Loyal

by Hollis Shiloh

  I couldn't help it; I laughed. "You're pretty Type A yourself."

  "And that should be enough for them to know it doesn't always work. Now, are you sleeping?"

  "Yes, Justin."

  "Eating?"

  "Of course. And running, and still attending class. Nolan wants to meet you," I added. "He doesn't quite trust you."

  A moment of silence. I was kind of proud that I'd actually surprised him enough to make him fall silent for a few seconds. It seemed like quite a feat. When he got going, he kept going.

  "Nolan? Who's Nolan?"

  "My pal." I looked around, to be sure nobody was watching. "He's taller than me, actually." He was bigger in every way, although not by much. I wasn't sure how to say that without sounding weird. "We go for runs a lot. Eat together. That kind of thing." It was an awkward and inadequate way to express the warm loyalty that lay between us. It wasn't something a person talked about—or at least, I didn't know how to put it into words.

  The need to be in a pack and not alone had eased with the balm of Nolan's friendship. It wasn't fake; it was easy and natural, and the loyalty ran both ways, just like I'd always wanted from a pack. He wasn't my alpha, or somebody I had to obey. He just liked me, and I liked him, and we trusted each other.

  "I'd like to meet him, too," said Justin calmly. "Maybe I can drop by sometime?"

  "It would be more than dropping by. You'd have to take off from work and fly out here."

  He coughed.

  "What?"

  "I wouldn't have to take off from work. Let's just say I'm at liberty to seek a new position."

  "You were fired?"

  "Not fired. They don't call it fired. Let go. Released to the wind. A free player."

  "Why?"

  "Personality conflict. Apparently I've got too much of 'a bee in my bonnet' about putting away certain gangsters."

  "Really?"

  "Turns out what I consider admirable dedication to duty, to the captain means 'obsessed and a loose cannon.'"

  "You're not a loose cannon."

  "Then maybe he's on Vance's payroll," said Justin darkly. "And believe me, I'll be following that possibility up from wherever I land. I've sent out some applications already. My record is excellent, and even better with Vance going down. But I'll be between precincts till that's all sorted out, so it's definitely no problem to fly out and see how you're doing...and meet this Nolan!" He added a note of cheer at the end that sounded forced.

  Like he really cared about meeting Nolan. He probably just wanted to micromanage the rest of my life. But I really would like to see him. For one thing, I wanted to know if I'd gotten any better at resisting his alpha-like pull. For another, I missed him. It wasn't everybody who actually cared about me. Pretty sure it was only him and Nolan.

  Anyway, I couldn't feel too suffocated with just a visit. Not that suffocated was exactly how Justin made me feel...although sometimes it was kind of hard to breathe. I didn't know if he used up all the oxygen in the room, with his decisive breathing habits, but sometimes it felt that way.

  "Okay," I said. "If you can afford the ticket."

  He laughed. "I'm between jobs, Riley. I'm not broke!"

  "I'm probably not either," I admitted. "I've been feeling that way, but really, I have a bank account I've hardly touched."

  "All the more reason for you not to feel pushed into any job you don't want. But you'll meet the quieter cops, won't you? For me?"

  "You know I will," I told him quietly. "I've done everything else you wanted me to do."

  "Not everything. I wish you'd trust me."

  I didn't say anything. It wasn't that easy to trust people. I already trusted him more than I felt safe doing.

  He was silent a minute, then said, "I'll be out before the end of the week. Just need to pack and get a ticket. It shouldn't take long, and we'll talk more then."

  "I'll look forward to it," I told him politely.

  He could talk circles around me, and we both knew it. I wondered what he was going to try to convince me of this time.

  JUSTIN'S MOJO HAD NOT failed him. Within two days, there were three late additions to the non-shifter side of the equation. Cops now outnumbered wolves to an even greater extent.

  Their fellow cops didn't take kindly to the disruption; I saw dirty looks and jostling that made me feel quite sorry for the three, especially since it was sort of my fault they were here. Although really, I reminded myself, it was Justin's fault. And possibly theirs, for agreeing to it.

  Everyone was a lot more interested in them than they would have been if we'd all met at the same time. Tomas, Jenny, and Ashworth were interesting in their own right, though.

  Quieter, not as blustery as the others, they still made you feel like they knew what they were doing. Andi said their records were fine, but without as many extras tacked on, like the other candidates all seemed to have.

  "You should stop looking at files," I told her. "What if you get caught?"

  She stared at me, then laughed. "What are they going to do? Kick me out?" She shook her head. "I'd probably get better grades for being proactive."

  They wanted us to sneak around? Maybe she was bullshitting me, playing with my head. I stared at her, trying to figure it out. It had been easy for me to read when someone was lying about not having the protection money this week. It wasn't always so easy for me to read anyone these days. That was straightforward compared to the other things people lied about.

  She shrugged and turned away. "I need to know everything I can about all of them, so I can make a good choice. What's not good about that?"

  She was probably right. It wouldn't even have occurred to me. No, I just tried to make the teachers like me—and avoided all of the non-shifters I possibly could.

  I got to meet Tomas pretty quickly. He was smaller than me, of course, trim and fit with light brown skin, curly dark hair, and mahogany eyes. He had a kind of thoughtfulness about him that I liked.

  We talked about books, walking slowly together in the shade of a path winding through the woods. It was a very nice way to meet someone, and I didn't freeze up quite as much this time. I also didn't try to talk about bananas.

  I told him I liked mysteries, and he said he liked biographies. He'd just finished an interesting read on Alexander Hamilton.

  "A complicated guy," he said, and proceeded to share a couple of anecdotes and facts with me.

  I couldn't say I'd ever had much of an interest in American history, but he made it worth listening to. He had a nice voice, one I wouldn't mind paying attention to for longer.

  Jenny was a tiny black woman with short, dyed-white hair. She looked like if there were any height requirements, she would never have made it past them. She wore tiny blue Keds (no impractical heels to try to make her look taller), and was only a little bigger than a child. She was bony and quiet and unassuming...and very gentle.

  She spoke in a measured voice, soft and polite, and never seemed to lose her temper with anyone. I sensed an inner strength underneath her mellow personality. She would never give in about something that wasn't right. Not like me.

  I liked her. I didn't think I could be worthy of her, with her finely honed sense of honor. I would let her down. I liked talking to her, though. I could feel her taking my measure, a too-big white guy wolf shifter. But by the end of our walk together, she seemed to like what she thought she understood about me.

  That meant her powers of observation couldn't be very good. If she had any clue what I was really like, she'd have gone the other way. Too bad...

  The last one, Ashworth, intimidated me, with his tall frame, too-blond hair, and ice blue eyes. But that was before we talked. He was a dreamy, distracted man, the sort of guy who should have been a poet, not a cop. Or maybe a poet-cop. I wanted to ask him if he wrote sonnets in his spare time, but didn't quite have the nerve. He'd think I was poking fun.

  I actually had to draw him out a little in our conversation, which was a nice switch. He was not the ki
nd of guy who would warm up to anyone quickly, but I had the feeling we could get along well, and that was just after one conversation.

  He was reserved and introverted, and there wasn't a mean bone in his body. Those icy eyes didn't tell the story of his personality at all.

  "RILEY! LOOK AT YOU!" Justin gripped my arms tightly and grinned at me, searching my face.

  I looked at him, then shyly away again. I'd forgotten how nice it felt having my arms gripped by him, being the focus of his intense personality.

  "And you're making eye contact!"

  Only for a second or so at once, I wanted to argue, but I really didn't want to say anything at all.

  It was good to see him. Unexpectedly so. He looked younger and less intense than I remembered. Perhaps it was his clothing: civilian outfit, nothing "cop" about him. He'd even combed his hair different, although I wasn't quite sure in what way. He wore sneakers, a casual t-shirt, and cargo shorts. They showed his long legs, tanned, muscular in a sinewy way, and with hair on them. I tried not to stare at them. It seemed too vulnerable, to go around showing his leg hair like that. His knees peeked out at the bottom of the shorts, knobbier than you'd expect a grown man's to be.

  He gave me a tiny shake. "Bigger and stronger than ever, and standing up straight, too. Look at you." He said it quieter this time. "I was right. You must admit, I was right. This place is good for you."

  "It's okay," I admitted. "I like all the wolves."

  "All of them? You get along with everyone? What am I saying, of course you do!"

  "I mean, I like that there are so many. Um." I didn't know what to say. I hoped I wasn't blushing. Actually, I did get along with everyone, didn't I? There were no real personality clashes with anyone. At least, I was lucky nobody seemed to particularly dislike me. And I'd made an actual friend.

  "And how are you getting along with the new guys? They did send some, didn't they?"

  "Two men and a woman," I confirmed. "They're nice."

  "Good. I knew that would be the ticket." He looked awfully pleased with himself. He certainly hadn't stopped making decisions for my life. But it was impossible to be annoyed with him when he looked this happy to see me. I was pretty happy to see him, too.

  "So. When can I meet this Nolan fellow? He treats you well?"

  I swallowed a little laugh. Why did they both ask these sorts of questions about each other?

  "He's good. You can meet him now." Maybe it would set them both at ease.

  When he released me, I took his sleeve gently and led him towards the barracks. "Not sure about the protocol," I told him. "But there's hardly anyone there this time of day. I'm sure it'll be okay."

  "You mean going into the wolf-only area? That will be okay?" He huffed. "No, it won't. I'm sure that's still not allowed. You get him. I'll wait here."

  "Have it your way," I said, a little grumpily, turning away from him.

  "I always do, right?"

  "You said it, not me."

  He laughed, soft and friendly then, and put a hand on my back. "Don't be angry with me, Riley."

  "Don't boss me around," I said.

  "I won't. I'm just pretty sure one or both of us would be in trouble if I went in there right now."

  I nodded reluctantly, then went to fetch Nolan. He saw my grumpy expression and sat up. He'd been texting someone, probably Cecelia. She was in class, but that didn't mean she wouldn't text. She was, according to Nolan, the world's best multitasker.

  "What? What's wrong?"

  "Nothing. Can you come and meet Justin now? He wants to meet you."

  "Of course." He rose smoothly and followed me out, shoving his phone into his pocket, putting a swagger into his step. A grim look settled on his face.

  "It's just Justin," I told him. "You don't have to posture."

  He put a hand on my shoulder briefly, but didn't reply.

  Justin was waiting for us, standing with his arms crossed, facing the bright sun and looking out over the grounds you could see from here, as if surveying his domain.

  He had a very in-charge sort of posture. When he turned back to us, I missed half a step. He'd pushed on some bright, reflective sunglasses, making himself look like one of the insect-eyed cops I'd never trusted. Then he slid them off and his smile gleamed so loud it brightened up the day.

  "There you are. You must be Nolan?" He stepped forward, offering his hand, eyes sharp but expression determinedly friendly.

  "I must," said Nolan, reaching down to him. He stared at Justin hard, and from the look on Justin's face, I got the feeling he was trying not to grimace from the crushing grip of Nolan's handshake.

  I gave Nolan a quick elbow in the side, warning him to knock it off. He released Justin, but they kept facing each other.

  "So," said Justin. It didn't sound quite friendly. He was crossing his arms across his chest again, and there was something fierce about his bright smile, edged and a bit feral.

  Nolan stood with his feet planted, a stubborn jut to his jaw, a hard look in his eyes, his shoulders squared off as if getting ready to fight about something.

  I looked between them, shocked that they didn't like each other. I don't know why; their personalities weren't alike, and they had nothing in common except trying to look after me. But it still surprised the hell out of me.

  I stepped between them quickly. "Let's go for a walk." It always seemed easier to talk during a walk. Maybe they'd be friends by the end of it...or at least not enemies. I put a hand on Nolan's chest to keep him from pushing any closer, and then tentatively a hand on Justin's arm. I wasn't as comfortable touching Justin. I hadn't seen him for a while, and even then, he'd initiated anything like that between us. Besides, I felt like I didn't know him nearly as well as I knew Nolan. Nolan was wolf; we just got each other on some level. There was an easy, unfraught, peaceful feeling between us. Things between Justin and me had never been that uncomplicated, probably never would be.

  "Okay," said Justin, and stepped back. I led the way to the nicest, shadiest path, the one where I'd walked and talked in turn with Tomas, Jenny, and Ashworth. Nolan finally fell into step reluctantly with us.

  "So," said Justin, talking to me and ignoring Nolan, "you're still not sure if you want to be part of the program at all?"

  I shook my head. "I don't know. I don't have much figured out right now."

  "That's fine." He touched my sleeve, a light touch, not pushy at all. "You don't have to. You've been through the wringer."

  "Were you the one that put him through it?" asked Nolan bluntly, pushing between us a little so Justin's hand dropped, and we were pushed apart.

  "What?" He glanced at me past Nolan—or tried to. "You two didn't talk about...everything?"

  "I don't try to make Riley talk about stuff he doesn't want to," said Nolan. "But you, with your pushy phone calls and demands to know what he's going to do, that's not okay, do you hear me? He wants to tell me something, he'll tell me. If not, that's fine too. Just don't you go pushing him. I don't know what you think you have in all of this, but Riley doesn't answer to you. You got that?"

  Justin smiled uncomfortably. "You've got yourself, er, a strong champion, I see," he said to me again. Then to Nolan: "I'm certainly not trying to make Riley do anything he doesn't want to do—or make him talk, either. But you must admit I have some right to speak to him. He doesn't have to answer me, but shouldn't you let him decide that for himself?"

  "Nolan, it's okay."

  Nolan huffed, gave me a long stare, and then stepped back, letting me and Justin drift closer to each other. I felt Nolan's eyes on us as he walked one pace behind. He smelled angry and fierce, but I knew he wasn't angry with me. I didn't think Justin had done anything to deserve his anger, either, so I tried to ignore it.

  "Quite the guy you've got yourself there," said Justin, with something glittering and sharp under his friendly voice. "I thought you didn't like decisive types?" Now he was being sarcastic, even a little mean.

  "Shut up. It's not like t
hat. He just doesn't trust you."

  That snapped Justin out of his funk, as he cast me a delighted look. "Shut up? Listen to you!" He looked like he wanted to give me a big hug and praise me for talking back to him.

  I ducked my head, trying not to smile. "You should have said you like me disagreeing with you."

  "I'd like anything that made you less frightened and cringing. Maybe Nolan's good for you after all." He reached up, a hand landing lightly on my upper back, then sliding up to squeeze my neck.

  Nolan growled behind us. Justin's hand lingered a moment, then he let it fall away. He sighed. "Well, I don't want to make trouble between you. I'd just like to be sure everything's okay, really. If you're going to stick together after the training, will you be going wherever Nolan ends up?"

  I squinted at him, confused. "He said I can stay with him if I need to, but that's not my plan."

  "Why not? Shouldn't you...?" He stopped, looking between us. We stopped as well and stared back at him as he searched our expressions. "Aren't you two mates, then?"

  I blinked. "No. Nolan's my friend."

  "I like Cecelia," blurted out Nolan. Then he blushed.

  "I know," I said, touching his sleeve. "I won't tell anyone."

  "I—I think it's probably obvious," he said in a miserable voice, turning away from us, looking off very hard into the trees.

  "Probably," I agreed. I kept a hand on his arm. "But that's not bad. To like somebody. It's not bad, Nolan," I tried to reassure him.

  He nodded miserably. His heart was on his sleeve about her, and he couldn't do anything about it. It was probably a pretty miserable place to be.

  Justin cleared his throat. "So you weren't...introducing me to your mate."

  "I said I made a friend, Justin. What's hard to get about that? If I'd meant mate, I'd have said mate."

  "You just sounded as though...as though he meant a lot to you," said Justin. He seemed bewildered and off balance. I didn't enjoy it as much as I'd thought I would.

  "So you don't understand everything about wolves. Let it go."

  He looked at me, quick, checking my face for something. He smiled, then. "Okay. Different topic. Not supposed to ask you about your career goals, or relationship goals, what can I ask you about?" His smile seemed more genuine now, nicer, more like himself. I got the feeling he'd have put his arm around me, if it wouldn't have annoyed Nolan.