Under the Light of a Full Moon

by D. A. McGrath

  “Very good,” said Selina. “Anything else?”

  “Some kind of birds, chirping,” said Clara.

  “Yes, I can hear them too,” said Selina. “Right, this time I want you to close your eyes and open up your mind and tell me about the animals you can sense.”

  Clara frowned slightly, not quite understanding what Selina wanted her to do, but she closed her eyes as instructed.

  “Can you feel anything?” Selina asked.

  “Nope,” responded Clara.

  “Keep trying,” said Selina. “Empty your mind of thought. Imagine your brain literally being open to nature, to the air. Try taking some deep breaths to relax yourself.”

  Feeling silly, Clara breathed deeply once, and then again, and tried to picture her mind opening up. She was starting to feel dizzy from all of the deep breathing when...

  “I can feel something,” said Clara.

  “Don’t force it,” said Selina. “Don’t chase it. Relax, and let it come to you.”

  Clara breathed deeply once more, lowering her shoulders and trying to stay relaxed. She really did feel something, a presence, no, more than one. Distant heart beats. Nebulous thoughts drifting in and out of her mind, like a pile of leaves snatched up by a playful breeze. When she tried to, though, she couldn’t focus on any individual presence clearly.

  “You’re picking up on animal life that is close by,” said Selina quietly. “When you have practised some more, you’ll be able to identify all of the different types of animals and you’ll be able to understand them – understand what they’re thinking.”

  As Clara listened to what her aunt was saying her mind closed and she lost the link. She opened her eyes.

  “That was very weird,” Clara said, excitedly. “Amazing, impossible, and definitely weird.” And she closed her eyes, eager to try it again.

  “This is an exercise that you need to practice as often as you can,” Aunt Selina said. “Because with practice comes proficiency. But don’t be silly about it. I don’t want you getting run over because you’re practising while crossing the road.”

  Clara blinked and peered at her aunt to see if she was joking but Selina’s expression was completely serious.

  “Right,” said Clara slowly and then she closed her eyes again in concentration.

  “Also, no practising at school,” said Selina pointedly. “I don’t want to hear that you’re not concentrating on your lessons or your homework. If I do then your training with me will cease until your grades improve. Do you understand?”

  “Mm-hmm,” said Clara distractedly, she was focusing on the animals that were back in her mind.

  “Okay,” said Selina after a while. “Do you think you’re getting the hang of it?”

  Clara nodded. She revelled in the feeling of so many creatures being open to her. It was as if the trees and bushes had all disappeared and she was standing in the centre of a group of shadowy animal forms who were all talking to her. She couldn’t perceive individuals, animals or voices, merely a constant buzz of conversation. As Clara relaxed into it the forms became more numerous and the buzz became louder. Then, instead of feeling weird, Clara felt completely natural, as if she’d been waiting for this her whole life. She didn’t realise it, but she was smiling. Selina smiled back. I think she’s starting to believe, she thought smugly to herself.

  “Right then,” said Selina. “It’s time for your second lesson.”

  Clara opened her eyes and frowned, unhappy with the interruption. Selina laughed.

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “You’ll have plenty of opportunities to practise when I’ve gone home. For now, we need to help you get some rest tonight.” Clara reluctantly nodded.

  “I’m going to show you another skill that you can practise after I’ve gone,” said Selina. “It’s the opposite of what we’ve been practising so far. The second lesson is the ability to block out animal thought. To switch them off and give you the peace to get some sleep. Are you ready?” Clara nodded.

  “What I want you to do is to open your mind to animals as we’ve just done, but then I want you to consciously shut them out again. Picture your brain closing to them – put up a barrier in your mind between you and them.”

  “Okay,” said Clara. She closed her eyes and opened up her mind. She was getting quite good at it now and the animal thoughts came quickly to her. She revelled once again in their variety and number but then remembered the task she’d been set, so she pictured a wall being built in the front of her mind. She built it brick by brick in her mind’s eye. The effect of it was muted. The noise was still there, only now it was muffled by the barrier.

  Clara squeezed her eyes tightly and concentrated harder, building a second wall within the first and then a third in front of that. Eventually the noise ceased, and Clara could no longer feel any presence in her mind other than her own. She opened her eyes and let out a whoosh of breath that she hadn’t realised she’d been holding.

  “How did you do?” Selina asked.

  “Not too good at first,” said Clara. “But then I managed it eventually.”

  “Practice, practice, practice,” said Selina, tapping Clara on the shoulder to emphasise each word. “It’s extremely important that when you go to bed you consciously close your mind to the presence of animals; only then will you be able to get the best conditions to initiate sleep. Now, try it again.”

  Clara closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and started the cycle again. Opening her mind to the creatures nearby and then closing it again. After her third attempt, her head was throbbing from all the effort. She was tired and tense and the throbbing was turning into a headache. Clara pressed her cold fingers against her temples for relief.

  Seeing Clara’s weariness, Selina squeezed Clara’s shoulders. “Well done, Clara,” she said. “You’ve done marvellously today. But I think that’s enough for now. We’ll go through the exercise again one more time when you go to bed and we’ll see if it works, okay?”

  Clara nodded numbly. Her brain felt like it’d been trampled by a herd of elephants. She rolled her shoulders to loosen them and slowly rolled her head to release tension. She took another couple of slow, deep breaths, concentrating on the feeling of the cold fresh air rushing down her throat and into her lungs. It was only as they started for home, and Clara stumbled, that she noticed her toes were completely numb from the cold. She stamped them a few times to try and get the circulation going and then trudged home, thinking about what was still to come that evening.

  ***

  Clara was getting under her duvet that night when her great aunt knocked lightly and came in, closing the door behind her.

  “How are you feeling, Clara?” she asked.

  “Nervous,” responded Clara. “I’ve got butterflies in my stomach.”

  Selina smiled, “How is your head?”

  “It’s okay,” Clara replied. She’d gone to her room on returning home that afternoon and had a nap. When she woke her brain was feeling back to its regular size, if still a little sensitive to loud noises, like her brother, yelling at her to come down for dinner.

  “Well,” said Selina. “We’ll have you relaxed and slumbering before you know it,” and she smiled confidently. “Okay, Clara. Now, I want you lie back, close your eyes and relax. Take a few deep breaths and let’s see what’s going on inside your head.” And Selina tapped Clara’s forehead gently.

  Clara lay down and wriggled until she was comfortable, closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. With each exhale she felt a small bit of tension releasing from her body. And with each breath she became more aware of the mental presence of animals entering her consciousness. It felt to her like maybe they’d been there all along, simmering in the recesses of her sub-conscious mind, but with each relaxing breath they were freed to spread out across her entire consciousness. Clara gasped at the speed and strength of it in her mind. Her own consciousness was being swallowed up in the tumult and it frightened her. Her chest tightened. She couldn’
t breathe. Clara flung her arms up, opened her eyes wide and sat up abruptly, taking heaving breaths to get air back into her lungs.

  Selina, startled by her niece’s particularly strong reaction, put her arms around Clara and stroked her back, while murmuring soothing things.

  “It’s all right,” her aunt murmured. “You’re safe. You are home and you’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Shaking slightly, but feeling a little better, Clara pulled away from her aunt’s embrace.

  “What happened to me?” she wailed quietly.

  “I’m sorry, Clara,” Selina said. “I should’ve warned you, but it’s so early in your transition I didn’t expect such a strong reaction. It’s the second night of the full moon, you see. It’s the most powerful night out of the three. The strength of it can feel overwhelming if you aren’t prepared for it.” And Selina gently brushed Clara’s fringe out of her eyes.

  “Maybe we should skip the first step and go straight to closing your mind instead,” said Selina and she nodded encouragingly to Clara, pushing her gently back down against the pillows.

  Clara resisted. She was still a little frightened, and wary of closing her eyes in case it happened again.

  “Trust me, Clara,” insisted Selina. “You did it fine this afternoon when we were in the woods. Remember to build a strong, thick wall in your mind. Visualise its strength and solidity. Concentrate on the wall, and not on the animals that the wall is blocking out. It’ll work, I promise.”

  Clara looked into her aunt’s eyes and saw belief and confidence reflected back in them. She took a deep breath, nodded to her aunt, and closed her eyes once more. I can do this, she thought to herself, I can do this. As quickly as she could, she focused on the foundations of a solid, red brick wall, five bricks deep. She concentrated on laying one brick on top of another, conscious that the presence she was trying to block out was malevolently prodding and poking at the wall, trying to find weaknesses that it could seep through. She could feel the presence gaining in strength and threatening to knock down the wall she was building, but she kept on methodically laying brick after brick making the tallest and thickest wall she could imagine.

  Selina watched her niece’s internal battle with concern. She saw perspiration develop on Clara’s forehead, and the girl twitched occasionally as if rebuffing an attack. After a few minutes, though, Clara’s body began to relax and her breathing deepened. The girl sighed and opened her eyes, smiling slightly at her aunt.

  “I’ve done it,” she whispered proudly.

  Selina smiled. “Good girl,” she said encouragingly. “The last step is to instigate a fully relaxed meditative state. It takes years of practise to master the technique, so I’m going to help you along by massaging your pressure points. What I want you to do is concentrate on your breathing. It needs to be slow and steady but relaxed. Don’t force it in any way, let it come naturally, but focus all of your attention on it. Do you understand?”

  “I think so,” replied Clara.

  “Okay,” said Selina in a calm hushed voice. “Close your eyes and relax. Breathe in, and out. In, and out. In, and out.” Clara focused on her breathing as requested but couldn’t help, at first, being aware of her aunt’s fingers pressing on various points on her face and head. The massage was following a repetitive pattern and, after a while, she stopped noticing it. She was aware of her breath, and of her body feeling heavier and heavier, until she drifted off to sleep.

  Selina continued to massage Clara’s pressure points until she was sure the girl was fully asleep. She then stayed and watched Clara sleeping for a while. Clara seemed relaxed, the tension and anxiety lines gone. Selina sighed quietly. The strength and speed of Clara’s transition had surprised her a couple of times today. Clara was way behind where she should’ve been in her lessons, based on the pace of her transition, and Selina felt a terrible guilt for her niece’s suffering. She couldn’t change where they were at, however, she could only hope that she’d done enough today and tonight for the child to get some rest. She wished she could stay longer and keep an eye on Clara, to make sure, but she had her own needs to attend to.

  Selina quietly left Clara’s bedroom. She closed the door softly behind her and then placed her hand on it and whispered, “Sleep well, child,” before turning away.

  Chapter Six

  Clara woke in the early hours of the next morning feeling almost normal. She’d slept for about six hours. She’d dreamt during the night, vivid dreams, but not violent or frightening ones. She’d dreamt that she was in the middle of a crowd of nebulous forms, as if standing on the platform of a busy train station, but the crowd were not human, they were animals. Their voices sounded strange and unfamiliar, but their presence was not malevolent, it was comforting. Like they were accepting her as one of them.

  When she woke, Clara wanted to go straight to her aunt’s room and tell her about the dreams but she knew that her aunt would be sleeping off a late night, so instead she dressed and went downstairs to watch TV, until she heard her brother and her parents stirring.

  She went through to the kitchen for breakfast in a good mood. She wondered what animal her aunt had changed into and how she’d slipped in and out of the house during the night. She shook her head wryly. She still didn’t quite believe in shape-shifting and wouldn’t until she could see it with her own eyes. Still, she was keen to learn more about it if it meant being able to get more sleep.

  After breakfast, she went out to meet up with Sinead to pass the time and spend a couple of hours talking about normal stuff with her friend. Sinead was full of curiosity, though, about why Clara hadn’t been to school the day before and Clara stuttered through a story about a stomach upset as a result of something she’d eaten. She didn’t like lying to her friend but couldn’t somehow bring herself to tell Sinead the truth. After all the truth still seemed impossible to her, she had no idea how it would sound to someone who hadn’t suffered the experiences that she had.

  Clara had always been a truthful soul. She never rebelled against or disobeyed her parents or felt it necessary to lie about anything, unless it was to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. She found it difficult, therefore, to lie now. She blushed and stuttered her way through the lie, unable to meet Sinead’s eyes. While Sinead thought her friend’s behaviour was a little strange, she put it down to Clara having been poorly.

  Clara was quiet for the rest of the morning. I’m going to have to get better at lying if Aunt Selina’s predictions come true. Sinead had always been the one person she could be completely honest and open with and it seemed that she was going to lose this intimacy with her one close friend.

  Clara was still quiet at lunch, but the only person who seemed to notice was Aunt Selina. After her mum and brother had gone shopping and her father was watching football on the TV, Selina suggested another walk.

  They trudged through the frosty woods, Clara kicking up the dead leaves in front of her, lost in her thoughts. Selina frowned. Clara had told her aunt about how much she’d slept the night before and how much better she felt, so her current low mood was concerning.

  “Something troubling you, Clara?” asked Selina, putting her arm around her niece’s shoulders. “What is it?”

  “Nothing,” said Clara automatically, staring at the trees ahead of them but focused inwards.

  “Are you sure? You can tell me about it, you know? I won’t judge,” pressed Selina. Clara was silent for a moment then she sighed, she wanted to talk about her feelings with someone and her aunt might be the only one who would understand.

  “It’s Sinead,” Clara said. “I had to lie to her about why I wasn’t in school yesterday. I didn’t like it.”

  “Ah,” said Selina knowingly. “Yes, that is one of the downsides to our gift. Having to lie to our friends and family. Having to keep people at arm’s length. It’s an unfortunate necessity and I’ll explain why in a bit. But we have each other. You can always speak to me if you have a problem or you’re worried about somethin
g.”

  “But what if you’re not here?” Clara wailed.

  “You can send me a letter, or call me,” said Selina.

  “But I can’t text or email you?”

  “No,” said Selina smiling and shaking her head. “I don’t have a mobile telephone or a computer. I’m too old for all that modern stuff. Besides, I’m told I don’t have the reception or cables or something at my house.”

  Clara looked down at her feet as they continued through the trees. A short while later they entered the clearing and Aunt Selina stopped.

  “Right,” said Selina walking over to the rock and perching on it. “Would you like to hear more about your ancestors who had the gift?”

  Clara nodded. She was somewhat reluctant, in case the stories brought more bad news, but at the same time she was curious to hear more.

  “Okay. First of all, Clara, I want you to realise that these particular stories are told to all students in transition. You need to hear them so that you’re aware of the precarious situation you now find yourself in. If I could avoid frightening you with them I would, but unfortunately, it’s necessary for you to hear them for your own good.” Selina shook Clara’s arm to emphasise how important the stories were. Clara groaned but nodded in acknowledgement.

  “The first two stories are of ancestors who had the gift before your Great Aunt Clara was cursed. The first one I’m going to tell you about is Stephen,” Selina wriggled on the rock a little to get more comfortable. “Stephen had an average transition. He accepted the gift and the responsibilities that came with it, but he’d always been a quiet lad, a bit of a loner, and as he grew older, he spent more and more time alone. Because of the gift, he was different from his neighbours and the others who lived in his village. They’d nothing in common with him, so he kept to himself. Over the years the villagers started to think of him as the ‘weird loner’. They began to avoid him, and the children of the village would tease him, calling him names and then running away, or throwing stones at his house, only leaving when he came out and shouted at them. When those children grew up and had children of their own the teasing continued and worsened. One day, Stephen completely lost control. The children had thrown a stone which had killed one of his chickens. Stephen lost his temper, transformed into a large dog in front of the children and chased them as they ran away screaming. He didn’t actually hurt them, but they had a bad fright and told their parents what happened,” Selina sighed before going on. “Of course, the parents didn’t believe that Stephen had transformed into a dog, but they did believe that he’d chased the children, and this made the villagers angry with Stephen. They held a village meeting and agreed that Stephen was dangerous, and he needed to leave. A mob of villagers descended on Stephen’s house and demanded that he go. When he refused, they dragged him out of the house and set fire to it, burning it to the ground. The villagers didn’t leave him alone until they’d escorted him several miles out of the village. Poor Stephen left with nothing but the clothes on his back.” And Selina shook her head. “There are several things we can learn from Stephen’s story, Clara. The first and most obvious is that you need to be extremely careful that you don’t do something that risks revealing your secret when something or someone makes you angry,” Selina paused for a moment to let that point sink in. “The second thing is that you need to maintain a level of what others would perceive to be normality. You need to try and avoid becoming seen as an outsider or a weirdo as it makes people frightened and suspicious. This could simply be avoided by being polite. Saying good morning to your neighbours, commenting on the weather, passing the time of day every once in a while, showing them that you’re not a threat. And lastly, do not abuse the gift that you’ve inherited. Don’t use it to frighten or threaten the innocent or, at least, the ignorant of this world as the consequences can be serious. Do you understand, Clara? It’d be one thing to defend yourself if you’re physically threatened in some way, but you need to respect the power that you have and not misuse it ... Just like a superhero,” said Selina smiling as Clara raised her eyebrows in an “are you serious?” look.