The Connect Who Took My Heart Away 3

by Coco Shawndé

  “Stop just staring at me!” I lashed, making myself hate his presence. “Why are you even here? Who told where I was??”

  “I landed about an hour ago. I was trying to come see about you when Rocco told me you were here.” he stated, talking in an easy tone.

  “See about me?” I said with a fake laugh.

  “Is the session over with?” He asked calmly.

  “No, but you can leave.” I said, drying my tears.

  “Get out the car.” he sternly replied, snatching my keys out of the ignition. He held his hand out for me to take it like he was the perfect gentleman. Snatching my purse up, I placed on my shoulder while I went back inside. Having him here seemed like an invasion of my privacy, but at the same time maybe it could help. At this point, I didn’t know what was good for us.

  “Welcome back.” my therapist said. I introduced Hosea to her, and they greeted one another. We were welcomed to sit, and the therapist asked was it okay with her informing him on what we had been discussing before I asked for the break.

  “It’s fine.” I answered, not with much energy in me.

  “Dice let me in on her previous marriage. The tragic death and how it happened basically in front of her eyes. Now we are here. She’s pregnant, and embarking on a new life with you. If we can get the both of you to see one another outlooks, it’s a start.” she continued. “I’m sure Dice didn’t explain the details leading to Chaunce´s death...Dice? Would you?”

  “Uh, year. Sure...I made Chaunce promise me he would leave the game. If he stayed in the streets, there was to be no wedding. He lied and said he was done. Once I was Mrs. Howard, I was already in it. I pushed him to make his exit still, and that was when he was killed. He left one day without my knowledge, and by the time I knew what was going on, I was on the ground with his bloody body in my arms. So, this whole baby situation with us, it’s not that I don’t love you. It’s not because of anything you did. It was an issue with myself because I don’t want anything to happen to you, Hosea. I don’t even like to ask anything of you because I don’t want it in my mind that I was the cause of anything. I don’t want to hurt you...and you asked for the step back, I felt the baby was only going to stress you out more. I thought I was making the right decision. Yes, I was making it for the both of us when I should have come to you. For that I do apologize.” I said, raising my head to look at his face. “I have never been so deeply in love with a man like this. How you handle me with knowing my past, you do it effortlessly like you were made to love me in this state. So, when I saw you giving up, I gave up.”

  “When I asked for us to take a step back, I really meant for us to go harder. At the time, I didn’t let it come out of my mouth. I ran from it like a bitch ass nigga. I was scared you wouldn’t accept no ring. You say all the time with no problem, marriage again is a no. That shit crushes me every time you say it. I don’t even think you realize how that get to me. Like I’ll never be enough to hold you down. I want us to do the dash in this love. I want to have a family with you...but you say no to everything. I can’t get nowhere if you-”

  “I’m sorry.” I said, knowing what be coming out of my mouth. I be quick to say that I wasn’t having no more baby daddies or that I’ll never get married again. Hell, Hosea would be right on my side and I would say the shit openly. Now, I was feeling heavy regret.

  “I know it’s off your past. I thought I had been patient with you.” He said, with his eyes digging into mine.

  “And you have, Hosea. You really have. I just didn’t open up to you on the fact that I was afraid of raising two kids on my own. C.J is my whole life, but it's a nightmare at times knowing his father isn’t here. I never want to bring another child into this world, and put it through the stress of not having a father too. I was scared, and I still am.” I admitted.

  “I’m not going nowhere.” he said, grabbing my hand.

  “I´ve been told.” I said, not able to hide the fact I have been down this road once before. Only difference was I wasn’t pregnant when Chaunce was making the same promises. I became shortly after, and had to do it all alone.

  “Hosea, no words can soothe it over. Time and you being here to make lasting memories will do it for sure.” the therapist added, with a warm smile.

  “Are you keeping the baby?” he asked, looking at me like it was hard to do. Sitting with tears coming to my eyes, he didn’t give me time to respond. “Please, Dice. Don’t go that route with this. Let me take the baby. I’ll do it until you can get yourself together. But I want this baby. I need my seed.” he begged.

  Wiping my face with tears, his words pulled at my heart, right out of my chest. “We can keep the baby. I won’t do it alone and neither will you. We’ll have this baby together.” I said knowing I couldn’t go through terminating the pregnancy. To hear him ready to step up as a single father, I knew good and well I had his support.

  On that note, we ended the session. I left today better than I have in the past. Walking hand and hand, Hosea was looking around the office space.

  “What? You want one?” I asked, knowing he always thought about a way to bring in money. To be honest, I was looking too.

  “Yeah, I do.” he said nodding his head. When a door came open, we stopped to let a woman go ahead. When she stopped, and took Hosea in, I caught onto the look in her eye.

  “Let me guess...y’all fucked in the past?” I said, not able to hold my tongue.

  “Marie and I-” Hosea started.

  “We did business.” Marie tried to lie to my face. I could already tell her type. She was going to say to my face it was nothing, but still try her hand later. I couldn’t stand a lying bitch. If you fucked him, and you plan to keep fucking him, say it. Then, when I find out I can handle you both accordingly.

  “Nah, we did fuck in the past, Dice. Business was how it started and finished.” Hosea said, trying to speak up before his old side piece did all the talking. He was forever going to be honest, and I saw how the bitch was ready to lie thinking that would win her brownie points with Hosea.

  “Well it ain’t happening now?” I asked him, knowing this bitch couldn’t tell the truth to God. For the bitch to be staring so hard, you would have thought she would have said something by now.

  “No, I only see her for finances now.” Hosea cleared up.

  “Baby girl, you won’t be seeing him for dick appointments or finances. You´re fired. Next time don’t open your legs to the boss and maybe you’ll keep a damn job. And oh yeah, trying to lie about it almost got yo ass beat from wall to wall in this muthafuka!” I snapped, mad as hell.

  Hosea pulled me away, not knowing what would come out of my mouth next. When we got through the doors, I smacked the shit out this nigga dead in his face.

  “Spare me the fucking details, Hosea. All I want you to do is tell me was this going on after we made things official??” I questioned him.

  “After Miani´s divorce trip. You went home, and I stayed back in Vegas. Before I came back, we had sex. That’s what it is, and nothing more. She gave a nigga some top some time after, but it was when you was keeping your distance due to your family. If you say she cut off from the dick, then that’s what it is.” he said standing with his hands in his pocket.

  “Just when we fucking getting somewhere.” I said placing my hand on my head. “And for the reference, the supply of dick you apparently don’t mind dropping off in bitches, it STOPS! Should’ve been stopped.”

  “It been stopped, Dice.” he said with his eyebrows coming together because he was getting upset. I could see him trying to calm himself from getting to that elevated point. “She was something that I was trying to distract myself with because at the time, you were showing mixed feelings. I didn’t know what I was getting into with you, but I knew I had some love for you. Marie...I never wanted nothing beyond sex. I’m apologizing for it now because I didn’t count on us being together after Vegas. You came home not speaking to me. I’m not trying to throw it in your face or no shit l
ike that. That’s the real.”

  “You used a condom? You know what bitches like that-”

  “Dice, you don’t have to give me a health lesson.” he chuckled, and I reached to smack his ass again. I didn’t need him laughing, but he was having me put hands on him. “That’s enough. Go head, ma. I ain’t fucking nobody on you.” he said licking his lips down at me.

  Walking off into the parking lot, Hosea was lingering back. By the time he made it to open my car door, he had his thoughts together.

  “This a one-time go. You fuck up, I’m gone. I’m not being unhappy in another relationship, Hosea. Take me as a joke if you want to.” I spoke up, pointing my finger off in his face.

  “I know this is. We going all the way too. That shit over with.” he addressed. It got quiet, and today had turned into something I never expected. I couldn’t even get into the car because my mind was racing on other things.

  “How long have you been seeing a therapist?” he questioned, changing the conversation.

  “When I lost Chaunce, I had to go see someone. I stopped, thinking I was fine. Until now.” I answered with my back to him with my purse on the driver's seat. “Thanks for coming.”

  “No doubt, I’m hurr.” he said, coming up behind me. I wanted to push him away and say it was too soon. At the same time, I missed his warm embrace. “I hate we hit this bumpy road. I feel like my mother coming back pulled me away from a lot. You, the kids, and even work. I’on like that shit. And sitting through counseling today with you, I think I may give Hilary a call.” he surprisingly told me.

  I was so happy, I spun around, wrapping my arms around him. It was like nothing else mattered. Not even the Marie chick that tried to pull one over on me. “You serious?”

  He cracked a grin and began to chuckle. “Yeah, Dice.”

  “You can do it.” I said, saying the first thing that came to my head. “Everything is going to be okay.” I added, getting lost in his pretty eyes. He leaned down, and we embraced in a sloppy kiss that spoke on how much we missed one another. He groped my ass, and damn near pinched my ass cheeks off!

  “OUCH!” I shrieked, backing away from him, but he forced me back to him.

  “Yeah, and don’t you ever push me off another project. The site manager got to ignoring my calls, and when I pulled up, he didn’t hesitate to tell me you didn’t want me handling shit. I don’t care what terms we ever get on, if I say I’m handling something, then that’s what the fuck I’m going to do.” he harshly spoke into my left ear.

  “Okay, baby.” I surrendered.

  After we both were in our cars, I followed behind him as we drove back to my house. When we got there, I thought I was about to be able to eat, and chill. I was laid in the bed with sub sandwiches and chips. The thought of getting some dick crossed my mind, but then the voices of men in my house made me get up.

  “Hosea, why is Hyatt here?” I asked, standing at the top of my staircase, trying to peep out the floor to ceiling windows.

  “He coming to move some things for me.”

  “For you?” I asked, lost.

  “You coming back home. They just going to get yo closet and shit like that. All this other shit, I’m leaving to you. I know this house is sentimental for you, so what you do with it is all up to you.” he waved off. “But you and C.J...y’all coming with me. I was serious in therapy today. This a fresh start right here. You coming home.” As he was talking, he was making his way upstairs. “That’s okay with you?”

  Watching men coming into the house, and asking where to go, I was stuck. Breaking from my trance, I was ready to say all this shit could go. Being that I was giving the house to C.J, I told them where to get our personals from. This house had become too much of a bad memory for me. Now though, it was time to move on. Move on from all the hurt and sad thoughts that it brought. Start something fresh and new with Hosea. Give him the fighting chance he never truly had until today.

  “It’s fine.” I said nodding my head in approval.

  “Why you not cursing me out right now?” he asked, thinking he knew me oh so well!

  “Because I want us to move forward. I don’t think being here is healthy for me.” I honestly spoke.

  “C’murr baby.” he said stepping into me, and damn near knocking me over with his big ass. He picked me up, and he kissed down my neck.

  Things began to get heated until we realized we weren’t alone. “Soon as we get home!” he said in my ear, dividing us with space. He leaned down kissing my stomach, and it was the first time he did that. It was one of the best moments that he was here and creating something so special. I never had these experiences with Chaunce, so with Hosea, I was soaking it all up.

  Next Day

  “Hilary, you don’t have to stay in this hotel. I have a house. I actually moved my personal belongings out yesterday. Well your son had it done. But you´re more than welcome to stay there.” I offered.

  For the life of me, I couldn’t help but to see Hilary, and want to understand her more. Hosea was my man, and at first, I was against him meeting her. Then, it was something about the story that just didn’t fit right. Moss talked to Hosea on the regular. He called often, whether Hosea picked up for him or not. He always called. But for Hilary to return, and Moss go missing, it was like he was hiding something now.

  Having talks with Hilary, I found out quick why Moss was dodging my man. He didn’t want the truth out, and there was no way he could silence Hilary now. I had called her up, just to see how she was doing. Seeing her living out of a hotel suite, I felt bad. She was doing all this just so she could be here when Hosea called.

  I found out in this time frame the status of her and Vernell. I was all ears when she told me their story, and how in love she was with him, but married to Moss. I could tell these hurdles she was trying to get through meant more than anyone knew. Duchess and Hosea was on the line, but so was her relationship with Vernell. If they weren’t his kids, she knew how crushing it would be. We talked for hours, and I got to understand her. For me, that’s what I wanted Hosea to do. Hilary was not the best mom in the world, but who was? If she could point out her wrongs, and go to the very end trying to fix them, I felt Hosea at least had a trying mother.

  “This suite is just fine.” she waved off, sipping on her tea.

  “Tell me something…” she said, placing the mug down. “Hosea know you here? Know we stay in communication.”

  “He doesn’t. But soon it won’t matter. He said he’s going to call you.” I said, with much hope.

  “That may never happen. I don’t want to drag you in our mess more than what I have already.” she sadly replied.

  “It will happen.” I encouraged.

  “I hope so. I miss my kids.” she said, looking into the cup of tea. She finally shook herself from her own thoughts. “So, how’s the baby treating you?”

  “The baby is fine. No morning sickness or anything. Everything has been smooth, other than my moods I get in. Hosea is always on my case. I guess the depression I slipped into has him worried.” I openly spoke. “Counseling really helped. Now that we live together, he’s making himself more aware.”

  “That’s the key. To always be in tune with your spouse. It brings you through those tough times. Sometimes it can get selfish, but we are all humans. As long as you not too selfish for too long.” she wisely spoke.

  “Yeah, it took a while for Hosea to understand why I act the way I do. My last husband legit creeped out our bed to jump on his jet, and never came back. So, when I’m clingy, that’s why. Times when he doesn't understand why I start crying because he wants to talk and rub on my belly, he had to remember I have no memories when I was carrying C.J. I legit did it alone. Yes, my family was there, but my man was not. I feel like this is all surreal that I get to experience this all with someone I love so deeply. I’m in love all over again.” I gushed.

  “I’m happy for you two. You all have a beautiful family.” she smiled. I could tell she wished she was more i
nvolved, but I had hope for her and Hosea. I could feel her giving up, so I tried to say everything possible, so she could keep having faith. I knew she would be returning back to Vernell, and I didn’t know how things would get better after that. He was still a big part of this all, and from what Hilary told me, he was ready to mend things. Hosea was just keeping them at bay for the time being. In his own time, I knew he would come around. I just hoped it was before Hilary left. That was all he was going to need to brush things under the rug and his way out of it all.

  10

  Hosea

  Ralph surprised me by how he did business. With him lending his planes, we were moving the artillery faster than ever before. Obasi had took a step back, because he refused to do business with him, and didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust the man with my life either, so after the first meeting we had, everything was done at a distance. I covered my tracks, and knew how to move. I wasn’t titled as the connect for nothing. I got in, and I got out. I gave a quality supply, and wasn’t nobody knocking me.

  With Dice pregnant, I was trying to slow down how much I was away. She got more clingy as the days passed, but I never made her feel bad for it. I loved my woman, and the home we were making. She hadn’t even hit a month yet in pregnancy, but I was well prepared for my seed to get here.

  Coming back from Vegas on yet another business trip, I was tired as shit. Dice had told me to come right home, and I didn’t know what for. When I got there, I wasn’t expecting the crowd of family here. It was all the close ones, besides Hilary. Walking through the house, Dice got to me first.

  “What’s going on?”

  “It’s your dad...he wasn’t returning your calls because he was murdered.” she said slowly, looking away, I just dropped my head.

  “A’ight.” I said, nodding my head.

  “Also...these came.” she said, passing me the DNA results. It took a lot for me to even send mine and Duchess´ off, because a part of me wanted to not even open myself up to having Vernell as a father. Moss had put a bad mark on me from a kid, and I was good on that dad shit.