him, but until then, I acknowledge what I have. I would urge you to do the same.”
Her eyes are filled with tears and she’s struggling not to let them fall. Reaching out, I squeeze her hand. “Love yourself enough to move on if that’s what you need, Erin.” She nods. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to Gray. I need to find Scarlett.” We find Gray exactly where he said he would be. Luckily for me, Scarlett is propped up on a bar stool next to him. Scarlett sees us first and nudges Gray’s arm, cocking her head towards us. He turns around to see Erin is silently crying, but he doesn’t go to her; he comes to me. Again, pulling me to his chest with one arm, tucking my head against him with his other hand, he leans down, pressing his lips against my ear so I can hear him above the music, he says, “Let me deal with her. Then I want you on the dance floor with me.”
I look into his eyes, wordlessly acknowledging his demand. He leads her away, returning ten minutes later without her. I don’t know where she went. I don’t ask. He takes my hand and Scarlett scowls at me. She hates that I continue to let him dominate my life, but knows that I love him so she says very little.
On the dance floor, it’s like the night we danced at Mag’s that night we met. My back is pressed to his front, his hands firmly placed on my hips. Our bodies move together like we are making love fully clothed. The glorious thing about ecstasy is the heightened sense of touch. Every brush of his hand, caress of his lips on my neck, the feel of his arms wrapped tightly around me, they are all magnified a thousand times. His body is so warm against mine, like a comforting blanket on a cold winter night, like a cocoon that I never want to leave.
I’m lost in the music, his touch, and the people around us. Spinning me face to face with him, he grinds his pelvis into me, pooling heat between my legs. One hand on the small of my back, one on the back of my neck, tangled in my hair. His face meets mine. His lips locking to me, his tongue sweeps between them, allowing him entrance. I’m undone by his intoxicating kiss. Panting, he breaks the spell, jerking his head toward the door, inaudibly telling me it is time to go. “I need to find Scarlett to tell her we are leaving.” I’m practically screaming at him over the music.
“No need; I told her I would take you home.”
“That was awfully presumptuous, Mr. Dearsley.”
“I’m a pretty convincing man when I want to be, Ms. Teasman.” Damn that wink melts my heart every time. He never loses contact with me as we push through the crowd of people. Some guy tries to stop me, not seeing my hand attached to Gray’s through the swarm of people. I stop for a second causing Gray to turn around to see what I’m looking at. Random blonde guy puts his hand on my hip, asking me to dance with him seconds before Gray responds for me. “I don’t think so. She’s taken.” With that we exit the club, and go to my apartment.
I don’t mention Erin even though I’m curious what he said to her before she left. I feel petty thinking I won some battle against a sweet girl like her, but I still stake my claim on Gray just as he does me, whether either of us admits that out loud is immaterial. The moment we make it in the door, we are all over each other. My sensations are still heightened from the drugs coursing through my veins. I’m in desperate need of intimate contact with him, and he is obviously feeling the same. I can feel his erection through his jeans.
Frantically, pulling each other’s clothes off as we back toward my bedroom, both of our shirts find the floor and my bra is off. The backs of my knees hit the edge of the bed. Gray pushes me down on the bed, knees still hanging off the side. Unbuttoning my jeans, he pulls them off, leaving my thong in place. He then reaches for his own pants, they drop to his ankles. He makes no effort to take them off. He is thick and hard. I reach out to grab him, but he stops me. Scooping my legs up behind my knees, he pulls me toward him and wraps my legs around his back. Pulling my thong aside, not bothering to take it off, he grabs his dick in his right hand, rubbing it slowly up and down my slit long enough to make my center wet, and then slams into me. It should feel cheap and tawdry, but it doesn’t. It’s just plain hot. His throbbing dick pummels my pussy, the drugs making every sensation that much greater. He can’t go hard enough to satisfy my animalistic urge to fuck him.
“Gray, baby, fuck me. Hard.” I cry out.
He’s sweating, making his skin glow. I love the way his chest looks as he exerts himself moving within me, the muscles contracting then releasing. My eyes find his; an amatory look passes between us. I can’t take it anymore. I need to be on top of him. I need to set the pace. “I wanna ride you.” He mutely pulls out of me, and I sigh at the loss of connection. “Take off your clothes,” I demand as I strip off my panties soaked in our sex. He does as he is told and then climbs up on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. I crawl toward him, putting my hands on his shoulders, and swinging one knee across his lap so I’m straddling his girth. With his hands on my hipbones, he lowers me down, impaling me on his dick.
Still holding his shoulders, I lean back, thrusting my breasts in his face. He takes a mouth full of nipple, sucking and biting. I roll up and down, sending waves of pleasure through my entire body. He moves his hands across my body; caressing my rib cage, cupping my breasts, teasing my nipples, grabbing my hips. A rolling sensation embraces every nerve ending under every inch of my skin he touches. In tr
ue Gray fashion, he grabs my hair, winding it around his hand, and tugging it down to expose my neck to his wanting lips. I feel his tongue tracing a line from my ear to my collarbone, sending me over the edge. I’m screaming, incoherently, lost in the sensation. The orgasm goes on for ages. It’s so intense I feel as though I’m losing my mind, unable to come down from it. Flipping me on my back, Gray proceeds to fuck the hell out of me until he reaches his own ecstasy. His movements slow as his body tightens before releasing. I’m not done though, I want more.
Tilting my head up to find his eyes, I whisper shyly, “I want you to lick my pussy.” He smiles. He loves when I talk like this to him, but it was never my thing before him. He taught me how to turn him on and get what I want from him sexually, and this is the fastest way.
“You keep talking that way, I’ll give you anything you want, Bird Dog.” His voice is sultry, kissing my neck on his way down. His mouth finds my pussy. Licking slowly, he starts with the outside lips, sucking on them, nipping at them gently. Avoiding my clit, he licks me like an ice cream cone, with a flat tongue. It’s warm and soft, sending my back into a high arch. With two fingers he enters me. He finally lands on my hotspot with his tongue, gently circling it, and suckling. His fingers slide a slow matching rhythm in me. Digging my heels into the bed to push my ass in the air, and my mound further into his face, the lapping increases. I’m so close. I desperately want to come, to be overcome with the release. His mouth is right where it needs to be licking, loving my erect hooded bead, fingers still caressing that spot inside me only he can find.
Bound by Love Page 20
