Healing

by Kennington, Belinda

  Allison nodded.

  At the end of the barren hall, the father turned to the right and opened an inset door. They stepped into a large open room. Disinfectant and something else she couldn’t place invaded her nostrils. Everything screamed of nothingness.

  At the far end of the room, were sinks and cabinets full of items she didn’t even want to guess at. Small metallic doors stacked on top of each other lined one wall on the left. Metal beds lined the other. All sat empty but two. Sheets laid over them covering human forms. Allison’s knees went weak and she held onto Emily.

  They approached the tables, following the father’s lead. They stopped next to the first form. Allison’s breathing increased until she thought her heart might explode inside her chest. Please don’t be you, Rick.

  A chubby, gray-haired man appeared out from behind a curtain. “Father Callin.”

  “Stan.” This wasn’t the first time the father had been here.

  Stan slipped on a pair of latex gloves. He pulled the sheet down, uncovering only the face.

  “No.” Allison’s hands came up in front of her face and shook violently. Rick lay on the table. She would have thought he was asleep if it wasn’t for the dried blood across his forehead and coming out of his ear. What else is hiding under the sheet?

  Allison’s stomach lurched. Her breakfast would be on the floor in a moment. A metal bucket was slid under her. Emily stood next to her, holding her hair back. Allison dry heaved till her own legs barely held her up.

  Allison reached out a shaking hand to him. “Please, don’t leave me.” She gently smoothed the hair out of his face then ran her hand carefully along his jaw. So cold. He needs a blanket. She rearranged the sheet, pulling it under his chin and tucked it under his shoulders. “We have so much more to do.” She blinked a couple of times trying to clear her sight.

  She rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. She ached to hear his heart beat. “How can I go on without you?” So cold. Her personal heater had stopped working. “I love you more than anything.” The tears she fought so hard to hold in fell free. Her worst nightmare, now her reality.

  Three

  Allison sat up straight and stared out the windshield. The make-up she had tried so hard to keep neat ran down her face. Peeking at the dash clock she realized she’d been blubbering for ten minutes. “Get a hold of yourself.” She scolded herself. She needed to get home and her kids couldn’t see her broken. She’d stayed strong for them; they couldn’t know she still carried so much heartache.

  She took a few more cleansing breaths. Digging into her purse, she grabbed the package of travel baby wipes. Even though her kids weren’t small anymore, the wipes came in handy all the time. Pulling one out, she cleaned the streaks of mascara running down her face.

  Satisfied she looked normal again, she put her car into drive. Turning the music on to an ear splitting level she concentrated on the words, singing her lungs out as she drove the rest of the way home. She had to keep her mind occupied.

  Five minutes later she pulled into her driveway and turned the music back down to a normal level. She looked up at her home. The two-story house had been her home for the last seventeen years. They’d bought it shortly after they had Liz. Allison hadn’t moved a thing in the last two years.

  Allison climbed out of her car and went inside. She put her keys and purse down on the table next to the door, then went directly into the kitchen to start on dinner. Running a little late after her breakdown, she pulled the hamburger out of the fridge and started spaghetti. It was quick and easy. She turned on the small TV on the counter, then turned to the oven, getting it ready for garlic bread.

  “Mom, is that you?” Liz called out as the front door closed.

  “Yep, in the kitchen.”

  Liz entered the kitchen holding a notebook. “I’m going through my invitation list and wanted to make sure I didn’t miss anyone.” She held it out to Allison.

  “We already mailed out the invitations last week.” Allison took the list and scanned through the two pages of names without looking directly at Liz. She couldn’t see Rick in Liz’s eyes, not yet, she was still too raw.

  “I know, double checking.”

  In three weeks, Liz would turn eighteen. They were planning a big party. A month later she’d graduate from high school and move out.

  Liz’s sixteenth birthday had been pushed to the side after Rick’s accident and her seventeenth she refused to do anything. So, for her eighteenth, Allison had given her the green light and insisted she invite as many people as she wanted. It would be her last birthday at home and Allison didn’t want the accident to be a burden for Liz anymore.

  “I don’t think you missed anyone.” Allison had made a hundred invites. All but maybe ten went out. “Did you find someone to DJ?”

  “Not yet.”

  Allison handed the notebook back to Liz. “Focus on that. Your birthday’s coming up quick.” The pot of water finally boiled. Allison picked up the noodles, broke them in half then dumped them into the water.

  “I know, I know.”

  Allison turned back to the stove and mixed the browning meat in the skillet. “You know I could always find someone. I know a good polka band, oh and a square dance caller that could rock this house.” She grinned as she looked over her shoulder at Liz.

  Liz’s eyes narrowed. “No thank you, I’ll find someone.”

  Allison laughed. Joking with Liz always took her mind off her troubles. The dark cloud hanging over her dissipated. “Just saying, one phone call is all it would take.” She put the cookie sheet with garlic bread in the oven.

  Liz rolled her eyes. “I’m good.”

  They heard the front door open and close.

  “I’m home.” A backpack hit the wood floor of the entry way and a second later Stephen stepped into the kitchen. Allison looked up at her son. She was amazed how much Stephen had changed. He’d shot up over a foot, and was about six inches taller than her. He wore his hair long and in his face.

  She stepped over to Stephen and pushed his hair out of his eyes. On tip toe, she kissed his forehead.

  “Mom, I’m not a baby.” Stephen responded and stopped Allison from smoothing his hair more.

  “Dinner’s almost done. You two go wash your hands.” She watched them leave and smiled when Stephen pushed his hair back in his face.

  She was incredibly grateful for her kids. If it hadn’t been for them, she didn’t know if she would have even gotten out of bed. There wouldn’t have been a reason for her to go on.

  After dinner, Allison rinsed the last of the dishes while listening to the news on the small TV.

  “Authorities are looking for a suspect in an attack and car theft. A middle-age man was found unconscious behind a dumpster on the outskirts of Casper, WY. The victim, identified as Cory Lancaster, was rushed to the hospital. He’s in stable condition but unconscious.”

  Allison stopped and looked up at the TV as grainy footage played. A dark four door car pulled alongside a building next to the dumpster. Moments later the passenger door opened and a large mass hit the ground.

  Liz entered the kitchen. “Do you need any help?”

  “No.” Allison whispered, continuing to stare at the screen. On the video, the driver door opened and a small figure climbed out going over to the mass then, struggling, pulled it behind the trash.

  “Suspect is believed to be a white female, 5’3 and approximate weight of 110 lbs. and appears to be traveling north. If anyone has information about this case, please contact your police department.”

  “What is this world coming to?” Allison shook her head and went back to rinsing when the doorbell rang.

  “Got it.” Liz said as she went for the door.

  Allison put the last plate in the dishwasher then turned and pulled the towel off the fridge.

  A moment later, Emily burst into the room. “I am soooo sorry. I didn’t mean to talk to you like that.” She stood with her hands clasped
under her chin. Her bright blue eyes begged for Allison’s forgiveness. “I know tomorrow will be hard. I wanted to distract you.”

  She couldn’t stay mad at her best friend. “It’s ok, forget about it.” Emily had been by her side through everything. They were each other’s maids of honor. She was there when both of her kids were born and helped her when Rick died.

  Allison was the shoulder Emily cried on when she found out her and her husband, Wayne, couldn’t have children. They had been through a lot together, but Allison didn’t even let her see the true pain she was in. After that horrible day she’d buried everything. She had to be strong.

  Emily smiled and stretched her arms out and rushed over to Allison. They threw their arms around each other. They’d always be fine. No matter how far Emily pushed her, she’d never turn her back on her friend and she knew the same went for Emily.

  “Someday, I’ll get you out again.”

  “Maybe, but not today.”

  Emily stayed and they picked a sappy chic flick to watch. Of course, it was about a guy and a girl searching for true love, not realizing it was with each other. Emily and Allison both cried but Allison cried for the loss of her true love. Her story had come and gone. It wasn’t fair her happily ever after ended so soon.

  When the movie was over, Emily turned to face Allison. “You going to be ok?”

  “I always am.”

  Emily grabbed Allison’s hand and held it. “You don’t need to hide from me. I’ll be your rock.”

  Allison stood and started for the front door. “I’m fine, really. But I am tired. We do have to work tomorrow.” Allison wasn’t going to open up.

  Emily sighed and opened the door. “Remember, I’m here for you. I love you.”

  “I know. Love you too.” Allison watched Emily walk out to her car and climb in. As her car backed out of the drive, she closed the door and went to her room. Liz and Stephen were in their rooms behind closed doors, most likely sleeping. It was nice they were old enough to go to bed on their own.

  Allison slipped into her white nightgown, turned off the light and climbed into her side of the bed. Lying on her side of the bed she closed her eyes.

  In the dark cover of night, she swore Rick’s body lay next to hers. She could hear his breathing and smell his aftershave. Images of him flashed in her mind; smiling at her on their wedding day, throwing their kids in the air and catching them when they were little, walking hand in hand on the beach during one of their vacations. Times like that she thought, if she could just reach far enough, she’d be able to grab hold and bring him back to her.

  Then the one image she buried the deepest, forced its way to the surface, Rick lying on the cold metal table at the hospital. She reached to his side of the bed, grabbed his pillow and curled around it. Hiding her face in the soft material, she muffled the sobs escaping from her throat. As her body and mind let go, she fell into a deep slumber.

  ***

  A soft breeze brushed over Allison’s skin. The energy of her surroundings changed and her consciousness fought to the surface. She found herself standing in her room. She looked around her, everything appeared normal. Am I sleep walking?

  She took a step towards the bed and stared down at herself asleep in bed. What the…? Forcing herself to remain calm, she searched for a logical explanation. She lifted her hands in front of her face. They appeared solid. Looking behind her, she hoped to find one of her kids messing with her, pulling an elaborate prank. The room remained still.

  As she turned back to face herself, the room shifted. Shapes and colors swirled, then settled into a different pattern. The familiar room she had stood in was now a lush meadow. The sun was starting its accent over the beautiful mountain background. Trees grew in a horseshoe shape around her and flowers of all colors sprinkled the deep green grass.

  She smiled and threw her arms wide open. The weight of her world lifted from her shoulders. The ground beneath her feet was as soft as clouds. Her light nightgown swayed across her legs as she spun in place. Her long dark hair reached out to the trees. Breathing in deep, she came to a stop and closed her eyes. Sweet floral scents embraced her. The years of pain melted away. She didn’t care if she was dreaming or hallucinating. She’d found a place where she didn’t hurt.

  She looked up, in the distance someone headed in her direction. She looked around, not knowing if she should plan an escape, but everything she felt was good. She didn’t want to leave. Raising a hand to shield her eyes from the sun cresting the horizon, she waited and watched. She wondered who would be in her personal haven. Wait…I know that walk.

  Her pulse raced, and she hoped with all hope. Could her wildest dreams have come true? After all this time could he have returned to her? “Rick!” Breaking out into a run towards him, she couldn’t reach him soon enough. Tears raced down her face faster than her legs could move her. Finally close enough, she jumped into his waiting arms and wrapped herself around him. “You came back to me.” The emptiness inside her filled.

  She gazed into his eyes. His beautiful, hazel eyes were her favorite feature. She missed staring into them seeing the love they held. Tracing his jaw, she remembered the nights they spent holding each other into the early morning hours, talking, laughing and loving. Running her fingers through his shaggy dark brown hair, she moved her hands to the back of his neck. “I can’t believe it’s you. I love you.”

  “Always and forever.” Rick smiled the sweet smile she longed for. He ran his thumb across her check, wiping the moisture away. Placing his hand under her chin, he gently lifted her face, leaned down and their lips met. Rick set her down gently and she leaned against his broad chest. They stood holding each other, his strong arms wrapped around her.

  Rick leaned back looking into her eyes. “It’s time for you to heal.”

  “I have, you’re here.” She reached up and ran her fingers along his jaw. She couldn’t believe she had her love back.

  “I can’t stay.”

  “No!” Her arms held him tight. “You just came back to me.” Tears welled in her eyes. “You can’t leave again.” The happiness she had found was leaving her, the emptiness settling back in its place.

  He cupped her face, forcing her to look into his beautiful eyes. “I didn’t come to upset you. You’ve done a great job taking care of the kids. Now it’s time to take care of you. I’m here to help you move on.”

  “I don’t want to move on.”

  “It’s time, my love. You have many years to live and so much to give.” He reached to her and took her hand then pulled her forward. “Come with me.”

  She attached herself onto his arm, hoping if she didn’t let go, he wouldn’t be able to leave. She wasn’t sure she would be able to survive another separation.

  As they moved farther into the meadow a white haze surrounded them, shining so bright she covered her eyes. Then as suddenly as she had appeared in the meadow, they stood in a living room. It was familiar, but it wasn’t her house. She stood within hands reach behind a couch. A matching loveseat sat opposite under a large window. To her left, a hallway, cloaked in darkness.

  “Where are we?”

  “Your new beginning.” He faded away as he spoke.

  “Don’t leave me. I need you.” Before she finished her plea Rick was gone. New tears sprang forth. He’d left her again. Her heart shattered into a thousand shards, the sharp pieces slicing her insides. She put her hand over her heart unable to stop the onslaught. The back of the couch was her support, as she collapsed to her knees.

  “Allison?”

  The sound of her name being spoken caught her attention. She looked up through the tears, and saw the outline of a man. She blinked as he moved forward and stepped into the light of the moon streaming in through the large window. Trent Urbane, an old friend from high school, stood in minimal clothes in front of her. He looked really good at his age. It clicked why the room was familiar; she’d seen pictures. It was his home.

  He stared at her with his d
ark brown eyes wide. “How did you get here?” He looked around the room then dropped to one knee in front of her.

  Allison looked into his strong face. “He left me again.” She choked on her words as a fresh round of pain threatened to consume her. She sought out comfort in his eyes.

  “Are you okay?” Trent’s eyebrows furrowed as he reached out to her.

  In a flash, she sat straight up in bed. She felt the bed beneath her and the blanket wrapped around her. It was a dream! Only a dream. She’d thought she had her husband back. She yanked on the blanket and mopped the tears from her face. Collapsing onto her pillow, she tossed and turned. Silently, she cried herself to sleep.

  Four

  Trent Urbane stirred from his sleep. He threw the blanket over his head and squeezed his eyes shut. Desperately, he wanted to go back to sleep and finish the dream he’d been in the middle of. Why did I have to wake up? He groaned and rolled over. Only a few fleeting images of Allison and the life he wished they had together was left from his sleep.

  “Where are we?”

  A female voice had his attention. Fully awake, he sat up listening and peered into the dark hall. Leaning over the side he reached under his bed and grabbed the bat he kept in arm’s length. Sliding out of bed he crouched low then placed the bat on the blanket in front of him. He glanced at the closet; someone was in his home. His handgun rested in the back of the closet on the top shelf. It had been a long time since he’d even considered bringing it out. As he reached for his sweats, he looked out his bedroom door again. Still no movement caught his eye.

  “Don’t leave me, I need you.”

  Weeping froze him mid step. His pants fell to the floor as he snatched up his less lethal weapon and rushed out his door. Staying against the wall he did his best to be quick but quiet. He followed the painful sobs that wafted from the living room. He didn’t want to be surprised by anyone so he raised the bat and peeked around the door frame.