The Hour I First Believed

by Wally Lamb

  Why all this rage? Why all these deaths and broken-hearted survivors?

  I hope and pray that, in using the names of those involved in my fictional/nonfictional exploration of the whys and wherefores of school shootings, I have not, in any way, added to the suffering of those directly involved, including the Harris and Klebold families, who also grieve and who did nothing wrong. And I hope and pray, as well, that this story, in some small way, might broaden understanding, the better to prevent future tragedy.

  The year I began this novel, my elder two sons were a college freshman and a high school freshman. Today they are both teachers, working with the storm-tossed children of New Orleans. Whenever I visit them there, I make it a point to stop in at St. Louis Cathedral, where I give thanks to the greater power than I that allowed me to locate and tell my story. Having affixed its last period to its final sentence, I now release it to my readers and invite them to find in it whatever they want or need to find. Still, I hope the book advances the notion that power must be used responsibly and mercifully, and that we are all responsible for one another. These things I believe:

  —That, as James Baldwin once put it, “People who treat other people as less than human must not be surprised when the bread they have cast on the waters comes back to them, poisoned.”

  —That wars, because of the terrible cost they exact, are never won.

  —That love is stronger than hatred.

  —W. L. APRIL 14, 2008

  notes from the author

  ABOUT COLUMBINE: For the reasons explained in the Afterword, I have cited the actual names of the Columbine victims, both those who died and those who survived. All other characters in the Columbine-related chapters are fictional creations, with the exception of the following: Brian Anderson, Robyn Anderson, Brooks Brown, Frank De Angelis, Phil Duran, Patrick Ireland, Mark Manes, Patricia Nielson, Tim Walsh, and Greg Zanis.

  ABOUT QUIRK CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION: Although the work of my students at Connecticut’s York Correctional Institute has informed the writing of this book, readers are reminded that Quirk CI is a fictional construction set in a fictional town and run by a fictional administration and custody staff. Those interested in reading about York CI, and its previous incarnations, the Niantic Correctional Institution and Connecticut’s State Farm for Women, are encouraged to examine Andi Rierden’s The Farm: Life Inside a Women’s Prison (University of Massachusetts Press, 1997), a nonfictional examination of the facility, past and present. Also available to readers are two collections of our York writers’ autobiographical essays, Couldn’t Keep It to Myself: Testimonies from Our Imprisoned Sisters (ReganBooks, 2003) and I’ll Fly Away: Further Testimonies from the Women of York Prison (Harper, 2007).

  ABOUT MISS RHEINGOLD AND RHEINGOLD BEER: The first Miss Rheingold was selected by brewery executives in 1940. The second was chosen by distributors of the beer. From 1942 to 1964, the winner was chosen by the popular vote of customers at taverns, package stores, delis, and supermarkets that sold Rheingold. As it is described in the novel, the annual “election” was a promotional juggernaut that made Brooklyn-brewed Rheingold one of the biggest-selling beers in New York and New Jersey, New England, Pennsylvania, and later, California. But in reality, there was never a Miss Rheingold scandal, the likes of which are depicted in my novel. Nor does the fictional Weismann family represent in any way the Liebmann family, the original owners of Rheingold Beer. Readers who wish to read about the actual Rheingold story, as opposed to my fictional version, can access Rolf Hofmann’s “From Ludwigsburg to Brooklyn—A Dynasty of German-Jewish Brewers,” originally published in Aufbau, June 21, 2001, and available online or through the Harburg Project, a Jewish genealogical initiative. In 2003, Rheingold beer was reintroduced to the New York market and the Miss Rheingold contest was briefly revived. However, the tattooed, pierced, and midriff-baring twenty-first-century candidates—bartenders in and around New York—bore little resemblance to the demure, white-gloved contestants of past “Rheingold girl” glory. In 2006, the brand was sold to Drinks America, a Wilton, Connecticut–based beverage company, which now distributes Rheingold beer.

  acknowledgments

  I COULD NOT HAVE WRITTEN this novel without the support and help of my family. Christine, my bride of the past thirty years, as ever, lent me to my characters, responded to my umpteen drafts (armed with Post-it notes), and gave me the invaluable gifts of her patient understanding and her love. Our son Jared’s teaching experiences in New Orleans’s Lower Ninth Ward led me to the creation of Katrina refugees Moses and Janis Mick. Jared’s brother Justin, a writer and performance poet, offered critical feedback to my work in progress and exposed me to some of the great music—classic r&b, gospel, and hip-hop—that helped me tell the story. Teddy, our youngest, on his final day as a third grader, carried home from school a praying mantis egg case—a science experiment that had failed because the insects had never hatched. Later that summer, Teddy’s dormant egg case exploded with the hundreds of eyelash-sized mantises which became, in the novel, a symbol of good’s triumph over evil and an invitation to hope. Our sons’ honorary aunt, Ethel Mantzaris, one of my best and closest friends, was The Hour I First Believed’s head cheerleader. She told me so often and with such assurance that I could and would finish the novel that, after a while, I began to believe her.

  What a lucky writer I am to have Terry Karten as my editor and Kassie Evashevski as my literary agent. Terry, who edits some of the finest authors in the world, agreed to take on my imperfect monster of a manuscript, and in doing so, helped me make the book more wisely, deeply, and sharply observed. Kassie is, in equal measures, savvy, sweet, and supportive; I’m grateful for her guidance and fortunate to have her first-rate representation. I’m thankful, too, for the HarperCollins team—for Jane Friedman’s and Michael Morrison’s wise stewardship and Jonathan Burnham’s brilliant editorial direction, for the enthusiasm and expertise of Kathy Schneider, Tina Andreadis, Beth Silfin, Leslie Cohen, Miranda Ottewell, Leah Carlson-Stanisic, Sandy Hodgman, Christina Bailly, and Christine Boyd. Special thanks to Art Director Archie Ferguson for his patience, imagination, and keen artistic eye. And a tip of the hat for the Harper sales team, the best in the biz. My German publisher, Dr. Doris Janhsen, was kind and generous enough to read my manuscript at the halfway mark and offer me her valuable insights. (“Velvet may be the key to the meaning of the entire novel,” she said, and lo and behold, she was right.) My former editor and publisher, Judith Regan, championed my writing from the very beginning, and for her faith in me and my work I remain deeply appreciative. I am thankful, as well, to Oprah Winfrey and her staff; the Oprah’s Book Club endorsements of my two previous novels have led me to a readership far wider than I could have ever imagined.

  On the homefront, I’m indebted to my two office assistants, Lynn Castelli and, later, Aaron Bremyer. Lynn’s research during the early stages of this book was thorough and impeccable. Aaron’s research was invaluable as well, and his willingness to listen to various drafts of chapters in progress and offer his response is deeply appreciated. And I am both indebted to and in awe of the members, past and present, of my two writing groups, talented scribes all, without whose help I could not have written this novel. They are: Doug Anderson, Susan Campbell, Bruce Cohen, Susanne Davis, Leslie Johnson, Terese Karmel, Pam Lewis, Sari Rosenblatt, and Ellen Zahl. Thanks as well to Margaret Hope Bacon, whose book Abby Hopper Gibbons: Prison Reformer and Social Activist inspired the character Lizzy Popper.

  Thanks to my students and friends at York Correctional Institution. Each of the incarcerated writers I have worked with has added to my understanding of crime and punishment in America and has taught me the importance of helping the silenced find and use their voices. The following DOC staff members, past and present, have also been supportive of me in the writing of this book: Dale Griffith, Jeri Keltonic, Evva Larson, Joe Lea, Monica Lord, Karen Oien, and Leslie Ridgway. And my deepest gratitude extends, of course, to Susan Cole and Careen Jenni
ngs, my fearless workshop co-facilitators.

  A number of professionals shared with me the two-pronged gift of their time and their expertise. Attorneys Steven Ecker and Thomas Murphy advised me as to Maureen Quirk’s legal difficulties. Pharmacist Bob Parzych, one of my oldest and best buddies, advised me as to Maureen’s chemical dependency issues. Toward that end, Bob also consulted with Dr. Evan Fox of Hartford Hospital. Dr. Steven Dauer read the manuscript from a psychologist’s viewpoint and gave me valuable feedback and advice. Nick Buonocore, owner of the late and still-lamented Sugar Shack Bakery, taught me everything I needed to know about doughnut-making. Photo archivist Rick Goeren shared his knowledge of all things Miss Rheingold. Joline Gnatek, whose father served as farm manager of Connecticut’s State Farm for Women, provided period details about what life on “The Farm” was like “back in the day.” Literary agents Leigh Feldman, Linda Chester, Laurie Fox, and Jennifer Walsh offered friendship and guidance. Vic Butsch gave me a valuable assist with the Civil War material. Jonny Marks helped me with Peppy Schissel’s Yiddish idiom. I am grateful to the staff and volunteers of the Mark Twain House and Museum in Hartford, Connecticut, and to its directors past and present: John Boyer, Debra Petke, and Jeffrey Nichols. Bernice Bennett, owner of the home in which my office is located, provided comic relief and sustenance (gingerbread, pudding, Swedish coffee cake, etc., etc.) throughout my writing of this book. Much appreciated, Bunny! Thanks to Jerry, Deb, and Matt Grabarek for information about dairy farming, corn mazes, and ghost sightings. Thanks as well to the late Matthieu Keijser, who gifted me with a copy of Kaos, Paolo and Vittorio Taviani’s 1984 film based on the works of Luigi Pirandello, and further piqued my curiosity about chaos theory. Matthieu, rest in peace.

  Finally, as a graduate of the Norwich Free Academy and the Vermont College of Fine Arts MFA in Writing program, and a past recipient of a National Endowment of the Arts fellowship, I remain ever grateful to these institutions for having launched me on my way.

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  (I hope I’ve remembered them all)

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  charitable donations