Singathology

by Gwee Li Sui

  When Karunanithy, who had given refuge to Sarathi, spoke to her over the phone and in person about Sarathi, she had continued to display resentment towards Sarathi. Even when she was informed that Sarathi had joined one of the fire stations after finishing his national service, she thought that the job was below her family’s dignity. There were occasions when, travelling in their car, Narasammal pointed Sarathi out and said ‘Look there goes Sarathi!” or “Sarathi is standing here!,” Durga would not turn her face to look at him. What was the reason for such lack of love for Sarathi? Was she bereft of the milk of human kindness? But she showered all her love on Prasanna. Did that not mean she had expressed her motherly love with such biasness? Indeed, she had shown great love for her obedient daughter Prasanna whereas she had relegated Sarathi to a remote corner of her heart as an anonymous digit.

  With this new realisation, Sarathi’s puny image disappeared from her mind and it was replaced with a huge and pure image of him. Involuntarily, the words, “Oh my son!” lingered on her lips.

  On the following day, there was a phone call from Karunanithy, who said, “Sarathi wishes to see you and Prasanna, and I am going to bring him there. This is going to be my last try. Don’t give me any more excuse this time.” He hung up the receiver without waiting for any response from Durga.

  Within the next one hour, the doorbell rang. Narasammal opened the door and delightfully welcomed the visitors as she called out, “Madam, come and see who has come!” There was happiness written all over the face of Prasanna who arrived at the door.

  Durga got up from the hall where she was seated. She saw a lanky Sarathi wearing a white half sleeved shirt, white long pants, with a black belt round his waist. For a moment, Durga felt as if her husband Madhavan had arisen from his death.

  Before Karunanithy could say anything, Durga extended both her arms and called out, “Sarathi, my darling son.” Karunanithy, Narasammal, Prasanna, and Suresh who were oblivious of her changed heart stood stupefied.

  Sarathi who had longed to hear such words of endearment jumped with alacrity and touched Durga’s feet for her blessings. Durga hugged him tightly as she fell onto the sofa. The next second, Sarathi, like a child, buried himself in her lap.

  Durga turned Sarathi’s left hand and looked for the scar caused by the burn that she had inflicted on him nine years ago. She gently kissed the scar, and her drops of tears made it damp. She also kissed softly the burns he had sustained on his neck during the rescue operation.

  1 Tamil word for mother that can be used as an honorific for any woman or even in an endearing way on a young girl.

  2 Tamil word for a younger brother that can be used as a term of endearment on a young man. It was also once used to refer to an office boy.

  Mama Lekas Pulang

  OLEH AIDLI MOSBIT

  KAUNSELOR

  MAMA

  MAYA

  Lagu: “Ditinggal Mama” oleh Uji Rashid.

  KAUNSELOR: Dementia is a serious loss of cognitive ability in a previously unimpaired person, beyond what might be expected from normal aging. It may be static, the result of a unique global brain injury, or progressive, resulting in long-term decline due to damage or disease in the body. Although dementia is far more common in the geriatric population, it may occur in any stage of adulthood. Dementia is a non-specific illness syndrome, in which affected areas of cognition may be memory, attention, language, and problem solving.

  MAMA: Dah makan? Awak semua dah makan? Mestilah dah makan, kan? Dah pukul berapa ni? Kita belum makan lagi. Tapi dah habis masak. Biasalah, makanan dah siap, cuma tunggu Cik Abang kita balik. Kalau tengah hari, dia selalu curi-curi balik rumah, makan tengah hari dengan kita. Dia cakap dengan kita, dia tak selera makan kat luar, nak kita masak sendiri. Tapi kita tahu, sebenarnya dia makan kat rumah, jadi dia boleh jimat duit dia. Laki kita tu pandai simpan duit, tak boros. Eh, dah pukul berapa sekarang ni? [Jeda.] Dah pukul berapa ni? [Bingung.] Oi! Aku tanya, dah pukul berapa ni? Dah boleh makan ke belum? Aku nak makanlah. Aku lapar. Mana dia orang ni semua? Tak nak kasi aku makan ke? Engkau orang nak kasi aku mati ke?

  MAYA: Mama? Mama? Kenapa pekik-pekik ni? Mama lapar? Kan baru tadi, baru aje satu jam tadi, Maya kasi Mama makan? Mama lupa. Sekarang dah dekat pukul 2 petang. Siapa? Tunggu Baba balik? Dia cakap dengan Mama nanti dia balik? Okeylah… Mama tunggu dia kat sini diam-diam, okey? [Jeda.] Pada mulanya, I was just upset. Upset sebab I tak faham apa yang Mama merepek tak tentu arah. Pada mulanya, dia asyik lupa itu, lupa ini. Mama tak pernah macam tu. Dialah orang yang paling alert dan paling pay attention to details. Lepas dia jadi pelupa, dia selalu jadi bingung pulak. Dia selalu berbual tentang perkara yang berlaku pada masa dulu. Yang tak ada, diada-adakan. Macam tadi, bila Mama berbual dengan you, dia cakap pasal my Father tak? Dia cakap dia tengah tunggu my Baba balik, kan? [Geleng kepala.] My Baba meninggal dunia semasa umur I empat belas tahun. Dua puluh lima tahun lalu. Dia ceritakan you perkara yang berlaku dua puluh lima tahun lalu…

  KAUNSELOR: We all fear disintegration of the mind and rightly so; it robs us of our dignity. Bereft of reason we cannot contribute to society, vote, write a will, or, with time, care for our basic needs. The disintegration of the mind, or dementia, is a familiar occurrence in the elderly but can occur at any age and result from a vast array of diseases. A definition of dementia has thus emerged to describe an individual who is alert but suffers impairment, in more than one cognitive domain, of sufficient severity to impair social function. A difficulty in applying the definition is to decide what a specific cognitive domain is. Impairment of memory is considered essential or, more specifically, impairment of event memory: that which allows us to recall day-to-day events and maintains our sense of continuity. Other cognitive domains may include language; visuospatial and visuoperceptual functions, which allow interpretation of our visual world and so-called “frontal executive skills”, which allow us to plan and select appropriate responses to our environment. It is important to emphasise that dementia is a syndrome and not a disease.

  MAMA [sedang bersiap-siap untuk pergi bekerja]: Ya, Mama tahu Maya sedih. Tapi sampai bila nak bersedih? Tengok macam Mama… Baba dah meninggal, Mama sedih tapi Mama tak boleh tunjukkan. Mama tak boleh lembik. Tak boleh nangis aje. Mama kena kuat. Kena teruskan hidup. Kalau Baba ada, Baba pun tak suka kita sedih-sedih. Baba nak tengok kita tersenyum dan terus gigih berusaha. Kita mesti buat Baba bangga, okey? Okey, Mama go work. Makanan dalam ‘esbok’ jangan lupa panaskan. Uniform Mama dah gosokkan. Kunci pintu rumah bila keluar nanti. Duit setem bas pass kat poket tepi your school bag. Jangan lupa, okey? Ulang sekali lagi? Jangan lupa, okey? [Hulurkan tangan untuk dicium.]

  Lagu: “Berikanlah Kasih Sayang” oleh Uji Rashid.

  MAYA: Mari kita cuba satu survei beramai-ramai! Angkat tangan kalau you anggap diri you seorang Anak Emak? Okey. Siapa lebih sayang Mak daripada Bapak? Okey. Siapa kat sini percaya yang Mak mereka tukang masak paling handal di dunia? Okey. Terima kasih. Biar I berterus-terang… I bukan Anak Emak. I lebih sayang my Baba daripada Mama. Dan I tak pernah terfikir yang Mama I seorang good cook. She can cook, but nothing special. Tapi I benar-benar hormat dan bangga dengan Mama. Mama kerja keras untuk kehidupan kita dua beranak. Mama berjaya sebagai seorang setiausaha kanan di sebuah syarikat antarabangsa. Berjaya sekolahkan I sampai ke peringkat Sarjana. Mama yang ajar I untuk jadi wanita yang berkelulusan dan berjaya dalam karier. Dia jugak yang ajar I supaya kelihatan cantik, sopan dan anggun sentiasa. Tapi, lapan tahun lalu, bila ekonomi meruncing, Mama diminta bersara awal dan diberikan wang pampasan yang banyak. The golden handshake. Dia berhenti bekerja dan duduk rumah. Pada masa itu jugak, Mama bernikah semula. Suaminya seorang duda. Tetapi, rumahtangganya tak kekal, hanya bertahan lima tahun saja. Jadi, tiga tahun kebelakangan ini, Mama sendirian, sering murung. Dan, sudah setahun Mama dikatakan mengidap penyakit Alzheimer. Demensia yang Mama lalui semakin hari, semakin teruk. Wanita anggun, berjaya yang telah membesarkan I dah tiada lagi. Yang tinggal hanya seorang wanita tua yang sering kebingungan. Walaupun dalam k
eadaan sedar, Mama sudah tidak lagi berupaya menjaga dirinya lagi. Dia perlukan perhatian sepanjang hari… [Bunyi telefon bimbit.] Hello, yes…Yah… that’s right. What? The police station?

  KAUNSELOR: Wandering, in persons with dementia, is a common behaviour that causes great risk for the person and concern for caregivers. It is estimated to be the most common type of disruptive behaviour in institutionalised persons with dementia. Although it occurs in several types of dementia, wandering is especially problematic in persons with Alzheimer’s Disease (AD). This is because AD frequently produces impaired memory: persons with impaired memory are likely to become disoriented and lost simply because they do not recognise where they are nor remember how they came to be there.

  MAYA: Mama ditemui oleh seorang jiran di kawasan dekat dengan pasar. Mama sedang duduk di tepi tangga keletihan. Jiran tu kata, Mama kelihatan dalam keadaan bingung dan tidak tahu di mana dia berada. Mama yang masih memakai baju tidurnya telah berjalan sejauh satu kilometer tanpa memakai selipar. Jiran tu bawa Mama balik ke rumah I tapi pintu telah tertutup dan I pulak berada di tempat tugas. Sebab tu, jiran tu hanya dapat bawa Mama ke balai polis dan meminta mereka menghubungi I. I tengok Mama kat balai polis dengan keadaan yang memalukan. Kaki dan lututnya luka-luka dan berdarah. I tak dapat nak tahan marah…

  MAMA: Ah-ah awak, dia marah kita. Kita pun tak sedar, tiba-tiba kat rumah kita ada ramai orang pakai baju polis. Budak-budak polis tu baik, dia orang kasi makan, kasi minum. Kita penat awak. Kaki kita sakit, luka sebab jatuh kat longkang. Tergelincir. Badan kita pun sakit. Sebab badan kita sakit, kita tak boleh tidur. Bila kita duduk pun tak selesa. Sebab tu kita keluar, ingat nak pergi kedai singse cari ubat. Entah kenapa, kedai singse dah kena alih. Kita cari kedai tu tapi dah tak jumpa. Bila letih kita duduk, dah tu, ada pulak nyonya tu hantar kita kat sini. Tu, yang jumpa si… siapa pulak nama pompuan ni? Dia datang marah-marah kita, awak. Kita diam aje. Entah apa entah! Dia tak tahu cerita, tak kenal kita, tiba-tiba nak marah-marah. Kalau dia adik-beradik kita, lainlah! Kakak kita si Raimah pun tak pernah marah kita. Nanti dia, bila laki kita balik, kita nak cerita pada dia pasal pompuan ni… siapa pulak nama dia ni? Siapa nama awak, hah, siapa? Maya? Nama awak Maya… tak sedap betul nama awak tu!

  Lagu: “Namamu Terukir di Hatiku” oleh Uji Rashid.

  KAUNSELOR: As they age, people experience more health problems, and most health problems associated with aging carry a substantial burden of pain; so between twenty-five and fifty percent of older adults experience persistent pain. Seniors with dementia experience the same prevalence of conditions likely to cause pain as seniors without dementia. Pain is often overlooked in older adults and, when screened for, often poorly assessed, especially among those with dementia. Beyond the issue of humane care, unrelieved pain has functional implications. Persistent pain can lead to decreased ambulation, depressed mood, sleep disturbances, impaired appetite, and exacerbation of cognitive impairment, and pain-related interference with activity is a factor contributing to falls in the elderly.

  MAYA: Mama, tengok sini… Ini Maya, anak Mama. Tolonglah Mama. Cuba Mama ingat semula. Mama, hanya tinggal kita berdua saja. Ini Maya, anak Mama. Baba dah takde. Kenapa Mama masih cari Baba? Mama, cuba sedarkan diri… ingatlah semula. Mama, tolonglah… Maya tak tahu nak buat apa lagi. Maya terpaksa berhenti kerja dan hanya bertugas dari rumah, supaya dapat jaga Mama sepenuh masa. Tapi Mama sedikit pun tak mahu bantu. Mama beri sedikit perhatianlah. Cuba ingat semula. Mama boleh pulih kalau Mama mahu cuba! [Jeda.] Mama, Maya dah penat. Maya dah penat, Mama.

  KAUNSELOR: The role of family caregivers has also become more prominent as care in the familiar surroundings of home may delay onset of some symptoms and postpone or eliminate the need for more professional and costly levels of care. Home-based care may entail tremendous economic, emotional, and even psychological costs as well. Family caregivers often give up time from work and forego pay in order to spend an average of forty-seven hours per week with an affected loved one, who frequently cannot be left alone. A caregiver is subject to anticipatory grief which varies as the dementia impairment progresses in the affected parent or spouse. Feelings of loss and grief are frequent for current Alzheimer’s family caregivers, who face anticipatory grief and ambiguous loss.

  MAMA: Ya… Ya… sakit… Ya… Ma sakit… Baba… Ya… Baba… Ma sakit… Makan… Makan… Nanak… Nanak makan… Sakit… Makan sakit… Nanak sakit… Ya… Ya… Ma… Ya… Sayang Ya… Ma sayang Ya… [Jeda.]

  MAYA: I dah sedar sekarang. I dah reda dengan apa yang I harus lalui dengan Mama. Apa yang terjadi, adalah dugaan buat Mama. Dugaan juga buat I. Tapi, Tuhan hanya menduga kerana Dia Maha Mengetahui yang kita mampu menempuh segala dugaan-Nya. I dah berhenti menyalahkan takdir. I dah berhenti marah Mama sebab ini ibarat second childhood buat dirinya. Dulu masa kecil, Mama yang jaga makan minum I. Mandikan I, pakaikan baju, sikat rambut dan sapukan bedak. Sekarang giliran I untuk jaga Mama seperti mana dia jaga I. Jaga makan minum. Mandikan dia, pakaikan baju, sikat rambut dan sapukan bedak. I rasa bertuah dapat bantu Mama dan sekaligus membalas budinya. Sekurang-kurangnya, I berkesempatan menghabiskan masa bersamanya. Ramai yang tidak beruntung macam I, kan? Tapi, yang paling menyedihkan ialah segala memori indah yang Mama dan I lalui dahulu, sudah hilang dari ingatan Mama, dan yang kita lalui sekarang dan juga pada masa hadapan tak mungkin akan terlekat pada ingatannya. I hanya dapat berdoa semoga Mama diberikan kesihatan, dan mungkin dalam saat-saat sedarnya yang benar-benar sedar, Mama mengerti betapa besar rasa kasih I padanya. Mama… jangan lupa, okey? Ulang sekali lagi? Jangan lupa, okey?

  Lagu: “Kali Terakhir Ku Lihat Wajahmu” oleh Uji Rashid.

  Mama Come Home Quick

  BY AIDLI MOSBIT

  Translated by Harry Aveling

  COUNSELLOR

  MAYA

  MAMA, Maya’s mother

  Song: “Ditinggal Mama” (“Mama’s Gone”) by Uji Rashid.

  COUNSELLOR: Dementia is a serious loss of cognitive ability in a previously unimpaired person, beyond what might be expected from normal aging. It may be static, the result of a unique global brain injury, or progressive, resulting in long-term decline due to damage or disease in the body. Although dementia is far more common in the geriatric population, it may occur in any stage of adulthood. Dementia is a non-specific illness syndrome, in which affected areas of cognition may be memory, attention, language, and problem solving.

  MAMA: Have you eaten? Have you all eaten? You should eat, shouldn’t you? What time is it? We should eat. I’ve cooked lunch. We’re just waiting for Daddy to come home. He always sneaks back home in the middle of the day so that he can eat with us. He likes to say that he doesn’t like eating out, he likes our food. But we know that he really eats at home to save money. He’s good at saving money. He doesn’t like to waste it. [Pause.] What time is it? [Confused.] Hey, I said “What time is it?” Have you eaten? I’m hungry. Don’t you want me to eat? Are you trying to kill me?

  MAYA: Mama? Mama? Why are you shouting? Are you hungry? I just fed you, didn’t I? At one o’clock. You’ve forgotten. It’s almost two o’clock now. Are you waiting for Daddy to come home? Did he say he was coming? OK. [Pause.] In the beginning, I used to get upset. Upset because I didn’t understand why Mama was talking all the time. In the beginning, she used to forget one thing, then another. She didn’t used to be like that. She was really alert and always paid attention to details. Then she started forgetting things and getting confused. Now she is always talking about things that happened in the past. If they didn’t happen, she pretends that they did. Like now, when she was talking with you, she mentioned my Father, didn’t she? She said that she was waiting for him to come home, didn’t she? [Shakes her head.] My Daddy died when I was fourteen. Twenty-five years ago. She was telling you about something that happened twenty-five years ago…

  COUNSELLOR: We all fear disintegration of the mind and rightly so; it robs us of our dignity. Bereft of reason we cannot contribute to society, vote, write a will, or, with time, care for our basic needs. The d
isintegration of the mind, or dementia, is a familiar occurrence in the elderly but can occur at any age and result from a vast array of diseases. A definition of dementia has thus emerged to describe an individual who is alert but suffers impairment, in more than one cognitive domain, of sufficient severity to impair social function. A difficulty in applying the definition is to decide what a specific cognitive domain is. Impairment of memory is considered essential or, more specifically, impairment of event memory: that which allows us to recall day-to-day events and maintains our sense of continuity. Other cognitive domains may include language; visuospatial and visuoperceptual functions, which allow interpretation of our visual world and so-called “frontal executive skills”, which allow us to plan and select appropriate responses to our environment. It is important to emphasise that dementia is a syndrome and not a disease.

  MAMA [getting ready to go to work]: I know you’re sad, Maya. But you can’t be sad forever. Look at Mama… Daddy is dead. I’m sad, but I don’t show what I’m feeling. I don’t complain. I don’t cry. I’m strong. We have to get on with our lives. If Daddy were here, he wouldn’t want to see us crying. He would want us to smile and work hard. We want to make him proud of us, don’t we? OK, Mama is going to work. Your food is in the icebox. Don’t forget to heat it up. I’ve ironed your uniform. Take the key when you go. Your bus pass is near your school bag. Don’t forget it, OK? Do I need to tell you again? Don’t forget it, OK? [She holds out her hand to be kissed.]

  Song: “Berikanlah Kasih Sayang” (“Give Me Your Love”) by Uji Rashid.