Reluctant to Love

by Gallo , Rebecca

  I can’t stop the tears that begin streaming down my cheeks. I worried about telling her and she knew all along. She trusted her heart, which I need to do more often.

  Roderick stands abruptly. “There’s something I need to show you,” he says to me.

  He disappears and returns a few seconds later with a large manila envelope. “After Famke’s first threat, I had a long talk with my lawyer and my publisher. We’re going to recover the Tristan series.”

  I frown. “But those are such beautiful covers.”

  He slides the envelope across the table to me. “Just open that up.”

  I lift it up the flap and reach inside, grasping the sheets firmly between my fingers. I tug them out and a single white sheet flutters out. Roderick scrambles out of his seat to pick it up off the floor. When I turn the pages, I gasp.

  “Roderick,” I breathe out. “What did you do?”

  “Giving credit where credit is due. You wrote the Tristan series with me and you deserve to have your names on the covers.”

  “But I signed the NDA.”

  He holds up the single sheet of paper that fell out and rips it in half. “Consider it null and void. I thought putting your name on the covers would get rid of Famke but then I realized it should have been there all along.”

  The covers for the Tristan series are exactly the same with one exception. My name is now underneath Roderick’s. He reaches for my hand and when I look at him, the last of my walls begins to crumble.

  He pushes up and when his lips brush against mine, I swear to God literal sparks fly. A surge of electricity courses through my body, illuminating all of my senses and obliterating the last of my defenses. I lean into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and letting my fingers thread through his hair. God, it feels so good to have everything out in the open, to be completely free to love him and to have him love me in return and to know he loves the daughter we created.

  Our kiss ends when we’re interrupted by the sound of Izzy gagging.

  “Is something wrong,” Roderick asks.

  Her tongue is wagging, and her face is all scrunched up. “Gross,” she croaks.

  “Get used to it kid.”

  20

  Roderick

  The moment the bedroom door closes, I sigh with relief. Tonight, Izzy is finally sleeping in her own room which means Eleanor and I finally get the privacy we’ve wanted for what seems like forever. In reality, it’s only been a few weeks, but I feel like a man starved. I want her night and day; the stolen moments aren’t enough to satisfy my craving for her.

  We tiptoe down the hallway back to our bedroom.

  “Alone at last,” I say, waggling my brows, once I’ve closed the door.

  Eleanor flops down onto the bed and I feel like a teenager again as I hurry to join her. I crawl beside her and inhale her delicious scent.

  She sinks against the bed as I cover her with my body, letting my hands roam along her curves. I plant small kisses on every square inch of exposed flesh.

  “You smell so fucking good, like sunshine and…coconuts. My mouth waters every time you’re near.” My hand dips below the waistband of her black leggings, brushing against the front of her panties before my fingers slip under the edge and tease her. She whimpers softly and closes her eyes.

  “Tell me what you want,” I demand.

  Her eyes flutter open and she smiles seductively. “You. Just you.”

  I claim her mouth with a heated kiss, sliding my tongue along the seam of her lips until they part and I slip inside. My kiss is a distraction from the teasing my fingers are doing to the rest of her body. She moans and sighs with each brush of my hand or kiss from my lips until her back arches.

  “Tell me how you’re feeling,” I ask, brushing a soft kiss along her neck.

  “Like I’m on fire,” she pants.

  “Sounds like the perfect time to get undressed,” I tease.

  She slips out of my grip and sits up, her gaze completely focused on me. She slowly lifts her t-shirt before tossing it on the floor. She reaches behind her back to unhook her pink lace bra. The straps fall down her arms and she discards it just like her shirt.

  Now I’m the one who is a raging inferno. I want to touch her, feel her, make love to her but this is her time.

  She swings her legs over the side of the bed and stands up. Her eyes are still trained on me and I’d be a fool to look away from the show she’s giving me. Slowly, her leggings and panties make their way down her legs until she kicks them away.

  In front of me, completely nude, is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I sit up, scoot over to the edge of the bed and beckon her closer. She shuffles toward me and I eagerly reach out for her. My hands glide up her gentle curves and I place a kiss between her breasts.

  Her entire body is flush with desire and in the dim light of the bedroom, she looks like one of the ethereal goddesses from my favorite fantasy stories. I’ll gladly worship at her feet every day.

  She places her hands firmly on my shoulders and presses a knee on the bed next to me. My hands slip behind her to tug her closer until she straddles me. I lavish attention on each one of her breasts; licking and sucking her nipples to stiff, rosy peaks. My hands knead each of the creamy mounds as she grinds herself against my hard length.

  I can feel her arousal drip from her body.

  She tosses her head back, exposing the slender column of her throat and I kiss the delicate skin there.

  “I don’t think I can wait a second longer,” I rasp against her skin. “I need to be inside of you right now.”

  It’s been so hard to keep my hands to myself; I want all of her and nothing else.

  “Take it,” she breathes out. “Take me.”

  She lifts slightly as I reach between our bodies and fit myself against her. Slowly, she sinks down and I hiss as I feel myself begin to fill and stretch her walls. It’s the most excruciating but delicious pain as I watch my cock disappear inch by inch until I’m firmly rooted inside of her.

  “No,” I growl. “You take what you want.”

  She wraps her arms around my neck and starts a dirty dance on my lap, circling her hips in slow, sensual circles. I hold her steady because I love having my hands all over her. I crave her constantly, but I love the way she’s taking charge right now.

  Our pleasure is in her complete control and fuck, she’s doing an amazing job.

  “Roderick,” she pants. “Touch me.”

  “I am,” I tell her as I brush a kiss against her heated skin.

  “No,” she moans. “Touch me.”

  It’s not hard to figure out what she means as she rocks against me harder. One of my hands dips between our bodies and my thumb brushes against her clit. She hisses her approval and begs for more.

  My only job right now is to make her feel good; I’ll do whatever she asks. I tease her clit, circling my thumb over it slowly until she growls with frustration.

  With her hands firmly on my chest, she pushes me back and tumbles right with me.

  “What do you want,” I ask her.

  “Fuck me,” she begs.

  With my hands firmly on her thighs, I sit up and look her square in the eye. “No. I will never fuck you, Eleanor. I’ll only ever make love to you because that’s what you deserve.”

  “You know what I mean,” she murmurs.

  I shake my head. “I don’t think you do.” As much as I hate to, I slide out of her and shift myself over to the edge of the bed. “There’s something else I’ve been meaning to give you.”

  I reach into the drawer of the bedside table and pull out the dark teal ring box. I turn to face Eleanor; whose blue eyes are wide with confusion.

  “I only want to make love to you, Eleanor. Forever. I want to marry you, but only if you’ll have me.”

  Her hand is shaky as she reaches for the box. She holds it tightly in her hand and says, “Yes.”

  I crack the lid open on the box and pluck out the ring. It
was a spontaneous purchase after my meeting with Larry; I spotted it in the window of a jeweler and knew this was the perfect ring for Eleanor. Two rose-cut salt-and-pepper diamonds with a row of three smaller brilliant white diamonds sandwiched between them.

  I slide it along her finger and look up to see her both smiling and crying.

  “I hope I didn’t ruin the mood,” I tease.

  “Just the opposite,” she sniffles, her eyes fixed on the ring. When she flicks her gaze back up at me, I can see her happiness sparkling in her eyes. “I’ve never wanted you more.”

  I laugh and lean forward to kiss her. She slings an arm around my neck and drags me down on top of her.

  The way we fit together and pick up where we left off is effortless. We go slow, making each moment last, letting our kisses and touches linger. I hold her tightly against me as we move together in perfect unison. This second act is less about chasing our passions and desires and more about strengthening our connection to one another.

  I clasp my hands with hers and drag them over her head, holding them there as I plunge deep inside of her over and over. I can feel her body stiffen and begin to tremble; both tell-tale signs Eleanor is teetering right on the edge.

  I pull back and demand she open her eyes. When her blue gaze meets mine, I smile. “You can let go, sweets. I’ll be here to catch you.”

  21

  Eleanor

  Finally, I get to use the delicious claw-foot bathtub in the master bathroom. It’s so fucking heavenly; I almost fall asleep in it. But the feel of Roderick slipping in behind me wakes me up.

  “Why do you have such a nice tub in your bathroom,” I ask.

  “I knew you’d like it,” he states plainly.

  I laugh. “So, you were hoping I’d take you back when you renovated?”

  “I was confident you would take me back.”

  I hold up my hand and admire the ring now occupying my ring finger on my left hand. It’s different; unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. And I love it.

  He wraps an arm around my chest. “Admit it, you knew I’d come back.”

  He’s right; I did. “Took you long enough.”

  “I had to become a man worthy of your forgiveness. Worthy of her forgiveness.”

  I smile thinking about Izzy’s nonchalant reaction to the news I feared telling her. She took it all with stride, only the way a child can. “She’s going to be so excited to be in a wedding.”

  Our soft murmurs fill the room as we talk about the future quietly.

  “I have another proposal for you,” Roderick says softly as he drags a sponge across my back. “Write the last book with me.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I answer. “I’ve already got so much on my plate.”

  “Please, Ellie. I’m stuck. I’m halfway there and I don’t know how to end it. Could you just take a look?”

  I chew on the inside of my cheek as I think about his request. “I’ll read it but I’m not making any promises.”

  “Thank you,” he says with a kiss to my shoulder.

  Spending time alone with him is just what I need after the excitement of the previous few days. Between traveling to New York City and then the unfortunate run-in with Famke, this time with just the two of us is perfect. But one thing still bothers me.

  “Is Famke really going to just leave you alone? Leave us alone?”

  Roderick sighs. “I don’t know. If she’s smart, she’ll just let it all go and move on with her life.”

  “What happened to all her money?”

  “That I don’t know. There have been rumors circulating. Lavish spending, bad investments. Her parents cut her off when we got married; they hated me. Maybe her attempts to get back in their good graces failed.” He kisses the side of neck. “I don’t want to talk about Famke anymore. I don’t want to let her ruin this moment we’ve waited so long to have.”

  We soak for a while longer before getting out and toweling off.

  “I’m going to check my email,” I tell him as I slip into a pair of pajamas with llamas printed all over them.

  “Don’t take too long,” he says with a wink.

  I don’t intend to; now that we’re back together, I feel his constant magnetic pull. It drew me to him when we started working together so many years ago and it keeps drawing me back.

  I settle on the couch with my laptop and scroll through the messages that have piled up. Things are moving quickly with my book deal and I have a series of meetings scheduled this week with my agent, Caroline, and representatives from the publisher. Finally, I have a book that’s solely mine. No ghostwriting or co-writing; the words are all mine and I couldn’t be prouder.

  There’s also an email from my mother informing me she made it to my aunt’s in Florida safely and they’re getting ready to leave for a week-long cruise.

  “Oh, and darling, I just read your horoscope and it’s divine! Have a look for yourself:

  ‘Aquarius, normally you’re a little cautious when it comes to love and taking your time is fine. You’re a level-headed, logical Air sign but don’t let it keep you from truly loving those you care about. They deserve to know how much you love them and in return, you’ll feel more secure in your relationships.’

  Congratulations, darling. You and Roderick deserve each other.

  Love, Mom”

  How in the world does my mom know about Roderick and I being engaged? It just happened! The cards are not that good. Unless…

  I close my laptop, set it on the coffee table in front of the sofa and head into the bedroom.

  Roderick is propped up against the headboard, a pair of horn-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, a book open in his lap and his hair piled up into a bun.

  “You know, man buns are the stupidest thing ever,” I joke as I walk into the room. “But somehow, you make them look hot.”

  He smiles and closes the book. “I make everything look hot.”

  I side-eye him as I slip into bed next to him. “Did you tell my mom about our engagement?”

  He clears his throat. “Why are you asking?”

  “She sent me an email congratulating us.”

  “Oh. Well, I might have called her after my meeting with Larry.” I turn to face him, and he looks completely apologetic. “I wanted to do this the right way, sweets. I wanted her to know you and Izzy were safe and loved with me.”

  How can I argue with that? How can I fault him for talking to my mother before he proposed?

  “Fuck the universe,” I whisper.

  “What’s the universe done now?”

  “Given me everything I ever wanted.”

  Epilogue

  Eleanor

  The dining table looks unusually resplendent this morning. There’s a huge bouquet of flowers in a vase right in the middle and the table is set with real plates, not the paper ones we’ve been using since the kitchen has been undergoing renovations.

  “What’s all this,” I ask Roderick, who’s standing nearby with a shit-eating-grin on his face. His arms are crossed over his chest and I notice he’s holding something in his hand. “What are you hiding?”

  “Just sit down first,” he orders me.

  I take a seat and look down at the plate in front of me. There’s a thick, cream-colored piece of paper with a gold star embossed at the top.

  “Aquarius today is the day for hitting lists! Dream big because the sky is the limit. There’s no stopping you now! The world better be ready because you’re about to take it by storm.”

  The horoscope is short and written in Roderick’s familiar sloping hand. “What’s this,” I ask, holding up the piece of paper.

  “Maybe you should read this instead,” he says, dropping a newspaper in front of me. There’s a huge red circle around the best-seller list and the title of my book, Star Child, is right at the top.

  “Holy shit,” I whisper. “I hit USA Today!”

  “Read this one.”

  Another newspaper appears unde
r my nose with a similar red circle and the title of my book is in the top spot.

  “Wall Street Journal? Oh my god.” I cover my mouth with my hand and blink away the tears stinging my eyes. After a year of hard edits and revisions, my debut novel was released only last week. It’s generated a little buzz, but I didn’t expect it to make it all the way to the top of two best-seller lists.

  “One more,” Roderick sing-songs. “This one is my favorite.”

  The best-seller list is circled again, and the title of my book is in the top slot but a little further down, all of the Tristan books are there.

  “Are you kidding me,” I breathe out. It’s one thing to see my name on the list but it’s something else to see my name listed multiple times next to Roderick’s.

  Six months ago, we sold the rights to a movie producer and the script was finally picked up by a movie studio. Since the news broke that our version of Tristan and Yseut was going to be on the big screen, the books have been flying off the shelves.

  “This is so wonderful!” I place my hands over my warm cheeks and shake my head. Maybe this is all a dream? I close my eyes for a brief second and when I open them up, my name is still at the top.

  Roderick sits down beside me and places an arm across my shoulder. He tugs me closer and kisses the top of my head. “Congratulations,” he murmurs. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

  My eyes skim the rest of the paper and land on a headline: “Editor and NY Heiress Indicted.” A familiar name jumps out at me. Famke Bekker.

  “Did you see this?” I tug on Roderick’s sleeve and point to the article. “Did you know about this?”

  Roderick takes the paper from me and scans the article. He hums as he reads it and I can’t help but read it too.

  “Famke Bekker, former senior editor at Dreammedia Press and heiress to the Bekker fortune, was indicted Tuesday on charges of embezzlement and money laundering.”

  Well, shit. Famke stepped in it now. I look back at the article to finish reading but Roderick has folded the paper and set it aside.