Reluctant to Love

by Gallo , Rebecca

  A slow wail escapes her lips and her nails dig into my scalp as she arches her back off the bed until she falls.

  I lap at her lightly, prolonging her pleasure until she starts to push me away.

  “Fuck,” she breathes out.

  With a soft kiss to her thigh, I retreat. I sit up and reach behind me to pull my shirt over my head. As I toss it to the floor with the rest of our clothes, I catch Eleanor looking at me, her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “See something you like,” I tease.

  She smiles shyly and nods her head. “I forgot how big you are.”

  I cup my bulge. “Yes, I am.”

  She laughs loudly and it fills the entire room. “That’s not what I meant. Come here.” She pushes herself further onto the bed, making room for me. I ease myself beside her and she turns on her side, letting her eyes roam over me. Her hand looks so small as it traces the curve of my hip and up my ribcage. “You’re so solid. Like a rock. I’ve missed your physical presence.”

  She places a kiss on my chest, teasing my nipple with her tongue.

  “I like the way you take up so much space,” she says. “There isn’t room for anyone else.”

  I reach behind her, letting my hand glide down her back to cup her backside. I pull her tight against me and bend my head to kiss her shoulder.

  “I need you,” she pleads, tears spilling from her cheeks. “I need you inside of me, filling me. I’ve felt so empty, Roderick. You don’t even know.”

  I reach down to grasp my cock lightly in my fist. I nudge her thighs open and notch the tip against her entrance. “Yes, I do,” I moan as I plunge into her. “Because I’ve felt the exact same way.”

  For four years, I’ve been nothing more than a shell. When our relationship ended, she took my heart and my soul with her. Now that we’ve been reunited, I’m reclaiming a part of myself I thought was long gone.

  She braces herself against my shoulders and gasps as we roll slightly until I’m on top of her. “Are you okay,” I ask.

  She nods. “Yes.”

  I give her another minute before I pull out and then sink back in. I do my best to go slow, to savor every minute we’re together. My hands glide along her body, touching and teasing, and my mouth covers one breast, tasting it before moving onto the next. Our bodies move together in complete harmony, like they’ve been waiting for this moment too. Being inside of her, feeling her walls grip me, is heavenly. I’m desperate to make this last for the both of us but with every thrust, I feel myself moving quickly toward release. There’s no holding back; it’s time to reclaim what’s mine.

  As if she can read minds, Eleanor’s legs wrap around me tightly, squeezing me, pulling me deeper inside of her. My pace increases sharply, almost painfully, as our bodies collide over and over until finally, I explode.

  I’m so caught up in my own orgasm I don’t realize Eleanor’s trembling form beneath me. I pin her hips to the bed with my hands and thrust deeply and slowly, hitting her clit with each pass. Her eyes are squeezed tightly shut and her entire body is a tense, shuddering mess until she screams out and her entire body collapses against the bed.

  She looks so fucking beautiful with her flushed cheeks and sweat glistening along her brow. Her eyes are bright and blue as they land on me. I lean down and kiss the tip of her nose.

  “I’m sorry sweets.” My voice is low and hoarse. “I tried to make it last.”

  I start to pull out when I realize the mistake we’ve made. No, the mistake I’ve made. We didn’t use protection. How stupid can I be? Stupid enough to believe she won’t notice.

  I scoot off the bed, careful not to make eye contact, and walk quickly to the bathroom. I run a washcloth through hot water and return to the bedroom, where Eleanor is sitting up with a frightened wide-eyed expression on her face.

  “Roderick,” she whispers, running a hand through her hair.

  I rush toward her, dropping the washcloth on the floor and wrap my arms tightly around her. “I’m sorry,” I murmur into her hair. “I wasn’t thinking.”

  “Don’t worry about that,” she says shyly. “I’m on the pill. It’ll be okay.”

  I sag against her, relieved I didn’t completely fuck up. She brushes her lips softly against my shoulder. “Thank you.” Her words brush against my skin.

  “For what?”

  “For reminding me what it feels like to be alive again.”

  13

  Eleanor

  “I have to take a quick shower,” I say. No matter what promises Roderick makes, there’s still a chance he’ll break them, and one round of mind-blowing reunion sex isn’t going to completely change my mind.

  “You don’t have to go,” he urges me, placing a hand on my arm to keep me from bolting toward the bathroom.

  “Yes, I do. I told my mom I wouldn’t be long.”

  He drops his head and runs a hand through his loose locks. “Fine. Can I come to the hospital in the morning?”

  “I’ll let you know,” I answer softly. I spot my suitcase in the corner of the room. “Thanks for bringing that up.”

  I can’t go back to the hospital with the scent of sex all over me. My mom has the nose of a bloodhound and will know I was up to no good.

  I break free of his hold to search for clean clothes before heading into the bathroom for a quick shower. The sound of the metallic clanging of the shower hooks sliding against the bar shouldn’t have surprised me.

  “We’ve been separated for four years; do you think I’m just going to let you go without taking every opportunity to run my hands all over you?” He kisses my bare shoulder and his hands glide around my middle. He pulls me back against his front and nuzzles my neck. My hands cover his and I lean against him, enjoying his comforting warmth.

  “I don’t have time for round two,” I chastise him.

  “I’m not talking about that, sweets. I don’t want to see you run away.”

  I scoff. “I’m not running away, Roderick. I have a sick daughter that needs me.”

  “We have a sick daughter.” His fingers dig into my hips as he spins me carefully. “Izzy is my daughter too.”

  “It’s been ‘me’ for so long. You need to let me get used to the idea of ‘we’.”

  He bends his head, letting it rest against my forehead. “I’m sorry if I’m pushy. I know what I want; it’s you and that beautiful little girl and I’ll move heaven and earth to have you both.”

  I reach up to cup his cheeks, burying my fingers in his coarse beard. How often did I wish for him to appear? To come and rescue me while Izzy was up at all hours of the night, screaming until her little face turned bright red. How often did I imagine myself falling against him after a long night with Izzy? And now he’s right in front of me, so willing to just step in without a moment’s hesitation.

  Has fate finally decided to reward me? For once, is the universe on my side?

  “Okay. You can come to the hospital in the morning, but you better bring breakfast. And Izzy likes balloons.”

  Somehow, we both manage to finish showering although it was quite difficult between the lingering kisses and the heated touches. We finally step out of the shower only when we are both water-logged.

  I wrap a thin, white cotton towel around my body and dig through my suitcase for a comb. I run it through my hair and tie it up before quickly getting dressed. When I check my phone, I notice it’s later than I expected.

  “I’ll call you in the morning,” Roderick says with a kiss before I leave.

  I rush across the street and hurry into the hospital. When I arrive on Izzy’s floor, I spot my mother sitting just inside her room, leaning over Izzy’s bed with her head down. I tip-toe inside the room and drop my bag quietly on the floor before walking over to my mom. With a gentle hand on her back, I wake her up.

  “You can go home,” I whisper. “Thank you for staying.”

  “Did you get things worked out with the Leo?”

  “How did you know Roderick is a Leo?�
��

  “He just has that look about him, you know?” She slowly pushes her chair back and kisses me on the cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I take her spot in the hard, uncomfortable vinyl chair and sit beside Izzy, watching her silently, wondering how she’ll react to Roderick’s presence. She’s never asked about her father but that doesn’t mean somewhere in her tiny mind, she hasn’t thought about one.

  The door to Izzy’s room creaks open and I half expect Roderick to appear but it’s the night nurse. She gives me a slight smile as she check’s Izzy’s temperature and vitals.

  “The couch pulls out to a bed,” the nurse quietly informs me. “I’ll bring you a blanket and some pillows.”

  I glance at the couch situated in one corner of the room. It still looks rock hard, but it’ll be better than the chair. “Thank you,” I tell her.

  She returns a few minutes later and helps me unfold the bed. It’s nothing more than a thick foam mattress that rests on the floor but beggars can’t be choosers.

  “Her fever is starting to come down,” the nurse tells me. When I don’t respond, she adds, “That’s good. It means she’s responding to treatment and hopefully, can go home tomorrow.”

  “Thank you,” I repeat myself. She nods her head and then leaves.

  I sigh as I relax into the firm mattress of the pull-out bed. Home. Izzy and I have been living my mom; we don’t have a home of our own. It’s been at the top of my to-do list for a very long time but the cost of living only seems to increase the moment I’m ready to move out. There is so much I want to provide for my daughter but haven’t. Roderick’s reappearance is a game-changer in more than one way.

  With a sigh, I close my eyes and hope Roderick isn’t hiding any more secrets from me. I desperately want to trust him whole-heartedly; I want to greedily accept everything he’s promised. Not for me but for the little red head sleeping peacefully in the hospital bed.

  14

  Roderick

  The moment the first shadowy rays of sun enter my room, I’m awake. Today, I finally get to meet my daughter. I rush to get dressed and hurry out to the cold spring morning. Breakfast and balloons.

  I send Eleanor a text as I head down to the hotel lobby.

  Me: How’s Izzy doing?

  Eleanor: Fever is gone.

  Me: Great news. Still want breakfast?

  Eleanor: Maybe you can come by the house later? We’re hoping to be discharged this afternoon.

  Me: Ellie…

  Eleanor: It’ll be less awkward at the hospital, less that I have to explain.

  Me: Fine. Send me your address and I’ll find a new place to stay.

  This is not what I had planned but I feel like I don’t have any other choice. Izzy might be my daughter, but she doesn’t know me. Eleanor is the one calling the shots and I have to follow her lead.

  I turn around and head back to my room to grab my laptop. There’s no use in wasting the morning. Leaving World of Books abruptly threw my schedule off; not only am I behind on delivering my fifth book and final book in the series but I canceled meetings at the last minute.

  I stop at the front desk and ask them to point me in the direction of the nearest coffee shop with Wi-Fi.

  “There’s a Starbucks just down the road,” the front desk clerk tells me without much enthusiasm.

  I roll my eyes. “Thanks,” I mutter before heading out to the parking lot.

  Through the magic of the Internet and GPS, I manage to find a café serving strong cups of coffee alongside decent Wi-Fi.

  Every so often, my eyes flick to my phone, hoping for a call or a text from Eleanor. While I wait impatiently, I work my way through emails. Most are easy replies but one from my lawyer makes me nervous. It simply tells me to call him at my earliest convenience.

  “You know the phone works both ways, Larry,” I tease him when he answers the phone. “You didn’t need to send an email.”

  “Well…” Larry’s voice trails off, which worries me instantly. “I was delaying having to tell you this news.”

  “What news?”

  “Famke is claiming she co-wrote your Tristan series and threatening to sue.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I groan. “She’s lying. You know all about the identity of my ghostwriter.” Larry drafted the NDA Eleanor signed when she agreed to help me so many years ago. “Why didn’t you tell her that?”

  “I did but she’s persistent.”

  Famke and I haven’t spoken to each other since I signed on the dotted line, sealing our divorce and ending our marriage. She’s a devious woman which could only mean one thing…

  “Daddy’s money has run out,” I state flatly. “Now she’s coming after me because I have money now.”

  I’ve heard rumblings in the writing community that her position as senior editor at Dreammedia in hanging on by a thread. She’s been mentioned once or twice in the gossip columns, but I’ve ignored any mention of her. Now it might be prudent to pay attention.

  “Just tell me how you want me to handle it and I’ll take care of her.”

  “Just push back on her with the original NDA Eleanor signed. She doesn’t have a leg to stand on.”

  “I’ll try her again.”

  My phone beeps and I look down at the screen. Eleanor is calling. “Listen, just do whatever you need to do to get her to go away. I’m kind of dealing with something right now and I don’t want to have to think about Famke.”

  “Okay.”

  “But if it has anything to do with money, call me. No more emails, Larry.”

  I hastily end our conversation, hoping to catch Eleanor’s call but I miss it. Immediately, I call her back and hope to hear good news.

  “Sorry I missed you,” I tell her. “I was talking to my lawyer.”

  “Everything okay?” She asks softly.

  “It’s fine.” There’s no point in stirring up trouble by telling her about Famke. “How’s Izzy? Are you back home?”

  “Yeah. We’re just getting settled in. How about stopping by for lunch?”

  “Eleanor,” I growl. “I’m not just going to pop in for a quick bite to eat.”

  “I don’t want to overwhelm her, Roderick.”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose between my fingers and close my eyes. She’s right. “Of course, sweets. I’m sorry. I’ll head back to the hotel, check out and then come over.”

  “Don’t forget the balloons,” she reminds me.

  “Any particular kind?”

  “Batman,” she says matter-of-factly.

  I blink. Interesting choice. “Okay. See you soon.”

  Everything seems to move in fast-forward. I return to the hotel, quickly gather up mine and Eleanor’s luggage, and check out before heading to the closest store that might sell Batman balloons.

  The moment I pull up in front of Eleanor’s house, my nerves return with a renewed fury. A thousand questions race through my mind.

  What if she doesn’t like me?

  What if she hates the balloons?

  What if Eleanor has changed her mind?

  “Are you just going to stand out there or are you planning on coming inside?” The unfamiliar voice stirs me from my thoughts, and I blink rapidly. Eleanor’s mother is standing on the front porch, her hands on her hips and an expectant look on her face.

  “You look pretty silly standing out here with all of those balloons,” she says.

  I look up and down the street before finally taking a step forward. “I’m just a bit nervous,” I admit.

  “Don’t be. Izzy will love you and Eleanor already does.”

  My eyebrows pop up. “You’re sure?”

  She shrugs. “The cards told me.”

  The front door opens, and Eleanor stands there with an amused but annoyed expression. “Don’t listen to her,” she says. “The cards don’t know what they’re talking about.”

  She reaches out and takes the balloons from me before disappearing inside. “Izzy bear, you h
ave a visitor,” she calls out. “And he brought balloons.”

  Izzy’s musical laughter fills the space and hits me right in the gut. Holy fuck. I’m going to meet my daughter.

  “Gimme banoons mama,” she squeals.

  I round the corner and there she is, the biggest smile ever on her face. She’s sitting on the couch; her strawberry blonde hair is loose and wavy and she’s wearing a set of Frozen pajamas with the funny snowman all over them.

  “Hi,” I say tentatively.

  “Hi,” Izzy responds shyly. Her little green eyes glance at Eleanor. “Is dis your friend mama?”

  Eleanor nods. “Yes. This is my friend Roderick. He’s a very famous writer.”

  “Not that famous,” I correct her.

  “I like books,” Izzy states with a sweet smile. “Wanna see?”

  She scrambles off the couch and shuffles over to me. She looks up at me with big green eyes as if she’s contemplating exactly who I am before she latches onto my hand with her tiny one.

  “Come on Roddick,” she insists.

  I back over my shoulder toward Eleanor. She looks stunned, standing in the living room, holding the bouquet of balloons. Then she glances at me and shrugs with a content smile.

  I follow behind Izzy, shortening my steps to keep pace with her tiny feet. As we make our way through the house, I notice it doesn’t seem like Eleanor’s house. I can see bits and pieces of Izzy – a toy here and there – but the framed family photos are in black and white and the décor seems a bit old.

  Izzy leads me down a set of linoleum covered stairs and into a wood-paneled basement. It’s an explosion of toys and color. I turn back, looking up the stairs and wonder if the house belongs to Eleanor’s mother.

  Izzy drops my hand and scampers over to a white bookshelf. She reaches for a book, sending half a dozen more tumbling onto the ground, and holds it up with a grin.